Chapter Fourteen

Thinking was an overrated activity, if you asked me. I'd done nothing else the rest of the day but think. What was. What could've been. What could be. And everything in between.

The ruminations only led to more options—more decisions to make.

First and foremost, I had to think about whether or not to contact Derek and tell him that I was expecting. Contacting Derek was on my priority list—right under sticking a screwdriver into my knee. The thought of having him anywhere near this babe inside my belly, well, I could hand this babe over to a stranger and they would be better off.

I held back tears, picturing a sweet child's life under the care of that monster.

No. I wouldn't subject my worst enemy to that fate.

But legally, Derek had a right to know. If I had to, I would take the baby and leave here. Sell the shop and my building, everything my uncle had left for me, and bring the baby to a place where Derek could never find him. I didn't need any child support from him.

And then, there was Zion.

He was my mate. I knew that down deep, but there were so many obstacles—mostly in this mind of mine.

What if I was too much for the sweet bear? What if I tainted him with my negativity and second-guessing and not only eventually drove him away but caused him to turn from his kind, giving nature.

He would be too nice to leave me and would have given me more and more chances until his kindness faded to bitterness and his love shattered.

There was no end to any of these dilemmas that ended well for me, or for Zion.

I paced the floor of my apartment, wondering what in the hell I was going to do.

I had to tell Derek. Not doing so could cost me custody if he chose to take the matter to court. And it wouldn't be a human court but a panel of alphas just like him who would absolutely take his side.

Heeding Zion's lesson, I would deal with the consequences of that decision as they came. If he wanted custody…I would fight it.

One thing at a time.

I wrung my hands. Rubbed my fists into my ever-tightening chest. Took breaths. Counted those breaths. Got on my knees. Back on my feet. Back on my knees.

Nothing helped.

Nothing.

My hedgehog begged for my attention. He wanted to go to Zion. Let him soothe us. Tell us everything was going to be okay. Not only for me but for the babe growing inside me. He needed a safe place to get bigger and form his little mind. I'd heard and read that babies in the womb could feel the stress and turmoil of their fathers, and I'd be damned if the scars from Derek passed on to my child.

I ceased overthinking and did what my hedgehog demanded. In only pajama pants, I barreled down my stairs and then up the stairs next door and soon found myself at Zion's door with my hand raised to knock.

I had no right coming here this late at night, begging for his touch after all I'd done to refuse him.

I'd led him on and turned him off.

Drew him in and pushed him away.

I didn't deserve Zion, but I knocked anyway, holding my breath for the bear to answer.

"Cicek," he breathed as he answered the door.

"Zion. I'm sorry. You were sleeping."

His hair was tousled in the sexiest way, and he also wore nothing but a pair of pajama pants, his slung low on the hips. "I was tossing and turning. Thinking of getting up and having a snack. Is something wrong? You? The baby?"

I shrugged, feeling stupid for coming here. The man was trying to sleep and, again, I was burdening him with my troubles.

Yes, he was my mate, but we were not mated. And I had decided not to take on another alpha.

I shouldn't be leaning on him as much as I was.

"I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep. Thinking too much. Sorry I bothered you."

I began to walk away, but he put his hand on my elbow and tugged. "You aren't bothering me, omega. Come on in. The night air is chilly."

It was the first time I'd been inside his apartment. Much like mine, the layout was a studio, but his was homier than mine. Pictures on the walls and I smelled the remnants of meat, vegetables, and freshly baked cake.

Didn't know he baked as well, but the fact didn't come as a surprise. Zion had talents in the kitchen and beyond.

I would bet he had all kinds of talents.

He offered me to sit on his love seat. It was covered with a soft fabric and had plushy pillows. I sank into its comfort, surrounded by the scent of Zion.

"Tell me what has you all riled up." He pressed his thumb under my eyes. I knew they were puffy from crying. He moved to hold my hands. Even this simple touch unraveled all the knots inside me. I couldn't imagine the sheer joy and ecstasy it would be for him to mate me, take me as his own.

I never would have that.

"I need to tell Derek about the baby." I gasped, realizing it was the first time I'd told Zion my ex's name. My secrets and desires tumbled from my mouth when I was around him.

He nodded. "That's probably the right thing to do."

"One step at a time, right? I don't know what he will do or how he will want to be in this child's life, one way or another, but I will have to deal with it in time."

He chuckled. "That's right." Pausing, he squeezed my hands. "You're not…are you trying to have a relationship with Derek again?"

My heart sank. I should've explained that better. "No. I won't be under his thumb ever again, but I can't have him finding out. There are so many things on my mind and so many unknowns."

"Like what?" he whispered, scooting forward. I smelled my own arousal in the air mingled with his scent. He could have pointed out that I had decided to tell him already…but he did not. Which made my actions more understandable. Or at least so I told myself.

"Like what I'm supposed to do about you."