29

"Logan? Are you sleeping?"

Logan's arms tightened around me. We lay on the cold tiles, wrapped in each other's arms for warmth. If he felt anything like me, he would have been exhausted but afraid to close his eyes in case they never reopened. My priority was getting him out safely, but I didn't want to die either. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

"I'm awake."

I linked our fingers. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"You were right. So was Crowe."

"About what?"

"For me saying I loved you."

"What?"

"You were right when you said I didn't even know you yet I claimed I loved you. But I've figured it out. When you spend enough time in therapy as I have, I guess some things are easier to understand."

Logan shifted so he was hovering over me, his face in the shadows. We'd agreed to no lights, and I'd turned off my phone to preserve the battery life.

"I'm lost here, Bloom. What are you trying to say?"

"That I didn't love you those times I told you I did."

"Oh."

My heart thumped. Did he think me silly now? "That's all you have to say?"

"I don't know what you want from me, Bloom. You just told me you didn't love me. Maybe we should be quiet in case those men are out there."

"No, you don't understand." I moved closer so my lips were next to his ear. "I didn't say I don't love you now, but back when I started stalking you. It's different now."

"How so? And if you think you didn't love me, then how are you so sure you do now?"

"It's easy when you think about it. People consider me the crazy knife boy without any fears, but I have them. Lots of them." I placed my head on his chest. "At the time, I was afraid of how my world was changing and I couldn't do anything about it."

"What do you mean?"

"Before we came to Smoky Vale, it was the four of us against the world—Crowe, Saint, Winter, and me. Five, if you count Sarge, but he's a nomad, so him being away was normal. But Crowe came here and got together with Max. We couldn't get along. I was jealous."

"Jealous?" His hand gripped mine. "I thought you and Crowe only had a platonic relationship."

"Yeah, but for as long as I knew him, I've always been number one to Crowe. I was special. But then he met Max, and I wasn't that special anymore. When I first came to Smoky Vale, I played a practical joke that made Max mad. For the first time in eight years, Crowe sided with someone else."

"I see."

But did he? He had no idea how reliant I'd become on Crowe. The people in my life had made sense. We knew our places, but all of a sudden, I didn't belong in my usual place anymore. I felt off balance.

"You know Crowe doesn't care any less about you because he loves Max."

"I know, but it's no longer the same. If he had to save me or Max, he would choose Max."

"You don't know that."

"It doesn't matter. It's what I believe. I tried to deal with it, you know. Tried to find who I was without Crowe. It's why I went goth. Thought I'd do something new."

"You mean you weren't always like this?"

"Nope, but I liked the style, so I kept it. While it made me feel better, things went to shit when Bay fell in love and moved in with Gerald."

"We met when Bay was in the hospital."

"Exactly. I'd walked into the room, and Gerald was with Bay. They didn't need me, so I focused on you. You sounded so confident and sure of yourself while you ignored my attempts to rile you up. At the time, I didn't realize it, but you…you reminded me of Crowe the day he saved me. I might have been mute, but I understood enough. He was the one who convinced the others to take me with them. I decided from that moment that Crowe's replacement would be you."

Logan's body went rigid, and his chest expanded on a deep inhale. He sat up, dislodging me from off him.

"Let me get this straight. All this time you've been running after me, you wanted me to replace another man?" Although I couldn't see his face, the hiss in his voice told me he wasn't pleased.

"You're upset."

"Of course I'm upset. Dr. Simms was right."

"What does he have to do with anything?"

"You just admitted you didn't care for me. You felt rejected by Crowe, and that's the reason you came after me. How many times did I reject you but you insisted on being with me? Each time you came around, you wedged yourself more and more into my life until I started caring for you."

"But isn't that a good thing?"

"Except I'm not the one you really want. If Crowe and Max broke up right now, you would get your first choice. You wouldn't need me at all."

"But that's not true." I dragged myself over and straddled his lap. Why didn't he understand what I was trying to tell him? "I love you now."

"Do you? Or will you later find out you're only with me for some other reason again?"

"There's no other reason. I'm being honest with you. Why are you taking it so badly?"

"No man wants to know they're second best, just a replacement," Logan spat, his voice tight with accusation.

"But that's not how I feel anymore." Fuck. I was losing him. His body vibrated with anger. I wrapped my arms around him tightly.

"Bloom, let go."

"No."

"I can't think when you're on me like this."

"Then don't think. Just listen. Yeah, I might have gotten involved with you for all the wrong reasons, but that's not why I'm with you now."

"Why are you?"

"For one, you're everything that I am not. You're good and care about people who don't matter. You save lives while I take them, and I'm drawn to that. You took care of me even when you were pushing me away. When you were being mean, you still ensured I was okay." I placed a kiss on the side of his neck. "While I can't fully explain it, I know it's real. I love being with you, Logan. You make me happy, and I don't think I've ever truly been happy, even with Crowe and my other brothers. I lived because they saved me, but the way I feel about you in here." I took his hand and placed it over my thudding heart. "This is something new, and it only beats this way for you. My head's all kind of messed up, Logan. I can't trust it. My heart was too until you fixed it by caring for me despite me annoying the hell out of you."

I let out a shaky breath, praying he would understand. That he would see beyond my misguided intentions at the start and accept the way I felt about him now. His silence was nerve-racking. I tightened my hand on his. "Logan, I didn't have to say anything, but I never want to lie to you. Do you hate me now?"

Slowly he placed his hand over mine. His grip was tight, but he didn't utter a word.

"Logan, forgive me." I squirmed closer on his lap. "I can't stand it when you're mad at me. It makes me sad."

"Bloom, I'm not mad at you."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm a little hurt, but in some way, this is also my fault. I always knew your feelings for me weren't real. At least I should have known, but I got sucked into having you around all the time. When I didn't see you for a day, I missed you, wondering if you were taking care of yourself or being reckless again. It was my fault for-for caring for you, even though I knew your feelings weren't genuine."

"But they're genuine now. Isn't that all that matters?"

"I need to think, but now's not the time. Let's concentrate on getting out of here first. We should move soon. The longer we stay here, the riskier it is."

"But, Logan—"

"Bloom."

He didn't say anything else. Just my name and it shut me up, even though I wanted to continue arguing until he gave in and told me he didn't care about how we ended up together. At least he didn't tell me to get off him. I could bear anything but that.

"Get some sleep." He tugged my head forward to rest on his chest. "I'll keep watch in case we hear anything."

"No, you sleep first. You never talk about it, but I know I keep you from getting a good night's sleep."

"All right, but don't do anything rash. At the first sign of trouble, wake me up."

Only if I need to.

"Promise me." His hand circled my wrist. "If anything happens to you, I couldn't bear it, Bloom."

"All right."

"I just need a power nap. Nothing more, so don't let me sleep for more than half an hour. Then I'll keep watch so you can get some sleep too."