PROLOGUE 2

It felt strange going up to an actual house and ringing the doorbell just to see Bay. We'd always lived together at our clubhouse, so I was used to him being down the hall from me. And while I had forbidden him and the others from entering my cave, I usually walked in and out of his room without even knocking. He didn't mind. He always kept it open for his fuck boys anyway, but things had changed.

Everything"s changing, and I don't know how to make it stop.

Although I knew I was being selfish, I longed for the days when we were back in Riverton, just the five of us. Well, four when Sarge wasn't around. That had been a simpler time. I never had to second-guess my role in our brotherhood. Since the day they'd found me, Crowe and the others had doted on me, the weird kid who everyone else avoided. Now Crowe, Bay, and Saint were all paired off. Where did that leave me?

The door slowly opened, and Gerald, Bay"s new boyfriend, appeared. Even dressed casually in shorts and a T-shirt, he still had a stuffy air about him. When I first found out about their relationship, I hadn't given it much thought. Bay was a man whore who slept with anyone and anything that was willing—often several partners at once. That was a fact. Until it wasn't.

He hadn't gotten tired of Gerald like he always did with the rest.

Nope, he'd gone and fallen in love with him, which was the weirdest shit. Gerald was nice and all, but that was the problem. There was nothing nice about us. I could understand Crowe picking Max. He was from the streets despite his brief stint as a millionaire. From the way he'd fought me that first day I'd arrived in Smoky Vale, he didn't take life lying down. He was a fighter who did what he had to survive. We didn't always see eye to eye, but I could respect that about him. He was perfect for a man like Crowe.

Gerald, on the other hand, was reserved, with a moral compass that shouldn't have pointed him in Bay's direction, let alone to be living with my brother. But the two were disgustingly happy in love. I might not have believed it at first, but the way Bay doted on his new man had erased all my doubts. It was enough to make one sick, and it also left a bitter taste in my mouth, something I would never admit to them.

A moment of awkward silence passed between us as we stared at each other. Normally, I didn't filter what came out of my mouth, but the last time I'd messed with Crowe in front of Max, he'd scolded me for doing that shit. I didn't want to cause problems between Bay and Gerald. Not when I might already be losing them.

"Hey." Gerald fiddled with his glasses. "Bloom, right?"

"Yeah." I fingered my hair, realized what I was doing, and dropped my hand. "I'm here to see Bay."

"Umm, he is taking a nap. Is it urgent? I can wake him, but I'd rather not. We kind of, uh, had a late night, and well, he's extremely tired."

Gerald's face flushed. I had to put effort into not pulling a disgusted face. Knowing Bay, he'd gone on a fuck fest with Gerald last night. My guess was confirmed when Gerald rubbed a bright red hickey on his neck.

"That's fine. I'll call him later. Tell him I popped by, yeah?"

"I will. I'm sorry you didn't get to see him."

"Nah, don't worry about it. Didn't really want to see his ugly mug anyway. Crowe sent me."

I was lying through my teeth, but I didn't want him to think I was some kind of sap. Lately, Bay had gotten involved in Gerald's mess that put his life at risk. I wanted to know what I could do to help. The four men who helped raise me were all I had, and I didn't want to lose any of them.

But you're losing them anyway.

Gritting my teeth at the intrusive voice, I hopped onto my bike and rode away. Even the neighborhood Gerald lived in was much nicer than most of Smoky Vale. Big iron gates or fences lined the properties. The lawns were well kept, and several yards boasted flower beds. Two-story houses—some even three—took up most of the street. I sped down the road, wanting to get away from the beautiful houses. The perfect atmosphere was too pretentious and suffocating.

I pushed the speed limit, letting the thoughts of Bay and Gerald slip from my mind. With the wind blowing through my hair, the roar of the motorcycle beneath me, everything felt real again. This was the life I understood, the life I recognized—raw, wild, fearless, and bound by brotherhood.

The adrenaline rush was intoxicating, which curbed my taste for liquor. Crowe didn't allow me to drink. Not that that ever stopped me from sneaking off to a bar where they didn't care about age limits. Still, I preferred riding across the open roads, feeling the grit of the city under my wheels.

Too soon, I rode onto the Blood Hounds compound. Crowe's bike was here! I got off my motorcycle and rushed into the clubhouse, my boots thudding on the wooden floor. The mess hall echoed with the rowdy voices of Blood Hounds chatting and drinking.

I scanned the room, but Crowe wasn't there. Saint was at the bar with his theyfriend, Dove, flicking their nipples through the transparent crop top they had on. I rolled my eyes and ran up to the bar.

"Hey, where's Crowe at?"

He glanced at me for a brief second, then returned his attention to Dove. "Think he went to his room."

"Oh, thanks." I set off with long strides.

"I wouldn't disturb him if I were you. Give him a few minutes."

"Why?"

But I didn't wait for him to answer. Bursting with impatience at the good news I had to share, I strode to Crowe's bedroom. Ever since I arrived in Smoky Vale, he'd been hounding me to see a therapist, and I'd finally made up my mind. Saint's mother had gotten a recommendation from a colleague of hers about a psychiatrist who worked at the hospital. Crowe would be relieved I'd finally chosen someone.

I twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open.

"Fuck me, Crowe. Oh god, fuck my slutty hole."

So caught up in what they were doing, neither Crowe nor Max heard me enter. The whole damn bed was rocking, Max's legs were up to Crowe's shoulders, and Crowe was pounding away like a man possessed. His slick, tattooed back glistened as he drove into Max with such force Max cried out. He raked a hand down Crowe's back, leaving red, angry welts in its stead.

I stepped back outside and yanked the door shut with a thud. Fuck. They'd know someone had seen them. Not that it was the first time I was seeing Crowe fuck someone, but something weird happened inside me. I didn't like these tingles at all. They felt strange and unlike anything I'd ever felt.

When the door didn't open, I frowned. Did they seriously not hear me leave? I pressed my ear to the door, which amplified the grunts and moans. Was this all Crowe cared about now? Getting off in Max's ass? I thought he would want to know about me seeing a new therapist.

At least I could tell Saint. I retraced my steps to the mess hall, back to Saint and Dove.

"Got a minute?" I sat on a bar stool.

Saint tore his eyes away from Dove. "Actually, we were just getting out of here, but I'll be back later tonight. We can talk then."

"I don't mind waiting if you two need to talk," Dove said.

"Nah, it's Bloom. It'll be about head stuff. He doesn't have much else going on. Doesn't really have a life outside of all that, do you, sport?"

His words stung like someone had poked a knife in my gut. He compounded it by rubbing my head like I was still that damn little kid he and Crowe had raised. Was that how they all saw me? Just a headcase without a life? Just a kid who had nothing going on?

Dove and Saint got up, leaving me alone at the bar. My vision grew red, and my heart beat wildly as panic set in.

Who do I go to now? I have no one.

Lubdub. Lubdub.

The room sounded overly loud. Everyone had someone—laughing and chatting. I'd never wanted to curl into a ball more and disappear. How long before anyone even noticed I was gone?

Bay had Gerald.

Crowe had Max.

Saint had Dove.

Even Winter had coke as his mistress.

And I… I had no one.

Nothing…

I twisted the spiky ring on my finger and jabbed it into the wrist of my other hand, twisting until the sting was unbearable. Blood trickled from the wound.

If you don't like the way something is going, Bloom, you have the power to change it. You can control your narrative.The voice of Saint's mother echoed in my head, providing a blanket of calm to ease the panic that had set in my bones.

I could make a new friend, couldn't I? I glanced around the room, but no one paid me any mind. Why would they want to be friends with me, especially when I'd pissed off so many?

Maybe Max's friends…but we were so different. They were all pretty, smiley boys who talked about clothes, sex, makeup, and their men. My makeup was limited to a grunge look, and I'd sooner break my legs than shake my ass the way they did when they danced.

I didn't dance. Period.

No, the boys wouldn't work. Besides, they had each other already, plus their partners. Why would they be bothered with me?

Maybe a friend wasn't the way to go. They all fell in love and moved on. What I needed was a man in my life too. Someone who I could label as mine. A man who solely belonged to me. A man who would never leave me, never get tired of my crap, and never called me a child. A man devoted to me.

Sweet Lucifer, I wanted that. I wanted it so badly.

I stood from the bar stool, ignoring the throbbing that raced up and down my arm. If they were all going to fall in love and forget about me, then who needed them? I'd show Saint I could have a life too. Then maybe when they needed me, I would be too busy.

See how they'll like that.

But where to find the kind of man who would want to please only me?