24. Initiation

Chapter 24

Initiation

K illing someone takes under a second.

Stab. Slice. Shoot.

Doesn't matter how . Bam! They're gone. Just like that. It can be quick. Sometimes even painless.

But the pain lingers. It always fucking lingers. Not for the deceased, no, they find their peace, but for the murderer.

For the executioner.

It lingers.

It doesn't matter if they were evil, it doesn't matter if the blood coursing through their veins was laced with heinous, demonic darkness.

It lingers.

I close my eyes and it's there.

The pain.

Always lingering.

Always.

"You don't have to do this," Hayden whispers as I load my pistol on his desk. I sigh, gripping a bullet in my palm as I feel his presence get closer. Hayden's hand encircles mine, his warm breath floating down the curve of my neck as he lowers the gun. He gives my fingers a tender squeeze. "You can say no, Camilla. You can say no ."

"I can't," I swallow, spinning around in his arms. The edge of his desk presses against my ass as I look up at him. In the amber specks scattered around his mossy green eyes, I can see pain. It's not his. It's mine. Why is it there? "I need to do this, Hayden. Zoey can't go to jail. She can't."

"We'll find another way," he says in a low voice, his chest grumbling with frustration. "You can't do this, Camilla." He pauses, gaze flicking in contemplation before he adds, "I can't authorize this."

"As far as the FBI is concerned, I'm already in with The Dragons," I say, resisting the urge to press myself up against his toned chest, to feel his warmth, to rest my head. Just for a second. "This will stay off the record. No one will know."

"You will," he says, raising his hand in controlled restraint. He loses control easily as he brushes my hair behind my ear. I close my eyes again, letting his touch soak through my skin, my muscles, hoping it seeps into my bloodstream. "Camilla..."

"Why do you care?" I whisper, tensing my jaw, teeth slamming together as I remember who he is. A liar. A fed. "You're going to get a medal for this, you know? They'll probably promote you."

"I don't care about a fucking medal," he grunts, taking a step forward and crushing me against his desk. He thrusts his hips forward, my eyes springing open at the friction. His unwavering gaze penetrates mine, stormy with heat as he adds, "I care about you , Camilla." He snakes his hand around my waist and presses his fingers deep into my skin like he's worried I'll perish. "How can I make it any clearer?"

"You're slipping, Doc,'" I say in a shaky voice, unable to forgive him for his betrayal. I wish I could. I wish I could forget. I wish we met in a different life. A normal life. But that's a dream. And this? This life? It's always a fucking nightmare. "I'm just an assignment, remember?"

"I'm sorry I lied to you," he says in a hoarse voice, gripping my waist tighter. "I was going to tell you, okay? At dinner, I was going to?—"

"It doesn't matter," I say, placing a hand on his chest. He's magnetic. The perfect charge. Difficult to separate. Damn near impossible really. "What's done is done."

"You can't pretend to hate me forever, Camilla," he says as I detangle myself from his sturdy frame. He watches me with despondent eyes as I strap the gun to my holster. "You may think I'm a liar, but I am no fool. You're trying so hard to hate me, but you don't, do you?" He cocks his head as I scowl at him. "Do you?"

"Listen, Romeo," I say, taking a stabilizing breath as he calls me the fuck out. "I don't have time for these Shakespearean games, okay? It's almost midnight. I can't be late."

He runs an annoyed hand through his hair, grunting. "Are you taking back up?"

"Yes," I lie. "Of course. "

"Camilla..." He frowns with disapproval. "Take someone."

"I can't," I say, sighing. "I've weaved a very tangled web, Doc." I lick my lips as I scan his hardened features. "A web of lies. This is what happens when you lie, Hayden. You're left with no choice but to be alone."

His lip twitches. "I'll go then."

"And blow this whole thing?" I scoff. "I don't think so." I nod at the case files on his desk. "Stay here and figure out the problem, okay? I'll come back when it's done."

"It could be a trap," he notes as I grab my jacket and head toward the door. "You need to be vigilant."

"Yeah," I mutter, looking over my shoulder at him, my heart heavy. "Wouldn't be the first trap I fell into, would it?"

Lulu's Diner is a dump.

Grimy. Rundown. Tattered.

And full of rats.

Rats the size of humans.

We've had our fair share of rats throughout the years. It's always a nuisance. My father was a bit sadistic. He liked to play games with the rats. He said that death was never enough. A little torment before the lights go out. That's The Angels' way.

The Dragons however? They don't play with rats.

They tie them to a chair and place them in the center of the room under a top lamp .

It's unimaginative, but at least they're not asking me to hunt vermin. My stomach seizes as Wei Zhao guides me closer to the rat on death row. Young. He is so fucking young. Like Zoey.

"Welcome to my humble abode," Zhao says as we step into the basement. Seven armed men greet us with a slight bow. "I'd like to introduce you to everyone." The lights flicker as he looks around the room, all his men emotionless. "This is Camilla Bianco, a soon-to-be honorary Dragon. Camilla," he looks at me, "these are my brothers."

"Gentlemen," I say, maintaining strict eye contact. There are fourteen guns in this room and only one exit. Noted. "Pleasure." I frown as a young woman shimmies herself through two burly men and strides toward us, one of her eyes slightly more swollen than the other. "Oh..."

"You remember my fiancée?" Zhao aggressively grabs Hazel by the waist and latches his thin lips to hers. Then he slaps her ass. Hard. She flinches. "Hazel, say hello to our new friend."

"Hi," she whispers, the sound barely audible as she adjusts her sleeves. Bruises. "Nice to see you again, Camilla."

"You too," I say, the temptation to pistol whip Zhao over the head growing stronger by the second.

"Let's get to it then, yeah?" Zhao claps his hands as he stalks toward the young boy who is tied to a plastic chair. "Danny, Danny, Danny." He clicks his tongue, circling the rat, every click matched with a slam on the face. My pulse races at the name, air catching in my throat. "Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time, eh?"

I blink, swallowing. "What did...Danny do?"

Zhao digs his fingers into Danny's shoulder blades, the kid yelps from the pain, tears in his eyes. "Danny here walked in on a deal, didn't you, Danny boy?" The kid begins weeping. Zhao raises his voice. "Answer me!"

"Yes," Danny cries, struggling under the restraints.

"Yeah..." Zhao taunts, spitting as he adds, "And then what did you do?" Danny doesn't talk. Just cries. So many tears. Nausea creeps up the back of my throat as Zhao slaps him across the face. "Speak!"

"I-I told..." Danny whimpers, sniffling. "I told the police and?—"

"And you got my cousin fucking arrested!" Zhao roars, face turning red. He squeezes Danny's cheeks with one hand, making the kid pout. "I feel sorry for your mama. She didn't know she birthed a fucking snitch."

"Please." Danny whimpers. "I'm sorry! I didn't?—"

"Shut up!" Zhao yells, whipping his head at me. He smiles, pleasure glowing in his pupils. "Will you do the honors, Camilla? Hmm?" He taps Danny's forehead three times. "Right here. Right in the center."

Danny's eyes lock with mine. They're leaking with desperation and fear. He's innocent. He doesn't belong here. He's not a rat. He's not even a mouse. He's a kid. Just a dumb fucking kid who thought he was doing the right thing.

Naive boy.

There is no doing the right thing. It's only wrongs that feel right. No good deed goes unpunished. He would've learned that if he had time. So little time. Not enough to learn. He needs to learn. He needs time to understand.

"No," I say, shaking my head as Danny's eyes widen with a child-like hope. Hazel stirs beside me, nervous. "I won't."

"You won't?" Zhao snorts, flashing a look of disbelief as he glances at his men. "Did I hear her correctly, boys? Did she just say no?"

"Careful," I state, keeping my head held high. "Your tone is teetering on disrespectful, Zhao."

"I told you my conditions, Camilla." Zhao's expression tightens. "Are you backing out?"

"I won't kill a kid." I shrug passively. "I have an age limit."

Zhao laughs, flashing his diamond-studded tooth. "Since when do The Angels have a conscience?"

"Since its inception," I lie. How the fuck would he know? "We don't kill children, Zhao."

"How civilized," he jeers, striding toward me. He scans my face looking for a lie. "Tell me... How do The Angels punish their kids then?"

"The old-fashioned way," I state in a cool tone, unbothered by his attempt to rattle me. "A good beating."

"Really? Hmm..." Zhao hums, stroking his chin as he overexaggerates his pensive-like thought process. "Interesting." He nods, a sly grin spreading on his face. "I think I have an idea." He glances over his shoulder at the kid. "This may be your lucky day, Danny." He looks back at me with a conniving glare. "I'll let the kid go without a scratch if—" he pauses, smiling like the devil, "—if you be his proxy, hmm?"

My jaw clenches. Don't react. "Proxy?"

"Yeah..." Zhao runs a hand across my cheek, quickly glancing at Hazel. "It's not every day you can make an Angel bleed."

I let out an airy scoff, taking a step back. "You want to hit me?"

"Our beef goes back decades, Camilla. Don't take it personally, huh?" Zhao shrugs. "It's not my fault The Angels elected a woman as their new leader." He gives me a grimy smile. "I don't usually hit girls, but I'd make an exception...for you." He impatiently waits for my reply, adding, "Come on! Three hits for every decade The Angels fucked us over!" He laughs. His men join in. "We can call it a cleansing! Start our new friendship off with a clean slate, eh?"

Three hits. I can handle three hits.

"Let the kid go," I state. "Right now."

Zhao frowns. "And miss the show?"

"Let the kid go," I repeat myself in a stern tone. "And if I hear that Danny or any of his family members are hurt or missing, I will ensure that each one of your fingers feeds a school of fish in the Hudson." My turn. "Is that clear?"

Zhao vibrates with anger as his ego is bashed. Maybe a mistake. Now he really wants to hurt me.

"Untie him," Zhao mutters, rolling up his sleeves as he backs up into the center of the basement. I catch the back of the kid's head as he sprints up the stairs, crying. "Closer, Camilla. I want everyone to have a good view. "

I follow Zhao to the center of the room, my expression neutral. Free of fear. Free of care. Free of concern. My body is weak. It's made of skin and bones and tissue. But my mind? My mind is impenetrable. It's made of steel and?—

A bolt of sharp pain burns in my left eye.

And platinum.

A crack echoes through the walls as Zhao whips his fist against my jaw.

And fucking titanium.

All the air in my lungs spills out as he punches my stomach, winding me.

I drop to my knees, heaving for a breath.

"It's okay," a voice says. I lift my head up, squinting as Hazel squats beside me. Even with layers of concealer, I can see the blue bruise around her eye. "It's okay, just breathe slowly. Not too fast." She rubs my back gently. "You're okay."

"I told you," I attempt to catch my short breath. "I told you to leave."

"I like it here," Hazel swallows, looking over her shoulder. "H-he...loves me." She pauses, softly adding, "Plus, you're still here."

"Yeah," I cough, spitting blood out of my mouth as I get a read on Hazel. She's lost most of her light. Barely flickering. Almost completely gone. Nothing left to lose. It's a place that's worth exploring. "Sometimes we do things we don't want to do."

Hazel looks away, her voice cracking as she says, "I know."

"We should…" I grunt, lifting myself to my feet as Zhao finishes making his celebratory rounds. "We should grab a drink sometime soon." I rub my jaw. This shit better not be fucking broken. "Fuck’s sake."

"Oh," she hums timidly as Zhao approaches. "Yeah, okay. Sure."

"Move," he says, pushing Hazel to the side as he extends his arm, offering me a handshake. "Alright, partner. Let's make New York our bitch, huh?" I begrudgingly accept his hand, giving him a small smile. "Great. I'll let Malik know right away." He winces, grinning as he looks at me. "I think you'll need some ice."

"No shit," I say, wiping my hand on my pants. "I'll be in touch once Alba sends us details."

Zhao rubs his greedy hands together, laughing as he sings, "Money, money, money, money, mon-ey!"

Hazel cringes before looking up at me. "Do you need a ride?"

"No," I say, fishing my car keys out of my pocket. "I'm good. I'll text you for drinks soon, okay? Maybe later this week?"

"Yeah..." She looks sheepishly at Zhao who's already ripping into a bag of drugs. "I can find some time."

I leave The Dragon’s lair with a broken face but a forming plan in action.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Hayden leaps out of his office chair and sprints toward me, nearly tripping over boxes of evidence. He hovers his hands over the scrapes and bruises forming across my skin, his eyes sunken and concerned. "What the fuck happened? Who did this to you?"

"I did," I wince as he accidentally touches a wound. "Ow, fuck."

"Sit on the couch," he says, scurrying toward a bookshelf and retrieving a first aid kit. He places his palm on the small of my back as he helps me sit down. Worry fills his voice as he unzips the kit, pulling out disinfectant and cotton pads. "Talk to me, Camilla. What happened?"

"I'll let you later," I mutter, jerking away as the alcohol stings my skin. Hayden holds my chin like it's crystal as he tilts my head back. "I'm in though. Phase one is complete."

"These are deep," Hayden observes, sighing. He reaches for my hand, observing my knuckles. He frowns. "Did you just stand there? Why?"

"I had no choice," I say with a shrug, dreading another wipe of the disinfectant. "No more, I'm good. It's fine."

"Stay still," he says, softly dabbing the cuts on my skin. "There is always a choice, Camilla. You seem to have made one tonight."

"Recently, my choices seem to only end in pain." I close my eyes as he applies a butterfly bandage. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure that's irony," he whispers, discarding the packaging. He lets out a deep, labored breath. "You should've let me come, Camilla." He feathers the pad of his thumb across my cheek. "Fuck."

"I'm fine," I whisper. "I promise."

Hayden takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine. His all-consuming gaze flutters across my face, my lips, the wounds of my choices as he breathes out, "You need to stop lying to me, Camilla. It needs to stop."

"I'm already in pain, Hayden," I say quietly, exhaustion washing over me. "Lies don't hurt as much as the truth." I look at him wearily. "If only you felt what I feel."

"Do you want to hurt me, Camilla?" Hayden asks. "You can hurt me if that will help."

I give him a weak smile. "I don't think you could handle it, Doc."

"For you..." He sucks in a sharp breath, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "I could handle a lot."

"Boundaries, Doctor," I whisper, relishing in his affection. "This office might be bugged."

"You're impossible," he says, pulling away. He scans my fading expression with an observant eye. "You should get some rest. It's late."

"No," I say, shaking my head. "We still need to go over the details."

Hayden quirks up a brow. "Do you ever sleep?"

"No." I stand up and head to the coffee machine set up in the corner of the room. I grin inwardly. "I can sleep when I'm dead."