Chapter 14: Mazie

14

MAZIE

I shuffled into Nanny Kae's cozy kitchen. The scent of fresh herbs and cinnamon swirled around me like a comforting embrace. Nanny Kae was there, her hands dusted with flour as she worked on what I guessed to be another batch of her famous umbra-claw pastries. "Nanny Kae, I'm sorry," I blurted out, my voice shaky with nerves. "If I've done anything to upset you, I..."

She turned from the counter, her face softening as she studied me. The lines around her eyes told stories of love, laughter, wisdom, and sorrow. "Child," she said, wiping her hands on her apron, "the only thing that would upset me is if you let those women get to you. Don't you dare back down to them?"

Her words hit me harder than I expected. Tears stung my eyes, and I felt the dam inside me crumble. With a heaving sigh, I sank onto one of the wooden chairs. "I just don't know if I can do this anymore, Nanny Kae," I confessed, burying my face in my hands.

"Tell me everything, dear." Her voice was a gentle command, wrapping around me like a warm shawl.

And so I did. I poured out my heart to her, every word laced with the ache of feeling like an outsider. The hurtful comments, the sideways glances, the whispers at my back – they all tumbled out in a torrent. I told her about the tension that seemed to crackle in the air, the mistrust that followed me like a shadow since I arrived. With each word, I could feel the weight on my chest grow heavier, my place in this new world sinking further into uncertainty.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm invisible," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "Or worse, like I'm just... wrong. All wrong for Ajax, for this pack. I thought I'd find a family here, but there's this wall I can't break through."

"Those walls were built long before you got here, Mazie," Nanny Kae said, her tone firm but kind. "And you are not responsible for tearing them down alone. Remember when I told you I'd summoned you to our pack?"

I nodded.

"You're something special, Mazie. I don't know what path you should take, but I know that our pack will forever be blessed by your time here. Don't give up on us yet."

I nodded again, knowing she was right but still feeling adrift. That sense of belonging I'd yearned for seemed as elusive as ever, and I wondered if I'd ever find my place among the umbra's who were supposed to be my kin. My mind raced with doubts, and my heart was a patchwork of hope and fear.

"Look at me, Mazie." Nanny Kae's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. I lifted my gaze to meet hers, finding an unwavering strength there. "You are strong, loved, and belong here just as much as us. Remember that."

I nodded again, a small smile trying to fight its way onto my lips through the tears. She was right. I knew she was. Heavy and unspoken, the question that hung in the air was whether knowing that would be enough.

I stepped back into the shared cabin, the silence greeting me like an unwelcome guest. The air felt still, and I knew even before scanning the empty rooms that Ajax was gone again. Clenching my fists, I tried to quell the rising panic. His absences were becoming more frequent, and I felt another piece of my heart splinter off each time he left without a word.

"Where are you?" I murmured, my voice sounding foreign in the quiet. I wished it had been like the night of the ritual when I could hear his voice in my mind. But that wasn't how things worked. No matter how many times I called for him, no answer came, only the soft creak of the wooden floor beneath my feet as I wandered through the living space, searching for any sign of him. Then my phone buzzed, shattering the silence, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

The screen lit up with a number I didn't recognize, but the message was clear and cold as ice: "He can't protect you. Not from us. Not from the truth."

I sucked in a sharp breath, reading the words over and over until they blurred before my eyes. Protect the pack. Protect Ajax. The mantra echoed in my head, drowning out the noise of my fears. It was all so overwhelming: the secrets, the lies, the mistrust that poisoned everything around me.

I know what I have to do.

My hands trembled as I slid open drawers and yanked clothes from hangers. Each article I folded felt like a farewell, a whisper of fabric against skin. Sadness clung to me, heavy as a winter coat, and anger simmered beneath, threatening to boil over. Yet the longing for acceptance throbbed most painfully among the tumult of emotions.

"Damn it, Ajax," I breathed out, squeezing a plush sweater in my fist. I had come here full of dreams, thinking I'd found a place where I could be both Mazie Green—fashion lover, influencer, human—and a part of something ancient and wild. My chest ached with the need to belong, to be understood and embraced by this pack, but instead, I was packing up my life into suitcases, preparing to leave the very dream I'd clung to so desperately.

I paused, a pair of boots in hand, and allowed myself to picture the harmony I'd sought—a family united, a love unchallenged, a home secure. But those images flickered and faded like dying embers, snuffed out by the chilling reality.

"You can't stay where you're not wanted, right?" I whispered. My reflection in the window showed a girl caught between worlds, neither fully human nor umbra, just perpetually on the outside looking in .

I felt my resolve harden with every item I placed into my bags. I wasn't going to wait around to be cast out or, worse, be the cause of their undoing. No, I would leave on my terms, take the hurt and the confusion with me, and spare Ajax the burden of a mate who brought nothing but trouble.

"Goodbye, Ajax," I said to the empty room, the name tasting bittersweet on my tongue. "I hope you find what you're looking for." And with that, I zipped up the last suitcase, my decision etched into the finality of that sound.

I shuffled to the mirror, my grip on the suitcase handles tight enough to whiten my knuckles. Catching sight of myself was both jarring and revealing; there I stood, a tall figure with waves of brown hair cascading over my shoulders and hazel eyes staring back at me. They were fierce with a determination that surprised even me, but beneath that, a shimmering layer of vulnerability betrayed my inner turmoil. The strength I saw wasn't just muscle or might—it was the sheer will to protect those I loved, even if it meant tearing myself away from them.

"Okay, Mazie," I muttered, exhaling, "you can do this." The reflection showed more than just my appearance; it was like looking into the heart of who I was—someone who could stand up when everything else wanted to crumple. I straightened up, smoothing down my shirt, not for vanity but as an attempt to piece together a crumbling facade.

I practiced my words in my head, anticipating Ajax's reaction. His face flashed in my mind with those piercing blue eyes that had always seemed to look right through me. "Ajax, I have to go," I rehearsed silently, the sentence heavy and sour on my tongue. It felt like a betrayal, yet I knew it was a sacrifice.

I took a deep breath and braced myself against the dresser, wood excellent under my palms. I needed to find him and speak these words that clawed at my throat. A conversation loomed ahead, one that would splinter my heart whether I was ready for it or not. The weight of the decision pushed down on me, a physical force that threatened to crush my resolve.

"Because I love you, I need to leave," I whispered, practicing the farewell I dreaded. It was a paradox, a twisted sense of duty that demanded I abandon my mate for the greater good of the pack that never quite accepted me. "You need a mate who fits, who doesn't bring chaos into your ordered world."

The cabin was quiet around me, its silence pressing in like an unspoken agreement to my departure. For a moment, I allowed myself to feel the loss—the hollow ache of leaving behind a man and a community that I thought would be mine. But then, the ache transformed into something fiercer, a kind of courage that fortified my spine.

"Time to face this," I said to the woman in the mirror, her eyes now glinting with a resolve that matched the steel in her voice. She nodded back at me, understanding that this was more than just walking away; it was stepping into an unknown future where she might learn what it truly means to belong.

I pushed the door open to Ajax's study, the air thick with the musky scent of pine and leather that was uniquely his. My heart squeezed painfully at the room's emptiness, no sign of the powerful umbra who had become my world. It was as if he had vanished, leaving only the ghost of his touch in the lingering warmth of the chair, the indent of his body on the cushion.

His absence was tangible, wrapping around me like the chill of an unspoken goodbye. I couldn't help but remember the nights spent curled by the fire here, when his laughter filled the space, making it feel like home. Now, it felt hollow, a bittersweet echo of memories that might be all I'd have left of us.

My fingers brushed against the smooth surface of his desk, tracing the grain of the wood before they found the paper and pen. I hesitated, the enormity of what I was about to do pressing down on me. This letter would be the last piece of me he'd have, the final closure on the chapter we had started together.

With trembling hands, I began to write, every word heavy with the love and sorrow that flowed from my heart onto the page.

"Dear Ajax," I scribbled, the ink blotting as it met the tears I couldn't hold back. "I never imagined writing this letter, never thought I'd have the strength to say goodbye. But here I am, trying to find the words to explain why I must leave."

The confession spilled out, raw and honest. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. But our love has become a weapon they're using against you, against us. I can't stand by and watch as your leadership and legacy are threatened by me."

I paused, the ache in my chest growing as I pictured his face, those piercing blue eyes that saw through all my walls. "You deserve a mate who brings peace to your life, not chaos. Someone who can stand beside you without casting shadows on your rule."

A sob broke free as I folded the letter, sealing away the pieces of my shattered dreams. I knew leaving was the right choice for the pack, for him, even if it meant tearing myself away from the only place I'd hoped to belong.

"I'm sorry for not saying this in person, for not having the courage to look into your eyes one last time," I wrote in a postscript, a whisper of regret. "I'm leaving to make a fresh start; somewhere, my presence won't cause conflict or doubts. Somewhere I can maybe, finally, find a place where I fit."

The letter lay finished on his desk, a silent testament to the love that could have been. I stood there longer, surrounded by the remnants of a life I was leaving behind. Then, with one last look around the empty room that held so many promises, I turned and walked away, carrying the heavy weight of my decision and the fragile hope of finding where I truly belonged.

I wiped away the tears that clung to my cheeks, little traitors that told of my heartache. But with every tear shed, a spark of something else ignited within me—a mix of gratitude for the moments I'd shared with Ajax and the pack and determination to stand tall, regardless of the pain it brought.

Kayla, age 9

I watched, my heart squeezing so tight I could hardly catch my breath, as Mazie's car drove away from the pack. I didn't know what was happening, but something inside me knew this wasn't just a ride into town. Mazie was leaving. I knew Raylene didn't like her. She'd meet with some older pack members after she thought I'd gone to sleep. The things she would say about Mazie weren't nice.

It made little sense. Mazie had been so kind to me the day at the stream. Most people didn't even notice I was around, let alone take the time to teach me something. I hated that our time together was cut short. Mazie seemed like a good person. She'd be a good mom. I just knew it. She reminded me of my mom before she died.

Sadness gripped my heart. I didn't want Mazie to leave us. "Wait," I pleaded, but the word was trapped in my throat, and she was already too far gone. Somebody needed to follow her to make sure she stayed safe. Some hunters caught my parents. What if that happened to Mazie? I felt so scared. My body was shaking, and something was happening inside that I didn't quite understand.

I'd never felt connected to my umbra before. But this had to be my umbra, warning me to help Mazie. As much as I didn't want to feel the pain of my first shift, I didn't want something terrible to happen to Mazie. It was worth the risk.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and thought about the umbra inside me. I imagined how strong and loyal she was and called her out. A hot feeling spread in my chest, moving through my body like a fire. Tears gathered in my eyes, but I didn't stop calling her forward as my bones cracked and shifted. My muscles changed slowly and painfully. I held back a scream as my teeth grew long and sharp.

The ground seemed to spin, leaves and dirt blurred as my senses got sharper. I could hear things louder—the rustling of leaves, a squirrel chattering far away, my fast breathing. I could smell so many things—earth, pine trees, and just a hint of Mazie's flowery perfume.

I'd never felt so scared or alone. What if I became stuck in my umbra's form? What if the hunters found me? What if the hunters found Mazie? I had to help her. I had to follow the scent of her perfume.

"Focus," I said through gritted teeth, the word sounding like a growl. "For Mazie."

My limbs stretched out, fur grew on my skin, and I stumbled forward on big, new paws, feeling lost in my new body. I was huge, strong, and scared. Trying to take a step, I tripped over my paws and landed muzzle-first in a pine tree. Grunting, I sat on my back paws and swatted at my face. This was going to take some getting used to. However, I didn't have time to mess around.

I returned to my feet and focused on moving with alternating legs. Once I could navigate a few steps, I went a few more and tried a brief run. It was shaky and likely strange to see, but I didn't care.

"Find her," I told myself, not thinking, just feeling. I pushed through the bushes, improving each step as I embraced the umbra I had become. For Mazie, I was brave enough to change, to be alone, and to face whatever was outside the safety of where we lived.

The air was chilly on my fur, but the fur in my chest kept me warm. I stuck close to the road, running on pathways alongside it. Once I figured out the running rhythm, I ran fast, my paws thumping on the ground, kicking up dirt and leaves as I raced down the mountain. My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it reverberating in my ears.

"Stay safe," I whispered to the Moon Goddess. "Let her come home. Please don't take her too."

I listened to a car engine roaring in the distance and pushed myself even harder, feeling desperate. Mazie's car—a tiny dot of light in the dark wild—was getting smaller as it drove away from our safe place, away from home.

I turned a corner, and everything changed. My ears twitched as I heard people murmuring, too soft for the wind to carry, but I knew they were there. I hid behind some bushes, my umbra's body hidden in shadows as I peeked through the leaves.

What was Raylene doing out here? She was also with some older pack members who met after dark at the house. This wasn't good. What were they doing with humans? Humans that carried hunting rifles that would kill an umbra, like my parents. I wanted to run and hide!

Raylene looked mean, with her sour expression and wiry gray hair. I hated her. It wasn't just because she was old. Nanny Kae was old and never treated me like Raylene did.

"Focus, Kayla!" I told myself, trying to settle my nerves. Raylene was speaking, and several members were nodding at her. They whispered together, planning something mean, and I felt a shiver of terror race down my back.

"Raylene," the man I recognized as Gerald Phyllis said quietly, his voice cutting through the silence. "We need to be sure this female will be the undoing of the alpha..."

"Trust me," Raylene said, her voice cold and dark. "Mazie Green is important. Once we have her, everything else will fall into place."

My breath caught in my throat, a tortured sound I hoped no one heard. I felt so helpless, like I did when I hid from Raylene. I couldn't be afraid now, not when Mazie needed me. With a shaky feeling that made me want to run away, I backed off, thinking hard. I had to warn Mazie to keep her safe. The hunters looked crazed, like the wild animals in the forest, but they were after the people I loved!

I turned, slipping through the dark, feeling heavy from what I saw. Even though I felt sad, a strong feeling grew inside me—a feeling I had to protect, like an umbra protecting its cubs. Like my momma used to protect me.

Mazie wouldn't be alone in this. Not if I had any say in it.

My heart beat like a drum in my chest as I ran through the bushes, trying to catch up to Mazie's car. It was so far down the mountain that I couldn't hope to catch her. But maybe she would stop at the mountain turnoff? I had to hope. She was driving fast on the curvy mountain road, and I felt like she was getting farther and farther away from me.

Why did the surrounding forest seem so scary, with shadows moving between the trees? The sun was getting low. Soon, I would be in the dark, lost, and alone.

"Come on, Kayla," I whispered, trying to run faster in the cooling evening air. "Hurry. "

But suddenly, I tripped on something hidden under the leaves–maybe a root or a branch. Time felt like it was moving in slow motion as I fell forward, trying to use my front legs to grab onto something solid but finding nothing but air.

I couldn't stop myself from crashing into a log, hitting my head hard with a loud sound. Pain shot through me like fireworks, and everything went blurry, with dark spots in my vision and stars flashing.

"No..." I groaned, my voice weak and muffled by the earthy smell of the ground beneath me. I wasn't in my umbra's form any longer. I was just a little girl, far from where I was supposed to be. I tried to get up, ignoring the dizziness, but I couldn't. My body felt heavy and wouldn't listen to me. My head was pounding, and the ringing in my ears increased.

"Get up, Kayla," I scolded myself, tasting blood from where I had bitten my lip. "Mazie needs you..."

But I couldn't move, and the pain in my head made it hard to think clearly. I lay there among the leaves and dirt, feeling small and helpless, like the weight of the entire world was on top of me.

"Please... no..." I whispered, my voice now clogged with tears. My head hurt worse than it ever had before. My umbra was panicking nearly as much as I was, and the darkness of night was closing in.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, feeling tears coming. For a moment, I let myself feel all the fear and sadness.

"Kayla Jenkins," a voice from the darkness whispered, "you can't give up. Hold on, little cub. Help is on the way."

I told myself quietly, promising to keep fighting. With all my strength, I pushed through the pain, determined not to let it end like this. I gripped the ground with my fingers, trying to stand up, even though I tasted blood and defeat. But the darkness was stronger and finally swept me under until I was embraced in the inky black void.