Chapter 12

Chapter

Twelve

SELENE

C ool, rough stones pressed against my back with every thrust of his hips, the pain mixing with the pleasure perfectly. My mouth fell open in a loud moan as he plunged into me, setting a punishing pace. "Oh, fuck!" I screamed out when he hefted my hips higher, hitting that sweet spot deep inside of me that only he could reach.

"Explode around me, little monster," he panted into my ear before licking and nibbling on the lobe. His milky tendrils trailed up my sides and tweaked my pebbled nipples and I could feel my pussy clench around his large cock as he said, "I want to feel you break for me."

My eyes opened wide as my head fell against the stone wall and stars danced in my vision. His grip tightened on my sides as he pistoned in and out of me, groaning with every strong stroke. My second release was brewing, my spine beginning to tingle with every snap of his hips and word of praise sent my way. "Such a good girl milking my cock."

Light fractured behind my eyes as my pussy gripped him harder and combusted around him. "I'm not finished with you yet," Emrys growled and my core wept as he dragged out my orgasm. "I need that sweet, sweet pussy to come again." His teeth latched onto my right nipple as one of his shadows worked the other.

I was overly sensitive and every stroke left me screaming out into the endless void as pleasure filled every ounce of my being. Strong and scarred hands wrapped around me as he disconnected our intertwined bodies. I mewled out in protest because my body needed his against me, inside me, in every way it could be.

"Emrys," I panted out as he flipped my body around and pressed my front against the rocky wall.

Tilting my hips back, my Mate then slid his talented fingers into my hair and massaged my scalp roughly, making my spine tingle. Jagged edges of stone scraped my nipples as he pushed back inside of me, groaning as he sheathed himself in my tight heat. "Oh Gods," I whimpered as our bodies slapped together messily, my wetness running down my thighs.

A misty coil wrapped itself around my neck, pressing onto my pressure points as another rubbed my clit. Emrys' body shuddered over mine as his head fell onto my shoulder and he bit onto my neck, leaving a trail of love bites in his wake. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted while his hot tongue licked up the sweat and blood as my pussy spasmed around him.

"That's it, baby. Use me. Come for me." Nodding with his hand still in my hair, I tried not to hit it against the wall he was fucking me against. Turning my head, he commanded my mouth open as he invaded it with his tongue and I moaned at the taste of my golden blood and salt on his scarred lips.

Grinding my backside against him, ripples of ecstasy left my body feeling electrified as his pace slowed his assault. Sucking on my tongue, he emptied himself in me and I could feel his cum leaking out of me with every stroke—I couldn't stop my body from coming again.

"So perfect, my love," he kissed me softly and it was such a stark transition from the rough nature he controlled my body with when we fucked. "You did so good for me. Absolutely st ? —"

Slick sweat dripped off of my exposed body and I clenched my thighs together from the dream.

The hollow emptiness in my core was enough for me to cry out in frustration. I didn't want to feel anything but rage even though I missed my Mate, my husband, my everything .

Shame washed over me like a wave carrying me out to sea with nothing to grab onto. In the dark of the night, when he wasn't there to hold me, I let myself weep at the loss of his touch. Tears stained my cheeks as I came to the realization that none of it was real.

It was just a dream, and he was still gone.

Shivering cold rain pelted my face as I held the Blade of Vita over my unscarred palm and slashed it with an unnecessary amount of force. Blood the color of gold dripped onto the sodden dirt as I closed my eyes and spoke the incantation to call upon the Sibyl, "Hear my words, hear my cry, Sibyl on the other side. Come to me, I summon thee, I now lay down my pride."

Guilt swirled low in my gut from the last time I had used those words with Wesley's blood. He was dead and gone because of me. I didn't save him in my own hope of creating a better world for us all. Another bright life was lost because of a decision I made. It was either him or the world, and I had made that choice once and watched as others suffered the consequences of my actions no matter how noble I thought they were at the time.

But I was no longer that stupid little girl who would let the ones she loved be harmed because of false hope. That girl was dead and in her place was a goddess who would not let that same fate befall another. This world was dark and unforgiving, but so was I. Evil would always be present no matter how much good was present in our realm. Without good, there wouldn't be any bad, and vice versa.

But now that malevolent darkness had overpowered the light. It was eclipsing my being with every passing day that Emrys couldn't anchor my soul and bloodlust. I no longer saw the light at the end of the tunnel and my choices were growing fewer and far between, but one thing was certain—I would get my Mate back no matter the cost.

My natural inclination was to sacrifice this entire world, burn it straight to ash to protect him if needed. I wanted to make this entire realm bleed by my hand if they chose to harm him. Scour every inch until there was not one beating heart left besides ours.

But I couldn't torch and devour the entire realm, no matter how much the monster within me roared for that. I'd already spent months running around Atrium, demanding answers that didn't get me very far. Thousands of evil lives were snuffed out in the pursuit of my Mate but I had nothing to show for it. My actions became brash and frenzied, almost crazed in a sense from the bloodlust overtaking me, and I didn't know what to do to make it stop.

I needed him but the realm was falling apart the longer I was away looking for him. Every day, more people were being turned to Raken and there were countless small battles over territory within the rulerless kingdoms. The endless chaos needed to be addressed. We were now only a few weeks away from Bruma, the day the High King would bind himself to the Crown of Daemonium, and we needed more answers .

The rain didn't stop and neither did the remorse that flowed through my blood as a familiar cackling filled the air. I didn't move, didn't even flinch when the small frail woman in a black tattered cloak appeared before me and cupped my cheek with gnarled fingernails. "Moonlight," her voice cracked from the disuse of it. "What is it?"

Staring into her milky white eyes, I ignored the way my old gemstone necklace sparkled upon her shriveled neck. But I could see the way her eyes lit up when I thumped a bag full of Keva's jewelry into her free hand.

I had so many questions for her. Like, where was Emrys? Or, did she know where the Gods were? Could we stop the dark magic of Medies from possessing our world? Was there a way that we could stop the High King from binding himself to the Crown of Daemonium? It was an endless list that left my mind swimming with too much. I was overwhelmed, my brain on the precipice of exploding, so I blurted out, "I need to find him ."

"But he is not lost, my child." Beneath her hood, her white hair fell past her shoulders, like wispy strands of moonlight. "And that is not what you need to do, nor what you intended to ask."

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as she smiled with yellow teeth and gripped my already healed hand. The Sibyl tugged me towards a discarded log and sat upon it, tapping the spot next to her with a palm.

Immediately sitting, I asked, "What do you mean he's not lost? I can't find him. I… I…" My voice faltered while holding back another set of tears. The ache in my soul felt bigger, like a gaping hole that could never be filled. "I can't feel him."

The Sibyl poured out the bag of jewels, rummaging through the golden rings embedded with giant gems and diamond-encrusted bracelets. "Sweet moonlight, you do not need to bring me presents, but I still love the sentiment." Holding up a small gold ring to the cloud-covered sun, she then proceeded to bring it to her molars and bit it, as if it could be fake.

"You saved my life and possibly our world," I responded while grabbing her hand away from the pile of gold. If it wasn't for her, we wouldn't have known how to kill Radha, Falkur, and King Harrington. I wouldn't have my powers back and Minka would still be enslaved. I owed her my life because, without her, I wouldn't have one. "You deserve to spend all of eternity wrapped in the finest silks and jewels by my hand."

And I would build her a castle of pure gold if she could help me find him again. She would never want again if I could have my Mate back or at the very least get some useful answers.

The Sibyl laughed a loud, hoarse sound while throwing her head back, causing the hood of her cloak to fall. "I will not argue with you on that." Turning her complete body towards me she continued, "Your Mate is still there, my dear." She patted my empty chest. "Fate has its own way of playing out and we all have our parts to play. He is not meant to be found yet."

"Fuck fate," I snarled out, the words as sharp as a blade but they were met with cutting silence. It was like a knife being dragged over my torso, slicing through my skin with each second.

There was no magic or bloodlust to excuse my alternating temperament, just pure mania making my actions inexcusable. Her silence was jarring and exacting, my spiraling emotions declining into despair and hopelessness. She didn't recoil from my angry reaction, just watched me with cloudy eyes as my voice cracked, "I need him."

The Sibyl still didn't respond, and my sorrow worked back up into indignation. My heart began to beat faster with the bone-chilling panic of Emrys not being near. Of what might be happening to him as we spoke. Nothing but blood, rusted chains, and the vile odor of burning flesh filled my mind. " Now ."

"Every sin has a cost, Moonlight," she finally answered and held onto my hand tighter, her broken fingernails digging into my skin. " Every sin ."

Sin.

That word stopped me in my tracks and had my mind reeling, sparking a memory of that Commander's cryptic chant.

Chaos ends only where it begins,

All will ultimately answer for their sins.

In the name of love and freedom, I had committed countless sins and I would continue in my assault if that meant getting my Mate back or saving the realm. Everything had a cost, but not all were willing to pay it. Lifting my chin proudly, I stated, "Name your price and I shall pay it."

"And if the price for freedom is the blood of the one you love?" the Sibyl queried with a tilt of her head.

Gritting my teeth, I snarled, "Then I'll find another way."

It couldn't be one or the other. My Mate or the world. I couldn't make that choice again, because now it would be different. Now I would choose him over everything—but if the world was ruined because of my choice, then our love was for nothing. There had to be another way. There always was. "I'll stop the sacrifice to save our realm and my Mate," I vowed. "But you must tell me how."

"The Fates have decided there will be a sacrifice of blood, and there is no stopping destiny." She stuck a silver ring embedded with an oversized ruby onto her pointer finger. "The board is set and the pieces are moving. You cannot change fate, little queen."

"I will not lose him," I growled, my tone darker and deeper, before standing up. "I am a God ." My scales littered my shaking body as my claws sprouted from my mortal hands. A voice I didn't recognize came through, "I am Destiny ."

The Sibyl didn't make a single movement, just watched my shaking form with an expressionless face. Her voice came out low and soft and almost understanding, "Love is powerful indeed. It can heal this world." She ran a wrinkly hand along the tree's bark with such tenderness, such love and care for our world's foliage. "But it can also destroy."

Milky white eyes stared at me, gazing straight into my battered soul, but not with judgment—with understanding. "Love can turn you into a monster, but so can hatred and vengeance. This world can turn you into a beast of wrath. Is that what you want, Selene, or did you not want a realm of freedom for all?"

Her words struck a chord within me, had my hand coasting to the scarred brand upon my neck—the mark of a slave that so many others also bore. The person I had been a few months ago would've given anything for a realm of freedom, for a world filled with hope and love. A place where people weren't marked like cattle.

I still desperately wanted those things, needed peace for our realm. But that woman from before had been chipped away and formed into a new being with those broken shards. I would do whatever I needed for a world like that to exist. Kill, maim, and destroy whoever. So I didn't understand why my rage for those who wronged others was such a horrible trait to possess.

"This place can be unkind to those with soft hearts like yours, little moonlight." Her white strands flowed in the wind, illuminated by the winter sun. "Don't let it change you."

The rippling of my scales ceased, my flesh returning to normal as I stood before the frail old witch, "It's too late."

I couldn't turn back and become the woman I was before. I couldn't take back the lives I'd taken in the name of freedom. My soul had been tainted by the lives I'd stolen and I would have to learn how to live with that. Even Wesley was murdered in my name, by my choice. And that girl—so feeble and so powerless, who looked at the world with innocence—died alongside him in that dungeon.

Her body was bruised, burned, and beaten in the name of freedom and all that remained was the Queen of the Broken—but I would relinquish that title if it meant I could have Emrys again.

He wouldn't meet the same fate as Wesley, especially not by my choice.

I had already changed every part of myself to stop this darkness, but the darkness was what I had become in the end. There was no controlling it, no stopping it.

You needed to become a monster to defeat a monster.

The Sibyl stood up, pulled her hood over her features, and left the bag of jewelry on the log. "I do not work with the gloom that you command and possess. You are the Goddess of the Moons—The Bringer of Light. If there is no light left to be found, then you are the one that is lost, my child," she shook her head, disappointment clouding her face. "Not your Mate."

Lost.

I knew I was lost but not in the way she meant.

I knew who I was, what I was.

Looking down at my hands, I traced the raised scar on my palm that connected Emrys and me. Half of my soul was lost, I could feel it every day I walked this earth without Emrys grounding me. Every breath was painful along with every step. Every sunrise made my bones ache because it was another day that passed without the other half of my being. My soul was lost, he was lost, but that didn't mean it couldn't be found.

The Sibyl was already turning away from me as I shouted out, "Wait! What if my soul isn't truly lost?" I could still defend this continent, bring freedom, and light to our nation, to our world. Every sin I had committed was in the name of the greater good, so I wasn't as ‘lost' as she thought. "I… I just need him, and I know I've gone about this incorrectly, but please."

Glancing back down at my hands, all I could see was the blood of those I'd murdered in the name of love coating them. All I'd done was cause pain and death and destruction but that still didn't give me the answers I needed. It didn't bring me closer to him. Didn't bring our world to complete freedom.

All the death… All the violence and rage…

It was for nothing.

Another gut-wrenching sob bubbled out of me, "I need your help. That love, that light, is still deep within me." Images of children in chains loading coal onto a freight ship flashed before my eyes, filling my chest with primal rage. Minka's bruised form after the Commander of Gambriel beat her mercilessly came next.

Person after person, life after life taken. All in the name of greed, in power.

I took those lives just as easily but I was different than those corrupt fucks. My reasons were different, I was different. I had to be. Raising my chin, I put my hand over my chest and rubbed the hollow center. "I can feel it there. And maybe my soul is partially lost to that darkness, but that doesn't mean forever, right?"

But that question was more for myself rather than her because it couldn't be forever. I could barely take it day by day. My own fury and ire were what fueled me but I couldn't stay like this forever. It was the exact thing Emrys warned me about. His smoky words filled my head, its heady voice making my heart careen.

Use that anger. Hone it. Use it to fuel that fire working through your blood, little monster.

The anger and rage you feel isn't bad unless you let it overtake you.

I had done exactly that. Let that fury, that wrath , control me and my actions.

"If you are lost, then so is this realm." Lightning cracked in the gray skies as her milky eyes met my bloodshot ones from a distance. "There is a balance to this world and those scales have been tipping by your hand, little queen."

"I…" I was speechless. I didn't know what to say or do anymore. Didn't know how to get those answers we needed, didn't know how to save our realm or get Emrys back. My hope was dwindling the longer she stared at me with those snowy eyes.

I didn't want my soul to be lost, didn't want to lose myself to that darkness. I couldn't bring back the lives I had taken, couldn't change the past or my reckless actions. My breathing came in ragged as my chest started to spasm from the overwhelming feeling of dread. "I…" No words would come up, my throat was clogged with tears and remorse and pure, utter regret.

"It seems you are not completely lost yet," she gave me a soft smile followed by words that made my tears and shaking stop and made a kernel of hope bloom in my chest. "I have faith in you, little moonlight, so I will give you this."

Right then, bright light flooded my vision and overwhelmed my senses as my ears began ringing. Dropping to my knees, I screamed out in agony as voices and pure raw power invaded my soul. It felt like my body had been struck by lightning, electrifying and resounding as that choir sounded off in unison.

But one voice stuck out more than the rest, more profound than the others, lingering in the back.

It was made of young and old, male and female, guttural but still soft and precise. Through the blinding glow, that hypnotizing voice chanted the familiar words I had heard from the Commander of the Umbran armies. Only there was something new, something I hadn't heard before.

" The stars and Fates have spoken:

A God with the power of the moon, broken.

Chaos ends only where it begins,

All will ultimately answer for their sins.

Blood of fire, soul of shadow,

Power to gain will only end in sorrow."

Breath whooshed from my lungs as I snapped back to reality. I was once again within the forest outside of Gambriel's Castle with the Sibyl right before me, no longer yards away. I was panting on the ground with sweat beading down my back despite the chilly air as the words kept circling in and out of my mind. She gripped both of my arms tightly, pulling me off the ground and I was so surprised by her show of strength that I almost tumbled over once more.

Before I could ask another question or even thank her for the drop of information she gave me, the Sibyl released her grasp and took a small step back. Her milky eyes took me and my tear-stained cheeks in. "The answers you seek shall be found where you've already searched within the Court of Shadows. A friend shall guide you through the darkness to see the light of your sins. Prove yourself as Bringer of Light, Keeper of this Realm. Retrieve the gem of the warriors—the Bellator Amulet—and those answers shall be revealed."

The Court of Shadows? The Bellator Amulet?

My mind raced but came up with no conclusion. I didn't know what either of those things were, my education limited to what Radha would allow Evia to teach.

She started turning away once more before I could get any more questions out. Our time was up and that was clear. I wouldn't push her for any more information.

The Sibyl had given enough.

Speaking over the frigid wind of Gambriel, I watched her cloak dance in Aither's power. "Thank you for your kindness. I am forever in your debt." Grabbing the velvet bag of Keva's jewelry, I held it out to her already moving form, "Please, at least take this."

The Sibyl turned and smiled with yellow teeth as she shook her head. "Find me after, Moonlight." Like the mother's touch I'd yearned most of my life for, she reached out and caressed my cheek with a frail hand, "And I shall help you find yourself, too."