19. The Songbird

Leland is gone. Rolando and a few others from the city left with him taking a variety of weaponry. After they left, Oz told me what is happening. He told me about his brother and what our leader has gone to do. I feel awful for them all. Family isn’t supposed to be fleeting, with the type of animal Emerson is, I can’t blame them for wanting to end him. If he could turn his brother and father against him and do the atrocities that Oz accuses him of, then Leland is doing the entire world a kindness.

I can’t just wait around.

Oz and the others are antsy, and when Oz feels he lacks control of something, he likes to plan.

The study I sat in just yesterday has turned into a war room—planning routes in case they need to aid their family.

I have to get out of here.

Police are bringing a team to Goose Lake later this morning, and I want to watch. Charlee says it’s depressing, masochistic, reeks of angst, and that she hopes I have a lovely time. Oz, of course, worries but understands that this is important to me. I tell him I am leaving to set up early. I want a good spot and to make sure I remain hidden, and I want to get away from all of the stress in the house. He takes my hand, presses it to his face, and says, “I’ll be waiting.”

Of course, he will.

Leland has him pegged all right.

Oz is a genuinely good person, kind, tender, and attentive. Even though he tends to hover, I have seen a rougher and darker side to him, and knowing it exists beneath the surface is exciting. I feel safe with him like I can breathe, and he respects my need for space.

The sun crests over the horizon as multiple vehicles arrive. Most are marked with police or state logos, a couple are unmarked, and my stomach drops.

A maroon-colored S.U.V. is with the group of official vehicles, the front bumper bowing from kissing something quite solid. The rising sun catches the small crystal pendant hanging from the rearview mirror. Light takes advantage of being able to send rainbows dancing and flashing in every direction as it spins from momentum.

Coming to a stop where an officer directs them, a couple emerges from the car, and I get the first, and probably last, look at my parents as a vampire.

Heart aching, I long to go to the kind-faced woman with deep-set wrinkles around her eyes. To see her wide, eye-reaching smile, one more time.

Bearded and unsmiling, my dad stands beside my mom, trying to keep his emotions in check.

I didn’t know they would be here.

Of course, they would come today. They couldn’t stand not knowing if I am truly gone. Though I am presumed dead, until there is a body, they will cling to hope. I pray that they don”t hope for too long.

Making sure there is enough tree cover, I creep as close as I dare. Conversations between the police and the dive team as they gather around, sipping coffee, filter through the air. Seeing my mom wrap her arms around my dad after he whispers something in her ear makes me want to cry.

They are hurting.

I am hurting.

Eyes filling with tears, I force myself to choke back a sob.

If it wouldn’t hurt them more in the long run, I would have as normal a life as possible with them. If I thought they would even hurt a little less, thinking I grew apart from them rather than that I am dead, I’d be holding them right now.

It would hurt them more, though. To think I never wanted to see them anymore. No visits, and rare phone calls, just so they quit pressuring me. I’m sure my mother would cry herself to sleep if that happened. Many more nights than if she thought I passed on, still loving my parents.

I am doing them a kindness.

The dive team has something rigged up to pull the car out of the water.

Here I am, thinking the lake is going to be dragged. No, they want the car for evidence. They want to know what happened to me that night. Silvery paint covered in muck rises into the air several minutes later—waterfalls cascade from every nook and cranny it can find, and I am reminded of drowning.

The second time.

Suppressing a shudder I redirect my attention to my parents, and instantly wish I hadn’t.

Mom buries her face into my dad’s chest. She can’t bear to see the car as smashed, dented, and twisted as it is. To imagine me inside it while it became that way. My dad looks like he is close to losing his grip. I love that he is her well of strength right now. Though my father is never afraid to cry at home when he needs to, I think this determination to keep his emotions at bay is just him putting my mother first. I think he accepts that I’m not returning. She is all he has left.

Police gather around and secure the car to a flatbed truck. They will take it back to the lab, run their tests, and find little evidence due to the water. Maybe some of my DNA, maybe fingerprints. I don’t know how those things hold up in a lake, but if they are there, they will be all that is left. There is no evidence of Spence doing anything to me like they suspect.

The worst he did was leave me there.

The news said they are looking for him as a person of interest and had searched his home. Charlee’s clean-up crew ensured nothing was found. The neighbors, however, had outed his violent tendencies. It must have made them suspicious about the nature of the car accident. Maybe they think it was intentional. Maybe they suspect he used it as an opportunity to be rid of me.

Whatever the police might think, I hope this will be enough to give my parents a sense of closure so they can move on.

There’s a flurry of activity as they prepare to leave, no search today. Goose Lake is large. Since my body hasn”t surfaced yet, I expect they doubt it will. Right now, they’re focusing on the homicide angle.

Guilt rips through me.

I’m right here.

I want to show myself, and I almost do.

I have to be gone for my family, even though I am still here. I am gone in the way that matters. Gone in a life they will never understand. I don’t deserve their tears.

My parents are the last people remaining. With his arms wrapped around my mother, I watch my dad study the lake’s surface. I like the idea that he is saying goodbye to me. After a while, they leave to make the four-hour drive back to Staley. Folding my arms around my middle, I trek down to the road and stand in the last place I saw them.

“Goodbye,” I whisper to the wind.

This is the best goodbye I’ll ever get. I wipe my tears from my eyes and stare out over Goose Lake. Watching as the wind blows across the lake’s surface, causing the tiniest waves to shift along the water. As the deep currents swirl beneath the surface, I think about the pain I endured to see my parents today.

Worth it.

Entirely and utterly worth it.

Whatever suffering this has caused me, I had wished I could see them again. I got that wish, and no one can ever take it away.

The distant roaring of an engine tells me someone is heading this way. I step off the road and tuck myself into the tree line as the car comes around the curve. As the car stops in front of me, I swear under my breath. I’ve been seen. Hopefully, they don’t recognize me from the news. The driver rolls down the window to speak to me.

A stranger looking for directions?

The face that looks at me is almost too perfect.

A vampire.

I don’t recognize them. Maybe another member of our coven that I haven’t met yet?

“I’m looking for the house,” he calls, and I step forward. No use in hiding now. “I haven’t been there before and I got a little turned around. Am I close?”

I nod, “It’s about ten minutes that way,” I gesture higher up the mountain peak. He smiles, and I catch a toothy flash of fang.

“Need a ride back?” His smile seems overly friendly, putting me on edge. Ice settles in my stomach as I shake my head.

I smell a whiff of Leland coming from the car and my instincts tell me to stay calm. There is something wrong here. He isn’t one of ours, he is Emerson’s, and I need to play dumb right now.

“No thanks,” I say, trying to keep the nerves at bay.

“What are you doing out here, all by yourself?”

Fuck.

I need to lie.

“I’m not alone,” I say lightly. “A few of us are going swimming, you’re just in time if you’d care to join.”

“Oh I think you’re very much alone.” His face turns dark quickly, and from either side of me, multiple vampires come clamoring out of the forest.

Shit.

I drop down and dodge the first one that lunges for me, trying to remember Chandra’s training. I use movement to avoid being hit and to position myself better to attack.

But I am still a novice, and I’m outnumbered.

The next assailant throws himself at my midsection, tackling me to the ground. Kicking him off me, I bring my elbow around and swing it hard at the next attacker. Behind me, someone brings their arm across my chest, gripping my shoulder, their other arm yanking me off balance by my neck.

Sputtering, I send my hands behind me, digging my claws into flesh and ripping with all my strength.

A feeling like the one that overcame me the night I killed Spencer sweeps into my body. Rage is a pale word compared to it. It is wild and raw, and I embrace it without question, desperate to do whatever is necessary to save myself and return home.

Red.

My vision sharpens, my senses seem to go into overdrive, movements become more precise, and fear evaporates from my body.

Lethal.

I will rip, tear, and destroy anyone I can touch.

I will sink my teeth into their necks and mangle them.

That little voice that has been inside me, encouraging all of the violence, is driving. It is like I am stuck watching a movie in first person with no control again. It terrifies me.

The vampire that holds me releases his grip out of pain. I clasp his arm and maneuver behind him, hearing it break with a satisfying crunch. He screams, and I enjoy it.

Two more come barreling at me. I duck the bigger one and drop down, then use my new angle to send a fist into the smaller one’s gut, sending him flying from me. He crashes into a tree, and I hear something break.

I hope it’s his fucking spine.

The big guy isn’t done.

He is ready for me to dodge this time, and unfortunately, he manages to latch his arms on me. We tumble to the ground, rolling. I am nothing but claws and teeth, trying to find purchase on any flesh I can like a feral cat. We stop, and he is on top of me, pinning my arms down so I will stop clawing at him.

I still have my legs.

Rocking my hips back, I hook a foot around his neck, and the other comes around to join it. I lock them together and this angle to flip him off me, but he has achieved his goal. The ones not currently recovering from injuries circle me now.

Where the fuck did they all come from? I know they will be smart this time, and will all make a move together.

Fuck.

I snarl and slash at each one as they come near, trying to reach out to Oz through our connection. I’m not sure if I am near enough that he can hear me, but I pray that he can.

Someone rips at my hair, distracting me long enough that my hands go up to free myself, and a second vampire dives into me, forcing me to the ground. I struggle against the vampire on top of me, but another is right behind him, taking my wrists and clamping chains to them. I kick out to no avail, and the one with missing parts of his face repeatedly kicks me in my gut.

I can taste blood in my mouth, and it feels like my nose broke during the scuffle. I spit to the ground at my side, red puddles in the sunlight.

What is happening?

Why are they here?

Where is Leland?

“Oh my, this little kitten smells like my brother.” A voice came from the back of the car. “I wonder what he would do to get you back.” A man with blond hair steps out, thick, clunky boots loud on the pavement. His hair slicked back, and he has the air of someone who likes others to do his heavy lifting. No wonder he didn’t bother to fight me himself.

I snarl and thrash to get away, but whatever the chains are made of is too strong. This must be Emerson. This means either Leland has been murdered, and this bastard came to gloat, or he had planned to lure the fighters away so he could attack while our leader is distracted.

Fuck.

He places a booted foot on my chest. “What a pretty little thing you are.” he licks his lips. “I’ll enjoy making you suffer for my brother’s crimes against me.” He kicks me in the head once, and all I can hear is ringing. The focus in my eyes blurs.

I have failed.

I am unable to keep us safe.

Another hefty kick and I spat even more blood out of my mouth, a tooth came with it.

What is he wearing?

Steel-toes?

Why?

A third kick and everything goes black.