28. Kellen

Chapter 28

Kellen

Kellen and Noella spent what would have been their first date comforting the twins and devising a plan for their voyage to Miya Kilic’s home. The four of them shared the meal Kellen had prepared for him and Noella, huddling around his small dining room table to discuss how they would ensure they got through those torturous two hours in their mother’s house with as little pain as possible.

It was Kellen’s idea for Noella to wear a mask over her face when they first arrived at the estate, to disguise her identity long enough to be admitted onto the grounds of the property before anyone realized she was the human. Kellen expected—because Miya didn’t do anything without an audience—that the return of her children would become a colossal event where she’d invite everyone in her social circle. She would play the part of doting mother in front of her peers as her way of showing the world she hadn’t lost her power and rubbing her victory in Kellen’s face.

Noella would play the part of Kellen’s pet for the evening, costuming herself as someone docile and nonthreatening to make it impossible for all the Primordials in the room to view her as anything but harmless.

It wasn’t an ideal situation—Kellen hated asking her to do this—but she hadn’t hesitated to agree.

Kellen sat on Noella’s couch the following evening, the gremlin curled up on the cushion next to him, and waited for Noella to emerge from her bedroom for their journey to the town of Yorkdill.

During dinner the night before, Jarion had flicked his eyes down Noella’s body and said, “You’re gonna need to wear something nicer than that tomorrow night,” before popping a string bean stalk into his mouth.

Noella pinched the fabric of her sweater. “What’s wrong with my clothes?” she’d said with a cute pout.

“It won’t be Miya Kilic approved,” Laya answered with a scornful wrinkle to her nose, emulating their mother.

“I don’t care to be Miya Kilic approved,” Noella spat.

“You’ll care if she refuses you entry onto the estate because you’re not dressed fancy enough,” Jarion argued.

Kellen nearly laughed at the horror written over her face. “How fancy are we talking here?”

“Black tie,” Kellen replied. Noella’s eyes popped out of her skull.

“I don’t have anything black tie!”

“Borrow something of Jo’s. Or go shopping tomorrow after school and bring Josefyn with you.”

If you go shopping, please feel free to send me mental images of the dresses you try on, he requested in private.

For your spank bank? she hissed.

It’s already full of images of you, sweetheart.

From her wide eyes and crimson cheeks, he could tell she didn’t know whether to find that flattering or revolting.

He hadn’t received any mental images during the day, so he assumed she borrowed something from Josefyn, since she didn’t know how to block him out of her brain, being the human at the other end of their mind connection.

“You need help in there?” he called out to her.

“Not yet!” an adorable squeak resounded back.

Kellen rested his chin inside his palm, peeking down at the dog— Freya. He was working on calling her by her actual name, not the gremlin or little monster, and accepting that Freya would always be around, as she was basically Noella’s child who she thought of as an extension of her soul. In his head, he’d conceded the fact that he would always have to share her with the dog, so if the two of them were able to form an alliance built on an understanding that their primary purpose was to protect this angelic human, then Kellen could come to a place of tolerance for the Earthly Plane creature.

Have you seen the dress? he asked the Cavachon.

You’re going to love it, Freya’s sugary, high-pitched cadence echoed through his mind.

Give me a hint of what it looks like.

It’s long. He squinted his eyes at her. All she gave him back was that dumb smile that would trick anyone who didn’t have the ability to read her mind into believing she had no thoughts bobbing around in there.

Kellen had come to learn that this dog was surprisingly inciteful, kept an extensive list of all the little traits about her owner that would alert her if Noella needed comfort, and didn’t forget a single time someone had wronged her owner. It made sense that Noella called Freya her soulmate.

That’s the best you can give me? he grumbled. Not even a color?

That was a real hint! Freya squawked, then tipped her head forward and tapped her nose against the back of his hand. Kellen sighed, then reluctantly flipped his hand over and let her nuzzle the top of her furry head into his palm. You know how I like it, she said, Kellen kneading the top of her scalp.

“Kilic!” Noella shouted from the bedroom. “I need your help with the zipper.” Kellen lightly knocked Freya’s head off his leg so he could stand. He came to an abrupt halt in the doorway of her bedroom.

Noella was the epitome of modern elegance in a full-length, off-the-shoulder gown composed of sleek satin twill, glimmering in the ambient light while cuffing at the neckline, blending down into a trumpet skirt with a side slit. She’d parted her blonde hair to the right and slid a bobby pin beneath her ear on the left side to keep the cascade of honey-golden waves on the right side of her body, leaving her left shoulder unadorned. A touch of makeup graced her face, not heavy enough to make it obvious that she was wearing anything, but Kellen had spent a disgusting amount of time studying every facet of her face, so he recognized the different areas that were highlighted by a sweep of blush or a soft golden shimmer. Kellen found it ironic that the dress was shaded a purplish red that was reminiscent of the color of wine because he instantly felt drunk the moment he looked at her.

Noella twisted her head around, her eyelashes darkened and lengthened to such an extent that they fluttered against her eyebrows. Her full lips split to permit gulps of oxygen to travel through the gap.

Incredible, he gushed into her mind.

He preferred the natural blush stealing across her cheeks to the simulated flush created by her blush shade.

Right back at you, she replied, drinking in the immaculate black suit and matching black button-down he sported underneath, missing a tie, the first three buttons unfastened to create a more roguish, carefree appearance.

“Can you zip the back, please?” she asked aloud, either unaware of the desire rampaging through his body, or fully aware and choosing to taunt him rather than acknowledge it. Kellen whistled through his teeth as he closed the distance between them.

“I’m going to need you to help me here a little, sweetheart, ‘cause my fingers want to bring the zipper down, not up.”

“If I feel the zipper go down, I will knee you in the dick, Kilic.” Kellen laughed before he caught the zipper above her backside.

Fuck, her ass in this dress was something of a miracle. A once in a lifetime phenomenon. The appearance of a glowing comet that had decided to brave the sun’s wrath so he could personally behold its splendor.

“I’m going to write Josefyn a personal note of thanks for lending you this dress,” he said, then entreated, “Do you have to return it after tonight?”

“Take all the mental photos now, cause this dress is going right back to Josefyn Yilanci first thing tomorrow.”

“I’ve got to make it count, then.” Kellen gradually dragged the zipper up her spine, wishing to draw out the moment so his hands could cling to an excuse to keep touching her. “Was Akio there when you tried this on?” The thought made him irrationally angry.

“If I say yes, are you going to have a conniption?” She spoke with humor and genuine concern.

“I hate the way he looks at you,” he found himself confessing in a growl. Her eyes softened at his vehemence. “I hate when he calls you Rosie. I hate the way he feels the need to touch you all the time. I hate that you let him.”

Noella peeked at him through the mirror. She sighed, an internal battle playing out on her delicate features.

“If I tell you something, can you promise to keep it between us?”

“Of course,” he swore. Her eyes fell shut, her lashes dripping shadows down from her cheeks to her chin.

Using their mind connection for added discretion, she revealed, Josefyn and Akio are Cavalisha.

Kellen’s jaw virtually dislocated.

THEM?! he exclaimed, his voice in both their heads crackling. They’ve performed the ritual for Mara and everything? Noella bobbed her head in a nod. DAMN. I’m shocked. They hide that so well.

That’s why I let Akio be affectionate with me, because I know it doesn’t mean anything. He is madly in love with his mate. Our friendship is STRICTLY platonic. There is no reason for you to be threatened.

I never said I was threatened, he scoffed. Noella sucked on her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

“Do you feel better now that you know that?” she asked audibly.

“I do. Thank you, sweetheart.” He lightly pecked the edge of her jaw, a mere browse of his lips on her skin, and relished the way her breath heaved out of her chest in a boisterous pant. “I know this might be hard for you,” he mocked, and she squinted kohl-lined eyes at him in a scowl, “but you’re going to have to stay quiet tonight.”

“I know what my role is,” she said in a way that slightly concerned Kellen as to what she meant.

“I’m sorry in advance…for the side of me you’ll see tonight.”

Noella adjusted herself so she now faced him and snaked her hand up his neck to cup his cheek.

“Don’t apologize,” she whispered, her eyes so kind. The way she looked at him made him feel like she had stripped the skin off his bones and was looking at all of him, all the darkness, all the hollow grooves of pain, and didn’t fear any of it, fully prepared to embrace every broken part of him. “You do what you need to do to protect the twins. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I’ve got you, Kellen.” Kellen swallowed at hearing his own words spoken back at him.

The same words he spoke to Jarion two years prior on that horrible night when he rescued them from Miya. Hearing that before he was forced to walk his siblings back into the lion’s den was exactly what he needed. Somehow, he believed she knew that, which was exactly why she said it.

“We need to leave before I decide to stop waiting for you to make a move and take matters into my own hands,” he groaned, proffering his elbow for her to curl her fingers around his bicep, letting him guide her to the door.

Jarion and Laya were waiting outside the faculty housing building with Eyal. When Noella called Eyal the previous night, she hadn’t even needed to beg or coerce the envoy into agreeing to be their overseer for this supervised visit, which Kellen found strange, considering Aros Cavalian had been the God to sign off on the visit to begin with. All he’d said to her was I will procure a car for us. I’m not flying on the dragon’s back, and hung up the phone. While Kellen couldn’t see Eyal’s face beneath the shield of his helmet, he felt the envoy’s resolve in his posture and the way his hands lingered over the hilt of the sword sheathed to his side, primed for battle if called upon to fight. Laya’s dress was a burnt orange resembling an amber sunset that complimented her dark skin, a one-shoulder dress made of light and airy lux chiffon flowing gracefully from a tied shoulder bow to a dreamy full circle skirt, her black hair balled up in a bun atop her head. Jarion looked like the suit he’d squeezed his lanky limbs into was strangling his bones.

“Don’t you two clean up nice!” Noella squealed to the twins, her hand falling off Kellen’s arm now that they were in a public space, her veneer of professionalism reattaching itself to her being.

“I love your dress,” Laya gushed to Noella.

“It’s on loan,” Noella replied with a wink that made Laya break out into adorable giggles. “I love your dress! That color is so stunning on you.” She laughed at Jarion’s expression. “That suit looks painful, Jare.”

“Not as painful as what we’re about to do,” Jarion spat.

Everyone descended into a chilled, heavy silence, the weight of that truth closing in around them.

“We can do hard things,” Kellen proclaimed, giving Noella’s shoulders a squeeze with each word he quoted from her. She unconsciously tipped back to lean against his chest, the top of her head tucking under his chin, and sunk into the feeling of his fingers massaging her shoulders—until she realized what she was doing in front of the twins and sprung away from him, scurrying to stand at Jarion’s side because that was safer than staying in close proximity to Kellen.

“We should get on the road,” Eyal rumbled from inside the helmet, stalking off for the parking lot without any further preamble, leaving the four of them to scurry to keep up with his long strides.

They approached a sleek silver car, large enough to fit all five of them, with curves and lines that flowed seamlessly from front to back, the chrome accents and shiny rims sparkling when the setting sunlight peppered over the glossy surface. Kellen snatched the keys right out of Eyal’s hands without thought.

“I’m driving,” he declared, refusing to let anyone else be in control of the vehicle apart from himself. He needed to throw his angst about the evening into feeling useful, and driving felt like the perfect outlet for his pent-up frustration.

“I was going to suggest you drive, if you’d given me the respect of speaking first before you stole my keys,” the envoy snarled. “I’m not your enemy, Mr. Kilic. I’m not here to make any of your lives harder. I’m getting really sick of everyone treating me like a punching bag. What happened to not shooting the messenger? I have feelings too, not that anyone ever asks about them.”

Kellen felt a twinge of guilt scratch his throat when he watched Eyal angrily crawl into the backseat.

We should all be nicer to him, Noella said.

I didn’t mean to be rude, Kellen insisted. I just can’t stand being the passenger in a car. Her mouth quirked up at the corner in a way that implied she wasn’t surprised to learn this about his character.

Next time, say that rather than grab his keys from him. Only Noella could scold Kellen like a child, yet he’d take in every word and internalize it so he never made the same mistake twice.

Noella claimed shotgun while Jarion and Laya funneled into the backseat with Eyal, the three of them squished together due to Eyal’s bulky armor. Kellen settled behind the wheel, the plush leather cushions enveloping his taut muscles, promising fleeting relief until they reached the Kilic estate.

“I’m sorry,” Kellen said to Eyal before he switched the car on.

The envoy nodded his head in acceptance of the apology. The momentary delay in their voyage had been worth it from the way Noella’s features illuminated with a dazzling, proud smile.

The soft, muted purrs of the engine rumbled through his veins before Kellen steered the car out of the parking lot and onto the winding path that led to the gates of Delmarth, hurling them in the direction of Yorkdill.

Not a single word pierced the ether.

Everyone’s minds were flung in random, diverging directions, a communal anxiety splattered over the vehicle.

“Jare?” Noella broke the silence to meet Jarion’s eye through the rearview mirror. “How’s the wing flexing going?”

Kellen expected Jarion not to answer her in the company of others, but instead, his brother surprised him and replied, “It really hurts. My dragon is angry at me for denying him for so long. It feels like he’s punishing me.”

It hurt Kellen to hear Jarion say this. It hurt him more that he knew Jarion would never tell him that as easily as he told Noella.

“Remember what we talked about last week?” She turned her head around to look at him. “Think of your dragon as an extension of you. As long as you keep telling yourself that you deserve to be punished, your wings will continue to think of you as the torturer. We need to replace the thoughts to change the action. We can all stand around and support and love you, but the love that matters most needs to come from inside you, directed at you . I know you can do it. I’ve seen you do it and succeed. I’ll keep saying it until you can say it to yourself and believe it.” Jarion’s eyes glimmered.

“Thank you, Ms. Rose.”

“Of course, Jarion.” She gave his hand a squeeze, then spun back around in her seat, shaking her hair out of her face. Kellen was awestruck by what he just witnessed. “Sorry,” she said through a nervous laugh. “I’m not here to be your school counselor tonight. I’m here for moral support.”

“That’s okay, Ms. Rose. I needed to hear that.” Jarion’s expression displayed his reverence for her.

Kellen leaned over and placed his hand on Noella’s knee, beckoning her eyes to meet his, and whispered into her mind, I’ll never stop thanking you for being there for him. For both of them.

And I’ll never stop being there for them, she answered in her own delicate whisper, then added, and for you.

“Actually, Ms. Rose,” Jarion piped up, splintering Kellen and Noella’s intense eye contact and stopping him from lunging across the car to consume her in a kiss, “I was going to ask you… can I start seeing you twice a week for counseling instead of once?”

“Of COURSE! As long as it’s okay with your department head.” Her eyes flickered to Kellen. “Mr. Kilic? Would that be okay?”

Kellen swallowed the lump in his throat. “We will make that work for you, Jarion,” he swore, his brother’s face engulfed by a smile that made the corners of Kellen’s eyes sting. How he missed his brother’s smile.

“Thanks, Kell.” Kellen nodded to his brother.

“Lay?” Noella peeked back at Laya. “How’s the fire going?”

“Horrible,” Laya gagged. “My mouth tastes like burnt matches every second of the day now.”

“Yeah, I don’t envy you guys,” Noella laughed.

Gods, her fucking laugh. Kellen’s favorite sound in existence. It both healed and crushed him. Can someone please invent a device to bottle up a laugh, so I never have to exist without the sound of her near me?

“What Varmin form would you want to be, if you could pick, Ms. Rose?” Laya asked.

“Oh, good question!” Noella rubbed her hands together in thought, resting her chin on top of the stack of fingers. “Hm…you guys are going to think this is bullshit, but I really would pick to be a dragon.”

“Really?” Kellen spluttered, fucking thrilled. He would’ve been jealous of any Varmin form she picked besides his.

“Really! I was a huge fantasy buff when I was a kid…still am. And I always wanted a dragon. My second choice would be a Gryphon, but that’s just because the Gryphon was my mascot in college.” Kellen would forever hold an irrational grudge against Gryphon-shifters now. “If I’m being more realistic about what type of Primordial I’d be, based on my actual personality… I think I’d have some Cerebri in me. Maybe an emotion-manipulator. And I think I’d be a Meteoro water-bender.”

“Water? Really?” Jarion exclaimed.

“She likes to swim,” Kellen blurted, catching Noella’s blush behind a curtain of her hair. He was grateful they’d come to a place where the mention of the pool incident didn’t dredge up any negative feelings, where they could even laugh about it and appreciate how far they’d come in their relationship.

“What about you, Eyal?” Noella asked the envoy, having heard his entreaty to be treated like a person and not the empty vessel his armor made him appear to be. “What type of Primordial are you under there?”

“I’m not supposed to answer that.” Noella and Kellen exchanged a quizzical look.

“No one’s here to strike you down,” she pointed out gently, waving around the surroundings of the car.

“There is always someone watching, Ms. Rose. You are never free from the surveillance of the Gods.”

Kellen squirmed in his seat at the shudder rampaging down his spine. “I think that’s unfair,” Noella declared, frowning. “How are you supposed to feel like a person when Aros doesn’t allow you to share any of yourself with other people?” Kellen felt Eyal’s warm gaze penetrate through the steel of his helmet.

“Your concern for my well-being is sweet and appreciated, Ms. Rose. As was your defense of me with Bryara, as unnecessary as it was.” Kellen glanced at Eyal through the rearview mirror.

I apologize for my behavior earlier, Kellen repeated before he hissed, but I can feel the way you’re looking at my girl right now, and if you don’t take your eyes off her, I will reach back there, remove your stupid helmet, and gouge your eyes from your skull so you never look at anything ever again.

Eyal’s husky laughter curled around Kellen’s ears. You’re protective of her. That’s good. That’s how it should be.

How it should— he started to ask, but the sentence never escaped in full before Eyal cut him off.

You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Kilic. You are mistaking my admiration for the girl as attraction. I revere her. I do not want her. She is all yours, if you would just get off your ass and be brave enough to claim her already. Kellen’s foot almost pressed down on the brake peddle out of sheer rage.

Kellen? Noella murmured, sensing the change in his deportment from just the way his mouth tightened at Eyal’s patronization, the only signal of anger in his otherwise unmoving countenance. What’s wrong?

Tell me a joke. Tell me anything to keep me from tearing Eyal’s throat out and landing myself in Terminus. Noella didn’t need to know why for her to understand the severity of his wrath and scramble to come up with something to distract him.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? she stammered in a rush. Kellen glanced at her from the corner of his eye.

Where? he inquired.

Right where you left him. She pressed her lips together to subjugate a snort. The tension diminished from Kellen’s rigid muscles, not necessarily from her dumb joke, but from the way she was fighting not to laugh, the sight of her happiness more palliative to his anger than breathing. She fixed her hand over her mouth while internally, her chortles surged through his whole body, permeating his entire being, a sound he longed to trap inside him so he never had to be parted from it.

Thank you, Rose. I needed that, he chuckled, though to himself, he knew what he’d always needed was her.

Far too soon, the Kilic estate devastated the skyline, amplifying in size the closer they approached. The manner, which constituted a castle more than a house, stood upon a rock- strewn, corrugated cliff, its towering walls made of corundum stone that had weathered centuries of Kilic family dragons, bearing the besmears of fire splotches and claw marks with pride. Turrets stretched high into the sky, their pointed roofs reaching toward the heavens like the fingers of a giant seeking to touch the clouds.

Kellen had grown up in the same home as the twins, though their experiences inside those walls were vastly different. Where the twins saw that estate as their prison, Kellen viewed it as the only acquaintance he’d had growing up, before the twins blessed his life and he never had to endure a day in isolation again. With a mother more preoccupied with gaining the affection of her social circle than extending that affection to her son and a father who barely spoke a word apart from listen to your mother, Kellen suffered so many years alone in that house, going some days without speaking a word to anyone, with only the walls to keep him company.

He let these memories and thoughts flood his mental connection with Noella, letting her see through the crack in his armor so she walked into that estate knowing the private pain he carried in his heart, the one he’d never allowed the twins to see. The one he’d gotten so used to shouldering alone.

Noella placed her hand over his and squeezed.

Not with pity. It was a quiet show of understanding, laced with sweet sympathy. The kind someone could sincerely offer when they truly knew what it felt like to be utterly alone in the world.

“Everyone, remember your roles.” Kellen passed his gaze between Jarion, Laya, and Noella.

For the twins, they were to act as if their dragons hadn’t emerged. If their dragons tried to make themselves known, they planned to practice tempering the urge to let them out. They were to talk minimally or not at all. They would give Miya no information she could propagate to the kingdom to further her own standing or use against them later. The twins were required to give her two hours of their time, but nowhere in the order did it say they needed to actually engage with her.

As for him and Noella, their assignment was different.

Make them believe Noella Rose was pliable. Make them believe she’d yielded to the Primordials and posed no threat to their power. Undermine the impact she’d had on the children of Delmarth so no one would believe Miya’s bogus claims that her presence was affecting the students’ powers. Make them believe Kellen was in control, when it was absolutely the other way around.

Noella dipped to the floor, rummaging through her purse for the elaborate lace mask Josefyn had given her. She slipped it over her eyes and reached behind her to tie the ribbon behind her head. When she struggled with the silk strings, Laya leaned forward and offered to knot the back for her.

How do I look? Noella asked Kellen once the mask was secure over her eyes. The lace sprawled out to split the bottom and top half of her face, spanning up to her forehead so only her grey irises and a glimpse of her full lips at the bottom peeked through. She’d only need to wear the mask until they were safely inside the gate, so the look of it didn’t matter, but with it on, she became something darker, more sensual, not just a queen without a crown, but an enigmatic goddess seeking a land to rule.

Doesn’t matter how you look, sweetheart. How do you FEEL? Her eyes shimmered inside the mask.

Like I’m ready to make a room of Primordials my bitch. Kellen’s answering grin was wolfish.

That’s my fucking girl, he prided, then directed the car up the mountain to the Kilic estate.