26. Kellen

Chapter 26

Kellen

The faculty of Delmarth had disintegrated into a hysterical frenzy over the impending arrival of Bryara Cavalian. Classrooms were scrubbed clean until they were sparkling, until hands were raw and cracking. Every desk was in order. Primordials were tripping over themselves to ensure that everything was up to par and worthy of the Goddess of Penance. The only person not bending themselves into knots to prepare for the Goddess’s arrival was Kellen Kilic, for he didn’t have space inside him to feel any anxiety about her visit. There was no room for any worry when he was so chock-full of bliss.

The last three weeks had been the best of Kellen’s whole life.

Thanks to Noella’s inspiring speech, the twins agreed to return to Delmarth, not allowing their fear of Miya to prevent them from living. Jarion was no longer icing Kellen out. The three siblings had taken to having dinner together every other night, and it was the most connected Kellen felt to the twins in months, the most they’d opened up to him about what was happening in their lives.

When he wasn’t with the twins, he was glued to Noella Rose’s side and, consequently, her friends.

At first, Kellen exhausted the majority of his energy in Akio and Josefyn’s presence battling his jealousy and the desire to keep Noella locked away so only he could enjoy her beautiful smile. The more time he spent with Akio and Josefyn, though, the more he began to ease, the more his heart softened to them separate from the way he felt about Noella. Spending time with them was different than what it had felt like to be in Daniel and Oliviana’s presence. It was filled with more light, more laughter, less pessimism and petty drama, or the pathetic need to judge everyone and everything. He’d realized in the last few weeks that he’d clung to Daniel and Oliviana because he didn’t think he deserved this kind of friendship—he didn’t think he deserved the light, the joy, the kindness that came from being around people who only wanted to lift other people up.

Noella had given him the gift of realizing that healing for him was determining for himself that he was worthy of this connection, that he didn’t need to seclude himself in just Jarion and Laya. It was possible for him to hold enough space in his heart for the twins and anyone else who brought him peace.

And then, there was Noella Rose.

The last three weeks with her, getting to truly know her, spending intimate time with her in the absence of angry looks and words of hatred, was a fucking dream. He thought he’d reached the utmost extent of feeling for her, but the way he felt about her now, versus even a week ago, was exponentially higher and just kept ascending to new heights, new volumes, new potencies. Kellen had never allowed himself to experience the other side of a romance, building an emotional connection separate from physical attraction, and had discovered that nurturing an emotional connection was even more rewarding than if they were exploring their physical draw to one another.

He gave her so many shards of himself that he’d never shared with anyone else, every tiny or large thought he’d ever had, whether they were positive or negative, desperate for her to know him, to see him, to understand him.

With every piece of himself he shared with her, Noella offered him a piece of herself in return.

The reason I’ve always gone by Ella instead of Noella is because I was named after my grandmother, Noelle, which was also my mother’s middle name, Noella revealed to him during one of their many confessionals. I’ve never wanted to have any part of myself associated with her, so I truncated the name.

Do you mind that I call you Noella? It would be difficult for him to stop, the name so addicting, his favorite drug. However, if it bothered her, if it brought her pain to hear it, he would stop calling her that.

Not at all, she answered, his chest easing with relief. You’ve taken the name and made it mean something else. I no longer think about my mother when I hear that name. You’ve made it something I can feel comfortable claiming as my own. Kellen might’ve felt like he was close to fainting when she said that.

Another evening, when they were in their respective apartments, but talking to one another as if they were sitting across from each other, he’d told her, My birthday is the first day of April.

So you’re an Aries, she proclaimed, that word meaning nothing to him. She chuckled, That makes sense.

I don’t know what an Aries means.

It’s your zodiac sign. She explained, It refers to one of the twelve specific constellations of the zodiac that the sun passes through. A person’s zodiac sign is where the sun was when they were born. It’s all part of astrology, which is a type of divination. It’s believed that a person’s personality can be predicted using their zodiac sign. A lot of people think astrology is bullshit, but I’ve always found it kind of fascinating.

What does my zodiac predict about me, Rose? Noella’s gorgeous laughter blessed his ears.

Aries men are strong, bold, passionate, impulsive, short-tempered, and fiery. They’re romantic and will commit to someone they love with no reservations—all traits I would attribute to you, Kilic.

Kellen’s chest was ablaze with adoration.

You think I’m romantic, Rose? Noella sent him the image of her rolling her eyes and flipping him her middle finger. A carefree laugh bubbled to the surface and rumbled through his body. What sign are you?

Pisces. I was born on February twenty-ninth on a leap year. I don’t know if you guys have that here or not, but on the Earthly Plane, every four years, we have an extra day added to the calendar in February as a corrective measure, because the Earth doesn’t orbit the sun in three hundred and sixty-five days. In the years we don’t have my actual birthday, I celebrate it on March first.

I knew you were special. Rose. Warmth traveled through the conduit between their minds to alert Kellen that she was blushing. Are our two signs compatible? Aries and Pisces?

Not typically, but they can be. She explained, Aries is a fire sign, and Pisces is a water sign, so they’re naturally opposed. It just means they need to put some effort into understanding one another. If that’s achieved, they can have a successful relationship where they’ll be figures of inspiration for one another.

Do I inspire you, sweetheart?

You inspire me to want to put my head inside a meat grinder. Kellen’s laughter escalated in intensity and volume when Noella’s laugh joined him from across the hall, padding his whole body with abounding light.

Of course, he thought about kissing her, pretty much every second of every day. Of course, he craved to know what it would really feel like to finally claim her body as well as her heart, not just through her dreams, but he wasn’t rushing it. He didn’t feel the need to rush anything because he was already with her. He had what mattered right now, her time, her interest, her friendship. There would be so much time in their future for all that other stuff, but this time now, this period of getting to know one another, they wouldn’t be able to return to it in the same way they could return to physical sensation.

So he was happy to be her friend for now.

Her friend who they both knew was really more than a friend. He was happy to wait until she was ready to take that next step, because that waiting period consisted of inordinate ecstasy, enough to last him a lifetime.

Kellen first dropped his briefcase off in his office, then began his trek through the Varmin department to the academic sector. On his way to Noella’s office, he bumped into Josefyn—literally barreled right into her because he’d been focusing so much on lengthening his strides to diminish the time between now and when he was back in Noella’s presence that he wasn’t looking where he was going.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” Jo joked, helping to balance him by placing her hands on his biceps and tipping him back to an upright position. Kellen got a whiff of her vanilla perfume that masked the odor of rotting animal carcasses still lingering on her tongue from breakfast. The mingled scents made him momentarily nauseous, but he’d spent enough time with Josefyn now that he was getting used to it.

“Just wanted to stop by the academic sector before my first class.” Kellen dithered. “Were you with her this morning?”

“We always have breakfast together.” Kellen adored Josefyn and Noella’s friendship. When Kellen and Josefyn were in school together at Delmarth, Josefyn didn’t have many female friends. She’d spent all her time with Akio. The females in their class didn’t understand Josefyn, her soft nature so divergent from what Primordials considered strong that most people kept their distance from her. Noella was a perfect match for Josefyn, and watching their friendship develop, how much that relationship meant to both women, had made Kellen like Josefyn that much more. “I just left her in her office. Unless she was already summoned to one of the four sectors, she should still be there.”

“Thanks, Jo.” Kellen gave her hand a squeeze, then began heading for the academic sector.

“Hey, Kell?” Kellen swung around when she tossed that friendly nickname at him. “I heard you’re cooking Ella dinner tonight. Good luck. I’m really rooting for you guys.” Kellen’s throat felt congested by a rock of emotion.

“I was planning everything last night,” he found himself divulging to her, Josefyn’s eyes softening. “I cleaned the whole apartment. I bought candles, Jo. Me. Kellen Kilic. I bought fucking candles. And roses, cause duh.” Josefyn giggled as he sighed, “I just want it to be perfect for her.”

“It already will be because you care enough to make it so.” His heartbeat thundered in his ears.

“Thank you, Jo. That means a lot coming from you.” Her smile was kindness personified.

“I always wondered why we weren’t friends in school,” she admitted, taking him off guard with her honesty. “I always quietly respected you. The way you cared for your younger siblings. The way you gave up being a member of Aros’s cadre to take care of them. I used to wish we could be friends.”

“You did?” The corners of his eyes stung. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because back then, you didn’t seem receptive to any offers of friendship.” She wasn’t wrong. “And then, when we started working here, you were hanging out with Daniel and Oliviana all the time, and I’ve always made it a point to keep my distance from them, so I kind of made peace with the fact that we’d never be friends.” Kellen didn’t know what to say.

“I always wanted to be your friend too, Jo. I just didn’t have space back then to ask for it or even welcome it.”

“I know.” He truly believed she understood that, that she didn’t blame him for it. “I’m glad Ella has helped bridge the gap I’ve always wanted to. I always knew you were worth a friendship, Kellen.”

She fluttered her fingers in a wave and turned to leave. Kellen stood there a moment just admiring her shadow, letting the warm feeling of amity wash over him, then recommenced his trek to the academic sector.

He found the object of his desires standing outside her office rather than inside it, with a basket of provisions resting on the floor at her feet and a roll of tape between her teeth. Inside the basket, there were at least thirty laminated photographs of the elementary school students chosen from each class to win character awards for the month of October, with a quote beneath the photo from their teacher explaining how that student had exemplified the character trait of resilience. Kellen had assisted Noella in getting every teacher to pick a student to receive a character award, even though none of them had wanted to give Noella anything, but under the threat of Kellen’s dragon fire, they’d conceded. Noella had already taped up signs on the wall between her office and the infirmary for each grade level, ranging from kindergarten to fifth grade.

The pictures of the five kindergarten students who’d been chosen from each class were fastened to the wall under the Kindergarten sign, arranged in an organized line where every photo lined up perfectly to feed Noella’s need for consistency. She’d just slapped Tyrell Morris’s photo under the First Grade sign and was about to rip some tape off to stick it to the wall before the photo slipped out of her hand and tumbled to the floor.

“Shit,” she hissed, just as Kellen sunk to his knees to catch the fallen photo.

“I’ve got you,” he vowed, handing it back to her. His fingers purposefully slid against hers when she accepted the photo back.

“Hi,” she greeted breathily, glorious color stealing across her face. The shade of her purple knitted sweater was less vibrant than the fushia one and more analogous to the color of a grape, but it had the same effect on her blonde hair as the last sweater did, emphasizing the golden undertones. “Where were you this morning?”

“Jare wanted to run together before school.” Kellen normally joined Noella and the gremlin—okay, maybe he should start calling her Freya—on their morning walk, but when Jarion asked to go for a jog, the first time in months he’d asked to spend alone time with Kellen, he couldn’t say no.

The brothers barely spoke while they ran, but they’d quietly engaged in a playful competition of who could run faster, thrusting their elbows into each other’s stomachs to try and thwart the other’s progress, the kind of thing they used to do when Jarion was younger. It had been the perfect start to Kellen’s day.

“Oh!” Noella’s demeanor brightened. “Amazing! I’m glad you guys spent some alone time together.” She dropped her eyes to the laminated photograph in her hands, then whispered, “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Kellen angled his ear closer to her. “I’m not sure I heard you right. It sounded like you said you missed me.” She flicked him on the side of his neck, her lips twitching in a smile.

“I missed you, Kellen,” she repeated, her voice like melted honey.

“I missed you too, Noella.” So much, he whispered into her mind, hoping to pierce her heart. He then lifted his eyes to the character awards. “These are really good, by the way…”

“No!” Noella swatted Kellen’s hand away, her blonde hair smacking his shoulder. “I worked on these all day yesterday, and you’re not going to do your classic Kellen Kilic thing where you come in, and you graze over everything really slowly, and then, when someone asks who’s responsible for all this, you take credit. I did this. ME.” Kellen’s eyes dropped down to her lips.

“This took you all day to do?” Noella’s entire body was bombarded in a rageful flush.

“I hate you,” she seethed at Kellen’s grin, balling her hands into tiny, adorable fists. “I viscerally hate you in my bones.”

“It was just a question.” She punched his bicep. Kellen didn’t admit when he faltered back a step that the blow actually hurt a little. He subtly rubbed the throbbing area on his arm and asked, “Why are you taping these to the wall?”

“Headmistress Dyer asked me to. She wants Bryara to see them.” Noella’s dispassionate shrug made him cock his head.

“You don’t seem fazed by the Goddess of Penance coming to Delmarth.”

“I guess I don’t feel the impact of it as much as you because I’m not from here. To me, it’s just a name.”

“I’ve obviously never met her before, but from the stories we cover about her in History of the Gods, she’s depicted as what nightmares are molded from. If Terminus is any indication of her personality, she sounds like a real peach.” Noella’s lips lifted like she was about to laugh before her eyes suddenly widened and she cleared her throat, raising her chin nervously at something over Kellen’s shoulder.

When he spun around, he discovered Bryara Cavalian perched at the end of the hall, flanking Headmistress Dyer’s side, a meticulously pruned brow arching at what she’d just overheard Kellen say about her.

The best way to describe Bryara Cavalian was a nightmare masquerading as a daydream. Silky, lilac locks spilled down her chest in long, velvety waves, emulating a river of mauve that complimented the crimson shade of her eyes and the succulent white lashes outlining the rim. Her full lips, painted a vibrant red, wilted into a scowl, her eyes forming small slits over Kellen and Noella. Her golden gown glimmered like molten sunshine, the fabric luxurious satin, draping elegantly over every curve and contour of her body. The bodice was intricately embellished with delicate embroidery and shimmering sequins, creating a dazzling display of light with every micromovement. The hem was adorned with a border of intricate lace, adding a touch of regal splendor to the already majestic ensemble. The skirt of her gown flowed like liquid gold behind her as she began treading over to them, cascading down to the floor in a graceful sweep of gilded fabric.

Noella’s spine went rigid. She may not have felt the impact of Bryara’s name, but she sure felt the impact of being in Bryara’s presence as much as Kellen did. She stepped closer to Kellen’s side, and Kellen naturally angled himself so he stood half in front of her in a protective, possessive stance.

The Goddess surveyed their closeness with faint fascination.

Behind the Goddess and the Headmistress stood an envoy. It was hard to gauge whether the envoy was Eyal due to the armor shrouding their face, but Kellen assumed it was, even though Eyal had left Delmarth three weeks ago at Noella’s behest and no one had seen or heard from him since.

“Eyal?” Noella asked. “Is that you?”

She received no answer from the envoy, either because it wasn’t Eyal, or because he was maintaining discretion in front of the Goddess, since he shouldn’t have given Noella his name in the first place.

“Ms. Rose, Mr. Kilic, may I present Bryara Cavalian,” Headmistress Dyer introduced the Goddess.

“It’s a—” Noella started to say, but the Goddess cut her off.

“You haven’t been shy about sharing your disdain for Aros Cavalian.” Bryara’s voice was cold thunder.

Kellen edged closer to Noella.

Noella read something in Bryara’s eyes that had her suddenly blurting, “He hasn’t been shy about being the worst.”

ROSE! Kellen reproached, his head snapping angrily to her.

He sensed the horror in Noella’s stiff posture before she stammered into their bond, Why did I just say that?!

Why did you just say that?! Coz joined the discussion.

I don’t know! she squeaked, her cheeks paling. It just came out! Maybe she’ll have a sense of humor?

Does that look like a face that has a sense of humor? Kellen grumbled, nudging her arm in warning. If the Goddess took a swing at Noella, he was ready to defend her, fire primed for launch in his veins.

Bryara’s eyebrows soared up to her hairline. She was silent for a long stretch of time, leaving Kellen and Noella and even Headmistress Dyer vibrating with anxiety before the Goddess’s mouth warped into a shit-eating grin and released a surprised, slightly frightening, delirious laugh.

“I knew I was going to like you,” Bryara decreed. Noella exhaled a mixture of a relieved sigh and a strangled laugh. The smile slipped off Bryara’s face when she glanced at Kellen. “And then there’s you .” The Goddess’s voice filled his head, shoving Noella out to make space for herself.

You’re not working hard enough, she snarled at him, her voice grating down the walls of his mind.

At what? he asked her.

The fact that you even have to ask shows how little you’ve been paying attention, Kellen Kilic.

A shudder rasped down his spine.

Please, tell me what I’m missing, Your Highness. All Bryara had to do was smile at Kellen.

The feeling that erupted inside Kellen’s head resembled a flurry of bats awakening from a deep slumber and unleashing well-rested, angry claws onto the thin tissue of his brain, shredding his nerves apart. With nothing left to do except yield to the sensation, his own power feeling very far away with her influence ensnaring him, Kellen screamed and plummeted to his knees, raking his fingernails over his forehead to tear through his skin and free his mind from her terrorizing power.

“Kellen!” Noella shrieked, yelling at the Goddess, “What’re you doing to him?!”

“Delivering penance,” Bryara replied, never breaking eye contact from Kellen. Amidst Kellen’s agony, when he had a fleeting moment of coherent thought, it dawned on him that perhaps Bryara’s visit to Delmarth had nothing to do with Noella, and everything to do with this, with him.

The pain was so blinding that black blots smeared across his vision, threatening eternal sleep.

“STOP!” Noella didn’t think before she slammed her body into Bryara, shattering the Goddess’s concentration on Kellen and liberating him from her clutches. Kellen expelled a series of coughs dripping with blood, spitting the crimson saliva onto the floor as he worked to catch his breath.

“Interesting,” Bryara laughed, her eyes now trained on Noella. “You throw yourself at a Goddess to defend him, yet you refuse to welcome him into your bed.”

“Fuck you!” Noella roared. Kellen felt Coz flinch inside his chest.

“Did you just tell a Goddess fuck you?” Noella lifted her chin without a single iota of fear. She met Bryara’s crimson gaze, stony and teeming with cruelty, but didn’t balk, leveling it with her own unique willpower. A callous grin curled the corners of Bryara’s lips up. “Would you like to experience the extent of my power, princess? I may lose my head for a day, but it will grow back.”

If Bryara laid even a tendril of her power on Noella, Kellen would fucking lose it, consequences be damned. He grabbed Noella’s hand before she gave in to the temptation to lunge at the Goddess.

Breathe, sweetheart, Kellen insisted, watching Noella’s chest rise and fall at a tortured pace. She’s trying to rile you up. Don’t let her.

She hurt you. That was all Noella was capable of saying, the only thing she seemed to care about—not the fact that she’d just said fuck you to a Goddess, not the fact that she was the human in this equation.

Her own survival was secondary. All she cared about was the fact the Goddess had harmed him.

There was a name for the emotion Kellen felt swallow his heart whole. He couldn’t remember it with his brain foggy from the residue of Bryara’s power, but he felt it overwhelm him, pour into his entire being.

I’m fine, baby, he promised, the tenseness in Noella’s muscles reducing. I won’t be if something happens to you, though, so try to control your urges. I’m not worth getting yourself tossed into Terminus.

Ironic that you’re telling ME to control myself for a change. Bryara’s eyes swung between Noella and Kellen in a way that suggested she’d been listening to their internal dialogue.

“You’re not necessary here anymore,” Bryara told Kellen, signaling with her index finger for him to stand. “I’m with you today,” she then informed Noella. Both Kellen and Noella’s jaws fell open.

“The whole day?” Noella spluttered. Kellen was wrong when he thought Bryara was here for just him. He didn’t like the thought of leaving his girl alone with the Goddess, but he had a feeling asking to join them today wouldn’t be welcomed. Noella stammered, “I have a session with a student later. You can’t be there for it.”

“Yes, I can, and yes, I will.” Bryara disregarded Noella and glanced back at Kellen. “You can go now, dragon boy.”

Work harder, the Goddess ordered him, then added in a softer, almost encouraging tone, You’re so close.

To WHAT? he demanded.

You’ll know when you get there, Mr. Kilic. Kellen peeked at Noella, whose expression was pure terror.

You can handle her, he reassured at the anxious tremor echoing through her bottom lip. He sent a thread of his power down the conduit between them to stroke her mind, leaving it in her care so she’d have a piece of him with her. Then, he threw in, I pity the fool who thinks they can trounce you, Noella Rose.

Noella’s eyes burned into him even as the doors to the elevator shut in his face.

Bryara Cavalian was sent to Delmarth to be a thorn in Ella’s ass.

Ella had to finish hanging up all the character awards on the wall, so Bryara was forced to lean against the door to Ella’s office and simply watch her struggle to get all the photographs up. A smile expanded across the Goddess’s face every time Ella accidentally dropped one of the photos or the plastic-coated picture slid down the wall because the tape wasn’t secure enough. After the tenth time of Bryara chuckling under her breath, the damper on Ella’s temper, which was already weak to begin with, ruptured.

“Are you just going to stand there mocking me, or are you going to make yourself useful and help me?” Ella seethed.

“Trust me, princess,” the Goddess purred. “That’s exactly what I’m doing here.” Ella grunted at that response.

“Are all you Gods purposefully elusive? And why do you keep calling me princess? ”

“I prefer not to answer that. It would give too much away.” Ella couldn’t tell if the Goddess was trying to be funny, or if that was a serious response. She glanced over at the silent titanium statue flanking Bryara’s side.

“Eyal?” she asked again, hoping to get a response this time from the envoy.

“He’s not permitted to speak to you,” Bryara snapped. Ella’s lashes beat against her eyebrows.

“Why not?” Bryara clamped her mouth shut, then dragged her pinched fingers over the space where her two lips met, mimicking closing a zipper. “Is this because Eyal wasn’t there when Kellen’s mother attacked us?”

“Ella,” a familiar male voice warned from inside the steel helmet.

“Eyal did nothing wrong that day,” Ella asserted. “ Aros did by not sending aid to Kellen and the twins.”

“This conversation is finished,” Bryara announced, her cadence reminding Ella of a jarring clap of thunder. “And I’d be more careful with how you speak about my brother, earthborn.”

Brother? Ella should have put their familial link together sooner, with the corresponding last names.

Bryara continued, “Do not think for a second that you are invincible just because my brother offered you protection, protection you’ve since turned away. You don’t get to stand there and judge us when you know nothing of our history, or the sacrifices Aros has made for this kingdom and his people.”

“What sacrifice has he made?” Ella’s foot was already in her mouth. Might as well shove it the whole way down her throat. “It seems to me that all the sacrifices have been his own people, fighting this war for him against Edar and the Sireres while not being allowed to have any of their own opinions.”

Noella, Coz’s voice boomed in her mind. This is not the fight you want to pick right now.

Watching Bryara swallow, Ella sensed the Goddess was actually perturbed by what Ella had said.

“When you learn the truth,” Bryara spoke with fiery conviction, her crimson eyes blazing, “and trust me, princess, you will, you’ll eat those words. Until you know the truth, you keep your mouth shut.”

Jarion suddenly appeared at the end of the hall. His eyes grew to the size of saucers when he saw the Goddess.

“I…uh…I can come back,” he stammered before lunging for the elevator.

“You’re not getting away that easily!” Ella curled her index finger inward to gesture Jarion to come closer.

Jarion took tentative steps forward. “Your…uh…your highness.” He bowed his head to Bryara, who nodded in acceptance of the respectful greeting, then swung his eyes to Ella, silently entreating to be moved far away from the Goddess. “If you’re too busy, maybe today isn’t the right day for this.”

“Today is the perfect day for this.” Ella placed her hands on his shoulders and gave his body a little shake. “I’ll remind you that this was your idea.”

“Before I knew we’d have an audience!” He peeked anxiously over at the Goddess.

“Pretend they’re not there.” I certainly will, she thought to herself, then watched Bryara smirk and wondered if the Goddess had heard her thought. “I know you’re scared, but putting this off is only going to make everything so much worse.” Ella proffered her hand, palm facing the ceiling, and declared, “It’s time for you to release your wings, Jarion.” Jarion eyed her extended hand.

He sighed, then placed his hand in hers. “Your energy is a lot for this early in the morning, Ms. Rose.”

“You can’t get me down, Ates. I’m excited!” She pulled him towards the elevator, Bryara and Eyal shadowing their pace.

Ella’s breath formed clouds in the frigid air. Translucent billows spiraled from her parted lips as she inhaled a paced breath, demonstrating what she wanted Jarion to replicate, and held the breath inside her for four seconds, letting the breath go in an embellished manner for a total of six seconds. Jarion consumed a mouthful of frosty air, trapping it in his chest, then stuttered it out exactly as she had done, repeating this sequence several times until his features appeared softer and less agitated.

“What’re you feeling right now as you’re about to do this?” she asked him.

“Terrified.” He’d gotten better over the last few weeks at identifying his feelings and expressing them to her.

“What are you most afraid of?”

“That it’ll hurt.” He gulped. “It really hurt last time when I released the first one. It reminded me…it reminded me of my dad. What he used to do.” He was careful with his words in front of the Goddess, who was sitting against a tree a few paces away.

“Tell me what you see around you,” Ella instructed. Jarion’s brows pulled together before he gave her an answer.

“Um…you? The trees? The…the Goddess of Penance.” Bryara waved her fingers in a jeering taunt.

“Who do you not see?”

Jarion’s forehead smoothed away the crinkles. “My father,” he answered, his green eyes shimmering.

Ella nodded her head.

“He’s not here, Jare. When you get that feeling that reminds you of that pain, look around and use your surroundings to check the facts. Prove to your eyes that he’s not here to hurt you anymore.” Jarion’s mouth pulled into a tight smile, but a smile, nonetheless. “Give me your positive affirmation before we get started.”

“We can do hard things,” he recited. Ella’s hands came together in a proud clasp in front of her.

“You’ve got this, Jare. One wing at a time.”

Jarion’s hands balled into taut fists at his sides, his eyes squeezing shut. His back muscles flexed before one wing split through Jarion’s sweater and stretched out to meet the world, the leathery membrane contracting along the current of the wind. The scarlet wing spanned outwards and netted the light of the sun, reflecting crimson beams onto the overlay of snow beneath his feet.

Jarion hissed a broken sound of agony between his teeth, his face scrunching up in pain.

“Take a second to feel it,” Ella counseled him gently. “There’s no rush here. Take your time, Jare.”

“It hurts, Ms. Rose.” He whimpered and raised wet eyes to her.

“I know, buddy. The more you do it, the less it will hurt. I promise.” She rested her chin on top of her interwoven hands. “You can call time whenever you want, Jare. You’ve already made huge progress today.”

“No. I have to do this. I have to.” He stared down at the rays of red light refracting off his wing, painting a twirling bloodred design on the snow. “I can do hard things,” he whispered to himself, a mantra, a promise to the universe. He strained his muscles so hard that a ferocious flush blitzed his face, trickling down his neck, where his veins were protruding from his tightly clenched jaw.

She heard the rip of his sweater on the other side, holding her breath in anticipation, and watched his second wing, the one he’d been keeping contained, wiggle free from the binds of his skin, shattering through his flesh and rolling out towards the sun. It extended slowly, as if testing the air before making a choice to fully accept the world, then decided the taste of the universe wasn’t a terrible flavor and lengthened out to meet his other wing. Jarion screamed through the whole thing—not a scream of pain, but a cathartic release of the feelings that had been maiming him from the inside out for so many years.

When Jarion wobbled a bit, Ella called out, “You okay, Jare?”

“They’re heavy,” Jarion gasped, then laughed. He broke out into a hysterical attack of thrilled laughter, then shouted with glee, without abandon, with tears streaming down his face, “I did it! They’re out!”

“They’re out, Jare!” Ella cheered with him, tears falling from her eyes as well. “You did it! I’m so fucking proud of you! Excuse my cursing!”

“I won’t tell anyone!” Their laughter wove together.

Even Bryara was smiling, though it was more subdued, hidden behind a curtain of her lilac hair.

“How does it feel to have them both out?” Ella asked. Jarion looked behind him to admire the two wings.

“They’re kind of cool,” he marveled, looking impressed with himself.

“They’re so cool! Don’t tell your brother, but yours are so much cooler than his.” Jarion cackled up at the sky.

“Kell’s got that weird orange around his wings and on his belly,” he chortled.

“It makes him look like a Cheeto,” Ella teased back.

“What’s a Cheeto?”

“An addictive food from the Earthly Plane that you’re lucky you don’t know.” Jarion laughed so hard he started coughing. “Okay, let’s not make ourselves throw up,” Ella snickered, stepping towards him. “What do you want to do now that they’re out?”

“I want to put them back,” he replied, his tone laced in guilt, like admitting that meant he failed. “They really hurt.”

“Let’s put them back. You did everything you were supposed to do today.”

Jarion sighed with relief, then swung his arms forward to direct the wings back beneath his skin, the slit they’d created in his spine stitching up once they’d safety returned inside him. The moment they retracted, Jarion fell into Ella’s arms, sobbing into her shoulder. Ella clung to him with all her might.

“Thank you,” he wept, repeating this over and over again, his fingernails digging into her back. Those words weren’t sufficient to encapsulate his gratitude for her, but they were more than enough for Ella.

She raised her eyes to Bryara. The Goddess just nodded her head, but respect tipped out of the simple act.

“I have to go tell Laya!” Jarion wriggled until Ella removed her arms from around him. “Can you tell my brother?”

“You don’t want to tell him yourself?” Jarion hesitated.

“I think it’ll mean more coming from you.” Ella didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Yes, I can tell your brother.” Jarion simpered, then started for the exit of the Canterna Thicket. “Jare?”

“Yeah, Ms. Rose?” Tears splashed over her smile.

“Claim this victory. Claim the joy. Claim all the feelings. You’ve earned the right to feel it all.”

Jarion laid his hand on his chest. His message was silent, but poignant. He patted his heart, where her words would be cherished and safe, then turned on his heel and ran out of the forest to find his sister.

Ella’s eyes flew to Bryara when the Goddess began clapping.

“I’ll admit, I’m impressed,” the Goddess conceded, trekking through the snow to meet her, Eyal close on her tail. “What you did for that kid was pretty special.” Ella’s lips settled into a smile…but it only lasted a second before the Goddess sighed, “But you could be doing so much more.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ella waited for an answer that would never come. “I’m getting really sick of being given half-messages from the Gods. What are you and Aros waiting for me to do?”

Bryara’s hands lashed out and seized Ella’s face, yanking her forward, their noses crashing into each other.

“For you to wake up,” Bryara hissed in her face, tepid air bathing Ella’s cheeks. “You told that kid to pay attention to what he was feeling. What do you feel, Noella? What do you feel that you’re fighting against?”

Ella blinked. “Is this about Kellen?” Bryara brought her lips to Ella’s ear.

In a chilling voice that sent a shudder down Ella’s spine and caused her lungs to lock up, Bryara whispered, “Only when the child of the crown binds to the child of the flame can the chains of solitude be released.”

“What? What’re you—” When Ella opened her eyes, the Goddess, and Eyal, had vanished.