21. Kellen

Chapter 21

Kellen

Markus Loewe’s father looked exactly like him, down to the amber eyes, severely sharp features, and undeviating frown that seemed far too comfortable on his face. The glower deepened, if it was even possible for the scowl to darken more than it already was, over Noella. The Cerebri came to a screeching halt at the doorway, debating if he was going to step inside the office or not.

“Get her out of here,” Markus Loewe’s father snarled at Kellen and Akio, pointing at Noella.

“This is Ms. Rose,” Akio introduced, gesturing to Noella. “Our school co—”

“I know who she is, and I don’t want her here.” Mr. Loewe focused his glare on Kellen. “You didn’t tell me she would be here. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have come.” Noella’s lashes fluttered.

Maybe I should go, she whispered sadly in secret to Kellen, her eyes flitting to the door.

You’re not going anywhere, Kellen declared, ready to throw his arm out and block her path if she tried to make a break for the exit. To quote your eloquent words back to you, he needs to suck it the fuck up.

Noella’s lips combatted the urge to smile.

“Ms. Rose is our school counselor and has been a great help to many of our students,” Kellen pronounced in defense of her, speaking words he never thought he’d say, let alone believe to be true. “She’s offered her services to Markus, and as someone who has spent considerable time with your son and witnessed his decline this year, you should take the offer.”

“There is nothing a human can offer that would be of value to me or my son,” Mr. Loewe decreed, his fingers burrowing into the doorframe, threatening to penetrate the wall. “Nothing but poison and destruction.”

“What is your problem with her?” Akio snapped, taking Kellen by surprise. In all the time he’d known Akio, he’d never seen the Cerebri lose control of his precious decorum. “Why is a human so bad?”

“Do you not know what she is?” Mr. Loewe hissed at Noella, spittle flying out with every stressed word. “She is a reminder of what this kingdom lost, what threw our world into one of war and devastation. She’s revolting. Aros rid this kingdom of humans for a reason. She doesn’t belong here.”

Kellen opened his mouth to argue, preparing to carve his message into the shape of blades and cut Mr. Loewe down to the size of his puny heart, but before he could, Noella stepped forward.

“This is just a conversation about Markus’s progress,” she said conciliatorily, presenting the Cerebri father with a warm, tender gaze the bastard didn’t deserve. “I am not here to be a nuisance to you or your son. I’m here to help. I care about helping your son be successful and figuring out the best course of action to help him make it through the year. If you really can’t stand the sight of me, I will leave, but I would like to stay and help make a plan for Markus.” Mr. Loewe blinked at her.

Even the Cerebri couldn’t deny the sincerity of her declaration, the earnestness of her gentle smile, the courage and strength it took for her to continue maintaining that kindness in the face of his disrespect and nasty insults. Noella held Mr. Loewe’s gaze, pleading with her expressive eyes for him to stay, to not give in to his hatred of her and let it overshadow the need to help his son.

That might’ve been what Kellen admired most about her. She never let ill-treatment of her dominate the needs of their students. She never stopped fighting for them, even when everyone around her worked untiringly to shut her down, remaining a fierce, faithful advocate for the students of Delmarth.

How could no one else see how important she was? How did it take him this long to see it for himself?

Mr. Loewe didn’t dignify her with a response, but he did finally tread over the threshold and move into the office to claim a spot to sit. Noella breathed a sigh of relief when he chose to stay.

Mr. Loewe plopped down on the couch. Akio lowered down next to him. Kellen gestured with his hand for Noella to take the empty chair next to the couch, but she rejected the offer, electing to stand near Headmistress Dyer’s desk. Kellen hesitated, gifting her a moment to change her mind, then eventually dropped his ass into the chair and crossed his legs, his fingers folding around the wooden arms.

“I know you’ve been in contact with Mr. Takeshi and Mr. Kilic about Markus’s progress.” Mr. Loewe scowled openly at Noella from across the room, but she refused to let that dissuade her from carrying this meeting. “Markus’s grades haven’t improved. His average right now in History of the Gods is a ten, which is far below the line of passing. With the fall term coming to an end in a few weeks, we’re concerned that Markus won’t be able to make up the work enough to pass the class. Without the credit from this term, he won’t be eligible to graduate in June.”

“What would that look like?” Mr. Loewe addressed Kellen, completely ignoring the fact that Noella had been the one speaking. Kellen’s gaze swung back to Noella, tilting his head in her direction, a signal for her to continue.

“He would need to repeat the school year,” she answered for him.

“What about his classes next semester?” Mr. Loewe pushed. “If he passes those, can’t you just change his credits to say he passed the full year?”

“They’re different classes,” Akio interjected. “He’s not taking the same subjects next semester as he is this semester. Those credits can’t transfer. If he doesn’t pass History of the Gods, he can’t move on to War Strategy, so he will have to retake both classes next year.” Mr. Loewe balled his hands into fists in his lap.

“Well, can’t you just fudge it in the system?” the father demanded.

“We can’t,” Noella started to say, but Mr. Loewe wouldn’t let her finish the thought.

“I’m not speaking to you ,” he sneered at her. “I’m speaking to the competent Primordials whose opinions I actually respect.” Mr. Loewe ripped his eyes off Noella and glued them to Kellen, finding respite in no longer needing to regard the human. “What do you think, Mr. Kilic?”

Kellen gripped the arms of his chair. Fire burnt the back of his throat.

“I echo Ms. Rose’s sentiment,” he said in a cold tone of voice. “We cannot give allowances to some students that we wouldn’t give to all students. That is not an option.”

“Fine,” the father relented. Noella turned her head to the side to roll her eyes at how he yielded to a man over her.

Kellen covered his hand over his mouth to stifle a cackle. Noella caught the corner of his mouth lift behind his fingers and bit her lip to subdue her own smile, clearing phlegm from her throat to keep from laughing too.

“Did anything change for Markus this summer?” she questioned Mr. Loewe, bringing Kellen reluctantly back to the meeting. “How have things been at home? Has his demeanor seemed different to you in any way?”

“He’s the exact same kid he’s always been. Nothing’s changed in our family or his life. The only difference in his world is the human littering his school.” Noella gulped. The taste of fire in Kellen’s mouth grew stronger.

“Has Markus shared with you any goals that he has for himself and his future?” Mr. Loewe choked out a bitter laugh at her query.

“What kind of ridiculous question is that?” he mocked.

“I’m trying to gain a better understanding of Markus, of things he likes or cares about, so I can use that to help motivate him to care about school,” she explained. The way she upheld her patience was venerable.

“I know my son,” Mr. Loewe asserted. “I promise you, you’re the last thing in this universe that will help motivate him.” This cycle of bringing the conversation back to slighting Noella wasn’t getting them anywhere.

“Has your son expressed any Dissident beliefs at home?” Kellen piped up. Noella’s eyes bugged out of her skull before she shook her head in warning. It was too late though to backtrack what he’d said.

“ Excuse me?” Mr. Loewe seethed, amber eyes blazing. Despite Noella’s attempt to save him from shoving his foot in his mouth, Kellen pressed on.

“He seems to have very strong opinions about the Gods, which is making it difficult for him to engage with the course material. I was just wondering if that was something he’s spoken about at home.”

“What you’re suggesting is offensive and dangerous, Mr. Kilic,” Mr. Loewe snarled, stretching himself across Akio’s lap to get as close to Kellen as he could. Akio flung himself back against the cushions to separate his personal space from Mr. Loewe’s incense. “My son is a good person. He would never betray the Gods by undertaking any Dissident values. That accusation is outrageous.”

“It wasn’t an accusation,” Kellen objected. “I simply asked a question.”

“A question that implies our family holds those same beliefs, which I can assure you, we do not. We are loyal followers of Aros. We would never debase ourselves and choose to follow Edar.”

“There’s no judgement here,” Noella said, not quite recognizing the gravity of this discussion. “To us, it doesn’t matter what his personal beliefs are, as long as he understands that he has to still do the assigned work.”

“You’re not from Cavale, earthborn,” Mr. Loewe roared, “so you don’t understand the severity of such an allegation. An accusation like that could land my son in Terminus.”

“It wasn’t an accusation,” Kellen repeated in a grumble. “It was a question based off things I’ve heard from your son’s mouth. Like Ms. Rose said, I don’t care what he personally believes, as long as he follows through on his duty to be a student and does the work like everyone else.”

“The only thing I can think of that would make my son question his loyalty to Aros is you,” Mr. Loewe accused Noella. From her wearied sigh, Kellen suspected she’d been expecting him to blame this on her somehow. “Your human presence here must be fucking with his head.”

“In what way would Ms. Rose’s presence make him side with Edar?” Akio asked furiously.

“Perhaps she’s taken to the defense of her people and made my son believe those bogus claims that Aros was abusive to Tala and that’s why the girl defected with Edar.” Noella’s quiet gasp exhibited that she didn’t know this other perspective to the Aros and Tala myth. She had no reason to. It wasn’t a standpoint taught to Primordials, the entertainment of such a theory cause for immediate sentencing to Terminus, which did nothing to absolve Aros of the suspicion that it could possibly be true.

That was a thought Kellen kept private in his head, a thought that would stay there permanently.

“I can assure you, Mr. Loewe, I’ve had no conversations with your son where I’ve indoctrinated any support of Edar into his head,” Noella tried, she really tried, to promise. “I have no stake in whether he supports Aros or Edar. I just want to help your son get to the end of the year. That’s all I care about.”

“Your word means nothing, earthborn.” Mr. Loewe faced Kellen. “What will the plan be moving forward for Markus?”

“We will—” Noella began, but once again wasn’t permitted to finish.

“I’m going to need you to shut your fucking mouth for the remainder of this meeting,” Mr. Loewe hissed.

“ ENOUGH .” Everyone in the room shifted in unison to where Kellen’s eyes had transformed into the slits of a dragon, plumes of smoke wafting from his flared nostrils, flames drenching the fingers of his crushing the arms of his chair. With everyone’s attention on him, he growled, “This needs to stop. Ms. Rose is not the issue here. Ms. Rose is not responsible for your son failing my class. Your son is. We can offer all the support we have. We can offer to work privately with him after class hours to help him keep up. I can keep making allowances for him, but if your son doesn’t apply himself, if he doesn’t fucking care, then there’s nothing we can do. This is not Ms. Rose’s fault. If she were to leave tomorrow, this would still be an issue, because the issue lies with your son. Neither I nor Mr. Takeshi will tolerate this constant attack of Ms. Rose’s character when she’s done nothing but try to support Markus, just as we all have. If you refuse to have an adult conversation with us, then this meeting should just be adjourned, because we’re not getting anywhere going in circles like this.”

Noella’s gaze scraped across Kellen’s face. Her incendiary appraisal burned every section of his skin that it skimmed over, scorching his lips when she zeroed in on his mouth. He might’ve purposefully licked his lips just to see how she’d react. He received a sharp intake of breath in response, her eyes scattering away from him. If he’d known that would get her to look away, he never would have done it.

“If there’s anything you think we can do for Markus, please, let us know,” Noella entreated softly. “Anything you think would help him. Any style of learning you know he prefers. You know your son best. We just want to help him.” Mr. Loewe was silent for several moments, focusing on his breathing.

“Try working with him one-on-one,” Mr. Loewe requested of Kellen. “I’ll have my own separate conversation with him. If he fails the class and has to repeat a year, it’s not the end of the world. I’m more concerned at the moment that he’s expressing Dissident opinions then I am about him passing a dumb class.”

He cares more about Markus’s beliefs then about his son graduating? Noella scoffed mind-to-mind.

Try to remember what’s at stake for people who side with Edar before you judge, Kellen reminded her.

I’m trying really hard not to judge, she said, but I find it difficult not to when what’s more important is pressuring a child into submission than the child’s actual wants or wishes. Faith is a personal thing that should never be forced upon anyone.

Kellen deliberated her words thoroughly, then admitted, You’re not alone in holding that opinion, Rose. There just isn’t a time or place to voice it in Cavale. Noella frowned at the sentiment.

“I will set up meetings with him after class to go over the material together,” Kellen vowed to Mr. Loewe. He refused to commit to trying to change the boy’s mind about his opinions on the Gods, but he would commit, even if it stole pieces of his precious free time, to working with Markus to complete the assignments he’d missed. “If I can work with him separately to finish assignments and get him to at least a fifty in the class, maybe we can squeeze in a passing grade. Maybe. But your son will need to work his fucking ass off to pass the chapter quizzes and tests. I can’t do that for him. If he doesn’t pass those, then the grade is out of my hands.”

“I can also begin meeting with him weekly to make sure he’s keeping up with his coursework,” Noella suggested, not appearing surprised when that was quickly shot down by Mr. Loewe.

“ NO,” Mr. Loewe declined. “Not you. Anyone but you .”

“I can meet with him weekly,” Akio intervened, the Cerebri father’s stance brightening with relief.

“Thank you, Mr. Takeshi. That would be preferred.” Akio nodded, then flung a sympathetic look at Noella. It was the first time Akio winked at her and Noella smiled back that Kellen didn’t want to kill him.

“I will talk to my son tonight.” Mr. Loewe rose from the couch, signaling to the rest of them that he’d reached his quota of being in Noella’s presence. “Thank you for doing everything you can to help my son, and for speaking to me today, Mr. Kilic and Mr. Takeshi.” Mr. Loewe brushed over Noella to shake both of the men’s hands. She didn’t even try to proffer her hand for a shake, faltering back a step to give the men room.

“You should be thanking Ms. Rose for this meeting.” Kellen squeezed Mr. Loewe’s hand a bit too hard. “This was her idea.” Mr. Loewe’s nostrils flared before he yanked his hand out of Kellen’s.

“You’ve always been a revered member of this institution, Mr. Kilic. It’s sad to see who you’ve chosen to align yourself with.” Mr. Loewe knocked his shoulder into Noella’s, shunting her backwards.

“It’s been a pleasure,” Noella jeered, lifting her chin to show she didn’t fear him.

“I hope someone self-sacrifices and kills you before the end of the year,” Mr. Loewe snapped in her face, the closest he’d dared to get to her since he entered this meeting. When he finally cleared the threshold, Noella released all the oxygen that had been entombed in her chest in a spluttering, fatigued gasp.

“Thank the fucking Gods that’s over,” she exclaimed, leaping onto the couch and fanning herself with her hand.

“Are you okay?” Akio asked her.

“Me? I’m fine.” Kellen didn’t believe her casual shrug. He’d seen in her eyes that Mr. Loewe’s maltreatment impacted her, but if she wanted to maintain the charade that nothing touched her, he wouldn’t give her away. “If he doesn’t want me near his son, I won’t insert myself. I’m going to rely on the two of you to keep me up to date on Markus’s progress. Any suggestions I have for you to try with him, I’ll share.”

“That would be great.” Akio gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ve got to head back. You’ll be okay, Rosie?”

“I’m fine, Kio. Really.” Just like Kellen, Akio didn’t seem convinced.

“Kellen,” Akio said in goodbye with a brisk nod. Kellen nodded back in a much more friendly manner than he had previously. I’m rooting for you, Akio declared in confidence on his way to the door, Kellen’s eyes widening.

He had no time to respond before Akio crossed the threshold and disappeared down the hall.

Kellen finally dropped his gaze onto Noella, over the only place his eyes ever seemed inclined to wander to anymore. She looked up immediately, as if she’d been watching him from the corner of her eye, waiting for him to look at her. He wanted to tell her she never had to worry, that his eyes would always find their way back to her, but he didn’t have access to that sort of vocabulary.

“That was a shitshow,” was all that came out of his mouth in the end.

“It was a shitshow that needed to happen,” she replied, rubbing her eyes to try to keep them open.

Kellen found himself lifting Noella’s legs to make space for himself to sit on the couch with her. Instead of swinging her legs to the side to lay her feet on the floor, he unfurled them across his lap. Noella might’ve been astonished by the intimate gesture, but she didn’t recoil or make any attempts to withdraw her legs from his grasp. She sunk into the cushions when Kellen’s fingers began kneading her calf muscles, working with a mind of their own to please her.

“You shouldn’t have brought up the Dissident comment,” Noella chastised him, even as she flexed her legs deeper into his palms, her body beseeching for him in a way her mouth never would. “Markus told us that stuff in confidence. You just set him up to be confronted by his father. Who knows how that conversation will go.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have said it, but I felt like I had to so we could gain come clarity on the family.” Noella sat up suddenly, edging closer to him on the couch, and splayed her fingers atop his forehead, her brows cutely furrowing in concentration. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Checking to see if you have a temperature,” she answered.

“Why?”

“Because you just said I was right, so surely you must be ill.” Kellen chuckled, snaking his fingers around her tiny wrist to pry her hand off his face. Her fingers trickled down from his temple, sliding over his cheek.

Her eyes up close were like storm clouds congealed in two orbs. Lightning crackled through the hue, representing the fire in her he felt enticed to kindle rather than lessen. He wasn’t afraid of her fire. She didn’t seem afraid of his. She may have been the only person he’d ever known who didn’t shy away from telling him exactly what she thought, from putting him in his place.

It was what he needed, what he’d been missing all this time, someone worthy of being an actual partner.

Fuck, she smelled so good. Like the woods, mixed with berries and flowers. Was that her perfume, or just her, her natural odor, her natural perfection? How had he ever existed without that scent?

On that couch, with Noella’s legs draped across his lap, her wrist ensnarled in his fist, her face so close to him that he could taste her breath as it puffed in his face, it hit Kellen like a tidal wave just how much he wanted her.

He wanted Noella Rose. The human girl who’d come to invade his world and somehow invaded his mind and heart instead. The human girl who pounced on that student to save his brother from his dragon and cared about his siblings in a way he never would have expected. He wanted her so much he couldn’t breathe. The way he wanted her wasn’t just a physical need, not a mere desire to satisfy his lust, but a deep, emotional need for her, a need to know all of her, her mind, her heart, her soul, everything.

When did this need for her suddenly arise?

Had it always been there, lurking under the surface, gathering strength to consume him from the inside out?

He felt a tug from within his fingers. He’d been so absorbed in his thoughts, in his stunning epiphany, that he hadn’t even noticed Noella trying to retract her arm, trying to separate herself from him.

Don’t go, he found himself imploring.

I need to walk Freya. The voice in his head sounded less confident, more resigned, then the Noella he’d come to know and respect, the Noella he’d just determined he wanted more than his next breath.

Why are you fighting this, Noella?

She gasped, her grey eyes growing big with shock, with desire she didn’t seem to realize he could see, could smell, could feel radiate off her. While her next words were harsh, Kellen knew better than to trust them.

There’s nothing to fight here, Kellen.

If you really mean that, then say it to my face. Noella’s breathing escalated, heaving through her chest. Come on, Noella, he pushed. Use those pretty lips and tell me you don’t want this.

“You haven’t done anything to show me you want this,” she snarled aloud. Kellen delighted in the fact that she didn’t use her first opportunity to tell him no outright. “You think you can joke around with me a few times and that just excuses all the shit you did? The names you’ve called me? The fact that you tried to drown me in a pool?” Kellen huffed, arming himself for a fight.

“I didn’t try to—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence because that is not an answer I will accept.” Kellen’s lips knit shut. Coz was right. This was a queen in his arms, and there was nothing for him to do besides obey her. “You tell me to use my lips to tell you I want you? Why don’t you use yours to actually apologize for treating me like crap the last six weeks?”

She waited.

She waited for him to say it, and fuck, he tried, but the words wouldn’t come.

Why couldn’t he give her what she wanted? He felt remorse for his actions, yet for some reason, he couldn’t say it aloud. Was his ego really so large? Was he so broken inside that he couldn’t chip off a morsel of the wall he’d built around himself to truly let her in? He’d never expected to feel this way, not just for her specifically, but for anyone. He’d only trained his heart to hold two people inside it, and the possibility of letting someone else share that space was unfathomable, unthinkable, impossible. His body revolted against the concept, the fear of falling for her and subsequently losing her too strong to tolerate. He didn’t know how to do it. How anyone did it.

Maybe that’s all he needed to tell her.

The truth. Maybe that would be enough. But just as the words finally came to him, he’d run out of time.

Noella wriggled within in his arms until he finally let her go, allowing her to crawl off the couch.

“Until you do that, Kilic…until you take some accountability for the way you’ve hurt me, there’s no conversation to be had here. You and I are not friends. We’re nothing. It’s better if you just stay away from me.”

“Gods, why do you have to be so fucking difficult?” he blurted, instantly regretting it.

Shit. That was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes widened before she fumed a horrified laugh.

“I believe I once said that to you, and you told me to fuck off. It brings me great pleasure to return the sentiment.” She tilted over him, her perfume attacking his senses, infecting his ability to breathe. She snarled, “FUCK OFF, Mr. Kilic,” then strutted to the door and left it hanging wide open behind her.

You fucking idiot, Coz rebuked.

I don’t need you to rub salt in the wound, Coz. I know I fucked up. Kellen dropped his head into his hands. Fuck. I fucked that up so badly. She had every reason to hate him, every reason to shut him out, yet she hadn’t. None of what she just said was a complete no. All she wanted was for him to acknowledge how he’d hurt her, for him to acknowledge what a dick he’d been and take ownership of his shit decisions. If he did that, and meant it, maybe he’d have a chance to turn this around.

I can turn this around, he announced as he rose from the couch and stormed out of Headmistress Dyer’s office, declaring this to Coz, to himself, to the universe waiting with bated breath.

He could put his ego aside. He could make this right. He had to try. The chance of something with her, even if all she gave him was friendship at this point, far outweighed the risk of having his heart crushed further. He’d gotten clarity on that couch from fate itself that he could no longer ignore.

Kellen sprinted across campus, first running to his office to grab his briefcase, then bolting to the faculty housing. He’d just made it to the entrance of their building, about to dash inside and race right to Noella’s door, when he saw an incoming phone call from Headmistress Dyer.

She never called him. Only in cases of emergency.

Kellen’s heart dropped into his stomach. Somehow, when he answered the phone, he knew what she would say.

“I thought you couldn’t make calls in Avatia?”

She didn’t even acknowledge that. “Security just alerted me that your mother is approaching campus.”