37. Gunner

37

Gunner

I lay in bed with Montana in my arms, her back to my chest while I sniff her hair that I just washed and blowdried. I’ve never seen it straight before. It’s even longer than it is wavy, hitting right where her bra would.

This day has been the first day in forever that I’ve relaxed. After reconnecting with Montana, I washed us both up, and I made her lunch. There was more work to do outside, but she didn’t want me to leave her upstairs in bed all alone, so I got Dallas to come back over and do my work for me. I also had him get us a pizza for dinner, and now that the sun is starting to set, my fawn is getting tired enough for sleep.

Her naked butt wiggles against my boxers. “What are we going to do tomorrow?”

Montana’s been feeling better for five minutes, and she’s already trying to wear herself back down. I comb my fingers through her strands, kissing her exposed neck. “ Whatever you want. As long as it doesn’t involve that goddamn horse or any other extreme sports you have in mind.”

Montana snakes her arm behind her head so she can stroke my hair. “Well, there’s something I want to do, but I don’t know if you’ll let me. You don’t have to come with me either if you don’t want to.”

I wrap an arm around her stomach, locking her in place. “Montana, I am nowhere near ready to let you out of my sight. You can forget about going anywhere on your own for the foreseeable future. If you are going somewhere, I will be there. Where do you need me to take you? And why are you trying to go alone?”

She slides her hand out of my hair, bringing it lower to rub my neck. “I’d like to go visit Margaret’s grave.”

A sharp pain shoots through my chest. “What for?” I bite my tongue, regretting the tone I just used with my girl.

Her hand slips off my neck and wraps around her front. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—I don’t mean to overstep.”

I roll her onto her back so I can look at her directly. “Remember what I told you about apologizing? It’s unnecessary. And you’re not overstepping. I just—I just want to know why. I need a really good reason to go back there, Montana. I haven’t been back since that day, and if you want me to take you, I’ve got to know what for. ”

Her tiny throat bobs when she swallows, and her compassionate hazel eyes meet mine. “I want to bring her flowers. I want to thank her for loving you before I knew you and for helping you become the man that you are today.”

My love for my Margaret will never fade, but my love for my Montana grows each day. I don’t know how a girl who’s been through so much suffering has so much love left to give. When I’m in her presence, the pain of my past hurts a lot less. She fills me up daily, slowly repairing the holes in my heart. There was a time in my life where my only goal was to survive. To keep pushing forward despite how badly I wanted to give up.

Montana’s helped me realize that I want to live. That the things I thought I didn’t want or deserve are things that I’m suddenly open to.

I never thought I’d visit Margaret’s grave ever again. I had no reason to, and I didn’t want to. Had Dallas ever asked me, I would’ve said no immediately. And even though I’m terrified that I might break down in tears as soon as we get there, I don’t want to tell her no. Just like Montana feels like she needs to do this, I feel like I need to do this to to finally forgive myself for what I did wrong and give my heart over to Montana completely .

I brush my thumb across the scar on her head that I’ve healed twice since I’ve met her. “We can go. I’ll take you first thing.”

Her eyes illuminate, and she wraps her hand around my wrist. “Are you sure it’s okay?”

I lower my face to hers and kiss her nose and lips. “Yes, it’s okay. I want to go with you.”

Montana tucks my hair behind my ear. “What was her favorite flower?”

“Daisies. Margaret loved daisies.”

She grins. “Daisies. Beautiful. We’ll need to get some before we go.”

I lay back down beside her, pressing my face in her hair again. “I’ll make sure we do. What’s your favorite flower?”

She looks over at me, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth. “Tulips.”

Tulips. I make a mental note to get daisies in the morning on our way to Margaret’s grave, and tulips on the way home for my little fox.

When I wake, sunlight pours through the curtains, and I squint, pulling the blanket back over my head. I stretch my fingers out to pull Montana against me, but her side of the bed is empty.

I shoot up, causing my head to pound. “Montana!” I swear to God. If that girl—

My nose wiggles at the smell of food. I pause, listening for noise downstairs, and I hear movement in the kitchen. I grab my phone and run downstairs quickly, wanting to see what’s going on. I calm down instantly when I see Montana bustling around the kitchen. She’s got on some sheer, mint green nightgown I’ve never seen before that barely covers her butt while she flips pancakes. She glances over her shoulder at me with a mischievous look on her face. “Are you hungry?”

I take a seat at the table, feeling almost out of place when I’ve spent the past seven days cooking in the kitchen for her. “I’m starved.”

Her butt bounces while she skips around the kitchen grabbing plates and trying not to burn her second pan of sausage. “I’ll have everything ready for you in a few minutes.”

I’m seconds away from hiking up that scrap of fabric flirting with her hips and fucking her up against the sink, but when I look around the room and see the effort she put into organizing everything and the juice and water on the table for us, I know she worked hard to put all of this together, and I don’t want to disrespect her by making a mess of it. Even if she did wear something painfully tempting to do this in.

My stomach and cock’s needs increase as the seconds go on, and after frying some eggs, Montana brings a hot plate of food to the table, setting it in front of me and goes back to get her own.

I’m halfway through my pancakes when I realize I haven’t said thank you, and when I finally do, she lets out this adorable giggle that makes me want to pounce on her.

I look over her body carefully while we eat, visually checking her scrapes that have healed tremendously since I got her home. She scarfs down her food quickly, oblivious to my staring, eating faster than I do. I’m already up out of my chair and getting her seconds of the food she made before she’s done with her first plate. I’m grateful she has an appetite, and I’m going to feed her as much as she can handle.

I’m enjoying being in her presence so much that when she asks me if I want to start getting ready to go after breakfast, I’m completely taken off guard. “Sure. Finish up your second plate, and we’ll get dressed.”

My girl eats quickly, and once I’ve cleaned up the kitchen, we get ready together in our room.

Montana holds the daisies in the passenger’s seat while I drive Colt’s Camero. We’ve had it for so long that it feels like ours. We’ll drop it back off at his house when we go to pick up Skye. He left me a message last night that he wants me to have her back so Violet won’t be all alone. Given the fact that I’ve wanted Skye back since the second I gave her to Colt, I didn’t protest, and I have something to look forward to on this cloudy day.

The closer we get to our destination, the more queasy I get. I never got a chance to properly tell Margaret goodbye. Thanks to Montana, I’ll be able to do so today. After a long drive, we finally pull up to the abandoned lot, and I help Montana out of the car.

She holds the daisies tightly, and I point her in the direction of where to go. “I’ll wait here for you.” I could go with her, but I know if I stand beside Montana while she pours her heart out, I won’t be able to say a word to Margaret after.

She walks ahead while the wind blows through her violet sweater dress and her wavy hair. Montana kneels before the burial spot, placing her hand on the ground with the daisies tucked in her other arm. As much as I try to hold back my tears, I can’t. She bows her head as if she’s saying a prayer, and when I see her shoulders shaking, I know she’s crying too. After a few minutes, she places the daisies down, and when she turns back to face me, I see she’s still holding one.

When Montana’s back in front of me, she hands me the single daisy. “This one’s for you to give her.”

I take the flower with my shaking hand and look down at her. “Are you coming out there with me?”

Montana gives my empty hand a gentle squeeze, smiling through her tears. “I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

Knowing I have to do this alone, I turn away from her, heading back to where she just was before I lose the little bit of strength I have left. When I get to the pile of daisies, I look over my shoulder and see Montana wave at me. I remind myself that I’m not here alone, and I kneel before the gravesite to lay down my feelings.

When I first open my mouth, nothing comes out. It’s like I’ve got something caught around my throat preventing me from speaking. I look down at the daisy in my hand and twirl it around. One of the petals falls off and floats away, and I let out a breath, feeling my strength return.

“Margaret.” I squeeze my eyes shut to steady myself. “After all this time, I still can’t believe you’re gone. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you. I’m sorry I’m the reason you’re here right now and that I left you like this. I’m sorry I almost killed your goddamn horse so many times.

“You’re the first girl I ever loved, Margaret. And I never got to tell you this, but I bought us a house. A home to raise our family in. And the day I lost you, Marg, I tried to kill myself. However I failed. I became a very bad man, and I’ve done so many things that you’d be ashamed of.” I pause, finding the ability to open my eyes again.

“A little over a month ago, I met this girl. I was awful to her, Margaret. Really awful. I tried to kill her. I hurt her, I mistreated her, and I threatened her. But somehow, I got this crazy girl to think that I’m worth being around.” I smile thinking about my Montana. “And she is very crazy. Just as crazy as you were. You two would’ve loved each other, Marg. I know you would’ve loved her just as much as I do.”

I lower the single daisy to the ground. “I love her so much, Margaret. She adores Violet. And she’s taking care of all your goddamn shoes. I don’t know how the hell I have enough space for both of you in my heart, but I do. And I want to thank you. For loving me. For putting up with my crazy ass. For our baby. And for allowing me to give my love to someone new.” I loosen my grip around the flower, letting it join Montana’s pile before standing up and walking away.