18. Gunner

18

Gunner

I want to kill her. I want to choke her and spank her and fuck her and discipline her for being such a fucking brat.

Montana may not realize it, but she’d die without me. I literally pulled her out of a ditch and brought her back to life. And now she wants to throw away all of my hard work by shaking what God gave her so some psycho can scoop her up and cut her into tiny pieces. Not on my fucking watch.

She’s pissed at me. I can feel her anger simmering from her tiny little skeleton. But I don’t give a fuck. I’ve let her have a little too much fun, and it’s time to rein her back in.

Her hair is a mess around her face, her dress is still pushed up to her hips, and my resolve is hanging on by a thread .

I dig around in my suitcase, pulling out a pair of my handcuffs. “Give me your wrist, Montana.”

She kicks off her shoes at me and puts her hands on her hips. “If you need something to boss around, you need to go home to your fucking horses, Gunner. I’m done allowing you to tell me what to do.”

I step closer to her, making her back hit the nearest wall. “Montana, you proved tonight that you need someone to tell you what to do. You’re impulsive and irresponsible.”

Her eyes widen and she puffs out her chest. “And you need therapy.”

“Montana, you need a straight jacket.”

She slaps me while her hazel eyes blaze. “I’m putting my foot down.”

I grab her wrist that hangs in the air and wrench it behind her back while I grab her other, cuffing her hands together. “No—you’re getting your ass whipped.”

Her eyes water, and she turns her face to the side while I hold her down on the mattress. “You’re just like my father.”

My blood turns cold, and I take my hand off her back. I am a monster. Getting ready to tear into her right after she told me he beat her for a week straight. But I don’t want to apologize. Instead, I try to put the blame on her, not wanting to feel guilty. “I thought you said you liked when I spanked you, Montana.”

She looks up at me, sniffling. “I said I liked when you used your hand.”

I grip her wrists, unsure of whether I should let her go or make her suffer. “Are you saying you want me to use my hand?”

She looks away from me, closing her eyes. “I’m saying you better keep that belt away from me or I’ll never speak to you again.”

My palms sweat and my pulse elevates while I look at my little fox bent over for me. She lets out shallow and quick breaths, and I know she’s frightened.

I also know she’s turned on.

I want her. I fucking need her. And if I don’t fuck her soon, I’m gonna snap and kill somebody.

I feel like I’m on the edge of sanity, and I need to get some fresh air. But I don’t want to. I want to hurt Montana. I want to feel her blood-soaked cunt on my cock while I take out twelve years of need on her fragile body. I want to feel her fighting me. I want her to beg me to stop while I force her to take me hard and deep. I want to do shit to her I’ve never thought of before now. Things I never did with my Margaret .

I shove Montana’s dress higher until it’s bunched around her waist, and I yank her panties down that have a menstrual pad attached. She’s still bleeding, but way less than she was the first time I saw her like this. I’m still turned on just the same.

Montana moans softly, waking up the beast in me while I rub her smooth cheeks. Unable to hold back any longer, I undo my pants and let my cock free, wrapping one hand around my length while I use the other to slap her ass.

I spank her hard. Harder than I’ve done the past two times. She screams out and cries, and I slap both of her cheeks over and over while I jerk off.

“Fuck, Montana, you’re gonna make me do something I regret.”

I spank her again and jerk myself harder, fighting myself from sinking into her.

She sniffles with each slap, and then her low and sultry voice wraps around me. “I don’t want you to regret anything with me, Gunner.”

I release my dick and pull her cheeks apart so I can get a better look at the blood running out of her. “I would never regret anything I do with you, Montana.”

I can’t help myself. I have to feel her. To taste her. I slide one of my fingers into her pussy slowly, leaking when I feel her wet warmth. “Jesus. ”

She whimpers when I sink two fingers in. “Oh my God, Gunner.”

I slap her ass again with my unoccupied hand. “God can’t save you from me, little fox.”

Her legs shake while I move my hand inside her, and I pull my blood-soaked fingers out, shoving them in my mouth. I’ve never felt so barbaric and primal. And I’ve never felt more like myself than I do right now.

My fawn’s hazel eyes meet mine when she cranes her neck, and when I pull my fingers out of my mouth, she gasps. “That was blood, you know.”

I flip her over on her back with her arms pinned underneath her. “My blood. This pussy is mine now, Montana. Whatever goes in it or comes out is mine too.”

I spread her legs, holding them open while I stand between them. I wrap one of my hands around her neck while I nuzzle my face in her soft hair, and she whispers my name like a prayer while I drag my nose down her body. I grip her hips, not caring about anything else in the world while I position myself at her entrance, just an inch of space between us.

But when I look into her glazed eyes, I remember she had a drink tonight. It was just one, but still. When I claim Montana for the first time, I want her to be sober. I want her to give me permission .

I pull away reluctantly, hoisting my pants up. Her face drops, and she looks more deflated than a kid being told Santa isn’t real. I pull up her panties and help her sit up while I remove her cuffs.

I see the hurt all over her face, and I sit beside her on the bed, pressing my forehead against her cheek. “I want you. I do. I want you sober, Montana.”

She nods her head and smiles unconvincingly. “Alright.”

My guilt builds while I hide my lie. I can’t have sex with Montana tonight because I do want to wait until shes sober. But there’s more to it than that. I can’t have sex with Montana tonight because I know it’ll make me like her more than I already do. And I already like her too much. And liking Montana more than I do already makes me feel like I’m betraying the girl I promised to love forever. The one who I gave my heart to. The one who’s never coming back.

I lie in bed at war with my emotions while I wait for Montana to get out of the shower and come to bed. I shouldn’t sleep next to her again, but I can’t help it. I like feeling her body beside mine. I like hearing her breathe while she dreams and being beside her to protect her from her nightmares. And my favorite thing is looking into her eyes when she first wakes up before she gets all sassy.

The water in the bathroom shuts off, and I know she’ll be out soon. I get my alarm set to ensure I wake up early tomorrow, and when I put my phone down, she comes out of the bathroom in just her towel.

I watch her while she takes it off and gets dressed. She’s built like a goddess. I feel like an idiot for turning her down, and my dick is furious with me, but in my heart, I know I’m doing the right thing. And I hope my little fox won’t hate me for it.

Montana comes over to her side of our bed wearing a baby pink satin gown with some black satin cap on her head. She looks like a babydoll just like she did the first time she slept in my bed. When she crawls in beside me, she smells like my soap, and I don’t stop myself from sliding closer to her with her back to me.

She’s definitely mad at me. I don’t even get a second glance or a goodnight before her lamp’s out. I cut mine out too, and I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. Her body feels so good against mine. I press my lips to her neck, giving her a soft kiss above her collarbone. “Don’t go to bed angry with me, Montana. ”

She starts to soften and lets out a breath. “I’m not angry with you, Gunner. I’m embarrassed.”

“What the hell are you embarrassed about?”

She takes nearly a minute to answer me. “You’ve turned me down twice. Once was one thing, but twice is just awkward at this point. I’m not angry though. I swear.”

I pull her body, turning her around until she’s facing me in the dark and place my hand on her hip. “I have not turned you down twice, Montana. I’ve—” Shit. I’ve turned the girl down twice. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is about me, Montana. Not you.”

She moves my hand off her body gingerly. “It’s alright. You don’t need to pacify me.” Her voice lowers as if she’s scared for me to hear what she says next. “I know your heart is still with her. It’s okay.”

If I had a dollar for every time Montana brought up Margaret I could buy myself dinner. Except her mentioning her doesn’t piss me off like it did at first. And yes, Margaret has everything to do with this, but not in the way she thinks. I haven’t desired any woman in this way since Margaret passed, and it’s a strange feeling to start over with someone new.

Knowing she needs reassurance, I place my hand on her soft cheek, rubbing it with my thumb while I bare myself to her. “My heart is not still with her, Montana. My heart is with me right now in my chest. But I did love Margaret. More than anything in this world. She’s the only woman I’ve ever had sex with, Montana. And I’m in a very strange place because as much as I miss her and wish she was still alive, I can’t deny how much I want you. How I’ve wanted you more than any woman before.”

She gasps. “Gunner, don’t—”

“Don’t tell me to stop, Montana.” My voice shakes, but I ignore it. “And I can’t touch you tonight because I can’t get her out of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how she’d feel if she saw me moving on. And I want to move on, Montana.”

She sniffles, and I wipe her face. “I know you may not believe me right now, but I’m desperate for you, Montana. To touch you. To kiss you. To sink myself inside your beautiful body while you moan all night long. I want that so badly that my bones ache, Montana. But I can’t do it tonight.”

Montana doesn’t say another word, but I don’t want her to. I just pull her to my chest, tucking her head under my chin while I rub her back until I fall asleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night to Montana shaking beside me. Her little hair hat has disappeared, and I don’t know where it could’ve gone. I sit up, panicked, already knowing what’s about to occur. I thought she might’ve been past this as it didn’t happen last night, but she’s back in whatever nightmare she has that won’t let her go.

Her soft wailing starts, and I lay back down beside her, pulling her into my arms. Before she starts screaming, I start singing to her, whispering my lullaby into her ear. I can’t help but think of Willow while I do, and my chest aches, missing my girls and wanting to get home to them soon.

Montana’s wailing stops, but her body still shakes while I hold her. I sink one of my hands into her hair, bringing her face to my chest so I can wrap myself around her body tighter. It takes a few minutes, but the trembling starts to slow, and then it stops.

I finish my song, waiting just in case she starts up again, and when she doesn’t, I hum the tune to myself until I drift off too.