Chapter 46

46

T he walk back to the cabin was made in total silence.

Remy had reached for my hand, but Gabe pulled him back, saving me the trouble of pulling away from him myself.

It wasn’t him, it was me. It was all me.

My skin was stretched too tight over my bones. My wolf was on the verge of a full blown riot. Everything in me was raw and exposed. I was a bomb with fraying, tangled cords.

I was going to detonate soon, and not in a pretty way.

If Remy touched me, I would lose it in front of everyone. I needed to hold it in until I was behind the walls of our cabin, then I could fall apart. I could lose myself to the fear, the grief, and the pain before he could put me back together.

All the barricades I had erected to keep my heart and emotions safe had been torn down piece by piece in that room. Brick by brick, memory by memory, I had sacrificed and bared chipped pieces of my soul until I was stripped bare. I had survived, but I was one small breeze away from shattering.

I slowly started the ascent of the stairs to our cabin, opening the door and wandering inside. I stopped in the middle of the living area, not sure exactly what I wanted to do.

When the door closed, I turned around. Surprise flashed through me when I realized Gabe was the only other person in the room, which meant Remy was still outside.

Maybe because now he knew. He knew just how utterly, desperately damaged I was.

My heart sank, wondering if he was rethinking being with me. If all the broken, damaged bits inside of me was finally enough to make him see how completely far out of my league he was.

“I asked Remy to give us a minute,” Gabe said softly, moving to sit in one of the overstuffed armchairs. He motioned to the other chair. “Please sit?”

My wooden legs carried me to the chair, cracking in half so I could half sit, half fall into the chair.

He loosely rested his forearms on his denim encased thighs, leaning towards me. “First, I’m so damn proud of you, sweetheart.”

I swallowed, not expecting that. The hot prick of tears burned behind my eyes. I curled my hands into fists. The pain of my nails cutting into my palms stayed the tears. For now.

“What you did back there took a hell of a lot of courage. I really need you to hear this,” he said, taking a deep breath and holding my gaze. “No one, not me and especially not Remy, think anything less of you because of what happened to you.”

My heart cracked open, and I blinked, twin tears falling. My jaw wobbled, and I locked my teeth together.

“Did Remy ever tell you about my father?” he asked suddenly.

I shook my head.

Gabe sighed and leaned back in his chair. “He was an asshole, really, but he helped shape Blackwater into what it is today. It was his idea to start a school for the packs. But he wasn’t the best father. Truthfully, I don’t think he knew how to be, especially after my mom died.”

I toed off my shoes and pulled my legs up to my chest, turning sideways in the chair and leaning against the back.

“He died right after the twins were born,” Gabe went on. “But he had very … firm expectations for the pack, and for me. He was cold, but a fair Alpha. I respected him, but there was no love lost between us. I resented him for spending more time on the pack than with his son. The only time he spoke to me was if it was about pack business.”

My breath caught in my throat. That guy was the opposite of Gabriel Holt. There was no denying he absolutely adored his family.

“I knew that when I became a father, I wouldn’t put those expectations on my kids, or on my pack. But still … I was impulsive as hell, got in a lot of fights growing up. What helped more than anything was Mal.”

A soft smile graced his lips. “She’s everything I’m not. Patient, smart as hell, kind. I guess what I’m trying to say,” he said, meeting my gaze once more, “is I spent a lot of time pushing her away, not wanting her to see the parts of me I was ashamed of. The darker parts of me. I was so scared when Remy was born that I would treat him the way my father treated me.”

“You’re not your father,” I told him, shaking my head.

“No, I’m not,” he agreed. “My childhood made me the man I am today, but it’s not all I am. Mallory helped me see that.”

He drew in a long breath. “Don’t shut Remy out. I know how scary it is to open up the most vulnerable parts of yourself. But it’s worth it. You’re bonded for a reason. You don’t have to carry around the darkness by yourself anymore.”

I closed my eyes, more tears falling. Every part of my heart was bleeding out between us as he easily shredded the last bits of my resolve.

Gabe stood up slowly, holding out a hand to me. I placed mine in it, letting him pull me into his arms. He hugged me tightly as I wrapped my arms around his back.

“Don’t forget you have a lot of people who love you, honey,” he told me quietly, rubbing my back in soothing circles. “I don’t care how or why you came to our pack. You’re one of us now. And you’re part of my family. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I mumbled against his shirt.

He pulled back, kissing my forehead. “You want me to get Remy? He’s probably seconds away from losing his mind outside.”

A strangled laugh escaped me. “Yeah. Tell him I’m upstairs, okay?”

“You got it,” he said, letting me go.

I turned and crossed the room, heading up the stairs and going to my room. I stepped inside the bathroom and turned on the light, bracing my hands against the counter and looking at my reflection.

I looked paler than usual, my green eyes ringed in red. I turned on the faucet and splashed water onto my face, blotting off the excess with a hand towel.

I flipped off the light and headed back into the bedroom, freezing when I saw Remy sitting on the edge of bed waiting.

The kindness and love shining brightly in his eyes was my undoing.

My face crumpled, all the emotion and stress of the day finally breaking the last dam in me. I ran across the floor to him, diving into his arms. I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a spider monkey, burying my face in his neck as the first sob ripped from my chest.

“Shh,” he murmured, his arms wrapping around me. “I’m right here, okay?”

I cried against him, his body absorbing every tear, every sob, every shudder. Until, exhausted, my body went limp against him. I turned my head, my cheek resting on a wet spot of his shirt, soaked with countless tears.

“What do you need?” he asked softly, still holding me tightly.

“You.” My voice was broken and raw from sobbing. “I just need you.”

***

My eyes blinked open hours later, disoriented by the dark. My body swayed gently, lifting with every breath Remy took.

I lifted my head and looked around. At some point, I must have fallen asleep, emotionally drained from the day and from crying. Remy had moved us so his back was against the headboard of the bed, but my body was still wrapped around his. Even in sleep, his arms were anchored around me.

My hands slid down to rest on his chest, my shoulders aching from having spent the last several hours with them wrapped around his neck. I leaned back, watching him in sleep.

A small frown furrowed the skin between his brows, and I couldn’t stop myself from trying to smooth it out with my thumb.

His eyes fluttered open, a lazy smile spreading across his face when he saw me watching him. His hands moved down to my hips.

“Hey.” The rough timbre of his sleep laden voice slid over me like water over river rocks.

“Hi,” I answered, my own voice hoarse from crying. I cleared my throat, my hand fluttering to the base of my neck.

Awareness cleared his gaze. “What time is it?”

I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “After eight. We slept for almost five hours.”

“Explains why I can’t feel my legs,” he admitted with a wry grin. I felt the muscles under me flex as he tried to get the blood flowing through his limbs.

I started to move off of him, an apology already forming on my lips, but his hands clamped onto my waist, not letting me move.

“Didn’t say I wanted you to move.” He brushed a lock of hair from my face. “I love you.”

I leaned into his touch as he cradled my cheek in his large palm, his touch exquisitely gentle. “I love you.”

“You were amazing today,” he said quietly, his eyes taking me in with pride and love.

“I almost blew it,” I said with a sigh, shaking my head.

His brows rose. “You were incredible.” A devastating grin spread across his face, curling my toes. “My girl’s a badass.”

I laughed softly. “I can’t believe we’re free. My mom, Aunt Zara, Bella … I should call them and tell them.”

“Dad did that,” he told me. “He knew you needed a break. You can call your mom now if you want to talk to her.”

I bit my lip and slowly shook my head. “I’ll call her in the morning. Right now? I really just want to be with you.”

A soft smile graced his mouth. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

“Good, “ I whispered, leaning forward and slotting my mouth against his, licking the seam of his mouth until it opened for me. I swept inside, tasting and sipping. My hand drifted up towards the muscled bulge of his shoulders, my nails digging in as I tilted my head, adjusting the angle of the kiss.

With a throaty masculine groan, he sat up, pulling my chest flush to his as he took control of the kiss. After several minutes of his mouth devouring mine, he pulled away, chest heaving.

“Skye.”

“I need this. I need you ,” I said, feeling it in my bones.

Remy was my anchor in every storm. Right now there was a Category 5 hurricane blasting through me. I needed the safe harbor he provided.

He kissed me again, his hands working under the hem of my shirt and lifting. I pulled back long enough to rip the shirt off over my head, my mouth already crashing into his before the material hit the floor.

His hand swept up my ribs and around my back, deftly undoing the clasp of my bra. It fell between us, his hands caressing, kneading, and squeezing the newly exposed skin.

He dropped kisses along my jaw, down my throat. His teeth nipped and his tongue soothed. He lingered at the claiming mark on my shoulder, pressing hot, wet kisses as he mapped the raised, scarred skin with his tongue.

I shuddered, rolling my hips against his, my hands tangling in his hair. Desire and want flared in my blood, igniting a fire that pooled low in my belly. With a whimper, I rocked against him again.

Groaning, Remy rolled me under him, his weight pressing me into the mattress. His head lifted, eyes searching me to make sure I was still with him. That I hadn’t slipped into another memory.

I lifted my head, my mouth claiming his in a bruising kiss. A hand found the waistband of my jeans, deftly undoing the button and tugging the zipper down before slipping inside the lace of my underwear.

My head fell back, a hoarse cry falling from my lips as a finger slipped through my wet folds, finding my entrance and circling it with dizzying precision. The finger pressed inside as his tongue teased a circle around the tight peak of my nipple.

My hips jerked when he added a second finger, the heel of his hand grinding against the bundle of nerves between my legs. My back arched off the bed, my mouth falling open in a wordless gasp as his mouth closed around the tight peak of my nipple and sucked hard, sending me catapulting into my release.

The powerful muscles of his wrist flexed as he thrust his fingers in and out of my core, wringing out the last twitches of my orgasm.

I tugged at the soft material of his shirt until he helped me pull it off. He sat back and my eyes lingered on his bare chest, chiseled and sculpted by the shifter gods.

He stood up, tugging off my jeans and underwear in a hurried rush of jerky movements. His hands smoothed up the inside of my legs, spreading them as his eyes devoured the length of me.

I smiled as his gaze heated, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. Pushing myself up, I reached for his pants, helping him shove them past his hips and laying back as he stepped out of them.

Hooking his hands under my knees, he jerked me to the edge of the bed, lining us up and thrusting deep inside of me in one fluid motion.

I cried out, the sudden pressure of him inside of me, filling and stretching me, causing my brain to fritz and sputter.

He dropped over me, his hands braced on either side of my head and his lips found mine. His hips moved in slow, unhurried strokes as his lips teased mine open, timing the slide of his tongue against mine with the snap of his hips.

I gasped, arching into him, meeting every thrust. Pushing as he pulled, taking as he gave. A riot of sensations exploded in me, hurtling me into a blinding rush of ecstasy.