Epilogue

Cassius kisses the tender flesh of my neck, his breath warm against the morning chill. The suns have not yet risen high enough to cast their dual shadows into our chamber, but the stars have fled as the darkness begins to melt away. It’s too early.

“I want to go to the gymnasia today,” I say, nestling further into Cassius' warm chest. His heart feels steady against my ear. It’s the only sound that helps me sleep, that drowns out the sounds of cracking whips and crunching bones.

“Mmm can we not exercise here, cor meum ?” he teases, nibbling my ear. I swat at him.

“We have new Senators to appoint today. I will need more than a romp.” My blood boils at the prospect. We’ve been rooting out supporters of Tristan’s, because even with him gone, they fight against what we are trying to do. They fight against the female Senators who have joined their ranks. Mostly, they fight against me. I have new names now, although vidua is still one. Now I’m also the Venefica . The Empress Whore. The Meretrix Mater.

The plebeians have taken to my new edicts, and support from the Concilium Plebis is high. The Praetors and Senators, on the other hand, will not relinquish their order, their way of doing things.

“The Bacchantes are hiding themselves well, so we may need to make Mia more accessible to victims. Will you ask her what she thinks?” Cassius kisses my collarbone, moving to hold himself over me. “What about a romp and the gymnasia?”

I capture his mouth, feeling the way he molds to me, adjusts to my needs. As though he truly would know me anywhere, in any body. I hope that one day I will adjust to his as well, that I can give more than this jagged version of me. I nip at his lower lip and his tongue finds mine, searching and needy.

I can’t help the moan that escapes into his mouth, the sound I only make for him.

“Stones, cor meum .”

“I’ll ask Mia,” I say, the words breathier than I intend when Cassius dips his head down to the top of my breast. “We have executions today, too.”

His tongue flicks across my nipple and I arch into him. “Luella, I’m not sure if you know what hearing you run this empire does to me, but your talk of executions is not helping,” he says between my breasts, moving to the other nipple.

“Cassius, you’re ridiculous.”

“I love you,” he laughs, skimming his teeth along my ribcage as his hand grips my hip. “Now tell me if I have time for my favorite breakfast or if you’d actually like to get up?”

“We can celebrate tonight,” I say, gripping his messy red locks and guiding him up to my lips again. I kiss him once, twice.

He kisses my forehead. “Deal, but if you visit Bernie I want my own sourdough this time. Claude only sends up a piece of bread. One piece, Lue. I’m wasting away.”

“I left your dough to rise overnight, actually. You’ll have your own loaf by dinner.”

Cassius freezes, as if he doesn’t believe what I’ve said. “You made me one?”

I smile. “Yes, amor .” I leave the rest unsaid, because he understands what it means for me to offer him something I made. Something I didn’t break. Something I love.

It’s the principle of it, of taking the first step to smooth at least one jagged edge. It’s refusing to wear my mask or play a role. It’s over ten years in the making, this thing that Janus promised me and the people of Divus. I remember what the god asked me that day in the temple, when I bled onto their altar.

“Are you ready for a new beginning?”

Finally, I am.