45. Too

Too

Luella

Cassius looks horrified. “Stones! How many times have you almost killed me?” he asks. I’m explaining how I typically profile and attract my praeda, although I leave Mia’s involvement out of it.

“We’re not married,” I say, smiling.

He grunts at my joke and moves another pawn forward. We’ve taken to playing Latrones each morning since we visited the temple of Venus a full clipse ago. It’s a cautious trust we’ve built, but Cassius has been true to his word. Each day we spend the morning together. The afternoon sapa we take ‘privately’ with a flora. To the rest of the Domus Aurea it likely looks like Cassius is either training or bedding me, either of which is his right. Instead, each of the floras is telling us everything they can about the Emperor. What he likes, what sparks his temper, how he takes his sapa and his meals.

Any and every detail that we can use so that I can do what needs to be done, hoping for something to illuminate a path forward.

The worry for us all is that the Emperor has no need to take a wife, and unlike Ledo who preferred his women to play a specific role that a wife could embody, he is more complicated. My usual plan might not work.

“I can’t pose as a flora,” I say throwing up my hands. Imperial floras are chosen at a young age, as Flavia explained. And then they are raised in the Vestal temple where they are kept chaste until the Emperor chooses them. If I had wanted to infiltrate them I would have to be there for years, proving how devout I was. We didn’t have the time. And since the Emperor hand picked them, I don’t think I can just infiltrate the floras already in the Domus Aurea.

“Can you impersonate someone?” Cassius suddenly asks.

I shake my head. “It’s nearly impossible to replicate someone that already exists. I can make things new, but trying to imitate others enough that someone wouldn’t notice? I don’t trust it.” I take a breath and admit what we’re both thinking. “And if I fail…”

“It would be a death sentence for whomever you impersonated.” He bites his lip, the movement drawing my eyes.

I shake my head, moving forward to take one of his pawns. “I won’t risk them.”

“That probably wouldn’t work anyways…” Cassius muses out loud. “Not with the way he binds the floras. You’d never be able to slip something in his drink or his food posed as a flora.” The women he chooses feel random, but what he does afterwards is starting to fit a pattern.

I run my finger over the edges of the board. “Cassius?” He looks up from the board and frowns at what he sees on my face. “When your brother broke my wrist, it seemed like he was jealous.”

His eyes darken, but he nods. “I’ve had very little in life that my brother hasn’t taken from me. It's why I don’t want you out with that face alone.”

“But if we can’t nail down a profile, if we can’t find a way for me to get close without raising suspicion… Could we use that?”

He’s shaking his head before I’ve finished speaking. “Luella, he’s too dangerous. He’s not a kid who’s lost his temper or even a man who likes to flaunt his control. He’s a monster.”

“Cassius, you brought me here to help you. Now you don’t want me to get close to him?” I try to keep the frustration from showing. Calm and in control. “This is what I do.”

He looks away, having the decency to look shamed. Tightness grips my chest and even though I’m not sure I want the answer, I ask anyways. “What’s changed?”

Cassius runs his hand through his copper strands before letting loose a sigh. He turns to look at me.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?” His are searching, searing, and I hear more than feel myself swallow.

“Not as often as you’d think, considering how hard they are to change.” I smile and am the first to look away.

He nods, as if I’ve confirmed something. “You’re right. Nothing’s changed.” He takes one of my pawns. “That doesn’t mean we should be reckless. And we are not using his jealousy.”

“Give me a good reason why.”

“Because,” he lowers his voice, like saying it out loud will manifest it right here, “he doesn’t just rut women Luella. The stuff he does to the floras? The stuff Ledo did? That’s the usual. If we play with that jealousy too much, if we push him the wrong way? He’ll snap.”

“I know,” I say.

“He won’t just use you. He’ll kill you. Or use you in his twisted rituals, then kill you. I’m not going to let him do it again.”

I lean forward, fighting for control. He said again . The problem with secrets is that they stay sticky, like the strands of a web. Sometimes I am surprised by which ones cling to me and which ones fall away. And now, I’m loosing track of which are mine and which are Cassius’.

“If we don’t come up with a better plan, we won’t have a choice,” I grind out.

“We’ll find one,” Cassius growls. “One that doesn’t leave you at the mercy of a monster, Luella.”

I move a pawn forward and take his dux. A win, but hard earned. “I’m very hard to kill, Dominus.”

He’s lost in thought and doesn’t answer me.

He forgets that I’m a monster, too.