42. Confirm

Confirm

Luella

I gasp as the ice cold water hits my stomach, refusing to lower any further. “You’re supposed to keep a low profile,” Mia hisses as she looks me over. I already visited Janus and used a stone when I entered the Baths so that I came out of the changing room dark haired and freckled. I don’t want Mia to be seen with Cassius' Luella again.

“I didn’t exactly seek him out and say ‘please break my wrist, oh powerful Imperator! Look how your brother has me and you don’t. Doesn’t that annoy you?’” I snap, lowering myself another inch. “Stones, can’t we talk in the tepidarium or the sauna next time?”

Mia huffs, ignoring my request. “Might as well have. Don’t think I didn’t notice the face you chose.” I ignore the jab and she goes on. “Well, he’s livid, Lue.”

“What do you mean?”

“He did it again,” Mia says.

My heart pounds in my ears and the words lodge in my throat. I don’t want to ask. “Cassius? What did he do?”

“No, the Emperor,” she says softly. “They were young. Sisters.”

I’m shaking my head. “Mia, please.” I can’t hear the details. I know them. I know them like the back of my hand. Like my true face. Like my soul.

“I know, Lue. Please be careful, but be quick, too.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “What if Cassius is telling the truth? What if he didn’t hurt those women?”

“Then why hasn’t he arrested you?” The question I keep asking myself.

“He says he wants me to trust him,” I say. Mia’s up to her neck in the cold water, her hair piled on top of her head.

“Do you?” she asks.

I don’t answer, because I don’t know.

“I did think it was odd that their injuries didn’t match. They weren’t as bad as what they said he did.” Mia shrugs. “It’s entirely possible. And I haven’t seen any new girls since you went to the ball.” She leaves the ‘not from him’ unsaid. “There’s something else, too.”

“Gods. Do you have any good news?” I feel bad as soon as I say it. “Sorry, Mi. I’m sorry.”

She smiles. “I know soror, but this is important. The pearls? They don’t work. Well, they do… but the drops won’t be enough to counteract it.”

“Stones, gods, and offerings, Mia! I almost used them.”

“Well, don’t.” She grimaces. “I’m working on it, and once might not kill you… but if you survived it would knock you out, too. It would still kill them, but you wouldn’t be able to escape. Defeats the purpose.”

I blow out a breath. “Okay. Thank you for telling me. And let me know if you work the kinks out. I can up my drops a bit, too.” I assume that’s the issue. The antidote isn’t strong enough.

“Just start with five more. I don’t want you moving faster than that,” Mia says, confirming my thoughts.

“Yes, Mater.” I give her an exaggerated bow and she splashes at me. “Stones,” I hiss, jumping back and slipping on tiles beneath us. The frigid water rushes into my ears and eyes, shocking my lungs. I stand, gasping.

Mia’s smirking, but leads me to the more shallow steps so I can be mostly in the suns, their dual shadows short at midday.

Mia looks around to ensure we’re still alone. “What are you going to do about your betrothed?”

“I think I’ve run out of options.” I know I haven’t. I could stop, I could leave. I could just go to his room and slit his throat. I could go to the Emperor’s room and slit his. I’d probably die trying, but I’d have met my goal before the Praetorians killed me. But if I want to live to see Mia again, there’s only one option. “I think… I might have to trust him.”

My things were moved from the rose room into the green room while I was out yesterday. It’s called the nerium room, Flavia informed me as she brought over the last of my dresses this morning. How fitting that he’d put me in the toxic flower’s namesake.

Janus filled more basanite than I’d ever brought to them before and I hide the ruby and golden stones throughout the room, in each gown’s pocket, under the mattress, in the washroom. I even sew a few into my undergarments for emergencies.

Flavia returns with a note and waits for my answer. I consider it for long moments before I say anything.

“Would you trust him, Flavia?” I don’t know if she will answer but I have to ask. I have to know.

“I trust him with my life.”

“Did he beat you? Those floras?” It comes out more accusatory than I mean and I bite my tongue.

“Do you know how floras are chosen?” she asks instead.

I shake my head. I know some of it, but not the details. I assume it's done the way all things are in Divus, chosen by men with more power deciding fates for those with less.

She comes to stand beside the bed, gesturing to the small bench. I nod, and she sits softly. “We are chosen by our pater. When a familia of high respect wishes to earn a favor from the republic, they can offer a child to it. Boys for the ring, girls for the harem. When a child turns six, they may be gifted. My pater had seven girls, and now the republic owes him seven small favors.”

My stomach roils and heaves and I can’t make words come. I want to say I am sorry. I want to cry. Pity will not change her childhood, though, so I sit silently and wait for what she really wants to tell me.

“Seven girls, and I am the last,” she says. “Would you like to guess why?”

I don’t need to guess, because I know this republic and I know its Emperor. “No.”

“He took volunteers.” It takes me a moment to realize she means Cassius. “We are scared, not of him, but of what will happen if we are caught. Every one of us volunteered. We want you to help.”

“How do you know I’m the person you think I am?”

She shrugs. “I don’t, but it’s worth it for the chance that you are.” I circle my answer on the note from Cassius and hand it back to her. She looks down at it and back at me. “It’s worth it for hope.”

Cassius' note wasn’t special, simply a list of activities and the request for me to circle one. I was tempted to write something rude and circle my own answer; however, my meeting with Mia and her information about the Emperor sobers me. Every second I waste is another opportunity for someone to be hurt.

I curl my hair, apply some berry stain to my cheeks and lips, and don a green dress that dips low in the front and accents my hips. It flares to the floor and I can’t help admiring that I look every bit the betrothed to the Dominus.

A gentle knock comes from the adjoining door and I call for him to enter.

“Oh,” Cassius says, eyes widening.

“Oh?” I feel the line appear between my brows.

“You look beautiful,” he says and I’m surprised he hasn’t tried that kind of honey before. He doesn’t look too bad, either, but he doesn’t need to know that his white sleeves pushed above his forearms highlight the strength in his arms or that his dark mahogany stubble makes me want to drag my nails across his chin.

“Hmm. Shall we go?”

The early morning light slants through the archways, creating bars of shadow on the floor. Cassius could still betray me. This path could so easily lead me to the dungeon.

He has a sword strapped across his back and when I place my hand on the crook of his arm to move through the halls I feel the heat emanating from him, even more than usual.

Cassius wipes his brow with his arm, the one I’m not holding, and answers my look of inquiry. “Ah, I didn’t have time for the Baths. I was training.”

On the streets people call him Dominus the Dominator, the violent general who secures glory and land for his Imperator brother. There is respect in it, certainly less fear than they have of the Emperor, but he’s still a killer.

Just like me.

The silence is at once comfortable and awkward. His presence isn’t demanding, but the weight of my secrets and my decision tightens my shoulders and jaw. I roll my shoulders back and breathe steadily in time with our steps as we leave the Domus Aurea. The city streets are nearly deserted this early and they will be until the suns have both cleared the horizon.

“I was surprised you wanted to come here,” Cassius says as we approach the temple. It's one of the most grand in Divus, the tall columns dwarfing the temples of Janus and Mars. The only larger is that of Jupiter himself, and while you might think his wife, Juno the mater, had the second largest temple, you’d be mistaken. This is the temple of Venus.

“We are to be married, are we not?” I say. “Venus is who we should visit.”

“Is Venus who you prayed to yesterday?” he asks, leading me up the steps. The temple is surrounded by flowers, but its most notable feature is the brilliant myrtle trees that grow in the center of the temple courtyard. Their white and pink blossoms occasionally float down from their branches to rest on the surrounding grounds.

I shake my head. “No, I have never paid much attention to Venus.”

“Have you ever been here?” He leads me to a small bench between the myrtle trees and the silence of the temple is interrupted only by us and a soft breeze.

I take a deep breath. “Once before.”

He notices the change in my tone or the way I’ve stilled, or perhaps he just knows things he shouldn’t, because he turns to me and takes my hands in his.

“Luella, tell me what to do to earn your trust? I don’t have the luxury of time—”

I cut him off. “I thought you wanted a long engagement?”

He lets out a breath. “I did. I do. But there are things outside my control and…” He searches my face. “You asked me about my brother once. About what he liked to see…”

He’s remembering his dance with Skylar. Once I do this I can’t go back, but I do it anyways. I confirm all his suspicions with a single nod.