37. Kali

The wind blew my hair as I stared at the dark abyss in front of me. The moonlight allowed me to just see the waves breaking onto the beach, but I could barely hear it. Not when the bloodshed of what had happened hours ago was still ringing in my ears. My clothes were stained with dried blood, and my battered body was aching. But the anguish squeezing my heart was worse. The defeat clung to me like a second skin. The vampires were going to do that to every human city.

Unless someone stopped them.

Remembering I only had so much time before Zan came after me, I hurried down the steps. My boots hit the sand, and I sucked in a deep breath, forcing away the memories that Zan and I shared here. He might not be like his father, but he wasn't doing anything to change it either. I couldn't trust him. Especially when Amaros could entrance him.

I ran across the beach, the rocks appearing from the darkness when I was a few feet away. Dropping to my knees, I began lifting them one by one to search for the bag Tim had put here. With a groan, I rolled a heavier boulder to the side. A slice of panic cut through me as I kept looking. What if it wasn't here? I'd have no protection.

A cry escaped my lips when I caught sight of a black strap. Tossing the last two rocks to the side, I heaved the large duffel bag from its hiding spot. I unzipped it, sifting through the items to see what I had. There were a couple of stakes, a gun with a container of wooden bullets, a small pocketknife, a tub of lotion, and four needles filled with fluid which was no doubt hawthorn. There was no food or water, but that was fine. Weapons were what I needed most. I spotted a small first aid kit. I'd have to clean up my cuts when I had a chance.

A sudden tingle ran down my spine, and I straightened up. Dread trickled through my limbs, and I swallowed thickly. I didn't turn around to look, but I was positive I wasn't alone on the beach anymore. I shifted my stance, turning my body slightly while making sure the cap was on the needle. Then I slid it carefully into my leggings pocket.

I reached for the loaded gun when his voice cut through the air.

"I told you there is no running from me, Kali."

My heart panged. He didn't sound angry. Or annoyed. This sad, resigned voice was something I'd never heard. Gripping the gun tightly in my hand, I stood up before spinning around.

Zan's eyes found mine immediately, though it was impossible to read his face, even with the moon out. I could make out that he was still wearing the same blood-stained clothes from earlier. He must have come for me right after he'd found Pax. His gaze dropped to the weapon in my hold before he glanced at the open bag behind me. A frown formed on his lips, and I stood firm, refusing to feel any guilt for hiding this from him.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked in a low voice.

"The Clovers put it here when they raided the city with PARA." There was no point in lying about it now. "Tim told me about it after you took him from Project Hope."

He nodded, not saying anything as we stared at each other. Unease had my pulse thudding as I glanced toward where I'd parked the truck on the side of the road above us.

"You're not leaving," he said quietly. "You can't."

I narrowed my eyes into slits, rage climbing through me. "I sure as hell can't stay here."

"You're staying with me."

"I'm not," I screamed, my voice cracking. "I can't stand by and watch you and your family fucking kill humans. To ruin what we've tried so hard to build back up after the war."

"Most of them were part of PARA," he shot back. "They didn't build anything up. They took control, and they'll do anything to keep it."

"And what happens if you take PARA down?" I scoffed. "The vampires will let humans live free? Please, Zan. The government might be a devil, but they aren't as evil as Amaros. As your family. I might have been miserable in Project Hope, but at least I didn't have to live in fear every second. Worried about being some vampire's next meal."

He scowled. "You never have to worry about that when I'm with you."

I ignored his words. "If those walls fall, every human will have to fend for themselves. They didn't train like me. They don't know how to defend themselves. Which is what Amaros wants. Chaos and fear. And humans to feed on at any time."

"There's so much more going on?—"

"I don't care," I shrieked, tears filling my eyes. "I saw it all tonight. You standing at your father's side while going on a rampage. I won't fucking be a part of it, Zan."

He took a step toward me before going still when I raised the gun and aimed it at him. Surprise flashed through his gaze as he glanced at the weapon. He met my glare again, his face a blank mask like it usually was when he was angry.

"Don't," I ordered when he took another step.

He didn't heed my warning and continued to move closer. My finger hovered over the trigger, but he didn't halt until he pressed his chest against the muzzle of the gun.

"What do you want, Kali?" he asked in a gruff voice.

I opened my mouth, but not a sound came out. Nothing about this situation was simple.

"What do you want?" he repeated louder. "You want to try and run away?"

I searched his face, confusion rocking me. He pushed himself harder into the gun and raised his arms.

"You want to leave?" His eyes darted to the bag. "If you do, then you better use one of those stakes on me."

My heart hammered against my ribs as I stayed absolutely still. Zan suddenly grabbed the barrel of the gun, keeping it on his chest.

"This won't be enough," he murmured, his eyes locked on mine. "You want to run? Then you'll have to kill me. Because it's the only way you'll be rid of me."

"Why?" I sneered, swallowing the shock of his words. "Can't let me tell all your secrets?"

The corner of his mouth lifted in a small grin. "You think that's why? You're going to pretend that nothing else is going on between us?"

"There's nothing between us," I choked out, my grip almost painful from how tightly I was holding the gun. "Just because we had sex doesn't mean anything."

"You think I'm talking about sex?" His eyes gleamed dangerously. "No. There's so much more, and you know it."

My mouth grew dry. I didn't want to hear this. My emotions were already tearing me apart, and I knew his words were about to wreck me.

With the gun staying between us, he leaned closer. "When I'm not near you, there's a weight on my chest that doesn't ease until I lay eyes on you again. If someone touches you, I see fucking red. Because no matter what you think, I see you as mine. I've lied for you. Killed for you. Revealed my secrets to save you. I would fight anyone for you. You want to know why? Because I will do fucking anything to protect you."

"Anything?" I asked quietly. "Then prove it."

He frowned questioningly. "I have."

"No, you haven't," I screamed, tears blurring my vision. "If you truly feel that way about me, then prove it. Go against Amaros. Stop whatever the hell he has planned."

"No."

That one word shattered any fleeting hope I had that Zan would side with me. The chance of me staying here was gone the moment he spoke. I would never stand at his side and watch them destroy other cities. I'd rather live my life running.

"There is no going against Amaros," he continued in a low voice. "If I do, then he'll go after you. That's not protecting you. I won't risk your life like that."

"You're choosing him. Choosing the vampires."

"No," he growled, his anger growing. "I'm doing it for you. You'll end up dead if I go against Amaros."

"I don't care," I answered in a tortured whisper. "Because the world that Amaros wants is one I never want to live in."

"You'd always be safe."

"While everyone else dies. I won't be a part of it. And Amaros can control you, Zan. Entrance you. You might never hurt me, but him? He would. And he could use you to do it."

"What do you want, Kali?" he exploded, his voice carrying across the beach. "I can't run away with you. My father would find us. I can't fight against him. He has a damn army behind him. What I can do is make sure you stay alive."

I could see the determination in his eyes. He wasn't going to let me leave. It didn't matter what I said. How much I argued. Even if I hated him for it. He would do whatever he needed to keep me safe and at his side. He seemed to sense my defeat, and he slowly pushed the gun away from his chest. I let him take it from my hand, and he dropped it in the sand. My body trembled, and I blinked the tears away as he reached up and grasped my chin.

"I want you happy," he said gently. "But you're in this life now, Kali. There's no running from it. Not if you want to survive."

I took him by complete surprise when I leaned forward and slammed my lips to his. His shock only lasted for a second before his hand snaked to the back of my neck to pull me closer. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, letting out a groan as he took control of the kiss. Closing his eyes, he let himself focus solely on me. My heart squeezed with guilt as I kissed him back.

But he knew me.

He knew the best way I could distract him.

He should have seen this coming.

I slowly pulled the needle from my pocket, keeping my other hand tangled in his hair. I purposely took a step closer to him, knocking my body against his to keep my other movements hidden. After popping off the plastic cap, I wrapped my arm around him and then jammed the needle into his side, pushing the hawthorn into his system.

His eyes popped open, disbelief filling them as he ripped his mouth away from mine. A grunt of pain left him, a grimace on his face as the vampire poison spread through him. He stumbled back a few steps before falling to his knees.

"You never said I couldn't run," I forced out, my voice wavering. "You told me that you can track your blood in this necklace for miles. That I wouldn't have the time to escape you before you lost the scent. I just need a large enough head start."

"Fuck, Kali," he rasped weakly. "Don't fucking do this. You can't hide from Amaros. Or PARA. The Clovers. You can't survive this alone."

I didn't answer him as I spun around and grabbed another needle out of the bag. Part of my brain was screaming at me to stop. Because no matter how much I knew that I had to do this, there was a nagging deep in my soul that wouldn't go away. Some part of me didn't want to leave him. But I couldn't give in. Not after everything I'd learned.

I might survive by staying at Zan's side. But I'd be dying inside. I couldn't side with vampires while watching humanity fall. I couldn't fucking do it.

My hand shook as I crossed the sand and knelt next to Zan. He was already trying to stand back up, but the hawthorn must have been potent because he was too weak to hold himself up. He tried batting my hand away when I reached for his neck, but for once, my strength overpowered his.

"You better kill me, Kali," he growled, his eyes blazing with fury, though I could have sworn I saw a hint of worry too. "If you really want to escape me, then use that stake. You leave me here, and I'll track you down. I'll always fucking find you."

"Maybe," I murmured, jabbing the needle into his neck. "But I think you're right—there's something between us, no matter how hard I fight it. I can't kill you, Zan. But I also can't accept this as the rest of my life. So here we are."

The second dose of hawthorn completely overtook him, and he slumped onto the sand as he lost consciousness. I didn't let myself think about what I'd just done. Instead, I grabbed the gun and stuffed it into the duffel bag and then slung it over my shoulder before sprinting across the beach. I raced up the stairs, not stopping until I got to the truck I'd taken.

The vehicle that Zan had driven was right next to it, and I dug through the bag until I found the small folding knife. Stepping up to the rear tire, I crouched down and stuck the blade into it. A hiss of air escaped, and I yanked it back out. I did the same to the three remaining tires, hoping this gave me the time I needed to get far enough away.

Hopping back into the truck, I turned the key and put it in gear. A tear escaped as I pressed on the pedal and tore down the road. This was what I needed to do. So why the hell was it so difficult? I mumbled a curse under my breath, forcing those thoughts away. I needed to focus on what I was doing next.

Zan knew me. He was aware of where I'd go. I needed to find Warner, and then disappear.