22. Kali

"How old are you?"

My question had Zan turning to look at me. We were sitting on the beach, the wind whipping around us as dark clouds moved in. A storm was approaching, but I still wasn't ready to leave. There were still hours before dusk fell, and I wanted to stay near the water for as long as possible. It had been a couple of days since I'd read over all the papers that Asami had given me, and I still wasn't sure why.

"I transitioned a little over seven years ago when I turned twenty-five," he said quietly. "Time moves differently when you don't age."

I took in his answer, my gaze returning to the massive waves. Every time we came out here, we talked. Sometimes it was about random things, and other times it was deeper. I'd told him about growing up in Project Hope. He revealed that he had a human nanny who cared for him as a child. I didn't talk about the Clovers or Warner, and he didn't say a word about his father. If I asked, he just changed the subject, but that didn't mean I veered away from that topic.

"Will your father expect me to be pregnant when he comes back?" I asked bluntly.

A muscle in his jaw ticked. "Why worry about that? You won't be pregnant."

"Because I need to know if he's going to kill me when he finds out I'm not carrying a Kane baby."

"He won't kill you, Kali."

His eyes suddenly went over my shoulder toward the cliffs. I frowned, glancing behind me and seeing nothing. This wasn't the first time he'd done that since we'd come out here today.

"What is it?" I asked, looking back at him.

"I thought I heard something…" He trailed off, sounding distracted. "It's about to rain. We should go back."

"Why? Is the big, bad Zan Kane afraid of some rain?" I teased.

His eyes shot to mine, a grin tipping up his lips. "There's not much I fear in this world."

"Do you fear Amaros?"

The question slipped out before I could stop it, halting the playful mood between us. But I'd been so curious about the type of relationship they had. Did Zan love his father? Was he scared of him? Did Amaros look at his sons like family or like soldiers? I needed to know.

Rain started coming down hard, but neither of us moved, even as water began to seep through our clothes.

"I'm not scared of my father," he finally responded, a hard edge to his voice. "But I know him and how he works."

"What does that mean?"

Water dripped from his hair, running down his face. But his gaze didn't leave mine as he scooted closer.

"I'm not scared of him," he repeated, trailing his fingers down my cheek. "But I do fear what he can do to you. That's why I have every intention to keep you far away from him."

Ice crawled through my veins, and a lump grew in my throat. "How strong is he?"

"Stronger than me," he forced out through clenched teeth. "He's old, Kali. Powerful. And no matter how much you hate him, he's still my father."

"Does that mean you'd be angry if I tried to kill him again?"

He chuckled, dropping his hand from my face. "You'd be just as unsuccessful if you tried again to put a stake in his chest."

"That's not what I asked." I wiped the water from my face. "Would you be mad at me if I tried?"

"You won't have the chance to try again." He grabbed my arm before standing up and pulling me to my feet. "I don't want you seeing him."

I brushed the wet sand off the back of my pants. "And you think that if I'm stuck here, he won't see me again? Even I know that's not true."

I turned toward the stairs, but before I could move, Zan snagged my wrist. A jolt of heat hit me from his touch, and I instantly tried to pull out of his grasp. But he only tugged me closer until my chest hit his. Shock flared as I lifted my chin to stare at him. He hadn't touched me like this in a couple of weeks.

The rain was coming down in sheets, and thunder cracked in the distance. But Zan clearly didn't care that we were both soaked to the bone as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"We've spent the last few weeks trading questions." His arm stayed locked around me. "You don't get to run away before I've asked mine."

My heart pounded. "Then ask."

"I think you're scared of me."

I scowled, my eyes growing cold. "That wasn't a question. And I'm not scared of you, Zan. I thought that was obvious by now."

His wicked smirk grew as he dropped his head until his lips were an inch from mine. My eyes tracked the water dripping off them until he reclaimed my attention again when he spoke.

"I think you're scared of me because you can't keep fighting how you feel," he murmured.

My pulse thudded like crazy. "I know exactly how I feel."

"Really?" This time he leaned forward until his lips brushed mine. "I think you're lying. I think that every time I touch you, there's a part of you that doesn't want to keep up the ruse."

"What ruse?" I choked out, his words barely registering when his wet lips brushed my jaw.

"Acting like you don't want me doing this. Touching you. Pleasuring you." He pulled back so he could meet my eyes. "You can't lie to me about it. You already told me that one of the things that makes you happy is my tongue between your legs."

It took everything to keep my face neutral as I stared at him. "I won't have sex with you. I can't. Not after what I learned."

His eyes darkened. "You think I'd really try to get you pregnant?"

The anger was unmistakable in his voice, and I swallowed thickly. "I didn't say that. I just…can't. It would be all I think about. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it."

This time he let me go when I pulled away from him. I ran my hands down my face, the rain making it hard to see. My body was ice cold, and a shiver ripped through me as I climbed up the steps to leave the beach.

I reached the top of the stairs, only for Zan to cut in front of me, blocking me from going any farther.

"Zan—"

"I told you that I want you to be happy here. I've been patient, but you're still keeping me at arm's length, and I'm going fucking insane," he said gruffly, his hand going to the back of my neck to pull me closer. "I can make you scream with pleasure in so many ways, Kali. Without having sex. All you need to do is say yes."

Heat fluttered in my lower stomach, the cold rain doing nothing to dull the fire in my veins from his touch. I didn't get a chance to respond, because a second later, he turned his head, looking toward the cliffs again. His stare was intense, and he tilted his head, as if listening for something.

"We need to go," he said abruptly. "Something's off. And I can't hear as well with this rain."

I let out a cry of surprise when he suddenly swung me around until he shifted to the spot I'd just been standing in. His hand dropped from my neck, and he lurched forward, nearly falling into me. A grunt of pain left him that had my fear spiking.

"Zan," I said, alarm in my voice. "What's going on?—"

"Come on." He grabbed my hand, hauling me away from the stairs. Until he winced again, his steps faltering. This time I heard it. Something hit him. My eyes fell, and I searched his body until I saw his black blood running down his side. I whipped my head up, looking for where the shots were coming from.

"We have to get back," he forced out, pain lacing his voice. "Fuck. If PARA is doing another raid during the day, I need to find my brothers."

He stumbled again when another wooden bullet hit him, and he hissed out a curse as we crossed the road to get back to the tunnel.

"Shit." He glanced over his shoulder before pushing me in front of him. "Go, Kali. I'll meet you there. Get back to Impulse."

I followed his gaze, my heart clenching when I spotted two large vehicles racing toward us. There was no way we'd make it back to the tunnel before they reached us. Especially when they kept shooting at Zan. He doubled over when he was hit in the stomach, and I grabbed his arm, trying to drag him with me.

"I'm not leaving you here," I panted, dragging him only a few more steps before he let out a groan when his leg was hit.

"They won't kill me," he muttered thickly. "I'm a Kane."

"Some things are worse than death," I retorted, keeping the terror out of my voice. "If PARA gets you, then you'll be wishing you were dead."

"I'll be fine." His voice was sharp. "I need you to go. I can handle myself."

But by now, one of the trucks cut in front of us, cutting off our route to the tunnel. The other one halted to our left, and two men wearing masks had guns pointed at us out of the open windows. They all had reflective goggles on, making it impossible for Zan to entrance them. They weren't in military uniform, but that didn't mean anything. PARA wore whatever they wanted if they weren't in civilian cities.

"Don't fucking move," one of them yelled at us. "Or we'll shoot."

"It's me you want," Zan gritted out. "I'll go. Just let her walk away."

I barely swallowed my scream when one of the men shot again, hitting Zan in the shoulder. He let out a snarl, keeping himself in front of me. The rain was still coming down hard, and my body trembled from both the cold and this situation. I'd left my stake in the bedroom, and I hated that I didn't have a weapon. Though a piece of wood wouldn't help me against their guns.

"You're in no position to make deals." The masked man's eyes cut to me. "Kill her. Bring him with us."

My mouth grew dry, terror seeping into my bones. Zan went rigid, backing into me as if making sure my body was hidden from the men in both trucks. The way he was in front of me made it impossible for them to shoot at me.

"You want her, then you'll have to go through me." Zan's voice was cold and deadly, vastly different from how he spoke to me. He sounded fucking terrifying. "Go ahead. Get out of your trucks and come get her."

Two of the men had a whispered conversation that I hoped Zan could hear through the rain. I straightened up, an idea hitting me. Tim. He'd told me about the bag of weapons that they'd put on the beach under those rocks. If I could make it down there, then we might actually stand a chance.

Another shot rang out, and Zan hunched over slightly when he was hit again. I bit my lip. They wouldn't come after me until he wasn't a threat anymore.

"Zan," I said under my breath. "Do you trust me?"

"Do not do anything right now," he said between heavy breaths. "I can handle all of them. I just need you to find some place to hide so I can go after them."

"I'm going back to the beach."

He paused, his eyes staying on the trucks. "Why?"

"Because that's the only place we stand a chance."

"The woods are a better choice."

"No. The beach."

I was already backing up, and when Zan noticed, he muttered a curse before walking backward to follow me. He was still making sure they couldn't get a clear shot at me. Two more wooden bullets hit him as the men yelled at us to stop. I wasn't sure how long Zan would still be able to stay on his feet if they kept shooting him.

We got to the top of the stairs before the men finally left the vehicles to chase us on foot. Zan whirled around, giving me a small push.

"Go," he demanded, his voice frantic.

"But—"

"I'm right behind you. Run. Now."

Over his shoulder, I counted five men barreling after us, and I forced myself to spin around and race down the steps. I knew right away that Zan was not right behind me. An agonized scream tore through the air, and I spared a glance over my shoulder to see Zan fighting against three of the men.

One of them slipped past and flew down the steps, coming straight for me. Fear washed over me, and I upped my speed, reaching the wet sand. My boots were soaked, making my steps heavy as I ran across the beach, going straight for the pile of rocks. I didn't make it even halfway before hands landed on my shoulders, and I let out a scream as I was thrown to the ground.

I landed on my stomach, and I quickly scrambled to my feet and spun around. The masked guy was going for his gun, and I lurched forward, raising my leg and kicking him in the groin. He let out a howl of pain, hunching over. I reached for the gun in his hand, knowing I was fucked if I didn't get it. He stumbled back, trying to yank his arm out of my grasp. I held on, slamming my body against his to knock him off balance.

I hooked my leg behind his and shoved again. This time he went down onto the wet sand, and I fell on top of him. The gun fell from his grip, landing too far for either of us to reach. I slammed my free hand into his throat, and he choked out a pained breath. But he got a hold of my arm with his free hand and flung me off him before I could attack again.

Before I had a chance to move, he rolled on top of me. Panic slithered through me as he used his weight to keep me pinned, pressing me into the sand. I managed to twist onto my back, swinging my fists, but he blocked every hit. It was like he could read my fucking moves before I made them. I froze for a split second, realizing I was wrong about this being PARA.

Rain pelted my face, and I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. Only a certain group would know my moves this well. The people who trained me. Clovers.

His fingers went around my throat, and I thrashed under him, clawing at the mask covering his face. I gripped the rough fabric, yanking it off. The goggles scattered onto the sand, and the mask fell from my grip as I stared up in absolute shock.

My eyes locked on his, and I lay there frozen, unable to fight back as I stared at my best friend.