18. Zan

My legs hung over the edge of the pier, and I stared at the dark water beneath me. My mind was racing, my chest tight as Pax's words repeated nonstop. My ears perked up at a distant noise, and I lifted my head, searching the cliff. No one else was ever out here, but I scanned the area, trying to figure out where the noise had come from. The darkness of the night had no bearing on my sight, and I frowned when I didn't see any movement.

I continued to stare at the trees as my thoughts nearly swallowed me. I could count on one hand the number of times I'd fought my brothers, and it had always been with Viggo. Pax was never one to instigate anything. And he didn't this time either. It was all me, and I was still trying to wrap my head around what happened.

Quiet voices had me whipping my head toward the stairs, and I caught sight of Kali and Viggo. My stomach twisted, and I pushed out the noise of the waves breaking so I could hear them. Kali was searching the beach for me, her human sight useless in the dark, even with the moon out. Viggo looked straight at me, giving me a shrug, as if it hadn't been his idea to come out here.

"He's on the pier," Viggo told her. "You think you can handle yourself the rest of the way?"

"You didn't have to bring me here," she snapped. "I could have come alone."

Viggo chuckled. "Have fun. I'm sure my brother is in a great mood."

He strolled away, heading back toward the city while Kali carefully descended the stairs until she was on the sand. My gaze didn't leave her as she crossed the beach and began going up the steps of the pier. The wood creaked under her weight, and I heard her pause every few seconds. I wasn't worried about it holding her weight when I came out here all the time. She appeared at the edge of the pier, and she must have spotted me, because her steps grew more confident as she came closer.

"How long did Viggo hold out when you asked him where I was?" I asked, keeping my words loud so she could hear me. "He knows I come out here to be alone."

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye as she sat down a couple of feet away from me, letting her legs dangle over the edge like mine were. Her eyes drifted over the water as she leaned back on her palms.

"If you wanted to be alone, then you should have gone somewhere I don't know about," she stated, her voice tight.

I blew out a harsh laugh. "I've tried taking you out here all week, and you fought me the two times I did. Now you come here willingly? Let me guess, you want to know what Pax was talking about."

She paused. "Will you tell me?"

"If I do, then there's half a chance that you'll shove me off this pier. You won't like the answer, Kali."

"I'd rather know than be kept in the dark."

I followed her gaze, looking out at the water as I considered what to say. She stayed silent, but she drummed her fingers on the warped wood, giving away her nerves.

"It's a myth," I said slowly. "One I don't believe in. But Pax does."

She glanced at me, a frown on her lips. "If you don't believe it, then why are you so hesitant to tell me?"

I scrubbed a hand over my jaw. "You already know that vampires can form a bond with humans they knew before they turned. It's a part of their human empathy that vampires can hold on to if they stay near someone they knew."

She nodded. "Like you thought I bonded with Warner. Before you knew I was human."

"Yes." I sighed while choosing my next words carefully. "Full-blooded vampires can form a bond with humans they don't have a history with. Or other vampires. That part is fact, not a myth. This kind of bond is different. It's for love. Who you're meant to be with."

I had her full attention, her head turned toward me with her eyes wide.

"Bond?" she asked in disbelief. "For love?"

"Fated love," I murmured. "A bond so strong that they can't survive without each other. It's not very common, but it does happen."

"Vampires can bond like that with humans?"

"The way it works is intricate." I swung my legs up and turned my body to face her. "If a vampire mates with a human, then the bond doesn't strengthen unless the human turns. But still…there's a connection even before that happens. A pull that both of them can feel."

By the way her face pinched, she was already guessing what Pax believed. I watched her carefully, waiting for her line of questions to come.

"Only full-blooded vampires can bond?" She eyed me warily. "You're a Shadow."

"We've never seen a Shadow bond," I answered. "But we haven't really gotten the chance to explore it. But Pax? He thinks it's possible."

"Why?"

"Because he fell in love with a human." I shook my head. "He's convinced he bonded with her, but she never turned, so he can't be sure."

"She chose not to turn?" Kali asked, curiosity thick in her voice.

I heaved out a breath. "No, she was killed. By PARA."

Pity for my brother flashed in her eyes before she looked back at the ocean. "And Pax thinks what? That you are…bonding with me?"

She was keeping her emotions locked down, and her expressionless tone made it impossible to tell what she was thinking. She crossed her arms, her gaze guarded as she stared at me, waiting for me to answer.

"It doesn't work that way, Kali." I arched an eyebrow. "Bonding isn't one-sided. Both feel the connection."

"I am not bonded with you," she hissed out in a whisper, her eyes brewing with the bright fire I hadn't seen all week. "Pax is wrong."

"The bond doesn't fully take effect until both are vampires," I reminded her. "And even then, it doesn't snap into place until they…sleep together once they're both turned."

A muscle in her jaw clenched. "I have no desire to turn."

"And if you're a Shadow?"

Remaining silent, she tilted her head back and looked at the stars. "I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

Her blatant hatred at even the thought of us being bonded made my skin prickle for no damn reason. I didn't think it was true, so why the hell was her reaction bothering me so much? I sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. I shouldn't have told her any of this. It would only push her away even more.

"Do you believe it?" she breathed out, her voice barely audible, even to my hearing.

I didn't respond right away. "No. Amaros is positive that Shadows can't bond. I've never seen it. I don't think it's possible."

Even as the words left my mouth, doubt settled in my chest like a heavy weight. When it came to Kali, I couldn't explain half of what I'd done. Like how I fucking flipped out on Pax when I saw his hand around her throat. One second, I'd been fine, and the next, all I saw was red. Or the fact that I never wanted her far away from me.

"Why haven't you had a chance to see if Shadows can bond?" she asked, bringing up what I'd said earlier.

"Shadows don't act quite the same as full-blooded vampires. They're wild cards and don't have as much freedom as the vampires you see in my city."

Her eyes searched mine. "What does that mean?"

"Not tonight," I murmured, giving her a small grin. "I'll tell you another day. It'll give you a reason to talk to me."

She scowled. "Really?"

"Yes."

Her burning glare didn't bother me in the slightest. This past week had been long as hell because she refused to have anything to do with me. At least I knew she'd want to have a conversation with me if there was more that she still wanted to learn about vampires.

"Bonding sounds like a horrible existence," she muttered bitterly, changing the subject.

"You're human," I said bluntly. "Of course it does to you."

"You feel differently?" she questioned, her brows furrowing. "About being tethered to someone forever? There's no love. It seems like control more than anything."

I scooted closer, catching her by surprise. She went still when I softly trailed my fingers down her cheek, and I didn't miss the change in her heartbeat when I touched her.

"Bonding is love," I explained quietly, resting my knuckles under her chin. "It's your other half. The soul who makes your heart whole. There is no control. No tethers. It's who you're fated to be with. There are things in this life that can't be explained. This is one of them. Just like my existence. Vampires. Humans. Bonds are another one of nature's surprises."

"I would never want to be forced to love someone because of nature's unexplained mystery," she mumbled, pulling her face away from my hand.

"It's not by force. You bond with the vampire you would have fallen in love with. The one you're meant to be with."

She pursed her lips. "For someone who doesn't believe, you sure have a lot of positive things to say about it."

"I've seen full-blooded vampires bond. It's Shadows who I don't believe can bond." I climbed to my feet. "Let's go home. There's a storm coming."

"How do you know?" she asked, argumentative as ever.

I chuckled. "I can hear the thunder."

She slowly got up, and I followed her as we walked down the pier. It began sprinkling, but she didn't move any faster. Once we hit the sand, I fell into step with her.

"How many other secrets are there?" she grumbled. "The Clovers knew nothing about this."

"Your little group has no fucking idea how this world runs or the secrets within it," I said bluntly. "They think that their little jabs at PARA and vampires will make a difference. It never will."

"How many more secrets?" she pressed.

"A lot."

"Will you ever tell me all of them?"

I snuck a quick look at her before she started climbing the stairs to leave the beach. "I want to."

"Then why don't you?"

"Your loyalty isn't to me or vampires," I answered gruffly. "I'd rather not deal with another raid from PARA because of you spilling secrets."

That wasn't the entire truth, but I didn't want to end the night with her mad at me. If I told her all of the secrets, or what Amaros had planned for the future, she'd never forgive me. It didn't matter whether she had any kind of feelings for me. The truth would shatter it all. Her finding out what my necklace meant was nearly enough for her to despise me.

When she found out what we had planned for Project Hope and the other human cities, she'd try to kill me all over again.