34

"CONGRATULATIONS," ROYCE SAYS.

I get up shakily and see that he's smiling, a pained smile that is nevertheless genuine. He pulls me to him and hugs me tightly, whispering his congratulations. "I always knew you could do it."

I stare at him wildly. "But…but it's…You're not…"

He shrugs. "That's life, isn't it? Nobody is owed success at all."

Then Lola taps me on the shoulder and asks me to follow her. "You and Vern have to provide some sound bites for the press."

I follow her through a fog of elation.

The next hour passes in a blur. Vern and I are paraded across the stage, there's a ceremony and the judges shake our hands, photos are taken, and then the audience starts to file out, and I look around for Royce, who is no longer there.

Vern taps me on the shoulder and asks for a moment. Lola murmurs an excuse and leaves us to chat.

"We did it. So, how does it feel to be a finalist in the most prestigious under-twenty-five international comedy competition?" Vern says quietly.

"I didn't need your help," I say. I flash back on the lingering hug and shivered. "Any of it."

Vern clears his throat. "Agnes, I'm sorry about what happened with Royce."

I look straight in his eyes. "And what you did to me," I add quietly.

"That hug? Oh, come on, don't be dramatic. It's not like we've never hugged before. It was a hug, Agnes. I don't know why everyone always assumes that any physical contact between a boy and a girl is automatically sexual in nature. You and I have been alone countless times, and I've never, ever done anything inappropriate to you."

"That didn't come off as appropriate."

Vern throws his arms up. "I'm sorry you feel that way. You're completely miscasting my actions. I can't help how Royce feels about you—or you about Royce, it seems."

I bite my lip. When he puts it this way…"What about that clap-off? Everything you said?"

"I didn't help you. I merely clarified things, sped the decision-making up. You deserved that spot."

"Did I?" I counter.

He scoffs. "Oh, Agnes, grow up. You can't win without hurting people. Only winners get far in life. I thought you got that. You and I, we're cut from the same cloth. We both want to win."

"We're not the same," I say slowly.

"I had your best interests at heart," Vern insists. "I promise you. Think about it. Who's been helping you this entire time, with no expectations? And more importantly, haven't I always acted correctly when we're alone?"

I think about our time together and have to concede that he's right. He'd never ever behaved inappropriately with me.

"You may not agree with my methods and ways, but I've always looked out for you, you know that. I'm sorry, really, if I crossed a line."

He sounds sincere, and I thaw. "Okay," I mumble.

He clasps my hands briefly and then releases them. "I've got you, Agnes. Don't you forget that." He nods at me. "I'll see you on the bus."

"I need some space," I say.

"That's fine," he says. "I'll give you all the space and time you need. Just remember that I'm on your side."

As I leave the theater I see Royce, waiting for me. His eyes are red but he's smiling. Jit is lurking a few meters away, pretending to study the stage.

"I wish we could have gone to the finals together."

"It's okay," he says, shaking his head. "We don't all—We don't always get what we want…and that's okay. That's life."

That's what a loser would say to comfort himself, Vern says in my head.

"But this was so important for you."

Royce places a hand on my face and strokes it. "Agnes, I'm so happy for you, really. I don't have to get everything I want, but I'd like to think…I'd like to think I won something more important today, something I've always wanted." He steps closer to me, and behind him, Jit mutters that he's going out to smoke, and he'd be back in a few minutes.

"And what would that be?" I whisper, my blood crashing in my ears. Even though I know what will happen next, what must happen, what we've been drawing toward since that day in his room, I need him to say it first. I need him to tell me what I've been wanting to hear from him clearly, irrevocably, so I can leap into the dark with my eyes wide open, so I can believe.

"You," he says, his eyes pinning me to him as he envelops me in his arms, tips my chin up, and finally, finally, we kiss.