Chapter 5

Hurting should never feelthis good.

My body hums with need as Bishop thrusts hard into me.

"That"s right, Gabi, let me see you. Show me what I want." His dark eyes are pinpoint, completely focused on me and nothing else. His intensity not only forces me to forget where I am but it"s almost as if I can"t hear all the people around us. The ones who paid for this show. The ones who are trying to degrade me. All that matters is Bishop is here. Tonight"s request is by far my most favorite. There"s no real physical pain, just complete trust. The clients wanted to see him choke me. Wanted me flailing and clawing at him, and Bishop did exactly what they asked. What they don"t know is I trust Bishop with my life. I know he"s not going to go far enough to kill me and I can just give myself over to him, completely.

I moan loudly as he buries one hand under my hips and lifts me slightly off the ground, his shaft stroking against the perfect spot inside of me.

"Breathe, baby," he mutters, and I follow his directions to the tee. I take in a deep breath and slowly feel his other hand tighten more and more around my neck. My orgasm floats just out of reach along with my next breath. Lights flash in front of my eyes and my body feels weightless for far longer than I would"ve thought was possible. Just as the edges of my vision begin to go dark, he releases his hold on my throat, and I suck in a sharp breath. My orgasm slams into me and I scream out in pleasure. He growls in satisfaction and the people around us cheer. I know we"re nothing more than beasts to them, but after all they"ve put me through, I have to say I"ve almost come to depend on this time with Bishop.

Somehow, him ravaging my body in this way is keeping me sane. It"s letting me feel when everything else about me is becoming numb.

I tried to force myself to believe that it was all just sex, but I know deep down it"s more than that. It"s addiction. Obsession. An unhealthy connection that my traumatized mind is hanging on to in order to get through this.

Over and over Bishop chokes me, sometimes straightforward, other times with a hand over my mouth and nose, finally ending with him choking me from behind. He really put on a show for the people in the audience as well as pleasing my body. But the minute it"s over, that bliss I was just feeling turns right back into anger. Not at him, but at Shade and Liam and the rest of the Faceless. I hate that they made me like this. Hate that they"ve made me tap into this part of myself when in any other world I"d have never known that I enjoyed this particular kink. They took a part of my self-discovery for themselves and I"m never going to get it back.

Like always, the second Bishop is finished, he holds me tight and buries his face in my neck. We don"t cry anymore. It"s not worth the emotional drainage that comes after it, but we refuse to look at the people that paid to watch us as they file out. Refuse to watch them give us thumbs up and clap at the spectacle that was us.

Over the weeks that we"ve been here, they call on Bishop and me to perform at least once a week. He always fights. Always tries to find a way not to do it, but in the end, we end up having sex while all these bastards watch and tape us. In the end, I can"t convince myself I don"t like it. I"m addicted through and through.

"Let"s go. I don"t have all day." Shade rushes into the room and pulls Bishop and me apart. My legs are weak, and it takes me a second to get the strength to walk on my own.

"Get off of me," I grumble and try to pull my arms away from the grimy grasps of the guards. I wish I hadn"t, because the minute I"m away from them I fall down to my knees. Instead of the normal laughter that would follow a showing like this, all I hear is agitation. Something else is happening here today that I"m not aware of. Whatever it is, I hope it"s messed up their day even just a little bit. I can"t get back my sanity because of what these bastards did to me, but at least they don"t have to have a great day all the time.

"Either you move your ass, or we leave you in here for the night. It"s your choice," one of the guards growls in my direction. I let my gaze slide up until I connect with his. There"s no joy on his face, no sarcasm; he means it. He"ll leave me here in this room if I don"t move. I don"t necessarily want to be locked in the cell any longer, but I"ve been in this glass cage long enough to know what happens when all the lights go down. It"s colder than a morgue in here and there"s no place for me to relieve myself if I need to. This is definitely not where I want to be for the night.

"I"m going. I"m going as fast as I can," I mutter and get to my feet.

Both Bishop and I are pushed out of the room and nearly run into the main room where we"ve been held since we"ve gotten here. I"m not sure what the rush is, but I can"t focus on it right now. All I can focus on is the hum at the very edges of my subconscious. That last bit of pleasure my body is feeling because of what Bishop did to me earlier. In the past weeks, I"d have reminded myself that I don"t like what happens to me. I"d have reminded myself that I wasn"t a willing participant in any of it, but today I don"t want to fight the feelings anymore. The fact that I"m so willing to give into this feeling is what scares me the most.

"Are you hurt?" Bishop grumbles as the heavy door to our cell is closed and we"re left to ourselves yet again.

"I"m fine," I whisper, my voice cracking as the words pass my lips.

"Gabrielle." His voice chips at the barrier I have around myself. I don"t want to break down, but I don"t have much of a choice.

As if someone broke the dam inside my soul, I drop my face to my hands and begin to cry.

"No, please don"t. I can"t take it. Please," Bishop"s voice is strained as he hobbles over to where I am and wraps his arms around me. I can always count on him to soothe me. It"s what he"s best at—making me feel better. Making me feel good.

He"s always been here for me, giving me exactly what I had no idea I"d even needed.

"Gabi, don"t cry. We"re going to get through this." He cradles me against his chest, his fingers massaging and caressing the back of my neck and the base of my scalp.

I want to believe in his words, but I can"t, not right now. Not after another night of this. I can"t believe that we"re going to get out of this, but I can believe that Bishop knows how to make me feel good. He"s got the answers to what I need to make me feel better. I just want another taste of that. Feeling good.

As he holds me close, I move my head back slightly so I"m looking up into his dark, piercing eyes. The intense passion and need to please me are etched so clearly right there in his gaze.

I can"t explain what I"m feeling or when I started feeling this way, but all I know is if he doesn"t kiss me right now I may die.

Slowly, using the last of my strength, I lean up on my tiptoes and press my lips to Bishop"s. The scruff of his beard scratches against my smooth face and it sends shivers up my spine.

This is the first time that we"ve kissed without the threat of someone killing us or some sort of bodily harm coming if we don"t. This is the first time we"ve been intimate without someone forcing us to do it. Part of me was hoping that with it would come the same old feeling of bliss. I wasn"t expecting it to be so much more.

Everything that I"ve felt while we were in the room vanished, and all I can think about is the way Bishop"s lips feel against mine. I"ve never felt the way I do when I kiss him. I"m sure that has something to do with the fact that the both of us are locked up in this room, but right now my emotions can"t tell the difference. All that matters is that I want more of what he"s giving me.

Bishop groans and tightens his hands around my neck. I hiss slightly, not so much because he"s hurting me but because I"m revved up and know what comes next. Of course, that isn"t what Bishop takes away from the interaction. He thinks he"s hurt me. I can almost tell the exact moment he realizes what is actually happening between us.

His lips go cold and his eyelids flutter open before he pushes me back.

"No. Gabrielle, no." He shakes his head and pushes himself back on his knees.

"Don"t deny me right now, Bishop. I need you." I do my best to explain how I"m feeling to him without words, just with my hands, but he won"t allow me to touch him. He cringes every time I do.

"What is this? You don"t find me attractive now? Is that what"s going on?" I ask, my voice cracking and the real doubt that I"m no longer good enough for Bishop rattling around in my head.

"No, it"s got nothing to do with how much I want you, Gabrielle. I still..." Bishop sighs and lifts his head so he"s looking up at the ceiling. "It"s nothing like that."

"Then what the hell is it? We"ve kissed before." I shrug and try to move closer.

"Yeah, because the bastards have made us touch and kiss each other. I want the next time we kiss for there not to be anything hanging over our heads."

I can"t stop the disappointment from crowding my face even if I wanted to. I know he"s right, but I don"t want to admit it. In fact, I don"t want to even think about what it means that I"m the one who had to push up on him. He"s rejecting me as nicely as it might sound; it"s the same as him telling me he"s just not that interested in me.

Instead of just taking his request in stride, I replace the embarrassment with anger.

"You know, today might not have been the time for you to develop chivalry." I snap at him, and he narrows his eyes at me.

"What the hell are you talking about? I"ve always tried to make sure you have as much of a say in this."

"A choice?" I cut him off, my voice getting higher and higher. "All I wanted was a little bit of a reprieve and you couldn"t give me that. Had to stay on your fucking pedestal, all high and mighty. The great Bishop looking down on the people who can"t stay as strong as he is."

"Stay strong? Is that what you think I"m doing here? You think I"m staying strong for myself? In case you haven"t realized it yet, I"m staying strong for you. The only reason I haven"t gone on a rampage and tried to kill everyone in this place yet is because you"re here. I"m in this with you and I;m not sure why I have to keep on proving that to you." Bishop stares down at me, with his nostrils flaring and his hands balled up into fists.

Every insult I"ve ever heard bounces around in my head. I want to cut him down. Want to make him feel as bad as I do but I know it"s just a defense mechanism. I feel like grade A shit. The old saying is true, misery loves company.

I can"t do this to Bishop no matter how bad I feel about myself right now. Not after everything he"s done to me. Instead I take a breath and turn my back on him.

I hear him sigh and take a step in my direction but I can"t be consoled by him right now, not without my emotions running wild. "Bishop, just give me some space, please." I whisper and take another step away from him closer to the corner.

"Okay Gani. Whatever you need." He mutters and backs off.

What I need right now is a time machine to go back to before I tried to push up on him. I can"t believe I tried to sleep with him while we were still locked up in this place. I"d blame it on the circumstances but in reality it"s all me. It was just my attempt to feel normal again. My own personal silver lining to this fucked up cloud. I should"ve known that it could never happen.

There are no silver linings when it comes to the monsters hiding in plain sight.