Chapter 38: JOSLIN

Chapter Thirty-Eight

JOSLIN

I never thought I would settle in Missouri of all places. My escape plans and fantasies all fixated on Denver. The second I set foot on the little patch of land Ryder bought for us, I knew that the little split-level ranch I saw in my dreams was nowhere near Denver — but was right here. The house sits at the end of a cul-de-sac with a little pond where Ryder says I can keep some ducks if I want to next spring.

Everything here is perfect, especially the new ring on my finger which I tried to convince Ryder was unnecessary. But he insisted. The ring is huge, honestly. A large pink heart shaped sapphire set in white gold. I love it, even if it’s a luxury I don’t feel like I deserve. Ryder believes I deserve the best, but some days… I’m not sure.

I don’t even know if I’ll get to keep this man by my side all the time. We just moved into our house and his hushed, secretive phone calls have expanded tenfold. I trust Ryder enough to know that he’s keeping the phone calls private for a reason but… I can’t help but worry this is all going to fall apart. I might not have been on the run for a long time, but surviving in my first marriage meant living in a state of constant anxiety.

It’s strange to have a real, strong man to protect me so I don’t have to look over my shoulder. So I can feel safe. Ryder left the house about half an hour ago to pick something up from the grocery store, but I feel nervous that he hasn’t come back yet.

When I hear the truck engine at the end of the driveway, I get up off my seat on the porch and confirm — it’s him. I skip to the bottom of the stairs and Ryder nearly leaps out of the truck before he stops it. We don’t even think about the groceries. I jump into his arms and he hugs me tightly. So tightly that all my fears melt away. His effect on me is instantaneous.

“Hello, beautiful wife.”

He kisses me with firm, warm lips, parting mine so he can slide his tongue into my mouth. He tastes good. Ever since he quit liquor, he tastes a lot better. With this kiss, I still detect a concerning flavor once he gets deep enough. I pull away gently and press my hand to Ryder’s chest.

“I thought you quit those energy drinks.”

He grins. “I did. Then I had a great idea at the grocery store.”

“You did?”

Ryder doesn’t always have terrible ideas. But there’s something about the way he’s looking at me now scares the crap out of me. It’s been a long time since Ryder has come close to scaring me, which just scares me more.

“I did,” he says, running his tongue over his lips. “I thought… I need to get you pregnant.”

I press my hands against his chest.

“What made you think that?”

“My brother has a baby.”

“That’s it?”

“He’s my twin brother.”

“I don’t see why the existence of your twin brother means I need to have a baby.”

“Don’t you want to have a baby?”

My stomach tightens. The truth. I don’t know if I should tell him now. But he’s my husband. And I love him.

“I gave up on having a baby during my first marriage when I realized the man I married would hurt any kid I brought into the world. I did a lot to avoid having a kid.”

Our eyes meet. The pain behind mine. The sorrow behind his. Ryder’s gaze softens. We have that way with each other. I make him soft and gentle. He gives me the room to be that soft and gentle woman who can make that space for him. The love between us didn’t feel instantaneous, but now that we’re standing here, it does.

I love this man more than I ever thought possible. I don’t want to be stuck in my ways now that I’m standing here.

“You would be a great mother, Joslin,” he says. “I know your feelings might be complicated but… you would never have to be alone. I’ll do this with you.”

“You can’t do all of it with me.”

“But I can do the best damn job of keeping you safe and happy while you go through it. And if you need any motherly, womanly things… there’s always my mother.”

He turns a little red and clutches me so closely to his body that I can feel his hardness. His desire for me is always so strong. I can feel it when I’m close to him. He’s just so warm. I look into his eyes, breathing with him, feeling my trust for him growing. Could we really do this?

“I don’t want to hurt a child the way my mother hurt me.”

“And I don’t want to be a man who always puts alcohol and the club over his kids.”

“So that’s it? I let you take me upstairs and rough me up?”

“Let me?” Ryder says. “Woman… If I want you… I’ll just take you.”

He wraps his arms around my waist and throws me over his shoulders like a literal caveman. I squeal in terror, even as he tries to be gentle. The extent of Ryder’s power is clear with how easy it is for him to throw me over his shoulders.

He stalks through the house with slow, powerful footsteps, breathing like a self-satisfied predatory beast. Ryder sets me down on our bed slowly. The look in his eye is completely different than before. He grins mischievously.

“I wanted to make a baby with you the second I saw you,” he says, spreading my legs as he stands between them. He takes a handful of my hair as he looks me straight in the eye. He never plays with my hair like this. Some white boys are disrespectful, but Ryder treats my hair like it’s delicate and he’s afraid to tug on it like a horse tail.

“Think our baby will have pretty hair like yours?”

His gaze sends a shudder of desire straight through me. This is what he wants. Ryder connects me to my emotional desires for a child with a question like that. I’m staring at his face wondering if our kid would have his nose. Or his pretty sea-green eyes. I don’t know exactly how it works but if Ryder is a twin, maybe that’s what we would have.

For the first time as a grown woman, I feel safe and loved enough to want a kid. The combination of desires — for sex and for a child to result from sharing those moments with Ryder — run through me with intense heat. Nothing has been this strong before. I hook my ankles around the back of his legs.

“There’s one way we can find out,” I respond, watching his face for any shifts, any hesitation that might suggest he doesn’t really want this. But he is steady. Consistent. Honest about his intentions. He’s everything our church told me I would get from a man of God and found in a biker instead.

“That’s exactly what I needed to hear,” he whispers, moving me back on the bed and climbing on top of me. My heart pounds as Ryder’s weight presses into me and I can feel his musculature working with his warmth to push my body to arousal before he even touches me or takes my clothes off. His body is so flawless. I still don’t know what fitness routine Ryder does that gives him this movie star build.

His hands move to my hips and then under my shirt. His palm is big enough to cover my stomach. Ryder’s eyes lock with mine and I can feel his hardness pressing against me.

“I’m going to put a baby right here,” he whispers.

I don’t bother telling him that he’s touching somewhere closer to my diaphragm than my uterus. It’s the thought that counts. And the way he touches me. Ryder’s warm lips press against my neck. The kiss drives me wild. I grab at his shirt, desperate to remove it, desperate to make up for the time we spent apart.

“Damn baby,” he whispers. “You like that, huh?”

I don’t bother answering him, mostly because I’m trying to tear his clothes off and Ryder’s weight makes it harder. His main goal is getting my clothes off with no concern for my desire to take his clothes off and get a good feel for his muscles. Ryder lifts me up easily from below like I’m a pancake and I’m so busy grabbing onto him that I don’t even know how he gets my clothes off.

Once my clothes are scattered all over the bed, he works on getting my bra off with one hand while moving the other between my underwear and my mound. His finger finds my clit easily. I moan once he touches me and Ryder grins.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he says, kissing me on the lips like he’s rewarding me for my response. “It’s going to be easy to get my dick in you this time.”

He slides a finger all the way inside me. I moan. Loudly. His finger is huge and the intrusion surprises me. Ryder moves his finger around slowly, adjusting me to his size and turning that moment of pain into slow, building pleasure. It starts with pressure in my core right where Ryder slides his fingers in and out of my entrance. I buck my hips to meet him as he fingers me and I can’t control my response to the pressure.

“Cum for me, baby,” he growls. “I missed your sweet ass pussy every minute I was gone…”

He kisses my neck, sucking on my flesh as he fingers me. His weight on me, the ticklish sensation from his dark-haired beard, and his fingers buried inside me all become too much for me to handle. I cum hard and as I moan and move my hips to meet Ryder’s fingers, he takes my underwear all the way off. When he removes his fingers from my pussy, he quickly replaces them with his tongue. I gasp loudly as Ryder’s flattened tongue brushes over my clit and then stirs him into further enthusiasm.

This man doesn’t care that my pussy is wet enough to soak his beard, he presses his head into my mound and licks me like a dinner plate. My first orgasm was intense and deep, but Ryder following up his fingers with his tongue makes it even easier for me to reach another release.

“Ryder…” I gasp, losing myself in my pleasure to the point where I call out his name. I’m normally not as vocal as he is, but I feel more free, more loosened up in our bed than ever before. Once I say Ryder’s name, he eats my pussy with even more passion, running his tongue over my inner lips and eagerly tasting my inner walls. He pushes his tongue inside me and the more I moan, the deeper he pushes inside me.

He makes me cum a couple more times before pulling away and kissing the outside of my mound.

“You’re so fucking delicious,” he whispers. “I like tasting your sweet ass pussy…”

He kisses his way from his mound all the way up to my neck. Ryder’s beard feels so good, scratching me gently after the soft warmth of his lips. He undoes his pants and I feel the warm, large head of Ryder’s dick pressing against me. He locks eyes with me and I feel the warmth, love and safety that mysteriously found its way between us.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I want to make a baby with you so bad…”

I run my hand over his back, feeling the ripples in his musculature all the way to the small of his spine and then further down so I can guide his ass. I feel a shiver run straight through him as I touch his muscular ass cheeks and I try to pull him closer to me. Ryder remains in steady control, gazing at me with nothing but pure love.

My heart races as the head of his dick spreads my entrance open. Two fingers felt good, but it wasn’t enough to get me ready for the size of Ryder’s dick. He’s big… Very big. Emotionally, I feel completely safe with him but my body can’t help but panic at the size of the beast ready to press into my entrance. He pushes his hips forward slightly and the head of his dick slides inside me. Pain spreads through me, comforted almost instantly by Ryder’s lips on my neck. Pleasure following the pain, making it easier to bear.

“I want you…” I whisper.

He thrusts forward more. Another inch or two spreads me open. More pain. Then more kissing. Ryder feels so good. I just want him to take me. I want him to let go. I pull him forward, digging my nails into his ass. My desire for him primes him to do exactly what I want and Ryder drives his dick all the way inside me, ending all the pain at once.

“Yes…” I whimper as he fills me with his dick. He feels so good. So fucking good. Ryder looks at me as his dick spreads me open. I’m so wet and so ready to cum again. His gaze is fierce and easy to interpret. He doesn’t want me to look away from him. I keep his steady sea-green gaze, thinking about his handsome features and how those features might look on one of our kids.

“More,” I whisper. “I want more.”

He moves his hips, complying with my request, taking me deep and slow because this time, we’re satisfying our strongest primal urge with each other. To make this bond real. Permanent. Unbreakable. He moves his hips faster. Each movement pushes me closer to the edge. I grab the firmest part of Ryder’s body and move with him. We make love to each other together, each matching each other’s energy.

“I want to cum inside you,” he growls, breaking our eye contact momentarily to shower me with affectionate kisses. His words and those kisses make it too hard for my body to resist cumming again. I squeeze my legs around him and the tightness forces me to climax again. I cry out, either saying his name or just moaning something. I lose all sense of where I am. Ryder pushes into me deeper as I cum and I can feel his own excitement building.

With only a few more thrusts between my legs, he emits a bestial groan of his own and pushes into me deeply one last time before he finishes. A hot spurt of his juices coats my back walls and just when I think he’s done, he coats the back walls of my pussy with even more cum. It just feels so good…

We both revel in how damn good we feel. It takes us several more minutes of kissing and touching each other before we pull our bodies apart. Ryder lies on his back and I immediately roll over to him as closely as humanly possible, finding a spot in the crook of his arm as he catches his breath.

“Sweet little thing,” he whispers, turning to look at me. “I’m glad I found you out there in the desert. I think you might have saved me.”

“From what?” I whisper back. “Because I remember you saving me.”

“The boss called me out,” he says. “There are big things coming for the club. We have big problems with those Midnight SS bikers and Southpaw wants to trap them. Kill them… Doesn’t matter. The point is… I’m done with that life. I’m going to be honest with you and for you.”

He pulls me close to him. Then on top of him. Ryder is so easy on the eyes. On top of him like this, I can appreciate the beauty of his features – his sharp nose, his gorgeous sea-green eyes. The tattoos and marks from his previous life… He doesn’t judge me for mine, so I don’t judge him for his.

“Does that mean less riding out for hours at a time?”

“Yes,” he says. “It does. It means staying home with my woman until I get her pregnant with twins…”

“Ryder… I don’t know if we get a choice.”

“We do,” he says. “And I choose… getting you pregnant with twins.”

He rolls me over onto my back, taking my hands and holding them over my head, pinning me gently to the bed. I can feel his warm cum slipping around inside me and I’m wet all over.

“If you want twins,” I reply teasingly. “You’ll probably have to try again.”

“Is that how that works?”

“We won’t know until we try,” I whisper, pulling Ryder closer and then grabbing his dick, finding him already hard and ready for round two…