Chapter 31: JOSLIN

Chapter Thirty-One

JOSLIN

T hey had to put me on so much anti-anxiety medication to survive my first wedding that I barely remember it. Every minute of my wedding to Ryder Sinclair will stitch itself into my memories forever. Everything. I don’t know how they managed to make a quick-and-easy wedding venue in a gambling city this cute and festive, but I want to run, not walk, down the aisle to Ryder.

I wanted to faint during my first wedding and I rightfully feared what would happen on my wedding night.

When I touch Ryder for the first time, I know it’s going to change everything between us, change my views on sex… change my views on love. I want him. Every building touch we’ve had from the first time I laid eyes on him in the desert drew us to this moment. Holding his hand, meeting Pastor Barry, and walking down the aisle hand in hand to wedding music.

His grip on me is equally firm and protective. His closeness and scent make me feel safe and treasured. He wanted everything about this to be mine. To be ours. I don’t need more time to know Ryder’s a good man. When you get close to a true monster, you know the difference instantly. My first husband never quite fooled me , but I saw how he fooled other people.

Ryder isn’t like that. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He speaks what’s on his mind and worries about the consequences later. He’s man enough to handle the consequences. I want to be his… even if I didn’t a month ago. I don’t care how crazy it is.

My heart just knows.

We face each other at the end of the aisle and my eyes catch Ryder’s. He gazes down at me over his sharp, defined nose. His face is beautiful – every inch of it. He looks at me like I’m golden. Like he’s afraid to touch me, yet wants to do it so badly it hurts him. I thrive off of his desire for me. We don’t stop holding hands as we face each other and Pastor Barry begins his mini-service.

I scan every inch of Ryder’s face, committing to memory the way he looks at me as Pastor Barry gives a speech about a lifetime of love and commitment. He runs his thumb over the center of my palm slowly. Comforting me. Letting me know that he’s right here with me, jumping off this cliff together.

Pastor Barry has vows prepared for us, which relieves both of us. Even if the words come from Pastor Barry, I can feel that we both mean every word of our wedding vows. We both want to be here. Doing this. That’s what will keep us together. I know it. Once we say our vows, Pastor Barry reveals wedding rings.

I don’t know how Catalina pulled that off, but two simple golden bands await us, sealing our marriage with a mixture of novelty and tradition. My hand feels so tiny in Ryder’s as he slips the ring on my finger. It’s a perfect fit. I have a slightly more difficult time getting Ryder’s ring on his much thicker finger, but we do it.

And then Pastor Barry says, “You may now kiss the bride.”

Ryder grabs me like a racehorse after a gunshot and swings me around, dipping me low to the ground as he kisses me in the most enthusiastic and memorable way I have ever been kissed. The camera flashes repeatedly as he gives our drive-thru photographer several dramatic shots before settling me on my feet.

“Can I kiss her again?”

“It’s up to her,” Pastor Barry says.

That’s a yes in Ryder’s world. But I’m already on my tiptoes to kiss him, so trust me, I’m not mad about the kiss. He is a great kisser and doesn’t give a damn who watches. When Ryder’s tongue enters my mouth in front of Pastor Barry, I make my first effort to break free and find my ass trapped in Ryder’s palms and my body pressed against his in a suit.

He doesn’t let me pull away until I am thoroughly kissed.

“That was beautiful,” Pastor Barry says. “Now. Let’s get those signatures.”

Our witnesses are Pastor Barry, the host, and the photographer. Ryder and I sign our names. It’s as official as it’s going to get. Mrs. Joslin Sinclair. Ryder’s signature is twice the size of mine, as if partly in effort to show off his enthusiasm.

He sighs when he finishes, releasing all the tension in his body with the exhalation. Relief. I feel that way too.

Ryder looks down at me with a grin.

“Joslin Sinclair,” he says. “Before I take you on a honeymoon adventure far away from my crazy life… would you like to meet my mother?”

“Does your mother want to meet me?”

“If she doesn’t, she’ll kill me. So please, dear wife… Can I make that humble request?”

“I don’t want you dead and… if she wants to meet me, that’s good.”

He looks at me all seriously.

“What about your mother?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to see her?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I want to forgive her and of course, I’ve thought about her but… I’m just not ready. I don’t know if I will be.”

“Whenever you are, church girl… I’ll be right there with you. I just want you to know that.”

When our time slot ends, we walk outside together with slices of vanilla wedding cake, laughing at nothing and feeling like a real couple.

It’s like how I imagined first dates I saw in the movies would feel if they happened in real life. But this is better. Unlike guys in movies, Ryder is unpredictable. He doesn’t always do the right thing. But he does the human thing. I am curious about his mother, especially since she’s officially my mother in law. But Ryder hasn’t said a word about her, which makes me nervous.

Ryder leans against his bike in his suit, looking strange with his leather cut thrown over an outfit so fancy.

“I’ll fuck up that dress with the bike but… you look good.”

“I can change into… sweatpants. I have the ones I was wearing before.”

Ryder laughs. “You are something else.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know many women who would want to change out of their wedding dress into sweatpants.”

“I always wanted the marriage, Ryder. Not just the wedding.”

“And you want to wear the pants, apparently,” he says teasingly. I roll my eyes.

He beckons me over. I can’t imagine hesitating with him again. I throw my arms around Ryder’s neck, which requires me to reach up as far as I can. He grabs my hips and lifts me onto the bike seat so he can hold me in place and kiss me again. Ryder steps between my spread legs and as he kisses me, I feel the most familiar sensation between us.

The forbidden part of Ryder I have yet to touch. It’s so big. His dick throbs with heat in his pants and even if I nearly gave in and begged him for his dick several times before we were married, I’m somehow more terrified of asking him now.

He doesn’t need permission to hike my legs apart and rest his palm on my bare thigh. His dick jerks in his pants as he touches me and I don’t think we’re going to make it to this man’s honeymoon spot before we make love.

“Gas station,” I whisper, hoping that peels him off me. “I need some sweatpants.”

“There’s a Flying J on the way to my mama’s,” he says. “Only a couple miles. Owned by the family of one of the club members.”