10. Bambi

CHAPTER 10

BAMBI

There's a contemplative smile on my face and a spring in my step as I make my way through the winding caverns of Grotto to the control room. I'm clutching the props design I drew up in my fist. I had to finish it early this morning since I didn't get a chance last night. My smile widens just thinking about how Olwydd wore me out—twice in the empty auditorium and them three more times back at his cave.

The early morning quiet is broken only by the soft echoes of my footsteps. It's peaceful, which is more than I can say for the tornado of thoughts swirling in my head.

Last night, Olwydd suggested I move in with him. The offer sent a thrill through me that I'm still trying to process. It's all happening so fast, but in the best possible way. A few months ago, I was about as down and out as a person could be. Today, everything I've ever wanted is within my reach here in this underground city full of Sasquatches.

I enter the security area, a grin plastered on my face. Even though I last saw him only an hour ago, the anticipation of meeting Olwydd sets off flutters in my belly.

But Olwydd's not at his desk.

"Morning, Bambi," Dafydd rasps from his desk over in the corner, barely looking up from his monitors. "Olwydd got called out for a minute. You can leave that on his desk if you want."

My smile falters for a second, but I shrug it off. "Thanks, Dafydd."

I make my way to Olwydd's desk, my eyes sweeping over the organized chaos of high-tech monitoring equipment. As I set down the designs, my elbow bumps the mouse, bringing Olwydd's computer screen to life.

And just like that, my smile falls and my mood plummets.

It can't be. Please tell me it's not…

I can hardy believe what I'm seeing. Bile rises in my throat.

I want to turn and run. Instead, I reach out with a shaky hand and scroll through the file onscreen. The more I see, the more I feel like vomiting.

There, splashed across Olwydd's computer screen, in vivid detail, is my entire sordid past. From headlines screaming "BOOM BOOM BAMBI BUSTED!" and "PASTOR'S DISGRACED MISTRESS BANISHED FROM SCHOOL GROUNDS!" My stomach lurches as I click through page after page of tabloid articles, news show transcripts, and social media posts. It's all there—every excruciating detail of my utter humiliation.

My face heats. My pulse thunders in my ears. I stumble back, my vision blurring as tears fill my eyes. How could he? How dare he?

"Hey beautiful!" The sound of Olwydd's voice snaps me out of my spiral. I whirl around to see his face lit up with a dazzling grin.

"You look gorgeous this morning. I was thinking, after work today, we could grab your stuff from the dorm and–"

He stops abruptly when he notices my expression.

I'm trembling with rage and hurt. It takes me a moment to find my voice.

"Grab my stuff? Move in with you? Not a chance!" I'm probably shouting. I don't know. I don't care either. I'm too blinded by humiliation to tell. "I'll move in with you when hell freezes over."

Olwydd's expression morphs from joy to confusion to horror in the span of seconds. His eyes flick to the computer screen behind me, and understanding dawns.

"Oh, fuck," he breathes.

Yeah. Oh, fuck, buddy.

I don't know how, but I manage to calm myself enough to say icily, "When Amlawdd finishes constructing the props, he can drop them off to Principal Colywnn. I'd rather not have to look at your face."

I shoulder past him and storm out, leaving a crestfallen Olwydd in my wake.

I thought I'd finally found a place where I could start over, where my past couldn't haunt me. How could I have been so stupid?

***

The other women are chatting and sipping a Colombian brew when I arrive, steaming mug in hand, for our morning coffee klatch. I must be wearing my emotions because they fall silent as I approach.

"Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?" Steph blurts out, ever the queen of tact.

I slump into a chair and take a long gulp from my mug. It scalds my tongue, but I barely notice. "Olwydd and I are through," I announce flatly.

A chorus of gasps and exclamations follow as they pepper me with questions until finally, I spill, telling them about finding the files on Olwydd's computer.

"All my personal information." My voice cracks, and to my horror, a tear leaks out and flows down my cheeks.

"I understand you're upset." Kiki leans forward, her brow furrowed. "But does it really matter that Olwydd looked you up? That he knows? You weren't planning on keeping it a secret forever, were you?"

"YES!" I explode, then deflate just as quickly. "No. I don't know. I can't help it that you all know. I just... I didn't want anyone else here in Grotto to know. Ever."

I can see they have more questions, but no one says a word. They're probably afraid I'll go off on them if they do, and I can't say they're wrong.

I'm itching for validation, though, so I take a few deep breaths before trying to explain. "When I first got here, it felt so good to step out of that shadow of shame," I whisper, wiping my eyes. "To not have my every move dissected and vilified by the court of public opinion. The last thing I was interested in was a relationship. I thought I'd just wait out the 30 days, use it as a vacation, a chance to catch a breather. I never planned on..."

I gesture vaguely around me. "Suddenly having everything I ever wanted. A job I love, Olwydd, the chance at a family and a future… I felt free, like a new person given a second chance."

A heavy silence falls over our little group. I stare into my coffee mug, wishing I could drown myself in its caffeinated depths.

Finally, Deborah speaks up attempting to comfort me. "When you say that we all know about your past, we don't really. We only know what the media chose to portray."

"But we don't believe it," Steph adds.

Kiki nods emphatically. "Trust me, as someone who's been in the spotlight, I know better than to believe anything the media claims."

My stomach churns as the memories I've tried so hard to bury claw their way to the surface. They're like a poison, and for so long I've been choking on the poison, swallowing it back down every time it tried to come up. Right now, among these women who I've only known for a few days, I feel the need to purge myself. So I do.

I take a deep breath, and begin. "I met Jacob Houghton shortly after my mother died." My voice is barely above a whisper. "I was having trouble coping, and a coworker suggested I see her pastor for counseling."

Words tumble out of me like a dam breaking. I tell them about the love bombing, the lavish gifts, the secret rendezvous. "Looking back, I'm so embarrassed by how naive I was. I should have at least Googled him." Shame colors my cheeks. "I had no idea he was married with three kids. "Not until an investigative reporter caught us and set my world on end."

"Let me guess," Deborah interjects, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Pastor Holier-Than-Thou denied everything, and the public ate it up."

I nod miserably. "I was so stupid–"

"Stop that right now," Steph cuts me off, her eyes flashing. "You were not stupid. You were grieving and vulnerable, and that sleazeball took advantage."

"Steph's right," Kiki adds gently. "You need to stop blaming yourself. You were preyed on by a predator."

"Mm-hmm." Deborah nods emphatically. "Girl, you were played. Hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong. "

I look up into earnest eyes and sincere gazes, so grateful for these new friends. Getting that off my chest makes me feel lighter already. Especially with these women at my back.

So I continue.

"The school board terminated me because of the scandal and little by little I just shrunk into myself. I became a recluse, afraid to go out in public. Afraid I'd be recognized. I found work online as a freelance editor and did all my shopping through delivery apps."

"Wait." Deborah's brow furrows. "Didn't you say something about a fire in your apartment building? You said you lost everything."

I nod. "I did. The fire completely destroyed the building and ripped my safe little hideaway out from under me. I was reduced to living in a homeless shelter when Dewey Scruggs, who I now know is the custodian of the Sasquatches, offered me a cryptic opportunity. The shelter director vouched for him, and honestly, I had nothing left to lose."

And that's the story of how I found myself arriving in a transport bus with four other women at a secret underground city full of legendary monsters. Because apparently, truth is stranger than fiction .

The silence that follows is deafening. I want to crawl under the table and disappear. Why did I just spill all my tea? As if the backstory they knew about me wasn't pitiful enough, I had to go and add to it by admitting I was recruited from a homeless shelter.

Suddenly, Deborah blurts out, "I was recruited from jail." Her eyes go wide, and she claps a hand over her mouth. "I shouldn't have said that," she mumbles through her fingers.

All eyes turn to her, but she keeps her gaze locked on me. "Story for another time." She waves her hands in front of her. We're talking about you."

Steph, never one to stay quiet for long, pipes up. "Look, I get why you'd be traumatized, but you can't honestly compare Olwydd to that slimeball Houghton."

She's right, of course. Olwydd is nothing like Jacob. But that's not really the point, is it? I just wanted a clean slate, a chance to exist without the specter of Boom Boom Bambi hanging over me. I didn't want him to know.

"So he dug up everything and knows all about the skeletons in your closet. What makes you think he's judging you?" Deborah shrugs. "Maybe he feels the same way about it as we do."

"Just my two cents," Steph adds, "but I think you should at least talk to him. I'd bet my left tit that the big hairy beast is head over heels in love with you. I mean, we can all see it."

Kiki leans forward, her expression serious. "Is this a hard boundary for you, Bambi? Or do you just need some time to cool off?"

I bite my lip, considering her words. The anger that fueled my dramatic exit is starting to ebb, leaving behind a muddle of embarrassment, hurt, and... something else. Something that feels suspiciously like regret. I was so mean to Olwydd. I was caught off guard and…I feel kind of bad about how I reacted.

Maybe I'm not really upset with Olwydd. Maybe I'm just embarrassed and humiliated and taking it out on him. The memory of how cruel I was this morning makes me cringe.

I take a deep breath, feeling the knot in my chest loosen ever so slightly. "I think... I think I just need some time," I admit. "But maybe I'll talk to him. Eventually."