Chapter 13

“There’s always an agenda with you,” I said, taking a seat, “and it never involves being transparent with me.”

“That’s not?—”

“You didn’t break up with me because of Cherry, and while I have some suspicions, I’m still not entirely sure of the reason.” While I spoke, I ticked items off on my fingers. “You went to great lengths to be hired by Maccabees, but again, I have no clue why, nor have you ever cleared up why you were the one who absolutely had to investigate the murdered half shedim and drop back into my life. Then there’s your partnership with my father, which once again, you swore wasn’t all about me, though you also admitted that it’s why Delacroix allowed me to walk away unharmed. Do you see the pattern here? You make decisions that involve me, either tangentially or directly, but when I press for answers, you shut me out.”

Ezra stiffened. “It’s not—I regret…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve made the decisions I believed were necessary.”

“No shit,” I said, though without any heat. “But has it ever occurred to you that if you can’t share those reasons then that might be a warning sign?”

“Back at you.”

“You’re right. I’ve kept a lot of things from my friends and coworkers, but I did share everything with one person, knowing that relationship couldn’t work without honesty and trust. And in the vein of more honesty, this back-and-forth with you is making me crazy. I trust you with my life and our connection at times is as strong as ever, and I love working together, being in sync like that.”

It was terrifying being that open with him, handing him that power, but it was freeing too. And there was a not-small part of me that was curious to see what he did with it.

“But?” He leaned forward, his arms loosely braced on his knees, but his hands were twisted together and his eyes searched mine.

“Lay siege. That’s how you see us.”

“Give me a break, Aviva.” He sliced his hand through the air. “You started those metaphors with wanting to conquer me, remember?”

“Fair,” I said quietly. I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck. “I was trying to find some desperately needed agency where the two of us were concerned, and I went about it the wrong way. It was hurtful, and I’m sorry.”

“The encounter had its moments.” He shot me a wry grin. “Let me do better. Start us off with the romance you deserve.”

“That wasn’t a plea for hearts and flowers, Ezra. I deserve honesty. Even if you did answer all my questions and I was willing to get past our history, how do you see this working? I’m a Maccabee and you’re in bed with a demon.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Definitely not the one I want to be in bed with.”

“Ezra.”

“My partnership with Delacroix,” he continued smoothly, “is a means to an end. Not a lifetime commitment.”

“That’s hardly reassuring given you’re immortal.” I spun the short stack of books on the coffee table around to look at their spines, but the titles were all in Spanish. “Will three hundred years be enough time to accomplish your top-secret agenda? Five hundred? You can come visit my grave when you’re done.”

“Don’t be so sure. Half shedim have been known to live a couple hundred years.”

I jerked, knocking the books. “What?”

Cherry Bomb came to the same sudden alertness as a cat who’d sniffed out a mouse. Except in her case, it was for much wanted answers about who she was.

Who I was.

The desire to know more flooded me so completely that I briefly closed my eyes against a surge of dizziness. I might outlive Sachie? My mom? By a lot? I rubbed a hand against my chest. Would I grow old and stay that way for decades or would my aging process go at a snail’s pace? How would that factor into my plans for acceptance? Would it be one more nail against me?

“This is a fact?” I said.

“Humans might not know about infernals, but some demons do, and I’m now in the perfect position to learn everything.” Ezra picked up the cards, cutting and re-cutting the deck. “I’d never get you anything as trite as flowers, Aviva.” He flipped over a card.

It was the queen of hearts.

“Do you know why vampires were so successful in their campaign to be accepted by people?” he said, shuffling the card back into the deck.

“Human stupidity?”

Ezra wagged a finger at me, amusement dancing in his silvery-blue eyes. “So cynical. It’s because we were transparent.”

“About some things.”

“Enough that we removed the fear of the unknown, gave humans the agency they so desperately crave.” He split the deck in half. “I don’t agree with all the restrictions people put in place against us, but overall, it worked in our favor. We have power, respect. Adoration even. You could too.”

Yes, yes, and yes , Cherry whispered.

The cards thwapped softly against the table as he shuffled them. I usually found that rhythmic fluttering comforting, but it was drowned out by my pulse trumpeting in my ears. “What would it cost me?”

“Co?o,” he swore. “I’m not going to hold information about you hostage.”

The room was still, save for the gentle sway of the curtains in the breeze of the open window. The only sound was the steady beat of my heart disturbing the awkward silence that had fallen.

Ezra twisted around to stare out the window, his face completely averted from mine, which was odd. Unless… Was the man who always wore a mask unable to conjure one up now?

I cleared my throat. “Should you check in on Silas?”

My ex draped an arm along the back of the sofa and impassively met my gaze, infuriatingly not doing as commanded. “Whatever hornet’s nest you’ve kicked looking into this copycat demon is going to sting you, all of you, and sting hard.”

Had he unearthed new information on this that he also wasn’t sharing? Maybe it’s just concern .

Even without my blue flame magic, which didn’t work on vamps, I was trained to read people, but interpreting Ezra was like watching a traffic light cycling through colors. And I couldn’t tell anymore if the malfunction was on his end or mine.

I mimicked his nonchalant body language. “Is that an order to drop it?”

“It’s merely advice.”

“Which I didn’t ask for.”

“You didn’t ask me to have your back either,” he said. “You called and demanded I help free Silas. I won’t get in your way, but you involved my best friend. You involved me , so you don’t get to decide my involvement is done because you got what you wanted.”

I ran my thumb against the edges of the cards. “This isn’t like when I… When we…”

“Really,” he said flatly.

I flung the top card at him. In my head it was a sharp-edged weapon that sliced into his throat. In actuality, the two of spades fluttered uselessly to the table. “The Maccabees were leaving you alone so long as you didn’t leave this yacht, and I risked that, risked you , to have you save Silas.”

“Disarming me with truth?” he murmured.

“I don’t want you dead, Ezra. That’s still a long way from wherever you see us.”

He studied me for a long moment. “I’ll go get Silas.” He exited back onto the balcony, the hum of the elevator growing fainter.

I was sorely tempted to check if the frosted glass door next to the bookshelf led to Ezra’s bedroom, but I didn’t. With my luck, he’d scent it when he returned and get ideas that I was more into moving things along than I was. We’d had fun together saving Silas, but that didn’t reset us to the same easy intimacy we had when we were younger.

I flipped through the cards until I found the queen of hearts, and pressed my thumbs over the red hearts so only the double image of the queen was visible. Two queens. Two parts of me: human Aviva and Cherry Bomb, a baroness with aspirations of royalty.

Damn straight , she said proudly.

Still, both versions were unified on this one card. Face-up for the entire world to see.

The only person I’d ever relied on to reach my goal of universal acceptance for half shedim was me, so did I trust Ezra to obtain information on this?

I tapped the card against the table. Ezra claimed that he didn’t dump me because of Cherry, despite it coming on the heels of my revelation. Nowadays I was mostly convinced he was truthful on that score, and I appreciated him satisfying my thirst for knowledge about my kind, but any relationship between us felt impossible, given his behavior and us being on very different sides now. Our chemistry was irrelevant if we weren’t friends, and how could we be friends without honesty?

Sachie strolled in from the balcony, sipping a froufrou drink with chunks of pineapple speared on a fancy pink plastic sword next to a pink straw. “Nice digs.”

I massaged a temple. I was such a hypocrite.

You said it, not me , Cherry said snidely.

Delacroix followed Sach, grinding his teeth and carrying a matching beverage, which he set in front of me.

I eyed the glass, more worried about whatever combination of booze produced the fumes wafting off it than any poison he might have added. “Thanks. Good tour?”

Sach placed her drink on the table and took the spot that Ezra had vacated. “It was okay. I like Vegas better.”

Delacroix was going to need major dental surgery if he didn’t stop grinding his teeth. He muttered something about work and vanished through the wall.

It was one thing not to ward up the balcony, which was in plain view of the gambling floor below, to let everyone see the futility of any attacks, but this was Ezra’s private space.

No matter how quiet or stealthy I’d been, I’d never managed to make physical contact when he was sleeping without him waking up in time, but I was a human. Was Ezra condemned to a constant vigilance here? Even if it was just against Delacroix, that was more than enough. No wonder Ezra looked exhausted.

I clenched my fists. He has Silas here now .

Sachie leaned in. “This place is incredible,” she whispered. “You have got to try the buffet.”

“So people keep telling me.”

Ezra and Silas returned, and Sach jumped up, peppering our friend with questions, but the vamp assured her he was fine. His hair was damp and he’d changed into clean clothes, but he still looked rumpled and beat-up.

A moment later the woman in gray stepped into the doorway from the balcony, her chin tipped up in defiance.

“Darsh.” Ezra motioned my friend forward. “Glad you could join us.”

Silas was transfixed.

“How’d you know?” Darsh popped a hip, planting his hand on the fall of silk.

“Don’t insult me.” Ezra laughed at Sachie and me. “The look on your faces.”

“Glad we amuse you,” I said.

He grinned. “Yes. I’m incredibly entertained by your secret plot to sneak Darsh in. You couldn’t just ask, mi cielo?”

At his term of endearment for me, Sach made a strangled noise in her throat, but she relaxed at my clenched jaw.

Darsh snapped his fingers at Silas. “Close your mouth, Cowpoke. You’re catching flies. I’m in a dress. What of it?”

“Adelaide Edwards, heiress and entrepreneur.” Silas crossed his arms, flexing his biceps. “That alias of yours has had a hit on her since you tangled with the Fog City Mob in the ’90s.”

Darsh flicked his hair off his shoulder. “And?” he said in a deceptively mild voice.

Sachie stared at Silas, wide-eyed. “You snooped into Darsh’s background?”

“He’ll do better,” I said. “Right, Silas? Don’t curse him with the evil eye.”

Darsh and I once spent an evening comparing Romani and Jewish cursing abilities, finally agreeing that both our people were skilled in those arts. Regardless, we’d just saved Silas. He wasn’t being offed now by one pissed-off vamp.

Darsh sat next to Sachie and crossed his legs. “Next time you want to know something, Cowpoke, ask me. That is, if you don’t get yourself executed first. How’d all that idealism work out for you?”

Silas smirked. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Because the calvary rode to the rescue.” Darsh glared at my ex. “And I have plenty to say about this being said calvary’s fault in the first place.”

“Ez wasn’t at fault.” Silas’s words were infused with steel, and he held Darsh’s eye in challenge.

The other vamp held up his hands. “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t have trusted justice to prevail in a world that trades heavily in power and very little in ideals. Vampires aren’t jailed. Even operatives found guilty are staked. End of story.”

“Except for one vampire in history to make it to the epilogue,” Silas said. “Whatever you did to get on their radar, the Maccabees made you an operative and decades later, here you still are.”

Darsh’s left eye twitched. “I’m the glorious exception to all things and should not be taken as a roadmap to survival. You, however”—he jabbed a finger a Silas—“could have easily resisted arrest.”

“Through violence.” Silas shook his head. “Hurting or killing people.”

“Saving yourself,” Darsh growled. “You’re a fucking vampire, Silas.”

“I didn’t get to choose what I am.” There was a stubborn set to Silas’s chin. “But I can choose who I am. Which I have. Just like you’re choosing to avoid giving me a straight answer right now about why you chose to resurrect Adelaide.”

I feel you, buddy .

Darsh unfurled a Cheshire Cat smile. “Why do straight when twisted is so much more fun?” He eyed Silas up and down. “But if you must know, I’ve been careful to maintain Adelaide’s reputation over the years, and with some of the wives of the Southbank Mob gathering here for the past couple of months, I chose to have her make a rare appearance.”

My eyebrows shot into my hairline. With most people, Darsh would have ended that conversation with his “twisted” quip. Reassuring Silas, a man he allegedly wanted no complicated entanglements with, was not normal behavior.

I set that aside to ponder later and clapped my hands together to get us back on track. “Can we compare notes while we’re all here? Darsh, did you learn anything?”

“Not particularly,” Darsh said. “I dropped that I was looking to expand my business ventures, but no one knew of a way to pair shedim up with drug manufacturers, or any vamps already involved in that line of work.”

“Silas?” I turned to him.

He shook his head. “My initial searches before I was arrested didn’t bring anything up either.”

“Because there’s nothing to find.” Ezra strolled over to the bar cabinet and grabbed some fancy glass bottles of water from a small fridge hidden cleverly inside the vintage piece. “Think of all the trouble and stress you could have saved us all if you’d only asked me first.”

“Riiiiight,” I said. “Because you’re positively chatty on anything related to vamp Mafias. Oh, and also?” I jabbed a finger at him. “I had no reason to believe we were on speaking terms at the time.”

“I told you—” He slammed the water bottles on the table, then shook his head, looking like he was pulling his anger back inside himself through a physical act of will. He turned to Silas. “Why didn’t you just ask me straight up about it instead of getting yourself arrested?”

I got the strongest feeling that he was more upset with Silas than with me.

“It was a legit search in the wake of the drug bust,” Silas said. “If you weren’t bouncing from one place to the other trying?—”

I leaned so far forward waiting for him to finish that sentence that I was in danger of toppling over.

Ezra coughed behind one hand. Very politely. Very insistently.

Silas uncapped a bottle of water. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. But no, none of my myriad searches bore fruit.”

“It is what it is.” Ezra sat down, closed his eyes for a second, his features pinched tight. “In regards to vamp mobs infusing drugs with demon magic, the idea’s been floated many times before, but working with shedim is too unpredictable. Vamps generally don’t trust demons enough to willingly partner with them, and imprisoning a demon puts a target on the jailer since others will attempt to gain possession of it.”

“That makes sense.” Sachie cracked open a bottle. “Plus, you can’t rely on magic to behave consistently when mixed with drugs. Even designer drugs using Eishei Kodesh magic are too hard to regulate. Sometimes they do nothing. It’s financially unstable to invest in that.”

Awesome. Silas was on the run, I’d inadvertently provided the Maccabees with an excuse to go after Ezra, and we had nothing to show for it. I stilled. My mother said the Authority was waiting to see what Ezra did when he left the yacht, and even Ezra said he was in a détente with them. So why did they feel the need to act and draw him out now?

Unless this wasn’t about Ezra at all?

It was about me.