Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Text from Birdie: Thanks for before, Brewster. Feeling a bit brighter after a long napxxxx

Text from Birdie: Also: Good luck tonight. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If you don’t feel ready to DO IT, you don’t have to! And if you do feel ready, for the love of Tina Fey USE PROTECTION. This has been a public service announcement.

Text from Birdie: ALSO remember everything. I want to know it all. ALL.

Seth picksme up at eight as promised. When Anders’ doorbell goes, my forehead immediately breaks out in a light sweat. I’m nervous. But not in the all-encompassing way I have been so many times before. In an excitedway.

After much discussion with Anders, I’ve decided to wear my lucky red tea dress. Lucky because I once found a two-pound coin on the street in Saddleworth and what was I wearing at the time? Oh yes. The red tea dress. As I fastened on the only bra that looks good underneath it, I felt very justified in bringing fifteen bras for what was supposed to be a five-daytrip.

I don’t really know how to do make-up and I don’t like the feel of it on my skin, so I just curled my eyelashes, combed my unruly brows into submission and dabbed on some cherry-coloured lip-stain to match the dress. I don’t wear high heels – the possibilities for falling over a bump in the pavement and breaking my leg are too much to contemplate – and so I wear my favourite chunky Doc Martens. I’m not sure they go with the tea dress but Anders told me it looks very ‘Drew Barrymore.’ Which I take as a compliment. I like Drew Barrymore. I like the way her mouth moves when she talks.

‘Hey, girl,’ Seth greets me in a daft voice when I open the door. He coughs straight after he says it and it strikes me that maybe he’s a bit nervous too. The thought makes my shoulders drop comfortably. If confident, chilled Seth is feeling a bit nervy about this dinner of ours, then it’s not just me being a fusspot.

He’s noticeably made an effort and it takes all of my effort not to dive on him right there on the stoop. Instead of his usual T-shirt and hoodie he’s wearing a white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal lightly tanned, capable-looking forearms, and new-looking dark blue jeans. He leans in to kiss me on the cheek and I get a whiff of his lovely cologne. It smells like wood and figs and grown-up man. The scent sends a tingle of lust right throughme.

Man, oh man. How the hell do people cope feeling this feeling and reining it in? How do horny people make it through the days without feeling themselves up the whole time just to keep the randiness atbay?

‘Hey, boy,’ I respond in the same daft voice and step out the door into the balmy spring evening. Just as I’m about to close the door behind me, Anders runs towards me out of nowhere, carrying his tin of hairspray like a weapon. He liberally spritzes it over me, causing all three us to cough dramatically.

‘Apologies!’ Anders says. ‘I didn’t think it would come out that rapidly.’

‘Anders, this is Seth Hartman. Seth, this is Anders von Preen.’

Anders nods regally, one eyebrow raised, while Seth gives Anders a friendly, slightly befuddled handshake.

‘I’m Olive’s dear friend,’ Anders says territorially. He crosses his arms and lowers his voice dramatically. ‘If you hurt one hair on her head I will find you… It took me a long time to get it to shine likethat.’

I laugh so that Seth knows that Anders isn’t being serious (although I suspect he is) and shoo him inside, instructing him to call me if we get any important news regarding the search for Chuck. It’s been nearly twelve hours and we’ve had zero responses. But I’m still hopeful. I’ve brought the burner phone with me, so I’m fully available if anyone calls.

As Seth and I walk down the glittering Manhattan street towards the restaurant Seth has chosen – The Bistro on Irving Place – we don’t really say much. We just keep looking at each other and bursting into laughter, although nothing that funny is happening.

The restaurant is only a few minutes away yet it’s a world away from Trickys. I walk in first, Seth behind me, and my heart dips at how lovely and pretty it is. It’s busy, but in a quiet, gently buzzy way not in an overwhelming crowded way. The walls are all dark wood, the ceiling is strung with hundreds of tiny lanterns, and all the tables are intimate and private so that all conversation is strictly between you and your dinner guest.

This is not just dinner. This is a date. I’m on my first everdate!

Once we’re seated, we order drinks – sparkling water for me – I have lots more Chuck searching to do tomorrow and need to keep a clear head – and a glass of merlot forSeth.

I take my phone out of my bag and quickly press refresh on my email. I don’t mean to be rude, but, as I’ve already explained to Seth, I need to be completely present and ready for any Chuck-related news. I’m desperately hoping that one of the gazillion leaflets we sent out will lead to information soon. Impatiently, I wait for my inbox to load and feel a thud of disappointment when I see nothing about Chuck and nothing from any of the radio stations I contacted. All that trickles in is an offer to upgrade my Still Minds app for a discounted price. Masking my frustrated sigh as best I can, I put my phone away and once we’ve got our drinks, Seth lifts up his glass.

‘I’ve got some great news. I… got the job!’ His turquoise eyes glint with pride. ‘I’m gonna be a cast member on Sunday NightLive!’

‘Oh my goodness!’ I jump out of my seat, my knee bumping into the table and making everything atop it wobble precariously. ‘Wow! Comehere!’

Despite my own dramas right now, I could not be happier for Seth. What an incredible thing for him to have achieved!

He stands up and does an adorable ‘aw shucks’ shrug. I give him a hug, my head barely reaching his chest. Would it be appropriate to just stay here for the rest of the night? Would it be terribly impolite to just unbutton a button on his shirt and maybe have a little lick of his chest. Right here in the restaurant.

Get a grip, Olive!

I reluctantly pull away. ‘That’s amazing, Seth! Actually incredible!’

He laughs as we sit back down. ‘I found out this afternoon. It’s going to be announced formally tomorrow and I’ll be introduced on the live show this Sunday night.’

‘Formally announced?’ Iask.

‘So, the press release will go out tomorrow and it should make Deadline and Variety as well as the comedy blogs. This dumb face is gonna be everywhere.’ He points at his face and does a gormless expression. ‘And then on Sunday night, I’ll appear on the live show with the host. I’ll be introduced as the new featured cast member, and then I’ll actually start appearing in sketches nextweek.’

‘Woah!’ I shake my head. ‘Are you nervous?’

‘No,’ Seth says, taking a sip of his wine. ‘I’m fucking terrified.’

‘You will be brilliant. Holy moly. Are you going to be famous now, then?’

‘Little bit, yeah.’ He sniffs and brushes some imaginary lint off his shoulder. ‘I’ll have to start wearing sunglasses indoors and shit. Drinking green juices, getting manicures, working out so I’m camera-ready.’

I have a little daydream of Seth working out. All sweaty. No top on. No bottoms on either, come to think of it. He still has his specs on though. Like a naked, cocky Clark Kent, lifting dumbbells. Maybe in the library from Atonement. Yes. Perfect. I feel like a cartoon wolf about to do a howl. I do not howl, though. This is a nice restaurant and if I’m going to start feeling these smutmuffin feelings I’m going to have to learn to control them at least a little. Instead of howling, I quip, ‘Good idea. Everyone knows they don’t let you on TV if your cuticles are ragged.’

Seth wiggles his eyebrows excitedly. ‘Hey, maybe the woman who owns my local deli will finally remember my name. She’s been calling me Ted for three years. I correct her every time I go in there. And I go in there a lot – they do the best soup in Manhattan, you have to try it – but it’s like she decided I look more like a Ted than a Seth and opted to stick withthat.’

I raise my glass of water. ‘To Ted, featured cast member on Sunday NightLive.’

Seth raises his wine glass. ‘And to Olive Brewster, without whom my John Malkovich impression wouldn’t have knocked anyone’s socksoff.’

We eye one another, grinning madly as we toast. That I might have had a tiny something to do with him getting his dream job is a really great feeling.

‘Seriously, Olive,’ Seth says putting his glass back onto the table. ‘I’m not trying to flatter you, but you have a natural ability for it. The team were really impressed with your input at the writers’ meeting.’

I feel my cheeks turning red with pleasure. ‘I barely did anything.’

‘Of course you did. Pizza flap?’ He pulls a face and slides his glasses up his nose. ‘I mean, who comes up with pizzaflap?’

‘I had the best time,’ I say with a wistful sigh. ‘I can’t believe people get to do that as ajob.’

‘You could get to do that as a job,’ Seth says, his face turning serious. ‘I mean, you know, you’d have to get experience, take improv classes, write practice sketches, maybe even do some formal comedy training. But it’s completely possible.’

I shake my head and shield my embarrassment at his compliments by taking three large gulps of water.

As he continues talking about the opportunities out there for someone like me to get into comedy writing, my breath catches in my throat, my stomach flipping over in a pleasant way. Because all at once I know, I am certain, that that’s exactly what I want to do with the rest of mylife.

Who’d have thought?

* * *

After an incredible mealof roasted oysters followed by grilled garlic lamb with market greens, we leave the restaurant and step into the unseasonalbly warm evening. Seth suggests we wander around to a nearby ice cream shop to get a couple of small desserts.

On the way, we pass by Gramercy Park. I can’t see much through the cast-iron fence but I notice that there are little twinkle lights strung up inside the garden. It looks so pretty.

And then something occurs tome.

‘Wait,’ I say to Seth. ‘Hold on asec.’

I reach into my bag and pull out my little coin pouch. I pinch my fingers inside and pull out the key I stole. I hold it up toSeth.

‘You still have it? I thought the police took itback!’

I shake my head. ‘It was in my pink bum bag, in this little pouch. The day I was arrested I was wearing my satchel!’

‘We couldn’t,’ Seth breathes, eyes glittering.

I raise an eyebrow. ‘What happened to super chill “arent we all looking for excitement” Seth Hartman?’

I dramatically creep towards the gate and gently slide the key into thelock.

‘You’re really doing this?’ Seth laughs. ‘You’re actually going to breakin?’

‘It’s not breaking in if you have a key! It’s gorgeous in there. You have to seeit.’

I push open the gate door, grab Seth’s hand and lead him inside.

‘Wow,’ he whispers.

‘I know!’ I look up at the hedges strung with fairy lights and the gravelled pathways lit by little lanterns.

We walk down the path into the centre of the garden, where Seth pulls out his phone and fiddles with the buttons until the gruff soulful voice of Otis Redding’s I’ve Been Loving You Too Long rings its way into theair.

‘Would you dance with me?’ he asks, bowing his head a little.

I blink. I have never been asked to dance before in my life. I feel my cheeks turnred.

‘Alright then,’ I say quietly, reaching up to put my arms around hisneck.

As the evening spring breeze whips around us, Seth presses his hands onto the small of my back and we sway underneath the trees and the stars, the only two people in this beautiful park, in this big old city. My heart thuds in my ribcage, and when I lay my head against his chest, I hear that his heart thuddingtoo.

I lean back and study his face. I want to kiss him. If we kissed right here it would surely be the most romantic moment anyone had ever had inlife.

But before anything kiss-related can happen, the music changes to the next Otis Redding track on the album – the super sexy LoveMan.

I burst into laughter as Seth steps away from me and comically swirls his hips from side to side, a dumb pervy expression on his face. It’s so funny that I decide to do the same thing, putting my hands on my hips and rolling them around like I’m doing a hula hoop. I pull a stupid face as I’m doing it and Seth starts to laugh too, clutching his stomach with amusement.

The two of us saucily dance our way around the park. Seth wiggles and twirls around a bush. Getting well and truly into the spirit of the bit, I start to fake hump a tree which causes tears of mirth to roll from Seth’seyes.

When the song ends it takes us a whole ten minutes to stop giggling. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with anyone other than Birdie. In fact, I’m pretty sure I neverhave!

* * *

After sneaking back outof the park, we find a bench to sit on so I can check my email again and see if any leads have come through about Chuck. But nope. Nothing. Then I check the burner phone that Anders bought for our mission, making doubly sure that all the notification volumes are as high as they can go. But no-one has tried to get through on that, either! I sigh and put the phones back in mybag.

‘No luck?’ Sethasks.

‘No.’ I shake my head, confused. ‘We must have given out a gazillion leaflets. I thought we’d have at least a few calls.’

‘Did you hear from any of Sharon’s contacts?’

‘No.’ I sigh. ‘I’ll chase them up tomorrow.’

‘I’ll text her, see if she can chase them. People don’t generally leave Sharon hanging!’

I eye him as he taps a text out on his phone. He has her personal numberthen.

‘You know her well?’ I ask super, super casually.

Seth nods and leans back against the bench. ‘We used todate.’

I knew it. I may not be clued up in the ways of sexual adulting, but I could completely tell that they had history.

‘Cool. Cool,’ I say nonchalantly. ‘So what happened? Why did it end? When did you break up? What’s the story?’ I add, completely ruining my casualvibe.

Seth puts his phone pack into his shirt pocket and turns to me. ‘We were together for about a year and she cheated on me,’ he says it very matter-of-fact. So matter-of-factly that he was evidently hurt byit.

‘Shit,’ I say. ‘That’s horrible.’

Seth nods, giving a small empty laugh. ‘It was. She always told fibs, little white lies, exaggerations. I hate liars – hate them – but I figured they were little lies, harmless. And she’s in PR after all, and that whole deal is about putting a spin on shit. But she lied about sleeping with someone else for three months. Not such a little or harmless lie. I had completely trusted her. I felt like such an idiot.’

‘Gross! I’m sorry that happened toyou.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And you still have to work with her! Ick.’

Seth shrugs. ‘Ah, I’m over it now. We’re learning to be friends again. I mean, we were never right for each other in a romantic way so I’m glad it happened. I tend to stay in long relationships, so if she hadn’t have cheated I’d probably still be with hernow.’

Does that mean he still has feelings forher?

I hopenot.

Not that it should matter tome…

‘Oh.’ I say casually.

Seth nods. ‘Plus she farted in her sleep. At first I thought it was cute. But sometimes they were so loud they literally woke meup.’

‘We all do farts in our sleep!’

‘Sure. I bet yours smell like fresh spring blooms.’

‘They do. And on that note I propose a subject change!’

And by subject change I mean that perhaps it’s about time to do some kissing. I’ve been watching his lips moving all night and have been able to think of nothing but what they will feel like on my neck. Pressed against my belly. Onmy…

‘Olive?’

Seth’s voice interrupts my fantasy. I’m drooling a littlebit.

He’s grinning at me, his tongue poking out. I scooch towards him so that our thighs are touching.

His eyes run over my face me like he wants to eat me up for a second dessert.

I nudge my knee against his and turn so that I’m properly facinghim.

He moves his face closer to mine. Closer, closer, closer andthen.

He sighs.

And it’s not a sexy sigh full of longing and desire. It’s a full-on negativesigh.

What?

Why is he sighing?

I lean back and look at him expectantly.

‘Sorry. I’m just thinking about all that shit with Sharon.’

‘Don’t think about that!’ I say, waving my hands madly as if I am shooing all thoughts of his ex away. ‘Think about your new job! About those oysters we just had!’ I force myself to be brave. ‘Think aboutme!’

‘That’s the problem.’ Seth looks down at his hands. ‘I can’t stop thinking aboutyou.’

‘Why… why is that a problem?’ I ask, completely confused.

‘Because Colin! I’m talking about Sharon cheating on me and here we are. You’re engaged. Don’t you feel bad? I know we’ve not… but…’

Colin? Who the hell is… Oh shit Colin. And my fake engagement.

I open my mouth to tell Seth that Colin is basically a stranger. That I knew him for a very nerve-wracking hour in the airport and that, while we exchanged a few flirty texts and I thought he might have been a sensible option for a future date, he doesn’t give me the wibbles like Seth. And I want those wibbles. Now that I’ve had them I want them all the time. Plus Colin emailed me, like, eighteen shit memes. That’s unforgivable.

But… I can’t confess that now! How can I? Seth clearly already knows I’m crazy, but he’s just explicitly stated that he hates liars. And I… am a total liar. What happens if I tell him that I have been lying to him about being engaged? He’s mentioned Colin on more than a few occasions and I’ve never corrected him. I didn’t expect that we would see each other again! And if I tell him now, I might never get to have the fling that I am feeling, very very firmly, that I should have withhim.

‘You’re feeling guilty, I know. You look so gloomy,’ Seth says gently. ‘Don’t beat yourself up. We just got caught up, I guess… Fuck.’ He shakes his head in frustration.

I’m not feeling gloomy about Colin. I’m feeling gloomy that the one time in my adult life I am feeling so attracted to someone that I can’t quite control it, a made-up fiancé is getting in theway.

Argh. I fancy Seth so much. I mean… I’m going home in a few days. I’ll probably never see him again… Who knows when I’ll feel like this about anyone again. IfIwill.

I look at Seth’s strong, stubble covered jaw. His twinkling, clever eyes behind his dorky glasses. His forearms. The way he smells. The way he tastes. I am ready. If I leave New York without having this little fling with Seth, I might regret it for the rest of my life. I’ll just be thinking about it all the time, wondering what it would have been like. I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else! Forever! And although I seem to becoming more comfortable with the idea of small risks, this is one I’m not willing totake.

So I take a deep breath and do the only thing that makes sense to do rightnow.

I do what Birdie would do: tell just a few more teeny, tinyfibs.

I fiddle with the clip in my hair. ‘I feel so bad about Colin,’ I say awkwardly. ‘But… the truth is… I’m not sure about…’

‘What?’ He says, seeming to perk up a little.

‘He’s the only person I’ve ever beenwith…’

Seth’s eyes widen, his mouth making an ‘o’ shape.

This is only a half-lie. I have only ever been with one person. I mean, it wasn’t Colin. It was a guy called Guy during my Fresher’s week at university. But still. A half-lie means it’s a half truth. Which isn’t sobad.

‘One person? Wow.’

‘Mmmhmm.’ I nod. ‘And the thing is… if I’ve only been with one person, how do I know if… he’s the right person?’

Seth frowns. ‘But you got engaged to him… surely you think he’s the right person… don’tyou?’

Argh. He’s making this hard. Why does he have to be so honourable?Ugh!

‘Erm… I mean. I think… maybe in the future, what if I decide that I never got enough experience? And I feel resentful that I only ever slept with… Colin?’ I nod, getting into my stride. ‘And we end up getting divorced?’

Shit. Am I really going in with this angle?

A breeze whips past, rustling the trees above us, mussing Seth’s light brown hair across his forehead and carrying that gorgeous fig cologne of his under mynose.

Yes. Yes, I most certainly am going in with this angle.

‘What if we get divorced because I had never been with anyone else?’ I ask. ‘What if…’ I hold a finger in the air like a professor giving a lecture. ‘What if we have kids? And I get divorced! Think of the kids. The kids with no mum because she only ever slept with oneman.’

Seth shakes his head. ‘What are you saying?’

I’m no longer sure. But I’m saying it anyway.

‘I’m… I’m saying… I’m just worried that I haven’t had enough experience. And that maybe… a… fling… might be… okay.’

‘A fling?’

I try to read his expression. To see if my ruthless shtick is working. But he’s giving nothing away. He’s just watching me very intently.

I swallow, my mouth feeling a bit dry. ‘I’m going home in a fewdays.’

‘Right.’

‘And then we’ll be entire continents apart, so technically it would never happen again.’

‘Right.’

‘And then I could spend the rest of my life with Colin, knowing that I had… um, sowed my wildoats.’

‘Technically, this would be the kind thing to do. For Colin. And your future children?’

‘Yes. Exactly. Not really cheating. Just… protecting against possible future doubts. For the, um, children.’

Seth’s eyes flick to my lips. ‘And we won’t ever see each other again after next week,’ he says. ‘So…’

‘So…’ Iadd.

And I don’t know who grabs who, but we are kissing again. And he is so clever at kissing that my body wants to climb atop his body and just cling to it like a koala on atree.

Holyheck.

Seth somehow manoeuvres us into a standing position and moves us towards the road, where his arm is frantically waving for acab.

Why aren’t any cabs stopping? I can’t hold out much longer!

Seth continues holding his hand out, but I’m not feeling quite so patient.

‘OI!’ I yell, super aggressive like the elderly woman on the Upper West Side taught me. ‘OOOOIIIIIII!’ Immediately a cab comes to a screeching halt right besideus.

‘Nice!’ Seth says, impressed. ‘You’re definitely getting the hang of this whole New York thing.’

‘Little bit,’ I say, closing the cab door behind us and planting my lips immediately back ontohis.