Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

@ElissaJohnson

So I spoke to the cops this morning for an update on my stolen key, and they say that the suspect was spotted trying to fish for cheques in a West Side mailbox!

@ElissaJohnson

She ran away! She ran away again. Does anyone know who she is?? Someone at @SundayNightLive MUST know. They impersonated her. I’m so confused and #angry.

@ElissaJohnson

Oh great. Now The Gramercy Neighbourhood Society say it will be another two weeks until I can get a new key!!! This is #horrendous

@NewYorkDailyNews

Hi Elissa. Follow us. We’d like to DM you aboutthis.

‘Hello you!Where are you? It’s alldark!’

‘I’m in a bar bathroom in Staten Island,’ I tell Birdie, to which she gasps in delight. ‘I got the letter back!’ I say, deciding to start with a positive.

‘Amazing! You are the best. What a relief. I gotta say, I was panicking a bit. I put my whole heart into that letter. Phew!’

‘There’s bad news too… I’m stuck in Staten Island overnight. There’s a storm and there’s no way to get back to Manhattan.’

Birdie’s face clouds over. ‘Are you all right? Where will you stay? Are you there alone? Shit, Olive.’

‘I’m fine,’ I wave away her concern. ‘I’m here with Seth. He knows the owners of thebar.’

‘Seth? The TV show writer?’ Birdie raises an eyebrow.

‘Yeah, him. Anyway. I’m just worried because I won’t be able to get to Chuck today. Of course, there’s tomorrow, but it’s cutting it pretty fine, especially if he’s not still working there.’

Birdie nods and bites her lip. She looks more tired than usual today. Her normally sleek pixie crop is a little messy and ruffled and her lips lookpale.

‘Are you okay?’ I ask.’ You don’t look verywell.’

Birdie laughs, absent-mindedly rubbing her chest. ‘Oh I had a late night, you know. Giving a pleasant BJ to Dr BJ. We had a night of wild passion. Hence the messyhair.’

‘WHAT?’

‘I’m kidding!’ she giggles. ‘I wish. God, do I wish. I just didn’t sleep well. I missyou.’

‘I miss you too,’ I sigh, resting my head against the phone screen. Birdie does the same. We stay there for a moment.

I pull back and my phone screen flickers. The video image goes still so that Birdie looks like a smiling statue.

‘Can you hear me?’ I call into the phone. ‘Birdie?’

‘Yeah… patchy… storm.’ Her voice is breaking up. The sound is all muffled.

Shit. The weather must be affecting the signal.

‘Birdie?’ I try again, holding my phone in the air, as if this will help. ‘I will figure this all out, okay?’ I say. ‘Birdie? Don’t worry about anything! Birdie?’

‘Love… you… time… Chuck… relax…’ Her voice comes back muffled and erratic. I can’t tell what she’s trying tosay!

Then the screen goes black.

She’sgone.

Stoopid storm.

When I returnto the booth, Seth is sitting there, messing with his phone, two more beers on the table.

‘It’s not working.’ He points to his phone.

‘Me either,’ I say, holding upmine.

‘So… are you going to tell me about this letter?’ he asks as I sit down oppositehim.

I bite my lip. ‘Okay. ButSeth?’

‘Olive?’

‘Everything I’m going to talk to you about is private. Please don’t tell anyone. Or write aboutit.’

He holds up his hands. ‘We’re friends now right?’

I feel a smile lift the corners of my mouth. ‘Well, I suppose we have survived a major storm together.’

‘Exactly.’ Seth holds his hand out for a high five, which I promptly return. ‘I only ever use the behaviour of complete strangers for comedy material. Not friends. So you’resafe.’

I spend the next thirty minutes telling Seth all about Birdie and the mysteriously vanished Chuck. How the whole reason for me being here is to get this letter to the love of Birdie’s life before she dies. He asks the usual questions about treatments and cures and how long she has left. To which I give him all the sad answers Birdie and I have known for a while. But mostly he just listens, his eyes serious.

‘My flight back to Manchester is early Thursday morning. And I’m not even a hundred per cent sure that Chuck works at Chimes Investment! Hence the freak-out.’

‘Can’t you stay longer?’ Seth asks, drinking from his bottle and nudging mine over tome.

I shake my head. ‘Not really. Birdie’s kidney surgery is a week Monday. I need to be back to help her prepare. She has no one else, yousee.’

I lift my beer bottle and take asip.

We both go quiet. Me thinking about what I’ve got to do. Seth thinking about who knowswhat.

Eventually Seth speaks. ‘Why don’t you call the bank and speak to this Chuck fella. Check he’s definitely there? Arrange a time to meet him in the morning?’

I bang my hand against my head. ‘Of course! Duh. That’s a really sensible idea. Thankyou!’

‘I’ve never been called sensible before.’ Seth pulls a face. ‘I do not likeit.’

I immediately pick my phone up off the booth table and Google Chimes Investment.

And then I remember that my reception is totally down, as is Seth’s.

‘We’ll use the landline in the back,’ Sethsays.

I follow him to the bar, were Phyllis cheerfully waves us through to a tiny storeroom, with a Barbie-pink 90s telephone set hanging on the wall. On the table below it is a thick paper phonebook.

‘This is amazing,’ I say gleefully, picking up the phone. ‘So retro. And sopink!’

Seth flips through the book until he finds the number for the bank, reciting it as I push the buttons on the handset.

After a few rings someone answers.

‘Good afternoon, Chimes Investment, how may I direct yourcall?’

‘I’d like to speak to Chuck Allen please,’ I say as clearly as I can. I sound like Donna.

‘Putting you through to mergers and acquisitions.’

Ooh, mergers and acquisitions. That sounds fancy!

I tap my fingers against the phone, while Seth stands there, appearing to be studying an old calendar on the storeroomwall.

‘Good afternoon, Mergers and Acquisitions.’

‘Hi there. May I speak to Chuck Allen?’

Please let him still work there. Please, jeebus, let him still work there.

‘Mr Allen has left for a meeting with a client,’ the woman on the other end informs me. ‘He will not be in the office until tomorrow. May I take a message’

I gasp. ‘He’ll be there tomorrow?’ I do a little excited wiggle. ‘In the morning? Definitely?’

‘Yes he will,’ the woman says in a clipped voice. ‘May I ask who is calling?’

My heart lifts with relief. This is okay. I can make this work. I have located Chuck Allen!!

‘It’s Olive. Olive Brewster,’ I say, a huge smile on my face. ‘Can I make an appointment with Chuck? For tomorrow?’

The woman’s voice turns suspicious. ‘Mr Allen is a very busy man. I’m afraid he’s pretty tightly booked for the next month, at least. What is this regarding?’

‘Oh… um… It’s personal business. It’s urgent.’

‘Then you can get him on his personal number. We don’t make appointments for personal business.’

Ugh, this woman is a right snooty patootie.

‘Of course. And his personal numberis?’

‘Who are you? Is that you, Diane? Chuck said he never wanted to hear from you again! Stop calling. It’s over, Diane! Over!’

This is going downhill very quickly.

Pull it back, Olive!

‘Excuse me!’ I say imperiously. ‘This is not Diane! This is Olive. I… I need to see Chuck Allen immediately.’

My shift in tone causes Seth to turn around from the wall calendar, a surprised half-smile on his face. He leans right in close so he can hear what’s going on. He’s so close. Really close. His ear is almost touching my ear. I feel peculiar.

Focus Olive.

I clear my throat. Somehow I don’t think the fact that I have a letter from Chuck’s old girlfriend is going to cut it with this suspicious woman…

‘I… I have a large investment to make,’ I say. ‘I am leaving Manhattan tomorrow evening on, um, a private plane. My private plane actually.’ I make my voice sound much posher. ‘This investment is of the utmost importance.’

Seth’s eyebrows shoot up and he covers his mouth as he does a whispery laugh. He shoots a thumbsup.

‘Your query is financial, not personal?’ the womansays.

‘Finance is personal to me,’ I say haughtily. ‘I have some investments and some acquisitions to make and… merge. You know. Always Be Closing, as I like to say. I don’t mean to be crude but we are talking business worth at least… nine figures. Oh yes. It would be ghastly to have to tell your boss that he missed out on a very valuable client, especially after he was recommended to me so heartily by my friends at well… I shouldn’t say. Billionaires are a discreet bunch, as youknow.’

I have no clue what I am saying. Even if I’m making sense. I just know that I need this appointment with Chuck and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get it. Seth is enjoying all of this immensely. His shoulders are shaking with silent laughter.

I think I might have completely fucked this up. I prepare to have the phone slammed down onme.

‘Ahem,’ the woman clears her throat. ‘I am sorry, madam. I didn’t realise you’d been personally recommended. Of course. Please excuse me. Mr Allen is very particular about who he meets with. Okay…Will ten thirty a.m. tomorrow suit? I can squeeze you inthen?’

‘Yes!’ I yell. Then I cough and try to sound more like the character I’ve spontaneously concocted. ‘That will be, um, amenable. Thank you and… best wishes.’

‘Um, best wishes to you too, madam.’

I hang the phone back in its holder and Seth puts his palm out for a high five. Laughing, I smack my hand against his, adrenaline coursing through mybody.

How the fuck did I just manage that? Yes! I will finally get to give Chuck Birdie’s letter! I won’t have let herdown!

‘That was kind of amazing,’ Seth breathes, his eyes twinkling. We’re so close to each other in this tiny storeroom, I can see the flecks of pale green that make his eyes looks so turquoise.

I take a deep breath. ‘I didn’t think she was going to believeme!’

I open the storeroom door and we head back past a couple having a row by the pool table, towards our booth.

‘Have you ever tried improv?’ Seth asks when we sit down. ‘I have a feeling you’d be amazing at it. That phone call was insane.’

I take a sip of my beer, my mood considerably lifted by the fact that I have finally located the enigmatic Chuck. ‘Is that what you were doing at the community theatre?’

‘Yeah,’ Seth smiles fondly. ‘But that was beginner’s stuff. We have a group at UCB – The Upright Citizen’s Brigade – and that’s professional improv and sketch comedy. A bunch of Sunday Night Live writers and cast members, including me, were discovered there. It’s pretty much making stuff up on the spot, but in ateam.’

‘I’d be too scared. I wouldn’t know what tosay!’

‘It can be nerve-wrecking at first but the buzz you get, the adrenaline. It’s ridiculous. It’s purejoy!’

He looks so happy.

‘It sounds cool,’ I say. ‘And terrifying.’

His eyes light up. ‘Oh man, Olive. You should definitely come and watch a show! You don’t have to try it, even just to watch. I really think you’d likeit.’

‘I’m leaving Thursday morning, remember,’ I laugh, running my finger in a circle on the booth table. ‘But otherwise I would have really likedthat.’

Seth’s smile falls slightly. ‘Oh, yeah, of course.’ He taps the side of his beer bottle, ‘This must be going to my head already.’

‘Yeah. Three a.m. flight. And I’ll definitely be taking some Night Nurse. If I can knock myself out beforehand that’ll be for the best of everyone.’

I feel my cheeks turn red, just thinking of the last flight. It occurs to me then that Seth had thought I wanted to join the Mile High Club with him. And he was willing to. Does that mean he found me attractive?

Not that I’m bothered. Obviously. Seth is not even my type. He’s a bit rumpled, his hair needs a good cut and he’s way too laid-back. He’s definitely not the kind of guy who would have a five-year plan. He probably doesn’t even have a five-day plan. I mean, not that I have a type. People who don’t date or have sex don’t tend to have types. But if I did he would probably look a lot like Colin. Or maybe James McAvoy…

‘Three a.m.?’ Seth says, leaning his elbows on the table. ‘So you’d have to be at JFK around 12.30a.m.’

‘Right…’

‘So technically, you could come to my improv show tomorrow night. It’s seven until nine. I have to go straight to work afterwards – it’s our writing night – and you would have plenty of time to make your flight. You could even bring your cases to the theatre.’

I bite at my thumbnail, trying to work out my timings. I suppose I could book a cab in advance. Make sure I pack early…

‘I mean, you don’t have to,’ Seth says his eyebrows shooting up. ‘But you could… if you wanted to do. It might be fun. And it will definitely be funny.’

I take a swig of my beer. It’s a bit last minute. But everything’s been last minute this week and here I am, much to my own surprise, figuring it out. And by tomorrow night Chuck will have the letter and I’ll have fulfilled my mission. And then I can get back to Birdie, where I belong.

‘Okay, then,’ I say, a smile lifting the corners of my mouth. ‘I’min!’