3. Nell

3

Nell

N ell moved nervously around her kitchen, inventing tasks to keep her hands busy.

The dishes were done and there was a snack tray for Cassie ready to go in the fridge. The bright blue tea made from flowers that they had picked just outside their door was strained and chilling in the fridge as well.

They had settled into their little cottage almost immediately. The ‘ohana unit was homey to begin with, and lush gardens all around contributed to the feeling of being home.

Inside, Lani's painted flowers climbed up the walls and doors.

Outside, fragrant tropical flowers bloomed everywhere.

Laughter filled the space during the days, the clucking chickens and bleating goats providing a gentle backdrop to the kids' play. At night, there was no loud music, no shouting. The only sound was the steady chorus of coqui frogs: co-QUI, co-QUI, all night long.

Nell felt more at home at the Kealoha place than she had anywhere else in her adult life. The cottage and gardens wrapped her in a sense of safety that she hadn't felt since her dad died and her mom sold their family home.

Now, finally, she could provide that same sense of home and safety to her own children.

"She's here!" Cassie squealed. She threw open the front door to reveal Juniper, who had developed something of a rockstar status among the littler kids.

Emma's seventeen-year-old niece was grown-up sized but still climbed trees and played and colored with them. Cassie adored her.

"Ready to go?" Juniper said to Nell. Her tone was lightly teasing, and Nell felt her cheeks color. Hazards of being a redhead. She was about to go out on her first date in years, and she was all nerves.

"Yeah," she said. "Just about. He should be here any minute. There are snacks for Cassie in the fridge, and some pureed food for Everett too. He just went down for a nap, so he'll probably sleep for an hour or two."

"Will you color with me?" Cassie begged, pulling on Juniper's hand.

A familiar car pulled up out front. The dark gray paint blended in with the road, but the two surfboards on top were hard to miss. Nell looked between the surfboards and her daughter, hesitant to leave.

"I would love to color with you!" Juniper gave Nell a wink and settled down at the coffee table with Cassie and her stack of coloring books. They were mostly Lani King originals; Cassie loved the leaping dolphins and life-sized hibiscus flowers.

With a fortifying breath, Nell grabbed her beach bag and walked out the front door. She'd had some practice with leaving her children for hours at a time these last few months, but most of that had been under stressful circumstances. Walking away from them still required a hefty dose of self control, and leaving them just to go on a date felt frivolous.

She felt lost without Everett's comforting weight and baby babbling, without Cassie's hand in hers. She wasn't sure who she was anymore, outside of motherhood.

And that was a problem.

It was one thing to make her children her world now, when they wanted her undivided attention. But before long they would be more interested in spending time with their friends than their mother. She didn't want to hang on so tightly that she stunted their growth… or hers.

What's more, she wanted to give her children real community. Maybe even more family than what they had now, just the three of them. She had worked at building friendships with other mothers in Pualena, and now… well, now it was time to give love a chance.

Hugh stood waiting just past the front gate. His smile was warm and real, and her nerves settled. All of her brain's nervous chattering faded away in the reassuring steadiness of his presence.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah." She had a bathing suit on under her sundress, and her pulse sped in nervous anticipation. "I haven't gone surfing in years."

"It's a good day for it."

"Surf's up?"

"Yeah," he said with a chuckle, "but not too big."

Nell had surfed waves twice her height in her early twenties, but after so many years it would be good to start small. Hugh opened the passenger-side door for her, and she climbed in.

As they drove north along the highway, she realized that this was the first time she had left her children behind and actually felt happy about it. That realization was accompanied by a twist of guilt, but it faded quickly beneath the blue skies and lush greenery of Hilo.

Her kids were safe and happy. They adored Juniper, and Emma was right there in the main house if anything went wrong. She was with her babies twenty-four-seven; they were together at New Horizons during the week and they slept in one bed every night.

She refused to feel guilty for taking half a day to go on a small adventure that they couldn't possibly join her on – at least not until they were much older.

Surfing aside, the truth was that she wanted the chance to get to know Hugh away from the kids… and outside of court.

After so many years in an abusive relationship, it was hard to wrap her head around the fact that she had found such a strong connection with a good man… who just happened to be her family law attorney. With court proceedings over and done with, they finally had the chance to explore whatever this was between them.

The weather was gorgeous, so it was no surprise to find the limited parking at Honoli‘i Beach Park full to bursting. Hugh drove past the long line of cars and snagged a spot down the road in the shade. Then he put both surfboards on his head, heedless of Nell's protests that she could carry her own, and walked back up the hot road in his bare feet.

When they reached the top of the steps, the last of her anxiety gave way to excitement. The view from the clifftops was amazing, and an expansive feeling filled her chest at the sight of the waves breaking below.

It was a glorious day, vibrant blue skies and dark blue water contrasting against the green foliage below. White waves rolled onto the beach, brilliantly bright against the black sand.

There were at least two dozen surfers out in the water, and she would have felt too intimidated to paddle out on her own. But Hugh was already halfway down the steps with both of their boards, and she hurried to catch up.

At the bottom of the steps was a narrow path that led past the bathrooms and showers and down to the beach. Nell had taken Cassie to the rivermouth a time or two, back when she still had a car, but she had never surfed here.

Back in her surfing days, she had lived on the other side of the island. But she had seen the surfers at Honoli‘i when she used to come with Cassie, and she was eager to get out on the water.

It was hard not to stare when Hugh pulled off his shirt – she had always thought that her attorney was built like a surfer – but she turned away to hide the blush in her cheeks. It was hard too not to feel self conscious as she pulled off her sundress. Once upon a time she had pretty much lived in bikinis, but that was two babies ago. She quickly pulled on the rashguard she had packed to hide her pale skin from the midday sun.

Hugh waited patiently while she painted her face with thick white sunscreen, and then they were off. Instead of fighting the waves that crashed into the black sand beach with its countless rocks and driftwood logs, they launched their boards into the river and let its current carry them past the rocky shore.

She felt a flash of exhilaration as they rode the river current, even though the steady movement was nothing compared to the heady rush of a breaking wave.

Once they were out far enough, they paddled out of the current and into the lineup. Her muscles burned with the half-forgotten motion, but she was able to keep up. Carrying her son around all day long had kept her arms strong.

On land, being out and about without her babies left her feeling off balance. Even running into town for diapers while her kids stayed with friends was rough on her anxiety.

On water, though… Nell felt like a different person entirely. A version of herself that she had very nearly forgotten. She paddled past the other surfers, past the breaking waves, until there was nothing in front of her but sea and sky. It gave her an intoxicating sense of freedom.

When she finally paused and sat up on her board, Hugh drifted up next to her. With someone else, she might feel the need to explain why she had blazed past the other surfers and out into the open ocean. Most people would be a thousand times more anxious out here than walking to the corner store. But Hugh was a kindred spirit; he found peace out here on the water, just like she did.

"It's been so long," she said, still breathless from paddling.

"I feel like that every time I'm out here," Hugh said easily. He wasn't short of breath. "It doesn't matter if it's been a few months or a few days; I always wonder why I didn't paddle out sooner."

They sat there for a while, bobbing up and down as waves rolled through beneath them. The sun beat down, warming the back of Nell's swim shirt. Her feet were cool in the water, but sweat trickled down her neck.

Finally, she turned away from the clean blue horizon and pointed her board towards the shore. The beach was a stark black line beyond the white froth of breaking waves.

"Ready?" Hugh asked.

"Let's go."

He kept pace with her as she paddled into the lineup, where twenty-something locals sat waiting for a good wave. There were a few that they could have gone for, but Nell was nervous of getting in the way of the other surfers. Hugh stayed close, content to wait with her.

The area around them cleared out as locals took off on one wave after another. Nell let the waves roll by. She rode up and over and gently back down, enjoying the lulling motion of the waves that hadn't broken.

Then, finally, her wave. She could feel it.

Before the gentle blue swell broke into whitewater, she paddled hard. She may not have been out on the water in years, but her arms were still strong. She kept pace with the wave, refusing to let this one pass her by the way that all of the others had.

Then came a sudden surge, that magic moment when she went from chasing the wave to riding it. Her board flew forward, propelled by the rushing water, and she used her arms to steady herself. In one motion, she brought her feet beneath her and stood.

Wind and salt spray kissed her face as she stood in a crouch, hands out for balance. Some dormant part of her brain took over the mechanics, and she rode the wave without even thinking about it, just flying free through the air.

Then her board went out from under her, and the wave swallowed her whole.

Water enveloped her, cooling her skin and burning her nose. Her board hurtled towards the beach, then came to a sudden stop as its leash yanked at her ankle, pulling her feet towards shore.

Nell flung her arms out and broke through the surface of the ocean, coughing out saltwater and gasping in breaths of warm air. She pulled her board in by its leash and threw her arms over it, catching her breath.

Back in the lineup, Hugh was cheering for her. Her cheeks ached, and she realized that it was from grinning so hard. Laughter bubbled up from her chest, wild and free.

A wall of whitewater barrelled towards her, and she ducked under. Once it had passed, she pulled herself up onto her board and paddled back out.

"You're a natural!" Hugh crowed as she got close.

"Not really," Nell laughed, remembering how many wipeouts it had taken her to finally become a passable surfer.

"An old pro, then."

"I've spent so many hours out on the water," she acknowledged as her board drifted towards him. She sat up and he caught the end of her board in one hand, holding her steady. They were just past the crowd, out where the water was calm. "It feels amazing to get back out here again."

He grinned at her, dark eyes gleaming. "Ready to go again?"

She grinned back, feeling lighter than she had in years. "Race ya!"

Without waiting for a response, she turned and paddled back into the thick of it.