22. Lani

Lani sat on the milking stool, her eyes gritty with lack of sleep.

Even Tenn sleeping next to her wasn’t enough to keep her nervous system in check anymore. What if Zeke found them together? What would he do? What about the girls? Was she putting them all in danger just by being near them?

More than once, she had seriously considered leaving. But the thought of taking her daughter away from this beautiful life, of moving to some random place and starting over without her family to support her… it was excruciating. Maybe even more painful than the thought of leaving Tenn. She had left her family behind once before; she couldn’t do that again.

But she couldn’t keep living like this, either.

She was so exhausted that she managed to fall asleep with Tenn, more often than not. But then she woke up around two in the morning, completely wired on cortisol. There was no falling back asleep after that. She would just toss and turn until she finally got up at first light to milk the goats.

Her stress levels were off the charts.

It was even worse than when she had been living with Zeke, because then she had at least known how to manage him… more or less.

The stress had never gone away, but it had never been quite this intense, either. At least not until the end, when he started to snap and snarl at Rory. As soon as she began to wonder whether her daughter was safe in that house, she’d started making her plans to leave.

But now, she was worried for everyone she loved, everyone she came into contact with.

He had broken into her house, despite the restraining order.

She longed to believe that his leaving the rings had been a positive thing, a sign that he was ready to let her go. But she knew better. It was a reminder of their vows, a message that he would never let her go.

“Lani?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin. Milk sloshed over the rim of the steel bucket, but she managed to catch it before the whole thing spilled to the ground.

Tenn’s expression was pained.

This wasn’t fair to him, she thought, holding back tears. Waking up in the wee hours, dragging the kids over here so that she could milk the goats, acting like her bodyguard when he had a daughter to raise and a business to run. It wasn’t fair to any of them.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and sad. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay.” She put the lid on the bucket and let the goat down off the milking stand.

“Have you told Emma yet?” He had been gently urging her to tell Emma what was going on so that she could come home and take over the homestead chores, freeing Lani up to retreat to Tenn’s house for the duration. But putting two more people she loved in the line of fire was the last thing that she wanted.

“I’m not going to ask her to come back early.”

“You don’t have to. But you could tell her what’s going on and let her make that decision.”

She just nodded. She would tell Emma before she came back, and she would ask her if she wanted them to leave the property. But she wouldn’t use it as a ploy to get out of the chores she had agreed to handle.

Emma had done so much for her already; she wouldn’t ask more of her.

They were quiet as they walked back up to the house.

The cottage waited, warm and welcoming as ever. Lani longed for the old feeling of warmth and security that she’d once experienced each time she’d walked through her front door, but Zeke had taken that from her. She didn’t feel fully safe in her own home anymore.

Rory and Olivia sat at the kitchen table with two of the coloring books that Lani had made. Her notions of printing and selling those felt strange to her now, hazy and absurd. Maybe it was just the stress and sleep deprivation making everything seem that way.

“Let’s play hooky today,” Tenn said as he cleared the remains of breakfast pancakes from the table.

“I’m supposed to help with the co-op,” she said tiredly.

“I already checked with ‘ōlena. She’s fine without us today.”

“What’s hooky?” Rory asked.

“It means no school and no work,” Olivia told her.

She looked at her mom. “Can we go to the secret beach?”

The tension in Lani’s chest loosened, just a little. That hidden cove was one of the few places she felt safe, tucked away from civilization and held by the Earth itself.

“Okay,” she agreed.

A cheer went up from the girls, and Tenn’s smile warmed her heart.

“I’m gonna wear my pineapples!” Rory ran to find her swimsuit.

“We can stop at the cafe and grab some food to go,” Tenn said.

“No,” Lani said reflexively. The idea of stopping in town made her nervous. What if Zeke saw them together? What if he followed? “We have plenty of food here. I’ll pack lunch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Let me just get this milk put away and then I’ll make some sandwiches. We have tons of fruit too, and that mamaki tea in the fridge.”

“Okay, that sounds great. What can I do to help?”

“Could you feed the animals?”

“Which ones?”

“The goats are good, but Zuko and Dio? And the chickens. There’s some scratch in a bucket by the door.”

“On it.”

“I want to feed the chickens!” Olivia said.

“I’ll do it!” Rory ran back in wearing her swimsuit. “I’ll show her how to feed the chickens! Over here, Livie!”

Once the animals were fed, they all piled into Tenn’s Jeep. Dio rode along in the back, and so she was extra careful to lock up before she left.

Most people in Pualena hardly bothered to lock their doors, especially when they had dogs out front. But she was checking locks obsessively these days… as if he couldn’t just break a window. The thought made her feel sick to her stomach.

“Are you okay?” Tenn asked.

Lani gave him a wan smile, but she didn’t answer. She was tired of lying.

They drove to the far end of the beach road and parked in a dirt lot, then crossed the tidal lagoon and found the path that led to the small, hidden beach that they loved so much.

The girls ran joyfully down the path with Dio bounding ahead and looping back, thrilled to be out in the world alongside his people.

Tenn slung their beach bag over one shoulder and offered a hand to Lani. She slipped her hand into his, and the tight knot of fear in her chest loosened just a bit. She couldn’t fully enjoy the gorgeous day and the clear waters of the lagoon, but she tried.

They followed the girls down the path, through the vibrant green meadow and across the brackish water that rose and fell with the tide.

Once they reached their favorite beach, a narrow semicircle of sand hidden amongst the rocks, the adults settled down on an oversized beach towel while Dio and the kids splashed right into the water.

“Daddy, come in!” Olivia called the moment he was settled.

“Not right this minute,” Tenn called back.

“Please! I want to show Rory my backflip!”

He sighed and looked at Lani, who smiled and nodded her encouragement. With a wry smile, he pushed himself up and walked out into the sunshine to meet his daughter. They waded into the deepest part of the lagoon, where Olivia couldn’t quite stand.

Rory perched on an island of black lava rock, watching expectantly.

“Ready?” Tenn said.

“Ready!” Olivia shouted.

With his hands under her feet, he launched her up and out of the water. She arched her body backwards and did a full backflip before landing with a splash.

From her own tiny island, Rory clapped and cheered.

“I want to try!” she shouted.

Tenn glanced at Lani, who nodded.

“Okay, let’s give it a try.”

They passed the day like that, Tenn keeping the kids entertained and active while Lani just rested, letting the tangled knots of her nervous system begin to unspool. She spread a towel on a rocky island in the middle of the lagoon and basked like a lizard, letting the Hawaiian sunshine bake some of the tension out of her muscles.

Finally, when shadows overtook their hidden beach and the kids began to shiver, they headed back for the car.

“Should we stop for dinner?” Tenn asked as they drove away from the beach.

“No, it’s Tara’s delivery day. We’ll have food waiting for us at home.”

“Okay, sounds good. I just need to stop for gas.”

Any sort of stop made Lani nervous, but she couldn’t argue this one. Suddenly cold, she fished around in the back seat until she found one of Tenn’s hoodies and pulled it on.

In the back, kids and dog were all mellow after a day of water and sunshine. Tenn left Olivia’s favorite audiobook playing as he got out of the car to fill up the gas tank. Lani crossed her arms over her chest, wishing they were home already.

To her right, the glass windows of the convenience store blared bright against the last light of the day. She glanced at the men who stood at the corner, clutching their bottles in paper bags, and that’s when she saw him.

He looked worse for wear, haggard and tired. His clothes were filthy, his hair was oily and matted, and there were dark bags under his eyes. She sat frozen, starting.

Then his eyes met hers, and a jolt of fear went through her.

She shrank down in her seat and pulled up the hood of the sweatshirt, a useless reflex. He had seen her; she knew he had. Quickly, she hit the automatic lock on the doors.

Crouched down her seat, she peered up through the window and watched Tenn at the pump. When he went to open his door, she quickly unlocked it from the inside.

“Everything okay?” he asked as he started the car up again.

“Just drive.”

His frown deepened, but he did as she asked.

She looked over her shoulder, feeling sick and miserable.

Zeke was still there. And he had seen Tenn.