Chapter 16

Sixteen

"I'm considering a run for mayor."

"Praise Sappho," Barb said. " Finally , some good news."

They were having lunch at the pool–Titus, Barb, and Roz–while also officiating a cannonball contest between Tucker and Shelly.

"Look Daddy!" Tucker hollered, running, more than leaping, off of the diving board. He wrapped his arms around legs and plopped into the water like a stone with very little splash. When he came back up, he dog-paddled, head bobbing, to the neighboring ladder.

"That was great, son," Titus said. "You need more angle, though. Try a can opener next time. Get some spring. Only one leg, and lean back into it."

"I'll show him how, Mr. Titus," Shelly said, waiting for Tucker by the ladder. She helped him out, and both kids giggled excitedly as they made their way, dripping, back to the diving board.

"Wish I had that energy still," Roz said.

"We do, Roz. We've just been sitting out here stagnant for too long. I have been, anyway."

"So, let me get this straight," Barb said, pointing with a pimento cheese-stuffed celery stick. "Daddy's dying wish is for you to replace him as mayor?"

"Yeah."

"Strange. They told me I should run for governor." She held the poker-face for a moment, then smiled to confirm her jest. "Are you OK?"

"I'm better. Mortality has not been my friend. Sometimes it seems like the haze never lifts."

"I get it. I've been a little foggy, too, since they told me."

Titus saw no need to mention that his stupor went beyond his father's prognosis, stretching back like a late-afternoon shadow to Violet. No. There was no one-upping with untimely death. He'd been trying hard not to succumb to the sadness of anticipatory grief again. A large part of his remedy had been Pedro. Pedro was a beacon, guiding him away from the darkness with kindness and love.

But Pedro wasn't enough. Titus had decided he'd been missing a little more than just a lover in his life.

"There's more to it," he said. "Me stepping back into the limelight, so to speak. Now that I've had time to reflect, things are making more sense."

"How so?" Roz asked.

He pushed his plate away, straightening in his chair. "Do y'all remember me being hesitant at first–about playing football?"

Roz shook her head. "No. Not really. I didn't hang with you two until after… when you were already playing and Violet and I were cheerleaders."

"I remember," Barb said. "You were worried about letting people down. You weren't sure you could live up to your family's name. Truth be told, I thought it was bullshit. I figured it had more to do with locker room phobia and you being gay. You know… wandering eyes, errant erections, and the like."

"It was a little of both," Titus confirmed. "And it turned out to be neither."

"What do you mean?"

"WATCH!" Shelly shouted. She took a solid bounce, then soared high from the diving board, gracefully leaning, and slicing into the water with a perfect can opener. The splash was substantial for a child of her size, generating a respectable little tsunami. She surfaced fast, swimming toward the shallow end of the pool.

"Beautiful," Titus said. "Ten out of ten."

"Me now, Daddy," Tucker said, again dashing more than springing off the diving board. He managed to kick out, but way too horizontal, landing flat on his back with a stark, resonating slap to the water. It was the opposite of a belly flop; it was a back flop.

Titus stood in case rescue was necessary, but Tucker came up fast, paddling to the side. "I think I messed up," he said, panting. "I know what to do now, though."

"Attaboy. If at first you don't succeed…"

"Amazing," Barb said. "Kids are so goddamn resilient."

"My point," Titus continued. "I was a teenager, caught up in my head, not seeing what small steps can lead to. Pedro said something the other day that's been haunting me. Something about his using perfection as an excuse to delay happiness."

"You can't do it," Barb said. "It's impossible. There's no such thing as perfection."

"Exactly, but it is the goal most times, or at least a motivation. P said he recognizes now that perfection is not only a stimulus but also a crutch –a reason to put things off. Procrastinate."

Roz cleared her throat. As usual, she had been quiet for much of the conversation, just taking things in. "We all do it to some degree," she said. "It's inherent–precautionary, like a defense mechanism passed down since caveman times."

Titus nodded. "I think small-town mentality further complicates things."

"Of course it does," Barb said. "Everyone's all up in everyone else's business."

"That's part of it. But I recognize now that it was less about others and more about me – my fear of others' perceptions."

"James doesn't want me to work," Roz blurted. "I mean, if we're confessing things, and it feels like we are. I've been using Violet's death and helping you with Tucker as an excuse to get out of the house every day. He thinks when I stop working for you, I'm gonna stay home and be a housewife."

"Is that what you want?" Barb asked.

" Hell, no. I can't imagine staying home and doing nothing. I want my own business. Nothing big or fancy, just something of my own that I can nurture and be proud of. It's more about a sense of accomplishment with me than money. However, supplemental income is a plus. I mean, James is a teacher. It's not like he makes high-dollar."

"Is everything else good between you two?" Titus asked, finding it hard to mask suspicion.

"It is, T. Honestly. We love each other. James is just old-fashioned and hard-headed. What you said about small-town mentality struck a chord with me. He's a black man in a long line of black men from south Georgia. Despite his education, he still clings to outdated notions from previous generations - in his case, chivalrous notions. Donna Reed is what he wants . But I'm here to tell you right now I'm not staying at home like that. I will not depend on a so-called knight in shining armor. And I'll teach that little girl on the diving board over there the same."

There was a blaze in Roz's eyes that made Titus grin.

"What about Macon or Atlanta?" Barb asked. "Maybe a scenery change would convince James that the world has moved on."

Roz's sardonic expression was answer enough to that question.

"That's another part of what I'm leading into," Titus said. "All three of us have been in our own little ruts since we graduated. Roz always wanted to get out there and make a name for herself but wound up married with a kid. Same with me, only I wanted to continue with football, maybe go pro. Barb, you wanted to further your education, but ended up with the Hawthorne House—a money pit, to say the least."

"WATCH!"

The three of them observed as the kids demonstrated their aerial aqua -batics once more. Predictably, Shelly bounced, lobbed leisurely, and landed with maximum splash. Tucker, red-faced and overcompensating, imitated her efforts with minimal results.

"OK, that was good," Titus said. "But now, I want you two to think of yourselves as a team. Shelly, you're the coach. The only way you can win this game is if you can get Tucker to a splash-level equal or greater than your own. Are y'all up for the challenge?" The kids looked at each other, then back at Titus, nodding enthusiastically. "Great. Now, pretend we're not here while you practice. Once you're ready to show us your absolute best, let us know and we'll watch."

"Yes, sir," they both said, eyes wide and hyped-up for the challenge. They turned, heading back to the diving board. Shelly put her arm around Tucker, whispering strategies.

"You're slick, Mr. Man," Roz said.

"Maybe I'll get finished this time."

Barb spoke, "So, according to you, we're all in the same boat?"

"Not to the same degree," Titus said. "I mean, I was a complete and total hermit–but yeah, we all have our crutches."

"And this is why you invited us to lunch–to enlighten us about our downfalls?"

"I don't know about you, Barb," Roz said, setting her cup down on the table. "But what T is saying describes what I've been feeling for quite some time–like life may be passing me by."

"Some of that's my fault," Titus said. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for me and Tucker, but if I'm Planet Stagnation, then you're a moon in my orbit."

Barb scoffed. "Well, I'm not orbiting either of you. Contrary to what you may have heard, Hawthorne House has been a blessing."

Titus and Roz called her bluff with matching eye-rolls.

Barb's indignant expression cracked, collapsing into the melodic chuckles of the girl they'd grown up with. "OK, OK. Since you brought it up, I guess things haven't gone exactly as I'd planned either."

"That's why I wanted you both here today," Titus continued. "You two were vital to my survival as a teenager. Violet and Alden, too. But this , right here–the three of us–is what gave me the strength to overcome my insecurity back then. I'm hoping we can bring that magic back and maybe accomplish some new things. Bigger things. Things like getting both of you back to your original goals, and me being mayor of Spoon."

" Gay mayor of Spoon," Barb added.

"Baby steps, remember? I haven't figured out that part just yet."

"Maybe it won't matter," Roz offered.

"Oh, it will," Barb countered. "Those kinds of things always do–especially in politics. The key is to be out and open every day, everywhere. Just like Harvey Milk. Don't let people use it against you like it's some dirty secret."

"Isn't your father conservative?" Roz asked. "Now that he knows about you and Pedro, I'm a little surprised he's backing this."

"I asked him the same thing. He said he's still fiscally conservative, but–" Titus glanced at Barb, "–his mind is changing regarding social conventions."

"He sees that you're happy," Barb said.

"Yeah. Mama helps out in that department as well. She adores Pedro."

"No wonder," Roz said. "He accomplished something none of us could do by getting Big Britches here to come out of his cave. Also, he's smart, handsome, has a green thumb, and–" She gestured toward Shelly and Tucker. "–he's captured the hearts of those two as well."

"Barb always knew he was special, Roz. That's why she was keeping him to herself."

Barb shoved at Titus. "That is not true. I told you–"

"Relax." Titus said, chuckling. "I'm just teasing. But Daddy has ulterior motives, too. Have either of y'all driven past the Country Club lately?"

"I steer clear of that place," Roz said.

"You shouldn't have to. That's another thing on my list."

"What on earth does that racist excuse for a golf course have to do with any of this?" Barb asked.

"Do you know why it's called Twin City Country Club?"

"Because it's between two small towns with size delusions?"

Roz high-fived Barb. Titus continued. "Not between, in. Both." Titus used his hands on the table as if displaying things on a map. "The front nine holes are predominantly in Morehead proper. The back nine are in Spoon."

"How can that be?"

"It straddles the property line intentionally . Daddy said that back in 1928, his granddaddy and the Barksdales struck up some kind of deal where both towns would benefit from constructing a golf course."

"Wow," Roz said. "I had no idea it was that old."

"It is. Anyway, if you haven't driven out there lately, Chapman Construction has bought up all the surrounding property in both city limits. Expensive houses are going up."

"And what has that got to do with the price of tea in China?" Barb asked.

"Mason Barksdale recently purchased one. The framing is already up… and it's on the Spoon side ."

Barb continued to stare, clueless. But Roz had figured things out. "He's establishing residency in Spoon," she said. "Means he could run for mayor in–"

"–one year," Titus answered. "Georgia regulation. Daddy's term is up in less than two. Of course, they may not know yet that he won't be running again."

"But they could. You know how word travels around here."

"I don't think anyone outside of us and his doctor in Macon knows about his diagnosis. But Doc Helton referred him, and there's the staff at Helton's office."

"Oh, shit," Barb said. "Any of those folks could have blabbed."

"It doesn't matter whether Mason knows. That house was being built before Daddy's diagnosis. I think Mason was already planning on running against Daddy in the next election."

"It's none of my business," Roz said. "But what is with this rivalry between your families? Why would the Barksdales want to control both towns?"

"Oh, come on, Roz," Barb said. "We all know that Mason was in love with Violet."

"You cannot convince me that all this is about unrequited love."

"It is." Titus said. "But not between Mason and Violet. Between Daddy and Milton."

Both women stared at Titus, slack-jawed.

"Yeah." He chuckled. "ALS wasn't the only surprise he laid on us."

"So, your daddy is–"

"No," Titus said, cutting Roz off. "Milton. Apparently, they experimented once as teenagers. Turns out, Milton developed quite the crush. Daddy… not so much."

"Hold on," Barb said, hands to temples. "My head is spinning."

"Now, you know how I felt. I've had a couple of days to process it, though."

"So, you're telling me Milton Barksdale, mayor of Morehead, has had a decades-long crush on Truman Shepherd, mayor of Spoon? Our Daddy ?"

"That about sums it up."

"I don't get it. Why would Milton hold a grudge? Why would he marry–what's her name?"

"Camille."

"Camille. Why wouldn't he just move on to–I don't know–some other man? Someone who would make him happy?"

"Small towns are full of secrets, Barb. You know that. We all do. It was another time, another generation. Maybe he wanted kids. Maybe, like me, he was afraid of what others would think."

"But why hold it against him?" Barb asked. "Why the grudge? Unless–"

"Daddy swears there was no animosity on his part, that it was Milton who got weird. Once Mama came into the picture, things got even more awkward–jealous tirades, drunken apologies."

"Oh. He had it bad," Barb said.

"Daddy says it turned into obsession. He had to put his foot down. He told Milton that it was never gonna happen between them, that he needed to just get over it and move on. So, Mason did–with Camille. Suddenly, everything became a competition. If Daddy and Mama were up for homecoming king and queen, Milton and Camille would soon be on the ballot too. Academics, sports, whatever. Daddy said it was as if Milton was trying to prove himself better–not necessarily better than Daddy, mind you, but better than Mama. Like looky here–see what you're missing."

"He's been doing it ever since," Roz said, her eyes adrift with thought. "Business, politics…"

Titus nodded.

"What kind of person does that?" Barb asked. "I mean, it's bad enough to repress yourself and be miserable, but what about poor Camille? She's been living a lie she's possibly unaware of this whole time. He may not even love her. How on earth can a gay man marry and start a family under such false pretenses?"

Titus stared at both of them, eyes welling.

"Oh, T." Barb grabbed his hand. "I am so sorry. That is not what I meant."

"It's OK. It's OK." Titus squeezed her hand, smiling through tears. His eyes darted toward the pool. The kids had noticed nothing unusual, still practicing their dismounts. He took an enormous breath, then exhaled. "It's complicated. P says it's a form of internalized homophobia. He explained it to Daddy and me. Apparently, there are many types. It can be as severe as gay on gay hatred or violence. But it can also be as subtle as remaining closeted to spare your friends and family embarrassment when coming out… not disappointing them, so to speak."

They were quiet for a while, not knowing how to continue. Finally, Roz broke the silence. "I miss this, you know? The three of us. All we need is a tailgate and a bottle of hooch."

Barb chuckled. "Yeah. Good times."

"That's what I'm getting at," Titus said. "I wanna get our mojo back. Did Daddy speak with you about school, Barb? He said he was going to."

"Yeah. But I refuse to burden them with what they already have on their shoulders. You said it yourself, T. Hawthorne House is a handful. I can't put that expense and my going to school on their plate, too. Especially now."

"It won't be a burden; it'll be a relief. You're their daughter. They want to provide for you."

"It's too much, T. I've practically blown my inheritance on maintenance alone."

"What if you commuted to Georgia College?"

"Milledgeville? Sure. It's a great liberal arts school. But it still means I'd be gone most weekdays."

"I have a plan." Titus grinned. "A business plan."

Both women stared at Titus, intrigued. He continued, "Aside from possible political endeavors, I'm partnering with Roz in a daycare business. I propose that we rent Hawthorne House for operations."

Barb's eyebrows lifted briefly with contemplation, then fell into a wince. "Not exactly what I had envisioned for the place."

"Only temporarily. A few years, until we can afford to build. Probably about the same amount of time you're in school."

"It's still only one rental, assuming Pedro will move out shortly." She shot Titus an inquisitive glance.

"I'm hoping. He's reluctant though."

"Appearances?"

Titus nodded. "That, and he doesn't want to take money out of your pocket."

"Aw," Barb cooed. "He's so sweet."

"Yes, he is. But I'm keeping him. Don't get any ideas. Besides, you didn't let me finish. We would rent more than one room. We need a lot of kids to make money, and Roz would need substantial space to operate. That means a higher rate. Plus, there's another candidate to consider."

"Who?"

"Me. If I run for mayor, I can't imagine a better place for a campaign headquarters. It's town central, and a historical landmark. Perfect backdrop for a former high school football champ to run for office, wouldn't you say?"

Barb opened her mouth to speak, but words didn't come. A rarity for her.

"We're stronger together ," Titus continued, taking their hands in his. "Let's help each other make our dreams come true."

Roz spoke up. "I'm grateful, T. There's no denying it. But I'm not convinced that being mayor is your dream."

"It's Daddy's dream, and I want to give it to him."

They were quiet for a while, watching Shelly coach Tucker. Eventually, Titus spoke again.

"I told Daddy I wasn't interested unless I could for real change things up. He wanted to know in what way–genuinely, mind you. No politics. Just honest conversation. I told him about my frustration with the Clinton administration, and how any step forward led to two steps back. Daddy said that he's always favored small government, letting states steer progress. I asked him why we couldn't make Spoon more like big cities–inclusive and diverse. He said nothing's out of the realm of possibility, but prosperity was key… that when businesses thrive, the town thrives, and thus its people do. So, I proposed we figure out how to bring more diverse businesses to Spoon. I suggested we scout and recruit women, gay, and minority-owned businesses to consider locations here, maybe offer some kind of incentive."

"What did he say to that?" Barb asked.

"I had him with the word business . That, and Daddy fears Mason as mayor would diminish everything Spoon has already accomplished. I mean, have you seen Morehead lately? Spoon is a metropolis by comparison."

"I was there yesterday," Roz said. "Half their town square is vacant and unkempt. Maria's is the only decent restaurant–Mexican owned, mind you."

Titus grinned. "Guess it would be mean for me to steal them away, wouldn't it?"

"Do you think this is solely Milton's idea, that he's really using his son as further–" Barb struggled for a word, "– harassment toward your father."

"Not solely," Roz said. "Truman may have inadvertently broken Milton's heart, but Titus marrying Violet pretty much did the same to Mason."

"Fuck Mason," Barb said, enunciating for emphasis, yet whispering the words to prevent the kids from hearing. "T loved Violet."

"We all did," Titus said.

"Do you think they're conspiring?" Barb asked. "Both father and son."

"Well, I don't think Mason is paying for that house to be built, that's for sure. His degree was in theology."

"Theology?!" Barb exclaimed.

"Yeah. No money there. And those lots are expensive. Unless Elizabeth has money, I'd bet Milton is paying for that house."

"She teaches at HOCO with James," Roz said. "Her parents were teachers, too."

"So, it's not in-law money. And it's highly unlikely that Milton would have told Mason about his feelings for Daddy."

"Wow." Barb's eyes widened. "Milton is using his son as a tool. He's still obsessed with Daddy after all these years."

"It certainly appears that way."

"But isn't Truman using you too?" Roz asked. "I mean, he figured all this out before we did. Now he wants you to follow in his footsteps to prevent a Barksdale in Spoon's future."

"I've thought about that, too. But Daddy's intentions are mostly noble, and for the greater good. He loves Spoon, and he wants it to continue thriving after he's gone. We have that in common. You said you weren't convinced that being mayor was my dream, and I'm not either. But I do know, internalized homophobia or not, that I am a people pleaser. When Alden and I led the Hawks to all those victories, the whole town benefited. The state of Georgia saw Spoon as a worthy contender, and it grew and flourished as a result. I want to continue that course. I want my friends and family to prosper from it, too. I want Spoon to be a diverse, inclusive, and thriving environment for us all."

Barb grinned. "Sounds like a campaign speech if I've ever heard one."

"Hold your horses. I haven't completely decided yet. But if there's a way for me to achieve it all with Pedro by my side, then it's a done deal… because Pedro is my dream."

"DADDY! DADDY!" Tucker was waving from the diving board. "I'm ready!"

Titus looked at Shelly, who was climbing out of the pool on the ladder. She nodded with a big grin.

"OK, son. Let's see what you got."

Shelly joined them at the table and all eyes were on Tucker, who was positioning himself on the diving board. The young boy stood poised, his energy much less frenetic than before. He took a deep breath, raising and lowering his arms slightly. Once ready and centered, he took two small steps and a large one, squaring his feet at the edge. The board bent substantially with his bounce, and he sprung high, leaving the board. As if in slow motion, Tucker swiveled in the air, aiming his back toward them, stretching one leg out and gathering the other to his chest with both hands. He reclined into a relaxed descent, body plummeting. When he hit the water, there was a thunderous whoosh , the kickback splash high, but at a calculated and more horizontal angle. The resulting wave arched toward the table, surprising the four observers who were pummeled with a generous amount of chlorinated water, spattering loudly on the table and on the pool decking all around them.

Titus laughed loudly, grabbing Shelly and pulling her into his lap, squeezing and tickling her. "You planned it all!" He moaned in an exaggerated voice. "You beguiling, crafty, little genius!"

Shelly giggled, squirming. Roz and Barb stood. They were laughing, too, flinging water from their arms and hands.

Tucker's head surfaced in the pool. "How was that, Daddy?"

"Beautiful, son. Absolutely beautiful," Titus said, beaming with pride. "I knew you had it in you. Sometimes it just takes a little collaboration."