Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

T he halls were a blur as I raced through them, seeking the refuge of my room and a door that locked. It would hardly keep Tallon out if he truly wanted in—and I had a feeling he would be showing up eventually tonight—but for a moment, I would let myself believe that I had control over my room. Over myself.

Slamming the door shut behind me, I leaned against it. Only for a heartbeat, and then I was moving again, towards the center of the room as I tore the shroud from my body, followed by the dress until I was naked, only my swath of death marks upon my skin. The mirror against the wall mocked me, showing me the truth: that I had become exactly what my mother had been afraid of.

While Tallon's marks were more extensive, I couldn't deny the familiarity in them even as he sent Talyssa to her death. Could I do that? I shut my eyes tightly against the rapid influx of memories, both of myself and my mother as we choked on our own blood.

He'd been the cause of that. He controlled the plague.

My breath came in pants as I approached the mirror, falling to my knees in front of it and frantically tugging and scratching at the skin adorned by blackness, as if I could rub it off or tear it off. But it remained, stark against my pale skin and mocking me. Tallon had cursed me with the plague for whatever reason, and now I was like him.

Whatever he was.

He'd tricked me, and now I would have nothing left. My brothers would die because he had made them sick, and I could not count on him to get the cure to the disease of his own making.

An abrupt knock on the door pulled me from the battle with my reflection. Scratches covered my neck once more, but I tore my gaze away and scrambled for the robe I'd left across my bed. I'd only just pulled it tight around my waist when the door opened.

I'd been right—no lock would keep Tallon out if he wanted in.

"That was locked." My voice shook only slightly, but the hoarseness made it all too obvious that my emotions had yet again gotten the better of me. I couldn't bring myself to care, though, since he certainly didn't. "And I didn't invite you in."

"I didn't think I needed an invitation," he said with a careful step forward. He was still in his costume, the mask across his cheekbones and his marks back on his forearms, still and steady. "I wanted to explain."

I scoffed, anger replacing the disgust and self-loathing. "There is nothing I want to hear from you, Tallon. You killed her. You killed them all. You nearly killed me."

He flinched and bowed his head, his shoulders slumping as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "I am sorry, Odyssa."

"Why should I listen to your apologies? They will only be more lies."

"I need you to understand," he said, raising his head. The gray of his eyes had come alive, shining like molten silver and framed by the dark mask. "Please, let me explain."

"Take off the mask," I demanded, crossing my arms. If he was going to beg for my understanding, he would do it as Tallon, not as the prince's pawn, though that's exactly what he was.

Without hesitation, he yanked it off, and it clattered to the floor. Neither of us looked to see where it fell. He took a tentative step forward, and then another, and before I could react, he was in front of me, reaching out to touch me.

"No," I said, yanking my arm out of his reach. "Explanations do not require you to touch me. Tell me why. Why are you here? Clearly you're working for the prince, so why don't you just kill me now and get it over with?"

His fingers flexed into the open space where my body had been, but he let his hand fall back to his side. "Will you take off your mask as well?"

"I'm not wearing one." I was, though, and I hated that he could see it so plainly. But if I let my own mask fall, let him see how much what he'd done had truly hurt me, it would only be another weapon for him to wield against me later.

He cocked his head, and for the first time since we'd met, I saw only curiosity in his gaze. No teasing or hidden meanings. "Are you not?"

"This is not about me," I argued.

"This is about both of us, Odyssa." He stepped closer. I retreated the same. "Please, let me explain?"

I looked at him, trying to find any sign of lies in his face, but it was open, more earnest than I'd seen before. While I wanted nothing more than to scream at him, to beat at his chest with my fists and slam the door in his face, I wanted answers too. I wanted to know why he'd done this, why he was working for the prince when he so clearly hated it. Why he had sought out my company. "Fine, I will hear your explanation."

"Can we sit?" He nodded towards the bed. "It's quite a long story."

There was no reason for me to disagree, and my legs were already trembling with exhaustion and shock. Yet the mention of the bed brought my near nakedness back to the forefront of my mind and my cheeks flushed. I hurried over, settling on the far side, barely on the edge of the bed, as Tallon sat similarly on the other side.

It felt like an ocean between us, though one made of fabric rather than water.

"As I told you before, I was friends with King Gavriel. I suppose my explanation starts there." He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "All I wanted was to experience humanity, Odyssa. To know what it was like to live ." He shook his head. "I am from the Beyond, a herald of Kalyx. And yet, despite all the power and comfort in the world, I did not know what living was like, and I wanted it. I wanted to know what it was like outside the Beyond."

I sucked in a breath but bit my tongue to keep from making a noise. In some way I'd known he was not human, but to hear him admit it was something else. And the Beyond… Gods, it was a real place?

My mind flickered back to my nightmares, the hallucinations I'd had while I was sick, and the places I'd seen when he carried me to his room.

"I've been to the Beyond, haven't I?"

"Yes, many times," he said, his voice strained. "And don't ask me how because you shouldn't have been able to."

"Keep going," I whispered, still attempting to rationalize this new information. I'd been to the Beyond, the world of the dead, realm of Kalyx. I'd been to the Beyond multiple times . I focused back on Tallon, trying to keep my breathing slow and even, despite my heart thundering against my ribs. I dug my thumb into the center of my palm, twisting it into the healing wound.

He raised his head and looked at me briefly before continuing. "I made a deal with King Gavriel, a foolish deal but one of ironclad terms. In exchange for him showing me what living as a human was like, he would have complete control over me and my magic for a period of seven years. I had nothing to lose, I thought. I was enjoying myself here in the castle, getting to meet people and live as I had seen others do. I was foolish. The deal had only been in place for a year when Gavriel asked me to release the plague onto Veressia."

"Why?" I couldn't stop the interjection, outrage amplifying my voice.

"He was losing his control," he replied with a shrug. "There is nothing like fear to reassert that. Death is inevitable, but death like this is… it induces a panic, and people look to those in charge to help save them. King Gavriel wanted that control back desperately. But he'd never used my powers like this before, he'd only given me small tasks before, like killing political rivals and criminals. His first attempts at using them for death this widespread were clumsy. I asked him who to target with the plague, and he said to do it at random. So I did. Without limitations, my magic is destructive, and I wasn't able to set those limitations myself due to the bargain. I tried to inform him that he needed to be more specific with his commands, but he refused. I'm sure you can predict what happened next."

"The queen."

He nodded. "Yes, Queen Evanya. When she died, he was furious with me, but his grief was stronger. He asked me to kill him, but the deal prevented that. We could not harm each other, lest the binding magic exact the same thing onto the other. When he flung himself from the tower, I thought the deal had been broken. But it simply transferred to Prince Eadric, and…" He took a deep breath and shook his head on a dry chuckle. "Well, let's just say the prince is far more creative than his father ever was, and far more willing to use the bargain between us to get what he wanted."

The pieces slotted into place. "You are trapped here, too, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "In theory, I could have gone back to the Beyond. But one of the first things Eadric did was make it so I could only return there for short periods of time. He blamed me for his parents' deaths, and rightfully so, but he sought to punish me for it. He said that since I wanted so desperately to know what being human was like, to know what humanity had to offer, he would throw a party in my honor. One I could not decline. He told me he would throw me a party every night until the bargain expired."

"Why is he still having you kill people?" I asked, trying to fight back the sympathy welling in my chest. "Surely he knows he won't have a kingdom to rule much longer if he continues."

He cast me a dry look. "Odyssa, he does not care about the kingdom. Why do you think he has not ascended to be king yet? He cares only about punishing me, about controlling me and making me his pawn. Nothing else matters to him. None of these people matter."

I chewed on my lip, considering my words. I didn't forgive him, but the hatred and betrayal I'd felt earlier had started to fade. While nowhere near as malevolent, I could relate to his plight. My mother, my brothers, all I'd ever been to them was a means to an end. Someone to get them what they wanted. All I wanted in return was their love, but Tallon had just wanted to live. My stomach churned, flashes of Talyssa's body still fresh in my mind. "My sickness. That was you."

"It was all me. I am responsible for every death from the plague in Veressia and for every death that will come in the next days and weeks."

"And the Soulshades?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Those are something else entirely. Outside of the castle, they are just remnant spirits who would not cross over to the Beyond. But here… I don't know how, but they are part of the castle. Eadric can control them to an extent, but they aren't mine and they aren't Kalyx's." His brows furrowed. "Do you truly believe I would have set them after you and let them hurt you like that?"

I struggled with how to respond. I had thought that, though I hadn't wanted to. "I don't know, Tallon. That is why I asked." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You said you wanted to explain. Keep going."

"After Gavriel and Evanya died, Eadric had me continuing the random affliction, with guidelines now of course. Lately though, he's giving me names. Specific people to afflict. He's running out of people, though, and I've told him if he doesn't slow down, the kingdom will be gone before my deal is over and he will have to begin killing off the people inside the castle."

"Why did you keep this a secret from me? Why lie to me this entire time? Were you ever going to help me get the treatment for my brothers?" I froze, icy fear washing over my body as I came to a realization. "Tallon, is there even a treatment?"

He nearly lunged across the bed, sprawled half on his stomach and side as he reached for my hands. I drew them back, more out of being startled than of not wanting him to touch me. His hands rested just beside my thighs, clenched tightly into fists. "Odyssa, yes, there is a treatment. I would never lie to you about that."

Tears stung my eyes. "Then why have you not gotten it for me yet? You know what I need it for. You have been stringing me along for days, Tallon. How am I supposed to trust you now?"

He shook his head, hesitantly taking my hands in his. When I didn't pull away, his grip tightened and he adjusted himself on the bed until he was pressed against my side. Warmth blazed at every point of contact and all I could focus on was his thumb rubbing across the back of my hand. "I was trying to find a way around the deal, but to steal the treatment from him would be considered breaking our terms. I kept putting it off because I hoped…" His eyes blazed silver once more, and he reached his hand up to cup my cheek. "I hoped you would be smart enough to figure it out without me."

"I almost did, but you took me away before I could."

The little snort he let out almost had me smiling. He let his hand drop from my face and rolled over onto his back, looking up at me. "He was in his study, Odyssa. If you'd gotten in, he would have killed you."

My heart sank to my stomach. "Oh."

Silence fell between us.

"Can I hold you, Odyssa?" he asked. His eyes were so open, and there was no trace of deception or hidden truths in them. He seemed almost vulnerable. "Please?"

I was moving before I realized I'd agreed, settling my body in beside his and looking up at him. His heart thumped beneath my hand resting on his chest, and his hand curled around my hip. The room was thick with tension, and I didn't want to be the one to break it. Not yet.

His eyes darted down to my lips, and I almost pushed forward to press my mouth to his, but I held back. The visions of tonight would take time to fade, even now that I knew the truth. It felt like a betrayal to Talyssa, to them all, to be here in his embrace, let alone to give in to our desire for each other. I turned my face into his chest instead, inhaling his scent and warmth.

He merely tightened his hold around me.

"What now, Tallon?" I asked. "I need you to help me. I understand why you've done the things you have, and that you have no control over those you afflict. But you killed my mother, you nearly killed me, and one of my brothers is likely dead already. You must help me get this treatment."

His face pinched. "Odyssa, Rhyon has already passed. He died shortly after Emyl sent you that letter."

"What?" I shot up from my place beside him, searching his face for a lie. Any sign of a lie. But there was none. My voice was a hoarse whisper, and the room spun around the edges. The images of Rhyon in what I now knew was the Beyond came back, him choking me, pushing me over the cliff, tearing through my flesh. His Soulshade on that balcony. I'd known in my heart he was dead when I'd seen it, but to hear it aloud, to hear that Emyl had waited… "No, that's not possible. Why would…why would he not send it sooner?"

Tallon sat up, climbing from the bed until he rested on his knees before me, taking my hands into his. "I don't know why he didn't send it sooner, Odyssa. Perhaps Emyl realized he was sick, too, and that's when he sent it. They were afflicted at the same time. But you must know getting Emyl the treatment for himself… it would never make him love you."

I jerked back, his words hitting the raw wound inside my heart with stunning accuracy. "Don't say that."

"You don't need to do this to get his affection."

"No," I snarled, yanking my hands from his. "He is the only family I have left. And if I save him, he will see that. He will see I'm willing to do anything for him, for our family. And you will help me, Tallon. We have our own bargain, and you need to see it through."

He sighed, sinking back onto his heels. "Give me a day. Let me discover when Eadric will certainly be away from his study, and I promise, I will take you there myself."

I nodded my agreement, pushing back on my hands to scoot up the bed. The room was still charged with emotions, and I pulled a pillow into my lap, squeezing it tightly in a vain attempt to block them out. Tallon's eyes were still silver, still set on my body, and still peering into my soul.

"I am sorry, Odyssa. Truly."

"Why do you care, Tallon?" I finally made myself ask the question that had been burning against my tongue since he had pounded on the door. "Why have you sought me out?"

In a swift motion, one smooth like the silk of his shirt, he was on the bed beside me again, tugging the pillow away. I couldn't give a reason why, but when he pulled me into his lap, tucking me against his chest and resting his chin on my shoulder, I let him. His breath was warm against my neck. "You gave me what I'd been looking for all along."

"What's that?"

"You made me feel alive."