Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

T he cat lounged on my bed the rest of the night, though sleep was reluctant yet again to claim me. The cat was a small comfort, but it was a comfort I hadn't known I needed. It had no weight to it as it stretched across my legs and feet, but its wide yellow eyes and the too-cold patch of air reminded me of its presence. I hadn't realized how alone I was, even in a house with my mother and brothers, even knowing I was on my own here in this castle. I hadn't truly understood the depths of my isolation until this oddly shaped, once-black Soulshade cat had appeared at my side.

I did not even care that it was likely under Tallon's control or influence.

In another life, I would have cried, would have raged and thrown things and cursed at the sky until I was exhausted and calm. But now, some of the fight had bled from me, had been leeched out by grief and further stamped down by imposed responsibility I had not wanted, had not asked for. My fingers found my temples, rubbing circles to try to ease the unfettered tension that had been building there all night.

My eyes caught the unfinished letter to Emyl on the desk and I faltered, lowering my hands slowly.

The cat lifted its head, peering at me from where it lay across my shins.

I had not asked for the responsibility of caring for my family, yet I'd taken it on anyways. And perhaps that was the nature of responsibility: taking on something you do not want, yet knew you must. I'd made excuses for Emyl all his life, trying to take what little responsibility he had off his shoulders and onto mine. It had not been fair to either of us, and now Emyl would have to bear the responsibility of Rhyon's death alone.

My first instinct was to rush to the letter and apologize for failing him, for letting him evade his own growing up and leaving him so selfish. But it was far too late for that, and I suspected he was still basking in his anger. Still, I did not want the last words spoken as I left the house that morning to be the last words we ever spoke to each other. I rose from the bed and settled into the chair to finish writing the letter.

The letter I'd tucked into my dress was scorching against my breast, reminding me of its presence. I was under no illusions that this letter leaving the castle would be entirely dependent on how tonight's party unfurled, and that if I failed, my words would never reach Emyl or Rhyon in time.

Entering the kitchens just as the sun had disappeared, I had little hope of the letter ever being sent. But the words had been a balm to my own soul, if nothing else. The failures, the mistakes since I'd been in the castle were my own, yet it would be foolish of me to assume that this night would be different simply because I wished it so.

The others looked at me as I entered, all of us dressed in veils of a shimmery white fitting the moonlight theme. Maricara and Elena lifted their heads only enough to glance at me before turning in dismissal.

Zaharya tilted her head as she looked at me, the movement sending ripples down the veil. "How are you, Odyssa?"

I was grateful the veil hid my frown. She did not care, not truly. The curiosity was around what edict or punishment Camelya had issued, not around my personal wellbeing. If she'd asked any other question, perhaps I would have believed her. But this one, this inauthentic inquiry into my state of mind, had me closing off. Not that I'd planned to be forthcoming with Zaharya regardless. I'd had my breakdown in front of her; there would not be another. "I'm fine."

The silence buzzed in my ears like the incessant flies that had invaded Veressia to make their homes on the corpses of those we'd lost.

If they wanted to know what Camelya had said, what my punishment would be, they would have to be brave enough to ask it aloud, without hiding behind empty, placating words and soft tones.

"Are you still…" Talyssa's words trailed off. She swallowed hard, visible even beneath the shroud of moonlight she wore. It trembled as she moved. "Will you still be working with us?"

I inclined my head. "Yes."

Maricara sighed heavily. "Tell us what happened with Camelya, Odyssa. Is there anything the rest of us need to be concerned about?"

"If you wanted to know that, you should have just asked."

"We did."

"No, Zaharya asked how I was. I am fine. Talyssa asked if I would still be working. I will be."

"Fine. What did Camelya say to you last night?" Her words were spat through gritted teeth. "Do we need to be concerned?"

"Further mistakes will result in my paycheck being withheld and not sent to my brothers. Not that it matters anyways, since I received a letter yesterday telling me the youngest one is infected." She flinched. I took a deep breath to calm the raging tempest inside me. I forced the next words out slowly on the exhale. "She did not mention any of you."

"You cannot let your grief manifest here," Zaharya said, her voice soft yet firm. "The castle feeds on it. It senses your weakness and it will seek them out. You leave yourself vulnerable the more emotion you feel." She paused, considering me. "You do well not to show it, but the castle cares not for whatever mask you don, Odyssa. Wherever you must go in your mind, whatever you must do, no one here will think less of you for it."

"I find that very hard to believe, considering I was judged the moment you found out I volunteered for service."

"Yes, well, that was a mistake." Zaharya turned her gaze to Maricara and Elena. "One that will not happen again."

The bells tolled, ending the conversation before a response was needed. I was grateful, as there was no response to that; I hardly believed her, after all. We gathered our trays and made for the ballroom.

A slimy, oily feeling settled in my stomach, turning it sour and heavy and causing my grip to tighten on my tray of drinks. The castle, the prince, even Tallon himself, would not make this night easy for me, I feared.

The letter burned against my skin. Vowing to let myself hear nothing, see nothing, and speak nothing, I entered the ballroom. I would be as we were intended: unnoticeable.

I was nearly able to keep my vow.

We were nearing the end of the night when I walked past a group leaning against the windows. Taking a respite from the dancing, I supposed. I did not intend to listen to their conversation as I distributed fresh drinks to them, collecting their empty ones as payment, but I heard it all the same.

"…such a messy business," one of them said.

"I hear the city is running out of room to bury their dead. It's as if people could not get out fast enough." Laughter followed.

The tray rattled slightly in my hands, but none of them noticed, just pushing their empty glasses into my clutches. My world narrowed to their laughter, mixing with the tinkling of glasses. The veil brushed against my face, and I wanted nothing more than to rip it off, to pull away the smothering fabric.

I started to leave, to take the empty glasses back to the kitchens and take a moment to breathe and settle before returning, but their lingering conversation floated over and stopped me in my tracks, unable to do anything but stare at them.

"So sad too," someone added, though they sounded like they were trading gossip rather than remorse. "Why, I heard just this morning three young boys passed. A waste of good labor, if you ask me."

The room fell away, my blood echoing in my ears. Rhyon. Rhyon. Rhyon. He was the only thing on my mind. I needed to get to Camelya, to have her dispatch my letter immediately, to see if she had any news from outside the walls about my brother. I turned on my heel, mind already mapping out the best way to get back to the kitchens and then to Camelya's without being seen. My eyes were unseeing, already setting my path halfway to the door as I sped up my steps.

I passed by a small crowd, only to be stopped by more people shoving their empty glasses at me. Once they'd been added to my already full tray, and my nerves were even more frayed than ever, I took a small step back, signaling to the group my imminent departure. A masked man drained the last of his drink and thrust it on my tray, wobbling the other glass atop it.

Another body brushed against my back, not hard enough to truly be considered a glancing blow, just how people might pass by each other in a crowded room. I thought nothing of it, but in combination with my limited vision due to the shroud and the precariously balanced glasses I was holding, though, the movement sent me stumbling.

I maneuvered to keep the movement from jostling the tray further, my eyes fixed only on the glass as it tilted and finally settled. Rhyon's face was the only thing on my mind—the crowd around me simply did not exist, a sea of faceless bodies.

A large hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me around hard, sending me tumbling to the floor. The clattering of the tray and the glasses echoed through the ballroom, sending out some preternatural signal to the rest of the party as all conversation and music halted.

My eyes closed as I let my reality sink in for a moment. The letter tucked inside my dress may as well have been torn into shreds. It would never see the outside of this castle now. Rhyon's last memories of me would be the hateful words slung between us. Emyl would never speak to me again, even if I did somehow make it out of this tomb.

The silence had weighed long enough, and my fate would not be patient much longer. I raised my gaze, meeting that of a fair-haired man with an elegant half-moon mask on and rage blazing in his ice-blue eyes. The silver crown atop his head completed the portrait that sealed my fate.

Prince Eadric had been the one to bump against me.

To his side, Tallon stood, again in his silver half-skull mask, watching me with dull gray eyes and an indifference that made something in my stomach twist.

" Who dares to touch me ?" The prince sneered down at me, his visage everything I'd expected and more, opulence and waste personified.

I did not apologize, did not point out that it was he who touched me as I'd been attending to his guests, but I also did not bow my head in submission. Instead, I held his gaze through the veil, daring this Coward Prince to be the devil we all knew him to be.

Cold brushed against my wrist and arm, and Tallon's eyes narrowed as they flicked down to where I knew the cat would be curled against me.

Prince Eadric's nostrils flared. "Are you truly so ignorant that you can't manage to walk without failing?"

I bit down on my tongue hard enough to taste blood. Every ounce of willpower I had was thrust towards not speaking and keeping my face a blank and impassive slate. I would not ruin my chances at writing to Emyl by letting my anger get the better of me. I had done nothing wrong, and though the Coward Prince would certainly not see so, I had to hope Camelya would listen to reason.

I saw his hand moving before it reached me, and even though I fought back the flinch, my body was still not prepared for the force he struck me with. The jewels on his ring caught against the fabric of the veil, tearing into it and the skin of my face beneath. Time slowed to a crawl as my head jerked around to the other side.

Blood welled in my mouth and crimson stains spread across the white veil. Beneath it, I watched the stain grow for a heartbeat. Somehow, the blow had lessened my anger—at least, it had extinguished the anger from a raging inferno—one hot enough to melt the silver and gold that peppered this monument to arrogance—into a blistering cold fury, colder than the icy talons of the Soulshades as they clutched at my heart.

I looked up at him beneath the veil, not bothering to raise a hand to wipe the blood away.

His eyes widened, then narrowed, and he moved to strike me again. But Tallon stepped forward, gripping Prince Eadric's wrist before he could lift his arm once more. He leaned in and murmured something in the prince's ear. The gray of his eyes was no longer still and the weight of his gaze fell heavily on me even as he whispered to the prince. To his friend.

Prince Eadric leaned back, rocking on his heels as Tallon stepped back to his side. "Well, it seems as if you are new to my service." Without warning, he bent and grabbed a handful of my hair through the veil, twisting it and yanking at the roots. I bit down hard on my tongue to keep from crying out, making sure I kept my face neutral and my eyes forward. His breath was disgustingly hot and moist against my face, dampening the veil along with the blood he'd spilt. "Do not let this happen again. Or you will learn what it is like to choke on your own blood."

I already have , I wanted to tell him, but I only looked up at him.

He pushed my head away, wiping his hand on his jacket as he turned, dismissing me entirely. To the room, he bellowed to resume the party, and the musicians began their song anew.

The crowd dispersed, Tallon lingering only slightly before following the prince back into the fray.

Once everyone's eyes were off me, I pulled myself to my feet, curling my toes in my shoes and tensing my stomach to keep from falling as the dizziness took over. The Soulshade cat curled around my ankle, looking up at me, its normally large yellow eyes and wide black pupils narrowed to slits. The hair was raised on its back, but still it curled around me, trying to comfort me as I found my balance at last.

I felt the eyes of the others, faceless against the backgrounds, as good servants should be. The walk to the ballroom entrance felt like a thousand steps, though I knew it was far less. Crimson dotted my vision, and as soon as I had made my escape from the ballroom and entered the vacant halls, I tugged off the veil, letting it flutter to the floor behind me.

Prince Eadric was not a threat to me. Not anymore. I'd signed my death warrant, and I had absolutely nothing left to lose.

I would tear this castle apart and him with it if I needed to find the treatment and get it to Emyl. The letter in my dress pressed against my skin, reminding me of its presence. Pulling it out, I unfolded it carefully and let my eyes roam over the words, the words that my brothers would never get to see. I'd ruined my chances at that, and I'd have to live with it for eternity. I folded the letter back up and returned it to its place against my skin.

The cold presence of the cat seemed to vibrate, as if it were trying to purr against me as we walked. The oddness of it reminded me yet again that this cat was a Soulshade and had likely met a gruesome end inside these very walls. It filled me with a different kind of anger, the kind that was far more melancholy and sorrowful.

Perhaps I would tear everything and everyone inside this castle apart regardless.