32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Axel

W hen his lids finally fluttered open, it felt like the world around me came to a standstill. For just a second, I thought I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming, because that loop of green around the edge of his eyes had exploded into starlight, dancing in bursts of brown and blue and gold, but nearly taking over—an impossible kaleidoscope of color.

I didn't care what color they were. His eyes were so beautiful when they were open, and I wondered if Heaven could be as simple as a person's gaze.

"Xavier?" I was almost afraid to say his name. I didn't know what he'd been injected with. I'd downloaded everything I could and given the information to Jensen, and he said it was just a concentrated version of the drug they'd already given him.

In theory, there was no reason for it to hurt him.

In theory, the blood loss could have been what was keeping him in and out of consciousness, muttering nonsense and talking to people who weren't there.

I wasn't sure if I believed in the theory, but I was starting to wonder if I believed in fate… and I was beginning to think that bitch had it out for us.

Which was why I nearly dissolved when he pushed himself slowly into a sitting position and instantly reached his hand out for me.

"Don't cry, Sunshine. I'm fine."

Fuck.

I crawled onto the bed until I was sitting beside him and wrapped him up in my arms. He came to me without resistance, melted against my chest, and pressed his lips to the pulse at my throat.

"I'm fine. We're fine." He was murmuring it over and over again, though it took me a moment to realize what he was saying. Xavier held me until I'd stopped shaking, then pulled back to look at me.

"Are you…" I was almost afraid to ask. "Are you just… you?"

His eyes looked like him, but…

"Yeah, just me. Sorry, I guess you're stuck with a killer, hm?"

Fuck. Fuck. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth to his before he had a chance to give me a half rueful smile, and by the time I pulled back, I was crying again.

"Do you want to tell me what happened after I passed out? I don't really remember."

I wasn't sure if he was asking me because he wanted to know, or because he wanted to give me something to concentrate on so I could calm down. Whatever the reason, I threaded our fingers together before I started to speak.

"There weren't many people left by the time Kade got to the room. We killed off the stragglers and stole one of the computers so Jensen could try to figure out what happened to you. Kade didn't want to at first, but…" I trailed off—he'd been reluctant to let anyone else know about the drugs and how to make them, but he'd let me take the computer anyway.

"You mentioned there were others? Did Otto get away?"

"He took London and left. The only people we left alive were the people who weren't involved." Kade had been reluctant about that, too, until I mentioned that Seth might be angry about him killing innocent people.

Well, as innocent as someone who'd been a killer in a past life could be.

"So… it's done then?"

"There are stragglers, but… fuck…" I knew what he was trying to do, I understood it… but I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't think about the fact that I'd brought him home and called in a doctor to tend to his wounds. I couldn't think about the way he'd either stayed so still and silent on the bed, or murmured like he was having dreams and nightmares that made him thrash and squirm.

I didn't want to think about how terrified I was that he'd be caught up in some fucked up limbo of past lives forever.

"Axel—"

"I didn't know if you were going to wake up." I cut him off before he tried to distract me again. "I didn't know if you were going to be you when you woke up. Xavier… I thought I'd lost you. Again."

He shook his head, tracing his fingers along my jawline, my brows, gently through my hair.

"I'm not going anywhere, Axel. I promise."

"You promised before, too. But you—"

He cut me off with a kiss, and I didn't have it in me to argue any more. I opened my mouth to the soft press of his tongue and let him lick his way inside in a slow exploration, like it was the first time we'd touched all over again. It made my lungs feel like they were on fire, made me want to fly apart, to run away and roll beneath him all at once.

It made me want—

"It's nice to see you awake, Xavier." The soft voice coming from the doorway made me jerk back from our kiss.

"You're still here?" Xavier actually sounded a little confused when Seth stepped into the room. That confusion melted into full disbelief when Kade followed behind him.

"The way I see it, you owe us, right? We're going to hunt down every last person who worked for Nathaniel West… and you're going to help us." Kade sounded almost reluctant, but Seth looked pleased.

I knew he was behind them staying, though—he was the one who'd brought me food and forced me to eat while I sat beside Xavier and waited for him to open his eyes. Seth was probably the reason I wasn't laid up in bed beside him.

Xavier seemed a little less enthused.

"Oh, come on. What are we, some kind of little fucked up vigilante psycho group now?" He sounded impatient, but a part of me was relieved. It wasn't safe being around Kade and Seth, because dangerous people together seemed to draw more danger…

But at the same time...

Well, at the same time, there was something nice in knowing we weren't in this alone. Kade had come with Xavier to the facility, and he'd reluctantly listened to me when I told him hunting down Otto wasn't going after the people who'd hurt Seth.

He didn't even bother opening the door where the twins huddled in the corner, but he'd mentioned it then. You owe me.

Apparently, it was time to pay the piper.

"We're whatever the fuck Seth wants us to be. If he wants a little fucked up psycho family, fine. Anyway…" Kade sounded only slightly begrudging when he finished. "It's probably easier to hunt everyone down with help."

It looked like it hurt him to say it, but the absolute delight radiating from Seth seemed to soothe his irritation. For a psychopath, he seemed awfully willing to let such a slender, pretty man have his way.

Maybe a part of him knew that if something did happen to him, Seth wouldn't be alone if he had us. Then again… Kade was arrogant—I didn't know if he thought in those kinds of eventualities.

And it wasn't up to me to figure out the why. I just turned to Xavier and waited to see what he'd say. He finally nodded.

"Alright. I want to make sure every fucker who was ever involved with this burns."

"It definitely has nothing to do with helping all of the people who they're trying to hurt, right?" Seth sounded like he already knew the answer.

"No," Kade said at the same time that Xavier answered.

"Why would I care about them?"

It was very obvious that Kade was going after these people because Seth wanted him to, and I wondered if Xavier was going after them because he wanted to feel safe… or because they'd hurt me.

I could ask him later, but I already knew the answer. I knew it the second he reached up and absentmindedly stroked over the soft pink scar on my cheek from my torture sessions.

"Well, why don't you two go figure out our super cool psycho group nickname, then. Axel and I were in the middle of something."

Seth's smile was indulgent. He threaded his fingers through Kade's and led the bigger man out of the room. The door had barely closed when Xavier turned to me.

"I don't get any say in this, do I?"

"I don't think any of us do. Kade might drag us to some torture chamber and tie us up until we agree if we try to argue."

I waited. If Xavier really didn't want this, I'd figure out a way to get him out of it. But I could already see the thought processing through his head, the possibilities. Finally, he reached forward and ran his fingers through my hair.

"I guess it's better than me going back to work, right? And I'm killing people for a good cause, if that makes you feel any better about it. We can clean up the stragglers." Xavier paused, and for just a moment his face went blank, blissful, and he murmured, "I guess it's the wishes of a dead man."

It took me a second to realize what he meant.

Marshall. Finding the people that Nathaniel had been talking about, the ones in other facilities, the ones planted in families that had no idea what was happening… that was what Marshall would have wanted.

"I just want you to be safe." My fingers trailed up to the healing knife wound on his shoulder, to the place where the needle had pierced his flesh. I couldn't see it anymore, but I knew exactly where it had been. "I want us both to be safe."

"We will be. If it's just stragglers left, they probably aren't half as organized as Nathaniel West. Besides, weren't you the one who talked Otto into going off to live his best psycho-killer life?" At least his memory wasn't affected again.

"I'm more concerned about you."

"I'll be fine." He pulled me forward with gentle fingers and rolled until he half straddled me on the bed. When he nuzzled against my neck, my entire body relaxed. "Besides, I think if I died again, you might actually finish me off the next time you see me."

I frowned. "Don't joke about it."

"You'd be sixty chasing after a twenty-year-old." Xavier lifted his head, and the smile on his face was soft. Sweet. Full of teasing and warmth. "People might judge, Axel."

"I said don't joke about it." I tried to sound firm, but I couldn't hide the relief in my voice. Having him awake and joking was worth his shit sense of humor. Slowly, though, laughter faded from his eyes as he carefully traced the line of my jaw, my lips—I realized he was running his fingers over every place I'd been injured while I'd been captured.

"Listen, if it makes you feel any better… why don't you lay back and I'll make sure you're not thinking about anything but me, hm?"

I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to take me apart, so I knew he was real, that he was staying… but I was almost afraid. I'd nearly lost him again—when I caught him after he'd been stabbed, he'd felt so limp and lifeless in my arms.

He was suddenly spun sugar, and my hands were coated with his blood. I didn't want him to melt.

I wanted…

"I love you," I said softly, and he paused above me. The warmth in his eyes was back, heat chasing around the new spiral of green color and making me dizzy.

"I love you, too. You know that, right?"

"Xavier…" He leaned up before I could speak, brushing his fingers gently along the necklace I'd slipped around his neck while he lay silent on the bed. I'd cleaned the blood from it… again. And it had looked so stark, yet so perfect against his tan skin.

"Axel, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not letting anyone take you away from me again. We're here. We're safe." When I stayed silent, he spilled forward, pressing his lips to mine, so he murmured his confession into my mouth. "I love you enough to say fuck time and reason, fuck everything in between. I love you enough to be here, now. With you. I'll always find my way back to you."

When his fingers tangled in my hair and his tongue slipped between my lips to drink down the soft sound of my moan, I knew what he said was true.

Beyond all reason, he was here. With me.

And nothing was going to tear us apart.