24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Axel

I know why I died.

I could still feel the sharp sting of him ripping the necklace from my throat.

"Fuck, is he okay?" Seth sounded concerned, but beneath that there was a level of sympathy and guilt—whatever he'd told him, it wasn't his fault that Xavier finally remembered. It was going to happen eventually. He'd looked at that birthmark and my necklace every day—it was a miracle it hadn't happened already, as much as I'd wanted to prevent it.

"No, probably not."

"What—"

"We'll be back." I really didn't have time to answer his questions. Instinct told me where Xavier had run off to, and it was close enough that I knew he would have no trouble getting there by taking a cab or stealing a car. I knew him well enough to know that it would probably be the latter, but I didn't expect for my car to be gone when I ran outside.

"Take ours."

"Seth, don't you fucking—" But he'd already thrown the keys at me and turned to bury his face against Kade's throat. I'd deal with the enraged psychopath later, and if they were gone by the time I got back, then maybe we were better off without them to begin with. Kade was so volatile and unforgiving. If I'd had any idea that he had a hand in bringing Xavier back to begin with, I would have figured something else out.

At least they had a nice car.

I hopped into it before he pulled himself away from Seth and peeled out of the driveway. There was every chance that Xavier was going somewhere else, every chance he was running back to Marshall's condo, or maybe the lake house.

I paused at the end of my driveway with a frustrated groan and pulled out my phone. The only good thing about technology was that almost anything that functioned with electronics could be tracked. My car was no different. The tracker had been a feature offered at the dealership, and I'd agreed to it more out of wanting to get out of there faster and less because I was worried about someone trying to steal from me.

I was silently thanking whoever that obnoxious salesman had been now. When the app pulled up on my phone, I let out a shaky breath.

He was going in the opposite direction of the lake house. The opposite direction of Marshall's condo.

Xavier was going in the exact direction I thought he would be. I hated it, hated even more that he had a few miles on me now because he was speeding. If I was lucky, he'd get pulled over by a cop and I'd be able to catch up with him.

If I wasn't…

I didn't want to think about that option. I pulled out of the driveway and sped after him. It wasn't that I didn't want him to go to the place he was going…

But I didn't think he needed to be alone once he got there. He'd told Kade his memories were like putting together a puzzle… but this last bit? His brain had obviously tried to hide it from him, tried to protect him from remembering.

It was like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode.

My car was parked behind an abandoned building. Once upon a time, it had been a bank owned by one of the most powerful crime families this side of the country. Once upon a time, they'd laundered money, run drugs, and sold people without a care in the world.

Once upon a time, a rival family had decided they'd had enough, and they'd hired two of the best professionals to take care of everyone inside.

I'd promised myself the last time I was here that I was never going to set foot inside again. Judging by the broken window and the open front door, I wasn't going to be able to keep that promise.

"Fuck." My hand gripped the steering wheel, and I realized it was nearly impossible for me to let go. Just the thought of getting out of the car was enough to make me dizzy, to make my head spin and nausea threaten to overtake me. I needed to get up, I needed to get out of the car and follow Xavier inside before something happened.

I'd knock him out and drag him back to the house if I had to.

I'd fight him if I had to.

I'd do whatever it took to keep him, to make him understand.

To get a chance to apologize.

But apparently, the one thing I was having trouble doing was getting myself out of the car and walking back into the building where my entire world had ended.

It took another few seconds of forcing myself to take deep breaths and watching as a light flickered from one window to the other in front of me. The building was out of use and it hadn't had power in a while as far as I could tell, so I could practically track his movement as he trailed from room to room looking for…

Looking for what?

Why was he even here if he remembered? Was it just because he had to see it for himself?

Or did he want the perfect place to confront me?

I didn't know.

I didn't know what he wanted or what he was thinking, and it was tearing me apart just as much as the anxiety I felt at the thought of getting out of the car.

With one more breath and the sight of his light disappearing deeper into the building, I forced myself to get out and walk toward the entrance. The thrumming and thundering of my heart demanded I turn around, that I leave this place before I was confronted with memories that I did my best every night to forget. I had to remind myself that the result of those memories was walking, talking, breathing… that he was about to face the scene of his own death alone.

I didn't care if he hated me, I couldn't let him do that.

I couldn't let him go through it by himself.

Never again.

Steeled for the worst, I pushed through the door and headed in a direction I'd tried my hardest to forget. It had never worked though—I'd walked these empty hallways a thousand times in my dreams. I'd been here in my mind so much that my memories seemed more visceral than the reality in front of me. I recalled pristine walls and blood smearing down the halls leading me to Xavier laying cold and lifeless on the ground. It hadn't been like that when I'd come here in reality, but the more I dreamed of it, the worse it got.

The more I dreamed of him, the more I wondered if that cut at his side had been the reason he'd died. I'd never hurt him like that—I'd never fought with him to the point that he'd had an actual injury, and I'd certainly never done it right before he went out for a job.

I'd never told him to leave.

I should have never let him leave.

I could feel the beat of my heart accelerating and the numbness starting to spread across my shoulders, up along my jawline. It made my ears ring, made the world come in bright arcs of light that threatened to slow me down, threatened to stop me.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't let the panic slowly building in my chest keep me from where I had to go, where I needed to go.

And maybe some part of me just wanted to see this place differently—I wanted to see it while he was still alive.

I wanted to see that he was still here , because as I approached the back room, a part of me was convinced that this was some culmination of the worst nightmare I'd ever had… That my mind was so cruel it had convinced me that he'd been alive this entire time, and I was going to realize I'd been wrong.

That I'd never had him back…

That—

He kneeled on the floor in the same spot I'd found him, his palm flat against the dusty white ground.

There was no blood reaching out in a pool to welcome me, to draw me in to his broken and bleeding corpse.

There was no pale angel, finally fallen and haloed in crimson.

There was just Xavier, who slowly brought his gaze up to me when he heard my footsteps approaching. I couldn't read his face—I didn't understand his expression. And I didn't know why his voice sounded so hollow when he spoke.

"It was here, wasn't it? I can remember getting shot. My lungs filling with blood, my body going cold. They didn't make it quick, but one of the bullets took me in my back and I couldn't move." His eyes were a little too wide, the whites showing a little too much. He looked calm, but I could see his chest rising and falling just a little too quickly. "I killed one of them, but they left me to bleed out alone."

I wanted to scream—I wanted to shatter. I knew exactly what they'd done to him. I'd seen exactly what they'd done to him, but that didn't make it any easier to hear about it.

"I don't… I don't remember dying, but I remember what it felt like knowing I would."

I couldn't force the words out of my chest—words I'd been waiting twenty years to say.

The words that wouldn't fix a goddamn thing, because he'd been here alone and afraid, and I'd been the one who told him to get the fuck out to begin with.

"Xavi…" That was as far as I got. When I reached my hand out to him, he jerked away like I'd startled him.

It made me sick.

"Don't… d-don't…" Were his teeth chattering? His fingers opened and closed, his palm slapping against the ground again hard enough that it must have hurt.

"Xavier, I never wanted…"

What? I never wanted him to get hurt? I never wanted him to leave? I never wanted…

I looked down and realized that there was a smudge of crimson trailing from his other fist. It only took me a second to realize the chain of my necklace dangled from his clenched hand.

"I can't remember anything past laying here and thinking that the last thing you ever said to me was to get the fuck out."

Fuck.

I'd realized it was a possibility, but I didn't want it.

I didn't want this .

But I was still ready to fight him, I'd do whatever I had to. I had to bring him back. He had to understand.

"We shouldn't be here." I finally managed to get out, half strangled and fainter than I meant. I wasn't sure why I wasn't apologizing. I wasn't sure why I didn't reach out, except I didn't know if I would survive it if he pulled away again.

"Where else was I going to go?" he asked. He touched the ground again before finally pushing up and standing.

I didn't think, I just moved. If this was the moment where he told me to fuck off, I didn't want to hear it. If this was my penance—as though I hadn't served enough over the last twenty years—I refused.

I wasn't letting him leave me.

Not again.

Never again.

I threw myself forward and shoved him back hard. His shoulders hit the wall, and I grabbed his wrists as I spoke.

"I'm sorry."

I wasn't even sure if he was moving out of instinct or because my apology made him angry. Xavier's lower body thrashed, twisting to land a kick that sent a spike of pain rocketing up my leg, but it wasn't enough to make me let him go.

"Axel—"

"No!" I slammed his arms against the wall and pressed my body to his. "I wanted to tell you before, Xavier. I couldn't, and you can't leave now that you know."

At least he waited until I got the words out before he jerked forward, yanking his wrist and shifting enough to thread his fingers through mine. The sensation left me open for a moment, and that moment was enough for him to use his grip to twist us, to push me until my back was against the wall and he could jerk his other arm free.

When his fist collided with my jaw, it rocked enough shock through me that I swallowed the rest of my apology.

"Fuck, Axel. It's always going to be like this, isn't it?" he said. But he wasn't trying to pull away. He pressed forward, sliding his knee between my legs and pinning me more effectively than I had him. When he raised his hand, I half expected him to hit me again—instead, his fingers slid along the same spot he'd just punched, his thumb wiping away the small trickle of blood spilling from my split lip. "This is who we are, what we are. I manipulated you, and you asked me to marry you. Maybe it was a little insensitive for me to take a job right after, and maybe you should have realized what kind of man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with."

Fuck. He remembered all of it.

He lifted his other hand, opening three fingers so the pendant fell down between us in a swinging motion. I hadn't gotten him a ring because he said he hated the feeling of gloves, of anything on his hands. The necklace seemed like a good compromise.

I'd asked him to marry me, and he'd gone right back to work… and he was probably right—I should have known better than to ask him to change. I should have told him I was just afraid of him getting hurt, afraid of losing him when I'd only just finally felt like he was mine.

"I didn't mean it." My vision stung with tears. "I didn't fucking mean a goddamn word of it, Xavier. I didn't want you to go."

"I know that, Sunshine." He dropped his hand down, pressing the metal between our palms. "I knew it then, too. I figured I'd come back and we could argue about it until you gave in and we had makeup sex." Xavier smiled, but his eyes flicked back to the spot on the floor for just a second, like he was playing the memory in his head all over again. "We fight, and we fuck. We make up and we love each other. Do you think I give a shit about what you said to me before I died? Do you think that's enough to make me leave?"

"I—"

"Why don't you have more faith in how stubborn I am, you ass. You're mine." He leaned in, pressing a kiss to the corner of my bloody mouth. "You don't get out of it just because you fucked up."

"I hurt you." The memory still burned. "I cut you, and that mark is on your skin right along with the bullet wounds. I was always afraid it was my fault, that—"

"I lost the necklace, Axel." He cut me off again, going up on tiptoe to press another kiss to my lips to quiet me. "I went back into the building because I realized the necklace was gone. I wasn't going to leave it behind when you spent so much time picking it out." He squeezed our fingers together so tight I felt a sting of pain where the metal bit into my skin. "I wasn't thinking straight, and I didn't secure the rooms. I was just thinking of you, of how much I loved you… how much I wanted to marry you, to be with you, to make you apologize for being an ass because I love the way you beg."

Oh… shit.

Shit.

"It wasn't worth dying over. I could have… I could…"

Tears streaked hot down my cheeks, and he wiped them away gently. "We both could have done things differently, but it wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. I died because your dad wanted to prove a point, and I came back because there's no world that exists where I'm not with you. I came back because you waited for me. Our love is stronger than fate, stronger than time. I'm here because this is the only place I could ever be."

"Xavier… fuck." I lifted the necklace and noticed he'd already twisted the chain back together from where he'd snapped it. It felt natural to slip it back over his head—felt right to smooth his curls gently from his face with a soft smile. "You know, I couldn't ask you before, since you didn't remember, but I can ask you now. If you still wanted to—"

"Shoot on sight, but aim for non-lethal."

We both heard the voice at the same time, but I was just a little faster. Maybe it was because I was a little more desperate. Maybe it was because my hands were already at his neck. Whatever it was, it gave me the chance to spin him so I could slide my arm around his throat.

"I love you. I know you're going to be pissed, and I know you might question if I'm telling you the truth, but I love you. I can't see you dead here, not again."

Non-lethal.

They'd still shoot him.

Xavier full of bullet holes, laying broken and bleeding on the ground.

No. Not again. Panic seized through me, but this time it didn't freeze me—it put my body into motion.

He might have tried to say something, but he went limp in my arms as I squeezed tighter, and the dead weight of him nearly sent us both toppling to the ground. I only just managed to get him pushed out of sight into a closet and lock the door when the men rounded the corner, and I instantly threw my hands up with a charming smile. My instincts had been right, they both had guns, and we didn't.

"Looking for something, boys?"

I didn't have time.

There wasn't enough time .

Xavier dead, bled out on the ground. Xavier with guns pointed at him in this building. Dying alone.

No. This was the only thing I could do.

"Where's Marshall Lister?"

"Our motel room." The lie came smoothly. I had less than a minute to get them out of the room before Xavier woke up and gave away what I'd done, so I tilted my head toward the door. "I can show you if you promise not to shoot me."

"Didn't you kill two of our best men defending him?" The taller of the pair sounded suspicious, but I shrugged.

"No, he killed them. I was just trying to get information to sell. I'm assuming you've looked into me if you're here. I'm not in it for the violence."

The faintest sound of someone stirring behind me told me that I had to hurry this up. Why couldn't people stay knocked out like they did in the movies?

"I know where he put the flash drive."

That made their eyes light—maybe their boss was done sending their best and brightest to be killed. Or maybe these two were so blinded by accomplishing their mission that they didn't care if they were being thorough.

Whatever it was, they pointed their guns at me, but jerked their head toward the door.

"Fine, lead the way."

Their aim was steady, and I was silently cursing myself for leaving the house without being properly armed. I hadn't been thinking when I'd chased after Xavier… but I was thinking clearly now. Xavier would still try to fight them, and it didn't matter how good he was—he wasn't faster than a bullet. And this place… this place had already proven that once.

Maybe it wasn't logical, or the best solution, but it didn't matter. I refused to see Xavier on the same damn floor, filled with bullet holes. I couldn't do it. If there was a way to take them out and go back to him, I would. If there wasn't… well…

I had a feeling Xavier wasn't going to forgive me for this, but it was the only thing I could think to do—they wanted him , and I didn't know what kind of fucked up experiments they would do if they found him.

At least with me, I had no information they could use. No past life they would want .

But I could pretend I knew something.

I could keep Xavier safe this time.

I would keep him safe.

And I didn't care what it cost—he'd found me in his next life, through death. The least I could do was keep us both alive long enough for him to do it one more time.