Chapter 12 | Justine

Chapter 12

Justine

I can’t sleep. It’s the middle of the night and after tossing and turning for a few hours, I’m giving up. Too much happened today. My mind, body, and heart can’t keep up with all the developments. Makeovers! Sex! Kidnapping! Declarations of love! I need a breather. But that’s not what I want. What I want is Markas.

I can’t even keep track of what’s his fault and who’s to blame for everything anymore. I mean, he’s mostly to blame. But like, does blame even matter if he’s my mate? More importantly, can I actually have a future with him?

I get up, wrap myself in a fluffy Excelsior robe, and splash water on my face. I never expected someone to tell me that I loved them . I’ve never dated a Xanxian before, so I’ve never experienced anything like it. And for it to happen with Markas, boggles my mind. I would never have believed it if you had told me a week ago.

I think through all of our interactions, and how careful he’s always been in expressing himself. Like, how he never actually promised a future with me. Instead, he told me how much he would like one. It’s like he was doing everything he could to be as honest as possible, even when he was ripping me off.

When he talks to me, hell, when he looks at me now, I can feel his admiration and desire for me as strongly as if it was my own. But he’s still that guy: the one who works with pirates and other shady characters, someone whose bad choices have caused me harm. It’s impossible for me not to love him, but can I trust him? Is it worth the risk? I wish I could go outside and get some air, but that’s the one thing you can’t do on a spaceship. I settle for a walk.

I throw on the old bodysuit I was wearing when we boarded and feel the lip balm tin with his identity graft in the seam by my hip. It seems like ages ago when I put it there. I’ll have to decide what to do with it soon. I crack open the door and that’s when I see him, Markas, sleeping with his back against the wall, like my own personal guard. So much for meeting at breakfast.

Stars! Just look at him there. Butterflies flutter in my stomach and I want to gather him in my arms. His face is so innocent and boyish as he rests, like all the trouble isn’t really part of his true self.

I’m glad he’s asleep, glad he’s here and I can look at him without anyone else seeing me. For once, I don’t have to hide my true feelings. I can let my eyes rove over his strong limbs. I can think about how he touches me, how he says my name. How I can shop with him or dye his hair. How he knows what will fit me and what will make me scream. He’s mine, at least for now.

“Are you going to stare at me all night, or are you going to invite me in?” He cracks his eyes open and smiles at me.

I can’t help smiling back.

“I’m not inviting you in.” He stiffens. “But you can come with me for a walk.”

He hops to his feet and offers me his arm.

“That works for me.”

A knot of tension inside me unravels the moment I touch him, so warm, and right by my side. We walk in silence through the empty corridor towards the Observation Deck near the elevator. The floors and walls are transparent here, so it feels like we’re suspended in the depths of space. It’s awe-inspiring and a little scary all at once. I turn to him, and he faces me. I can tell that he’s waiting for me to talk first, to make the first move.

I cup his cheek with my palm and his eyes flutter shut.

“I have something for you,” I say.

He looks surprised and curious.

“Yeah?”

I reach down to the seam of my bodysuit and rip it open.

“You’re doing that here?” His voice is excited.

“It’s not what you think.” I reach down and fish out the lip balm tin, then hand it to him.

“What’s this?”

“Your identity graft. You can have it.”

“Thanks?” He looks uncertain but grasps it in his hand.

“I want you to be free to leave. You don’t owe me anything,” I say.

He wrinkles his nose.

“But what about your identity graft?”

“I can work that out with Rotten.” I try to sound nonchalant.

“And your money?” Markas continues.

“What you’ve given me will suffice.”

“So, you don’t need me anymore,” he says slowly, finally understanding the significance of my gesture.

“That’s right,” I reply. My heart pounds in my chest. It’s scary to lose my leverage with him, but it’s the right thing to do.

“Does that mean I should leave?” He touches my arm, like he’s afraid I’ll slip away.

“No. It just means you’re free.”

“I see. Can I ask what you want now?”

I look up into his eyes and grab his hands. He seems worried, like he knows something serious is coming.

“I want a partner, a friend, and a mate. Someone I can trust who will always be by my side. Someone who’s with me by choice.”

His breath catches as he hears my words. I can feel the hope blooming in his hearts.

“Oh, that’s all? Do you have any candidates for this position?”

“Just one. But I don’t know if he wants the job,” I say.

Markas laughs and squeezes my hands.

“He does! I think he wants it more than you can imagine.” Markas rubs a soft circle on the back of my hand, like he wants to touch me so much it can’t be contained.

I try to stay strong, but I can feel myself melting into the contact.

“How can I be sure? He’s let me down before,” I say.

“There’s nothing he can say to prove himself, but he can ask that you make a leap of faith.”

He releases my hands and slides his arms around my waist. I step closer to him. My mouth has gone dry. I want him with every cell in my body.

“That’s a big request,” I say, my voice breaking.

“He knows, but he loves you so much he’s willing to ask or to beg if that’s what you’d prefer.”

Markas holds still, waiting for my answer, my permission, my blessing.

“Let’s save the begging for later. I have other priorities now.” I touch his shoulders, and he groans.

“What priorities?” he asks.

“Making sure our mating bond is sealed.”

His hands flex on my hips.

“I’m pretty sure it is,” he says carefully, but I can feel desire flicker to life in his blood.

“I need to be certain.”

“What do you have in mind?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Let’s go back to our room and I’ll show you. Oh!”

The words are barely out of my mouth and Markas has lifted me into his arms. And he’s walking, no, running back to our room. I guess he’s as eager to be sure as I am.