Chapter 19 - Bigby

Silence falls as Rosa and I trade pieces back and forth. This game is much more tense than the last one, and I'm starting to think I might win. She keeps putting her hand on a piece, then changing her mind. She hardly ever changes her mind, and it tells me she's not thinking as far ahead as she should.

Rosa looks like there's something on her mind, and I'm willing her to say it. More than anything, I just want her to open up to me. Since I took her from California, I wanted to return to how things were before the night I left. Rosa and I are a team, effortlessly.

"So, other than surfing, what does Kaila like?" I say, clearing my throat and looking up at Rosa. She looks so gorgeous, her hair falling into her face as she stares down at the chess board, her palm against her cheek.

"I think you already know," Rosa laughs, shaking her head as she picks up a piece, then changes her mind and puts it back where it was. Her hand flutters over the board like she's not sure what her next move should be. "I'm pretty sure she's been talking your ear off about marine life. I think she's already determined she will be a marine biologist."

"She's very smart," I say, unable to contain the pride I feel at that fact. Rosa and I are very smart. It only makes sense that our daughter would be, too.

"Yeah," Rosa says, clearing her throat as she glances at me. "Genetics will do that. Mother like daughter, and everything."

Another moment of silence passes as I take one of her pawns. She still doesn't want to acknowledge out loud that I'm Kaila's father. It's okay—I'm willing to wait.

The silence stretches between us. I wait for her to speak.

"It's—" Rosa starts after a moment. Then she stops, taking a shaky breath. "It's been difficult. Raising her. I owe Olivia the world for being there with us, part of our family, but it's not the same as Kaila having two loving parents."

I can feel my heart start to beat faster, the guilt over leaving them resurfacing like it has so many times. But Rosa continues before I can say anything.

"With the threat of my dad hanging in the air, I couldn't send Kaila to school. She hasn't had any of the experiences she should. Like school, friends, field trips, plays—any of it. She deserves that. I know that, but there's nothing I can do about my dad. Over the years, my mom has hinted that there's a chance Hector might go against our dad, but I just—"

She puts a hand to her mouth, stifling a sob, and I know what she's thinking. I met Hector once, and based on that one meeting, there's no way he could take on Amon.

Rosa and I had gone bowling with Hector and some of his friends. He was a total goofball, pretty scrawny, making jokes and charming the group. He and Rosa had the same fine features and blond hair, and I liked him, but it didn't feel like a single alpha bone in his body.

Especially not if he had to go up against his dad to get that position.

According to Rosa, Hector was always a softer child, avoiding violence and urging people to be kind. He played with dolls. Amon was not kind to him.

Unless Hector has been putting in some serious work and training to go against his father, I find it highly unlikely that he'll be able to accomplish the feat. Which means, if it comes down to it and Hector tries to topple Amon, Rosa will have lost her brother, as well.

"I thought Hector was in hiding as well?"

"He is, I think. After our uncle was killed, Mom realized that Dad—well, that he would stop at nothing. And Hector is the next obvious target. The most likely to challenge, after our uncle."

"I'm sorry, Rosa. I wish there was anything I could do to help."

She meets my eyes, and the thought hangs there.

I'm a highly trained, very strong special ops shifter with plenty of experience taking down evil shifters. Maybe there is something I can do. I could take Amon on myself. I'd be lying if I said the thought wasn't running through my mind since Rosa appeared.

But how would I do that? Drive out to California and hope I could get to Amon before his lackeys got to me? Part of me thinks it's better to wait for Amon to show up here, as he inevitably will, but I don't want to put Rosa or Kaila at risk.

And then there's the question of whether I could best Amon in a fight at all.

I remember what I told Aris about the man—ruthless. The kind of guy who would make Varun seem like a fair leader. I remember what Rosa told me about Amon killing a baby just to prove a point, and my blood runs hot with rage.

" If Hector did manage to do it," Rosa says, her voice quiet, as though she can sense me getting angry again, "I'd put Kaila in school. If I could, I'd go for my doctorate. It feels like our lives have been on pause because of him, and it's unfair."

"Really?" I ask, my heart lighting up at the idea. Rosa has always been in her element at school. "You know, I could see you as a professor. Doing research. Working at a big, important college. The University of Minnesota isn't far from here, actually, and they have a chemical physics track that seems like it would be perfect—"

I stop, realizing I've just revealed that I've been looking into Rosa and Kaila staying here. My first instinct when faced with a problem is to do research, and I knew I would need something to win her over to staying here. Maybe a Ph.D. from The University of Minnesota would do that for her.

"Bigby," Rosa says gently, shattering my fantasy, "California is my home. It's Kaila's home."

As she speaks, I feel her knees press against mine under the table. I try to focus on her face as the simple brush of our skin sends sparks coursing through my body. I can't think about those knees and what they feel like under my hands, what they look like pressed into the mattress, the way it feels to have them on either side of my hips.

"I know," I say, shaking my head, my face growing hot at the thoughts of Rosa. I have to force myself to return to the conversation. "But something I've learned over the years is that home is about people , Rosa. And Rosecreek has the best people."

"Kaila loves surfing, Bigby. How are you going to nurture that hobby? You're going to take it away from her?" Rosa lets out a laugh, turning her head away from mine. "Rosecreek is like, the absolute furthest place from an ocean. We're marooned in land."

"There's the lake—"

"You can't surf in the lake."

"I know that Rosa, but I think you and Kaila will like it here. Think about the pack! It takes a village, you know that! Think about Kaila's first turn, her friendship with Araya, everything here could happen so—"

I stop when I see Rosa drop her head into her hands. Her shoulders shake, and I bite my tongue, hating that I've made her cry. My chest squeezes, and I have to grip the table to keep from reaching for her.

"It's not you," Rosa says after a moment, tipping her head back and taking a deep breath. She wipes the tears from her face with the backs of her hands. We sit there quietly for a moment, and I look down at the game. I don't remember if it's my turn or not, and I'm trying to figure it out when Rosa speaks again.

"I just—I miss my mom. This is the kind of stuff a woman talks to her mother about—the question of where to raise your daughter, what's best for her, how to know when it's time to trust someone again. I feel it in me, Bigby, I want to trust you again, but I don't want that to be the—the bond talking. I don't know how to explain the hurt that I felt when you left. For a long time, until I saw you again, it felt like an unforgivable offense. And then, when you showed up at the cabin, I just hated you more. But now, it's like—"

"Rosa," I say, clearing my throat. Our chess game is forgotten, Rosa twisting her hands in her lap, me balling mine into fists. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I put you and Kaila through. I need you to know that it was never my intention."

Rosa stares at me, her mouth slightly parted. I look away.

"I didn't want to tell you when I saw you again, because I thought you would think I was a coward. But I think it's time I told you about what really happened the night I had to leave."