Chapter 13 - Bigby

"But then, what happens when the—" Kaila trails off, her chin tucking into her chest for a moment. We're sitting on the couch, having spent the day doing all of my—and apparently, Kaila's—favorite things.

We took a trip back to the beach with Araya, had chicken tacos with meat I grilled, built a city out of blocks, and watched Beauty and the Beast twice. Kaila is completely tuckered out but keeps trying to soldier on, waking herself every few minutes.

"What happens when the…" she tries again, rubbing her eyes. I smile at her, resisting the urge to reach out and tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Kaila has been stuck to my side all day, and I've felt Rosa watching me the whole time. I want to prove to her that I'm a good man and will be the best father. But I don't think Rosa has forgiven me just yet.

"I think Bigby can tell you about it tomorrow," Rosa murmurs, scooping her up. Kaila immediately turns, tucking into Rosa's chest, and I can tell it's difficult for Rosa to carry her. I should have offered, but the two of them are already on the move to the bedroom.

Sighing, I grab my things from the coffee table and retire to my bedroom, stepping into the shower. I can't stop thinking about Rosa—my eyes skimming over her body when she's not looking. It feels wrong, like a violation, because I know she doesn't want me back, but I can't stop myself.

Memories keep flashing into my head, reminding me that I know exactly what she feels like, what it's like to be inside her. I remember the first day we met, the look she gave me, how she'd squeezed her thighs together, and I saw it—the immediate and undeniable attraction. I'd had the feeling that if we met in a club instead of a classroom, I could have had her up against a wall in the bathroom right then and there.

Now, I brace my arm against the shower wall, looking down, letting the water run down my body. I think about Rosa on the beach the other day, in a swimsuit borrowed from Linnea, her tan skin shining golden in the sun, glistening with whatever oil she slathered on.

I think of her hair falling over her shoulders, her strong chin, the perfect pucker of her lips, and suddenly without warning, the image of her topless, riding me, flashes into my brain, and before I know what's happening, my hand is on my dick.

Rosa will be staying in my house with me for the foreseeable future, and I don't know if I will make it through.

I pump my hand, picturing Rosa against the wall, bent over my bed, laid out on my kitchen table. I want to take her everywhere in the house. I want to have her in every way I've already had her, and then more.

Missing Rosa is a complex, multi-faceted creature. I miss the way she smells, miss her little quips. Miss always having someone in the room who can challenge me. I miss being inside her, miss the perfect ‘o' she makes with her lips the first time I slide inside of her. I miss the way we slot together, accommodating to fit each other.

I miss the way our bare chests pressed together, her nipples scraping against my skin.

" Fuck, " I whisper, coming as the water sluices over me. The relief is only temporary—I know that when I see Rosa again tomorrow morning, this pressure will build up again. My body doesn't want any release—it wants her.

After finishing up in the shower, I towel off and throw on a pair of loose sweatpants, grabbing my water bottle and heading to the kitchen to fill it before bed. I freeze when I walk into the living room, and Rosa is sitting at my chess table, her chin in her hands.

I had a game going. She's continued it, moving the pieces on both sides of the board, playing herself. For some reason, it makes me unbelievably sad—it's like I can picture all the things she's had to do like this for the past six years. One-sided.

"Hey," I say as softly as I can, trying not to startle her. She doesn't even look up at me.

"Hey," she says back, reaching out to move the white rook. It's like I'm paralyzed, standing here, watching her. "Well?" she says, a moment later, "Are you going to sit down, or what?"

This is the first invitation I've received from her, so I jump at the chance, setting my water bottle down on the coffee table and sitting down across from her. I watch her finish her game, then she silently starts setting the pieces out for a new game.

I grab the black pieces and line them up, pawns first, orienting each of the pieces so they face perfectly across the board.

"So anal," Rosa mutters, glancing up at me, though there's a small smile on her lips.

"I seem to recall you enjoying that quite a bit," I say, raising an eyebrow at her. She blushes, shakes her head, and looks down at the board.

"When someone begs for something like you did, the greatest joy is in giving them what they want," Rosa throws back, and my chest lights up like it remembers how it used to be between us, the constant back and forth. The ever-present challenge.

"I'm pretty sure I still have scratches on my back from that night," I counter, and she ignores me, playing her first piece.

The room falls silent as we trade moves back and forth, neither conceding a single piece. I actually feel a bead of sweat slide down my back—playing on my own all these years didn't keep me fresh enough to be playing against Rosa. Whenever I consider my move, thinking I've thought of every possible outcome, she takes her turn in a second, doing something I hadn't expected or considered.

It's invigorating.

"Looks like someone needs practice," Rosa says when she's the first to capture a piece. My bishop. I watch as she grabs it and takes it off the board, moving it to her side.

"Good thing you're here," I say, and she falls silent again, chewing on her bottom lip.

I think about what Linnea said about apologizing, but my stomach twists at the idea of explaining myself to Rosa. First, I don't think she would accept any excuse for disappearing the way I did. And second, the idea of admitting that her father scared me—that I'd backed down the second he made a threat—makes me feel like a coward.

Thinking back to that moment outside of her apartment with Amon's cool scowl right in my face, I remember the terror I felt. This was the alpha of a very powerful pack. My pack was in an uproar after Varun killed Aris's father and took over. It's not like I had a lot of backup.

And Amon wasn't threatening to kill me if I stayed. He was threatening to kill Rosa's mother, Olivia. People who didn't deserve retribution for my acts. How could I protect them all? How could I watch over all of Rosa's sorority sisters and make sure Amon didn't get his hands on a single one?

It had felt impossible. And I had felt alone.

But still—if I'd known Rosa was pregnant, I never would have left. Protecting my child would have been the most important thing to me. Olivia and the others would have understood that.

"Checkmate," Rosa says, flicking her eyes up to me, and I realize I've been so lost in my thoughts that I've been moving my pieces on autopilot, playing a pretty shitty game.

"Well, shit," I say, letting out a long breath. "Another?"

Rosa looks at me for a long moment, then shakes her head, pushing against the table to get to her feet.

"Goodnight, Bigby," she says before turning on her heel and walking down the hallway to their bedroom. I watch her nightgown flutter before she shuts the door.

I sit at the chess table for a long moment, then I stand and walk into my own bedroom. My body hates me for not following her down the hallway, taking her in my arms. I want nothing more than to slant my mouth over hers and bring her back to my bed.

Shutting the door behind me, I make my way to my bed in the dark, thinking about Aris and what he was like when he and Linnea were blood-bonded. I remember finding him out in the forest, looking practically feral, and I was afraid that if I sent him back to his cabin, he would do something he regretted.

He and Linnea were endgame. That was obvious. But she needed some time to come around, to see that he was a different person than he was back in high school when he bullied her relentlessly.

Rosa and I are endgame, too. I can feel it in my blood, and our mating bond grows stronger every day. I just need to give her time to come around to it.

I settle into bed, trying to breathe deeply to fall asleep, but inevitably, my hand travels south again. I'm thinking about Rosa, and thinking about her, then dreaming about her.