Chapter 11 - Bigby

I can't stop glancing at Rosa as we drive to my place. She's tucked into the passenger seat of my Jeep, her arms around Kaila protectively. The passing streetlights wash over her with every block we pass, glinting off her hair.

I had a bad feeling all day yesterday after getting back from the lake. Aris once told me that his dad referred to that as the inner wolf or something like that. That's exactly what it felt like—like the animal inside was trying to tell me something. I should have acted sooner, not waited to see what the feeling was leading to, especially regarding Rosa and Kaila's safety. I never would have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to them.

I tucked into my sleeping bag that night like I did every night—but had the hardest time falling asleep. When the alarm in the compound went off, I'd sat up immediately, getting to my feet, heart pounding in a rhythm with the blaring sound. My phone rang a moment later, the buzz in my pocket the only way I knew it was coming through, as the alarm drowned out the ringtone.

"Bigby," Linnea had said, her voice frantic. It took me back immediately to those days in the woods, between attacks from Varun, when Linnea got away from me, insisting she needed to go to Aris to save him. "There's some sort of security breach. Something like that—I don't know what it is. An alarm going off. Byron said somebody made it into the far part of the compound. It shouldn't be anywhere near Rosa and Olivia, but I don't want to risk it."

"I'm already here," I'd said, my voice gruff. If it was embarrassing to admit I was sleeping in the bar, I didn't have a chance to feel it. "What can I do?"

Linnea explained what happened—where the intrusion was as Byron opened the doors to the compound for me, allowing me to wait outside the women's quarters. Even in this emergency scenario, Linnea said it was vital that I not barge inside. She wanted to maintain it as a safe space.

If Rosa and Kaila weren't here, I could have dashed to the other side of the compound and caught the person who'd gotten in, but there was no way I was doing that. I knew my priorities. We could figure out who got in later.

When the door opened and Rosa stood in front of me, I felt relief like nothing I'd ever felt before flooding my body. Her eyes narrowed when she saw me, but I didn't miss the sense of relief from the mating bond.

Aris said it would be best to bring them straight to their house instead of coming up through the old bar. He'd had a secret underground tunnel constructed that led from the town to his house on the hill, thinking it might come in handy someday. That day seemed to have come a lot sooner than he wanted or thought.

Kaila had shuffled alongside us, surprisingly calm for the situation. Calmer than I'd expect from a girl her age. When she'd started to complain sleepily that her feet hurt, I didn't have to think twice before sweeping her up into my arms. It felt good to finally do something for the daughter I didn't even know I had.

As I carried her down the hall, I thought of all the carrying I had missed—her as a baby, carrying her out of the hospital, her as a toddler, climbing on me like a little monkey, taking her to bed after movie nights, getting her from the car after a long day and tucking her in bed.

"I can take her for a while," Rosa said after twenty minutes, only sparing me a sideways glance. In a different situation, I might have laughed. I'd seen how Rosa struggled under Kaila's weight a week before when she was trying to escape. I could have carried Kaila everywhere and I wouldn't even notice the weight difference.

Now, Rosa leans down, pressing her nose to the crown of Kaila's head as we stop in front of my house. Rosa looks out the window, and I can practically feel her curiosity about the house as I hop out of the driver's side, come around to hers, and open the door for her.

It's a small house in the thick of Rosecreek's east neighborhood. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a decent kitchen. I've done some renovating since inheriting it from my parents, planted some new flowers in the beds, cleaned up the yard, and re-sided it, but now, looking at it, knowing the glamor Rosa grew up in, it suddenly feels shoddy to me.

When Kaila doesn't want to wake up, I take her in my arms. I hand Rosa the keys to the door and walk behind her, watching as she unlocks it and walks inside. My body already feels more at ease having both of them near me.

My home smells like it always does and looks like it always does, but suddenly, every minor flaw stands out to me. I notice a tiny crack in the plaster above the fireplace. The curtains are looking a little faded. The space could use more plants—what does Rosa see?

Rosa doesn't say anything, and I wonder if she's noticing all the tiny flaws I'm noticing. I wish I had vacuumed this morning and had a bowl of potpourri or something to better scent the place.

I lead Rosa down the hallway to the guest room, and she pulls back the covers, gesturing for me to set Kaila down. Rosa tucks her in, kissing her forehead, before following me back into the hallway.

When the door clicks shut behind her, she turns to me, crossing her arms. I can feel her dissatisfaction and anger radiating from her like they're my own. I want to reach out, to apologize, to offer something, but it's like all the words are stuck in my throat. Rosa, as per usual, speaks first.

"I'm sleeping with Kaila," she says, eyes narrowed.

"I wouldn't expect anything different."

"Tomorrow, I'm going to help with finding an antidote for the serum."

This surprises me, and I give her a look. I knew Rosa was going to school for biochemistry, but I can't imagine she's had much practice while hiding out on the beach for years.

"Have you been working as a biochemist? Did you finish your degree?"

Her face flushes, and she looks away from me, mumbling something.

"What?"

"I made perfumes to support us," she whispers, leaning forward toward me, and my heart flips at the proximity as she jabs her finger into my chest. "And yes, I did finish my degree, no thanks to you."

I stare at her for a moment, shocked at this admission. Rosa, the most intelligent woman I've ever met in my life, has been using her biochemical engineering degree to make perfumes.

Grief and rage well up inside me. At Rosa, for not telling me about Kaila. At Amon, for creating this situation. At myself for not standing up to him all those years ago.

I'm the reason Rosa has been hiding out in a beach shack, making perfume to get by and raise our daughter without me. If I had been more courageous and cleverer, I would have been able to overcome Amon.

The threat he made to me that night came back to me, lightning-fast and sounding exactly the same as when he was standing in front of me outside Rosa's apartment building.

If you don't get out of here, leave my daughter alone, permanently. I will take the throat of every person she loves. I will murder her mother, that little friend of hers, all of her classmates in front of her, and I will tell her it was your fault.

"Rosa," I choke out. For some reason, this is hitting me the hardest. I was there while she was completing her degree. I saw how hard she worked, studied, and was at the top of her class in everything she did. Rosa could have had a promising degree at any company of her choosing.

And instead, I reduced her life to this.

"Good night, Bigby," she says, shaking her head.

"Wait," I say, grabbing her arm and turning her body so she's facing me again. She's wearing a pink nightgown with lace at the collar, and her chest rises quickly, brushing against mine. When she looks up at me, it takes every ounce of self-preservation and willpower to not lean down and take her mouth with mine.

The worst part is that, with the look she's giving me right now, it almost seems like she would let me. My eyes roam over her face, taking in her pink lips, the dusting of color over her cheeks, the dark look in her shining blue eyes.

My body wants her. Wants to be close to her, pick her up and bring her back to my bedroom, to make up for all this worthless, wasted time. Instead, I rock back on my heels, giving her space.

"Goodnight, Rosa."