Chapter 18 - Rami

“One day, you’ll get to run with us.” Rami was regaling Jessa with a G-rated version of the events that had occurred in the clearing, crafting a tale that began with the witch and the shifter as he whipped up breakfast. “And you’ll be the fiercest wolf in the pack.”

Jessa clapped her hands together, bouncing in her high chair. Vera was at the table, head bent over her notebook. Rami poured a refill of coffee into her mug. She didn’t look up from her notes.

He could watch her for hours. He loved the glimmer in her eye. When she was puzzling through something, her nose wrinkled when she was deep in thought. He didn’t know his heart could feel as full as it did with his mate and his daughter at the table, waiting for the meal he was cooking.

After they had returned from the cabin that night, she’d gone straight to James. Even after he’d been moved, she’d continued to see him as her patient and remained invested in his recovery. Rami had felt a clench in his gut each time she'd gone. Something about the man unsettled him, but he knew better than to stand in Vera’s way.

She’d found him fully alert and coherent for the first time since they’d found him in the woods, without a hint of the daze that had lingered in his eyes. The dark marks on the back of his neck had vanished. The mood was celebratory, and the tension between himself and Spencer was forgotten.

In the days following, he’d noticed a shift in Vera. A restlessness. Something that wasn’t cured by playing with Jessa, something that pulled her back to her notes over and over. He knew what it was, even if she wasn’t aware of it herself. The curse had given Vera something to puzzle over. It had kept her mind busy.

He knew his mate. She needed a mental challenge to thrive. As rewarding as caring for Jessa was, he doubted it would satisfy her completely. Rami was just waiting for her to realize it as well.

“Breakfast is ready.” He flipped the last pancake onto a serving plate and brought the stack to the kitchen table, dishing them up with a swirl of maple syrup and a pat of butter. “You need to get something in your stomach before the caffeine burns a hole through it.”

“Ha ha.” Vera rolled her eyes and took a big swig of coffee. Then she forked up a mouthful of pancake and closed her eyes in bliss. “These are really good. I’m impressed. And surprised.”

He put a hand to his chest in mock injury. “I can whip up a batch of pancakes from a box mix with the best of them. Don’t you forget who taught you how to make grilled cheese. What are you working on?”

Vera looked down at the notes and pushed the notebook away, sighing. “Nothing, really. There’s nothing left to do. I was just summarizing everything we’d done, as if it’s some case report people will need to refer to in the future. Like that’s going to happen again.”

“Hey, you never know. If it does, they’ll be grateful to have that report filed appropriately.” Rami grinned in response to her glare. “How are things in the Rosewood pack?”

She arched an eyebrow. “They’re fine. Spencer got over it. Are you going to get over it? I don’t want it to be weird every time you two run into each other because that will happen a lot.”

“If you’d consider a switch to the Silversands pack…” Rami began, not for the first time.

She held up her hand to stop him. “Not a chance. I’m not taking orders from my little sister. You could be a Rosewood, you know.”

Rami knew better than to push. In the end, he was happy to have her living in his house. Sharing his pack would just be the cherry on top. He shrugged and dug into his stack of pancakes, pausing now and then to flip the page of Jessa’s board book. It took him too long to realize Vera was staring at him.

“What?” He asked, around a mouthful of pancake.

“You’re clamming up again. We were talking about something that I thought was important to you, and you just went silent.” Her voice was strained.

Rami reached across the table and caught her hand. She stared down at his fingers like she was considering stabbing them with her fork.

“I’m sorry if it seemed that way. Really, I’m okay with things the way they are, and that’s what I was thinking when I stopped talking.” He forced himself to reveal everything, no matter how unimportant he thought it was.

Vera narrowed her eyes. “And that’s it?”

“That’s it,” Rami agreed.

She slumped in her seat like her strings were cut, dropping her head into her palm. “I sound crazy, don’t I? I don’t want to be the kind of person that drags everything out of their partner because they can’t handle a little uncertainty.”

He squeezed her hand, keeping that point of contact between them. It still made his skin crawl to share his inner thoughts, but the book was right, touching his partner made it just a bit easier to open up.

“You don’t sound crazy,” he reassured her. “We’re both new to this, and it’s not going to be perfect. We’ll have to remind each other to do our best. So yes, you might have to remind me sometimes. And maybe sometimes I’ll have to remind you that not everything has to be perfect to be worthwhile.”

Finally, she looked up from her plate and met his eyes. “But it’s better if it’s perfect.”

Rami sighed, but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over his face. That was a battle for another day. “Yes, dear.”

She turned back to her notes, scrawling desultorily across the page while forking pancake into her mouth. The schedule for Jessa had been ironed out, and they’d optimized her care as much as it was possible to optimize childcare, knowing it will change with every new stage of growth. There was nothing left for her to fix. Nothing left for her to solve. He could see the restlessness boiling beneath her.

“You’re bored, aren’t you?” He asked her, keeping his tone neutral.

“What?” She frowned, insulted. “I love spending my days with Jessa. She’s perfect and wonderful, and she’s going to be an amazing veterinarian one day. I’ve already ordered her first vet kit, and it’s arriving in the next few days. You should see the tiny syringe. And the scalpel!”

“Vera,” he interrupted.

“They’re plastic, obviously, I’m not going to let a baby handle a real one.” She leaned over and tapped Jessa lightly on the cheek. “Not until you’re three, at least!”

“Vera,” he said again.

“Oh, fine, five. But not a day later. Need to get an early start on these kinds of things. Pretty sure I dissected my first frog at about six.”

“Vera. I know you love taking care of Jessa, but who wouldn’t? And I think you’re wonderful at it.” He meant every word. She might not have felt like a naturally maternal person, but she’d found her own way to love and care for Jessa, and that was all that mattered. “But I think you’d feel more fulfilled with something else to do as well.”

There. He’d said it. It had been rolling around in his mind for some time by then, and he’d been stuffing it down, afraid to rock the boat. Afraid to voice his feelings. Well, he wasn’t allowed to do that anymore, so he’d said it, and now she was looking at him like he had six heads.

“What are you saying?” Vera’s frown deepened.

He chose his words with care. “I saw how much you came to life with the puzzle of James in front of you. The curse gave us all something to deal with, and it gave you purpose. You thrive with purpose. What I’m saying is, we can make it work if you want to go back to practicing at some point.”

She snapped her mouth shut. Rami’s stomach churned. This is why he kept things to himself, buried his emotions deep. He’d upset her. Now they’d have a fight, and if he’d just shut his mouth, it wouldn’t have happened. He braced himself for the assault, unable to stop flashing back to the hallucination he’d experienced in the forest.

Sweat beaded on his brow. He twitched in his seat, looking at the door, longing to make a run for it. His promise not to do that again was the only thing keeping him in that chair, the vow he’d made to Vera that he would never break.

“You’re right,” she said at last. “I do like having a purpose, but I like being a nanny too. I wouldn’t give up my time with Jessa for anything.”

He could scarcely breathe. Just as the book had instructed, he took steady, slow breaths in through his nose until his heartbeat slowed. “That’s okay too. Just know if you change your mind, we can each work part-time or hire someone to help. The bookstore is doing really well now that Silversands is recovering from Jonah’s father’s neglect, and I can afford to take on another employee. That’d free me up to cover some of the childcare.”

Vera stood up from her chair. For a second, he thought she would be the one to storm out the door. Then she came around to his chair and pushed his chest, telling him wordlessly to scoot his chair back from the table. She moved into the space he’d created, slinking onto his lap like a cat and resting her head against his chest.

She felt fragile in his arms, though he knew she was anything but. Her breath was warm against his neck. He looped his arms around her back and pulled her closer, wanting every inch of himself to be pressed against a part of her. No amount of closeness was enough.

“Thank you.” She spoke the words into his chest. “I’ll think about it, okay? I think I’ve always seen the world in black and white. I’m either this or that. Someone needs me, or they don’t. I’m good with kids, or I’ve got a career. It’s hard to let go of that, even when I know I don’t have a choice.”

She took a shaky inhale, and Rami rubbed his hands down her back. He didn’t want to interrupt. He just wanted her to know that he was there for her.

“My world really crumbled when you left, and I’m still trying to figure out where everything will fit now. Where I fit.”

“Well, I can help with that part at least. You fit here, Vera.” He tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “You fit right here with me. You fit in Jessa’s life. And I know you still fit in Moira’s, even if it doesn’t feel the same as it used to. Things are going to change.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she whispered.

“But this right here, what you and I have, it’ll only get better. Even when things are changing, I’ll be here to hold you through it all.” He’d hold her while the world fell down around them.

His mate was a marvel, and she didn’t seem to know it. Rami had to deal with his own guilt about that, having left her once. That she was willing to give him a second chance showed how strong she was.

“Promise?” She wiped her eyes against his shoulder and sat back to look at him, eyes puffy.

He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose, each of her cheeks, and finally, her lips. “I promise.”