Chapter 4 - Grayson

Everything about this situation was so much harder than I expected. I knew that Kenzie was pissed at me. I knew she had every right to be pissed, but standing here while she flung constant insults my way was not what I would call a good time.

Worse, I could see it all came from a place of hurt. I could scent that her fragrance was consistently laced with char, and there was no hiding the way she seemed skittish around me.

Fucking hell, this sucks.

My nerves were damn well shot after today, and I rubbed absently at the healing scab across my wrist. Being up there with Kenzie had felt right and wrong at the same time. She was my mate, and my body and wolf reacted to her the way it always did.

More so, actually, now that her status as my mate had been rekindled by the ceremony.

I glanced over at the door, which was having trouble shutting, and it took everything I had not to stare openly as Kenzie stripped down to nothing behind that thin section of wood. My cock throbbed with need, desperate to be inside her, to help me to prove that I was her mate.

Not going to happen, buddy.

Dimly, at the back of my mind, I wondered if I was close to a rut. It had been a while, and hell, I couldn't remember when the last time I let myself go wild like that was. Years ago, at least.

I hadn't even let it happen when I'd been with Kenzie before, and I'd been there with Kenzie to help her through a heat. That had been beyond intense, and I still didn't know how I'd managed to keep myself from biting her and claiming her as my mate for good. It probably helped that the twins had just been born, and I was acting as Beta for the first time.

Nerves had a way of diminishing anyone's abilities.

Sighing, I shook my head. This was not the conversation I needed to be having with myself. When I looked over at the door again, I couldn't stop the eye roll.

Kenzie was taking her sweet time in that shower, and I was getting antsy. I was supposed to be sleeping on that tiny ass couch tonight, and my wolf howled for me to do something about the flimsy wood door that separated him from our mate.

What's more, I was strongly considering reining in Kenzie's attitude, and none of the methods that my dumb libido had come up with were appropriate for the situation. I'd never really thought about it before, but evidently, the thought of being a brat tamer was quite appealing to both my wolf and me.

She hates you. None of that is going to happen, and you need to drop it.

I shook my head again, dropping it between my arms as I stared down at the floorboards. I was ready to count them all, to find each imperfection on each old, battered piece of wood if it meant distracting myself from the aching need that pulsed through my blood.

However, I had a feeling that not even that would work.

Heat bloomed through me, and I could smell Kenzie's fragrance get stronger. The steam that escaped the bathroom wafted it my way, only making that scent of ocean and old paper zing brighter in my veins.

My temples throbbed, and my muscles itched, stretching invisibly as my wolf fought for more control. Damn, I wanted to shift, but that was not a fucking option right now. The beat of my too-fast pulse funneled directly to my eardrums, and the sound made my brain ache.

Whoomp, whoomp, whoomp.

Everything tunneled as my attention went to the room behind me. I didn't turn around. I couldn't. But it didn't fucking matter. All I could see was the thin channel of visibility and the millisecond-long view that I'd gotten before Kenzie wedged something against the door to keep it closed.

It had been more than enough to get my memories swirling together with traitorous fantasies of the future. Kenzie could hardly look at me without growling, but here I was, imagining her gorgeous naked body all around me again.

There was just no one else, and I'd been too much of a fucking coward to admit that.

I couldn't even bring myself to go past kissing the handful of women I'd tried to fill the void with. Worse, Kenzie thought I'd fucked them all, thought I was parading them around in front of her like I didn't care.

I cared. I cared a lot. There was no time for that, right? I was working to become an Alpha and I was supposed to try and be a mate on top of all that? No way. That was too much.

The pattering of water hitting the ground behind me grew louder in my ears, and that spicy, clean scent of Kenzie swelled right along with it. She was everywhere, even as she stood behind that door in the shower.

Naked.

I could still see her body in my head, remember the way I traced it with my fingers and tongue. I could perfectly conjure up the image of gripping her hips as I drove into her. Or one about squeezing her breasts as I dragged my teeth across them, the perfect handfuls so responsive to my touch.

"No, bad. Bad, Gray. Stop this."

Claws extended through my fingertips, and a deep, rumbling growl cut through my self-imposed silence. The need to shift made my muscles burn, and my wolf stalked back and forth quicker, pressing at the edges of my human form.

Before I could realize what I was doing, I shot up off the bed and walked directly up to the bathroom door. Heat melted from it, a combination of the shower and MacKenzie's sheer presence.

"Kenzie," I whispered.

My voice was ragged and rough, and I laid the flat of my palm against the door. The wood was smooth and warm beneath my skin, and I knew intimately that all I needed to do was dig my claws into the surface to get a grip strong enough to tear the thing off its hinges.

I sunk the tips of my claws into the wood without thinking, and then one of my hands went for the knob. I wasn't in control right now; the wolf was too close to the surface. I needed her. I needed my fucking mate.

But you rejected her, asshole.

All my wolf could think of was how to remedy that, how to take her and claim her and bite her. Kenzie didn't want it. I didn't want it, but this fucking bastard was not listening to me.

"Come on, you dick. Stop."

I tensed, squeezing down on my bones to keep them from shifting. My wolf needed to fucking back off, but I'd never fought this hard to avoid a shift. Fangs descended into my mouth, throbbing.

No. Mine. She's mine .

Sucking in a breath was like breathing through a straw, and I closed my eyes, focusing. I told myself to pull the claws back, take my hands off the door, and go back to that couch. It wasn't working. I needed something else to distract me, to snap my wolf out of this.

My suit shirt, unbuttoned and hanging untucked from my pants, squeezed around my arms. I was so close to a shift, straining the fabric of this fancy getup in a way that threatened to tear it to shreds.

Come on, focus. What did Kenzie say to you?

I couldn't think of anything else to do except focus on the insults MacKenzie was damn good at throwing my way. They stung like tiny blades every time, and maybe it would be enough to get the fuck away from this door.

I want you to jump off a bridge? Sound enticing?

My chest pinched, and I repeated the words over and over again in my head.

Jump off a bridge, jump off a bridge, jump off a bridge.

Several long seconds dragged on before my claws began to recede. I focused enough to hurry the process along and practically tore myself away from the bathroom door. Rushing across the room, I went straight to the tiny couch that sat against the right wall and lay down.

I faced into the cushions, shoving my face into them until I could hardly breathe. My fangs were next to disappear, and I just kept up with the mantra in my head until I started to get tired.

"You need to rest. The first Alpha trial is tomorrow. Come on."

Forcing yourself to sleep was rarely successful, but apparently, fighting against your wolf was quite draining because, after just a few minutes, I could sense my body relax. Sleep climbed out of the depths to claim me, and I slowly passed out.

The last thought in my head was the now familiar mantra, still trying to keep me level.

Jump off a bridge, Gray. She wants you to jump off a bridge.