Chapter 10 - Grayson

Sunlight came through the blinds and, with it, the first touches of consciousness. My body felt sore as all hell but satisfied in a way that it hadn't been in ages. Goddamn, I'd gone into a rut. I'd stopped that from happening for as long as I could remember, and now…

Fucking shit. What am I supposed to do about this?

In a strange twist of fate, which I couldn't decide was awful or just particularly on the nose, Kenzie was still asleep next to me, and for the first time since I'd been around her after the rejection, her scent didn't linger with char. It smelled clean and fresh, the memory of reading an old book at the shore.

I knew I'd hurt her, and every day, I hated it, but now? Fucking hell, it was so much worse to be confronted with the truth of what you'd done. I'd done this to MacKenzie. I'd rejected her and caused her to be in pain and fury for months. All of her suffering landed squarely on my shoulders, and I had the ability to take it away just like that.

"You know I never wanted this, Kenz. Not really."

The whisper barely broke the air, but it was the truth. I didn't want to reject her; anyone with a mate would be stupid to actually wish for their mate to be gone. The only way I could see that making sense was if they'd done something terrible—murder a child terrible.

But Kenzie had done nothing. She'd only been my mate. Hell, I was pretty sure she'd love—

I stopped that train of thought. It wasn't going to get me anywhere except further into the spiral. Besides, I was enjoying looking at the crack of her ass.

Breathing in deeply, I could sense the lingering waves of her heat. It was backing off, however, sated through the night by the three more times we'd found each other. I didn't think I was even really conscious for the last one. A part of me had just woken enough to be with her and give her body what it needed.

Me.

My stomach clenched again, and I thought of all the times I'd wanted to claim her properly and perform the mating bite. It had been nearly constant whenever we'd been together, and I was still shocked that I'd somehow managed to stop myself.

Still, I also knew that it was a damn lucky break. I wanted to bite Kenzie. I wanted to bite her desperately, but I also didn't want to damn her. She could go on and have a life with someone who wasn't me. Someone she didn't hate with every fiber of her being.

Sure, relationships that weren't your mate weren't technically as strong, but I'd known dozens of wolves who'd happily settled down with another wolf without them ever being their mate. Mates were rare, after all, and it was a twist of fucking fate that I'd actually found mine even when Kaiden and Jet already had.

That many mate pairs that close together? It was unheard of.

Kenzie shifted in her sleep, and I instinctively reeled back. I didn't want to invade her space. Hell, I didn't want to be screamed at again, which I was sure was coming once she'd regained consciousness. A single night together didn't solve months of fighting. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that.

I don't know if I can keep this up. Pretending to be Kenzie's mate—while actually being hers—was a lesson in torture, and I didn't have as strong a resolve as I thought.

That ache in the pit of my stomach was slowly coming back online, growing with each passing second. One night didn't change squat. There was nothing honestly between Kenzie and me, and as much as I needed to admit that's what I wanted if I did, it would break me.

She's your mate. You cannot escape it. You should stop trying.

My wolf chastised me from his invisible home within me. I could hear that clawing voice from the depths, ridiculing me for every move I made with Kenzie because they were all apparently the wrong ones.

I already rejected her. It's done. This was a one-time thing. She isn't going to want to—

Kenzie groaned in her sleep, rolling over onto her side. Her scent flared briefly, the char of frustration biting through her scent. I chuckled without humor in a hard cut of air that rushed through my nose.

She's awake.

After a moment of watching her, Kenzie rolled onto her back again and looked over at me. I lay there next to her, staring up at the ceiling because I was too chicken shit to look her in the eye.

"You're up." Kenzie's voice was quiet and a little scratchy.

"Yup. Are you o—"

"I'm fine, Grayson." Kenzie's tone was immediately stern as she cut me off. "Thank you for being of service during my heat, but I really think there are better things for you to be worried about than me."

All I could do was nod. She was right back to being pissed off, and I really couldn't blame her. I could still hate it, though, it seemed. And I did. I fucking hated it.

"Trials. There's the preparation needed for the second one, I guess."

I finally looked over at her, and Kenzie still stared up, not looking at me. She nodded once, clearing her throat before she spoke again.

"Exactly. Alpha trials. This is all you've ever wanted, right? So, go on. Go prepare for your trial."

The other day, I'd been attacked by boars and a bear. Kenzie's words hurt worse.

Nodding more for myself than her, I sat up, pulling over the covers and reaching for the jeans that I could see lying on the floor. As I slid them up my calves, I dimly realized that I'd be going commando for the day if I didn't find my boxes, but whatever. It wasn't a big deal.

"I'll be out of your hair as soon as I find my shirt." I stood up, zipping up my jeans.

The shirt in question was just a few steps away, and I yanked it on over my head after swiping it from the floor. I needed socks and shoes, but I just snagged them from the spot near the door, not bothering to put them on. I could do that in the hall.

"Happy to help, Kenz." I didn't look back at her as I stood at the door, my hand on the knob, so I only heard her hiss in a sharp breath. "Sorry. I mean MacKenzie. I'll see you later."

With that, I exited the room. For a moment, I thought I'd heard her call out after me, but I knew that was just wishful thinking. Kenzie didn't want to speak to me. She didn't want to even look at me, so there was nothing better for me to do than to find out what I needed to prepare for the upcoming trial.

There were supposed to be a handful of these fuckers, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. Not because I hadn't healed last night or didn't believe I could take on another challenge.

No, it wasn't that. It was because I knew that one of these times, I was going to look into MacKenzie's eyes, wanting to lose myself in those baby blues, and the hatred I saw there was going to kill me.