Chapter Five

FIVE

Two days had gone by since her date with Andrii, and Azelie found herself more upset than she had realized she could be when she barely knew the man. She hadn't gone back to the coffee shop after giving the box of clothing, shoes and jewelry to the owners, Shaila and David Manger. They promised to text her when Andrii came in to pick up the box. The text had come in that morning.

She still hadn't gone to the coffee shop because she didn't want to answer any questions. She knew the merry widows would ask her how her date had gone. What was there to say? He was perfect until he wasn't ? She'd blown it, but she didn't know how? She felt sad. Bereft. The intensity of her emotions made no sense and raised another red flag for her. She had no business dating a man who brought out such overwhelming emotions in her.

Her phone dinged, letting her know she had a text message. She didn't want to look because she knew it wouldn't be from Andrii, or worse, it might be, and then she would have hope. She knew she was ruled by emotion, but she'd tried very hard to be more logical. Swearing off Andrii was logical. She couldn't prevent herself from looking. The compulsion was too strong.

Coming up now. Open the door for me.

Her heart stuttered. Andrii. Already in the building. How did he get the code? He was on his way up to her door, and she was dressed in her ridiculous but very comfortable tank and drawstring flannels. She was barefoot and had no idea where her slippers were.

She caught up her phone and tried to hastily text to stop him from coming to her apartment. Her home was too small, and he would leave his presence everywhere. His scent would linger. She would dream of him, not that she didn't already dream of him. Erotic dreams. She didn't know which were worse, nightmares or erotic dreams that left her burning for him.

Before she could text, he knocked. She found herself hurrying to the door, one hand on the dead bolt.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Andrii," she said without opening the door. Her voice sounded strangled. Husky. Her heart pounded with trepidation and excitement.

"It's the only idea, Solnyshkuh . Unlock the door."

His voice. Soft but commanding. Compelling. Goose bumps whispered along her skin and crept down her spine. She was so susceptible to him. Her hand was on the dead bolt almost of its own volition. Her brain wasn't catching up.

"I'm not dressed," she announced as she cracked open the door.

Opening the door was a mistake—a huge one. Looking at him standing there, dressed casually in dark jeans and a tee from a Queen concert stretched tight across the heavy muscles of his chest, took her breath away and robbed her of her ability to talk.

Very gently, Andrii put one hand to her belly and moved her back into her tiny living space, allowing him entry into the apartment. He closed the door behind him. In one hand he had a large rectangular box that was twice the size of the one she had so carefully taped up and given to the owners of the coffee shop to hold for him.

He immediately placed the box on the small coffee table she'd bought at a secondhand store. She rather liked that coffee table, with the inlaid tree of life in wood and the glass top covering it. There were a couple of small chips in the wood on the edges, but she had found the perfect match in wood stain and covered them. The box took up nearly the entire table.

She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, trying to find the right words to get him out of her space before it was too late.

"Andrii." She detested that she sounded hesitant.

"Before you decide to throw me out, Zelie, let me apologize for my atrocious temper. My lack of control really hurt your feelings. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

Azelie couldn't take her eyes off of him as he moved around her small apartment easily. Even though he seemed to glide with only air under him, he took up all the space. Eventually, after going through the open-floor-plan kitchen area and sitting room and looking at the bed in the small space that was her bedroom, he flung himself into one of the two comfortable chairs she'd found at a garage sale. They both had thick cushions and were in fantastic shape. They were made with a forest-green leather that went perfectly with the coffee table.

She hadn't expected an apology or an admission of a bad temper. He seemed so calm and in control, it was difficult to imagine that he had a temper.

"Did I scare you?" he asked when she remained silent.

She swallowed the first three things she wanted to say. None of them were true. Finally, she shrugged. "I wasn't afraid you would hurt me physically." That was true. It hadn't occurred to her that Andrii might hit or slap her.

"I'm grateful you see into my character enough to know I would never abuse you in that way. You didn't exactly answer my question. What are you afraid of? I know you're attracted to me. I know you would like to try a relationship with me, but now you're very reluctant, and you're looking for reasons to throw me out without listening to me."

She couldn't help herself. The smile came out of nowhere because she had the childish desire to stick her fingers in her ears to keep from hearing his voice.

He leaned forward, his eyes going soft. "Baby, give me the reasons so we can talk them out. I know I want to do this with you. I want you to have the same resolve. I know I blew it for us, but I'm asking you to give us a chance to get back on track."

Azelie struggled with her answer. She wanted to be honest, but it would be giving him too much. In the end, she could only be who she was and answer him with the truth. "I can't afford to have you rip out my heart, Andrii. I don't like to admit it, but the truth is I'm still very fragile. It makes sense to protect myself from heartache. You're a heartache waiting to happen."

"Why do you say that? My temper?"

She shook her head. "It isn't that. A man like you can't possibly be with someone like me without getting bored. You'll move on eventually. I'm the investing type. I would put everything I am into the relationship, including my heart, and when you walked away, I'd be shattered."

"Now that right there would earn you a punishment if you were mine."

The way he said it, in that low, firm voice, sent butterflies winging in her sex. Her stomach clenched around the sudden knot of sheer desire. Her physical reactions to his declarations were frightening, but it was the emotional one that shocked her. She felt so much happiness it was astounding, joy bursting through her and radiating outward to every cell in her brain.

"What does that mean?"

He sounded like he really cared about her. She did her best to shake off the spell he was mesmerizing her with. She shook her head and held up her hand to stop him from uttering another word in his velvet voice.

"We don't need to go there. I'm not doing this with you. I'm trying to be polite and state it as nicely as possible, but I feel it's best if we don't see one another again." There. Perfect. She got it out without stumbling over the words.

Andrii's eyes went liquid silver, and her stomach did a drop right from a roller coaster. A somersault. She watched him stand, his height and wide shoulders, along with his dominant personality, instantly shrinking the size of the room.

"You aren't walking away from me," Andrii declared.

She turned her back on him to walk to the door. She had taken two steps when the next thing she knew she was across the living room floor, her back pressed against the wall beside the door and Andrii tight against her front. She felt every muscle in his chest. Her heart stuttered as she gripped his Queen tee in her fist and tilted her head to look up at his face. Up that close he appeared even more masculine and intimidating. The dark bristle on his face, the strong jaw, the aristocratic nose. That mouth. So incredibly sensual.

She was aware she was alone with him in her apartment, and no one knew he was there. She'd been crazy to open her door. Crazy. Silly. Even if she screamed, she wasn't certain anyone would hear. What was wrong with her that she was fixating on his mouth when she should be screaming for help?

"Step back, Andrii." Her voice was a mere thread of sound. She couldn't make her voice sound decisive and commanding.

His hands cupped her face, his touch exquisitely gentle. Looking down at her, the silver in his eyes softened to a gray, giving him the look of a man feeling tender toward his woman.

Her stomach did a slow roll seeing that look. Every single cell in her body woke up, came alive, went on full alert. There was so much caring in that look.

"I can't do that, Solnyshkuh ." He whispered his denial to her, his thumb sliding over her right cheekbone, tracing the contour gently.

She forced herself to keep her resolve. This man was gorgeous. He was also dangerous. Not just because he could look like a predator very high up on the food chain, but because she knew he had the capability of capturing her heart. If he did that and left her—which was inevitable—she would be shattered. She was far too fragile for a man like Andrii Federoff.

"You have to go." She tried to be firm.

"You don't want to throw me out," he said softly. Too softly.

His tone sent shivers of awareness down her spine. It sucked to be so susceptible to him. Azelie just didn't have physical reactions to men. Any man. The fact that the chemistry between them sizzled, was so strong it was nearly tangible, was frightening.

"I do," she insisted. There was silence.

She knew he was looking down at her with those eyes of his. It would be a mistake to look up at him. His thumb slid along one cheekbone, tracing the curve. He didn't say anything. She sighed.

"Okay, I do want you to stay," she admitted. Why she told him the truth when it was embarrassing, she didn't know. "But you still have to go, Andrii."

"Thank you for telling the truth when most women wouldn't. You don't play games, Zelie. That's one of the hundreds of things I love about you."

She detested that when he complimented her she melted inside. Especially when he used that voice of his. His voice should be outlawed. He should be outlawed. She needed to grow a spine.

"I need you to go, Andrii, and not come back. Take whatever you brought with you." That was definitely firmer, even though she whispered.

He rubbed the pad of his thumb over her lower lip, sending a million sparks dancing over her skin. Heat rushed through her veins to pool low and wicked.

"I need you to explain why you're so afraid of me, Solnyshkuh . You've already conceded that you know I'm not a man to beat a woman. Punish my woman when she fucks up, yes—beat her, no."

She inhaled sharply, eyelashes fluttering in the hopes that he couldn't read her expression. Should she even ask? She didn't dare chance prolonging their conversation. She had to get right to the point. Still, she couldn't help herself.

"Punish her?"

"You," he clarified. "I'm spelling it out quite clearly that I want you to be my woman."

She tilted her chin. "You aren't making a great case for yourself, throwing around words like punish ."

"We'll get there. Right now, tell me what you're most afraid of." He poured command into his voice. He didn't raise it, but it was a definite order.

Azelie refused to be embarrassed. She had the truth on her side. "Men like you don't stay with women like me, Andrii. And I'm not built for flings."

His hands once again cupped her face, forcing her head up.

"Look at me." There was steel in his voice.

He waited until she raised her lashes and met his slashing silver eyes. Instantly, there was that same roller coaster wreaking havoc in her stomach.

"I want an explanation of what you mean. Exactly, Azelie. Men like me? Women like you? What does that mean?"

He never called her Azelie. Never. Right from the first meeting he had called her Zelie. He wasn't happy with her. She fought to overcome the rush of fear that she'd displeased him. She kept her chin tilted.

"You want me to tell you the truth, don't you?" she challenged. "That's what I'm doing. I don't have to like it and neither do you, but nevertheless it's the truth."

His thumb slid along her chin, featherlight. Sensual. A hint of power. Azelie had no idea how he could convey so much in a simple touch.

"You haven't explained, and I have no idea what you mean."

She lowered her lashes, unable to meet the building desire in his eyes. "You're gorgeous. You walk into a room and women throw themselves at you. Clearly, you have a lot of experience. You're dominant, overwhelming and you know how to use your voice to get what you want."

A faint smile came and went so quickly she wasn't certain she really saw it, but for that brief second, her heart stammered.

"That's a beautiful thing to say about me, Solnyshkuh . Thank you."

He would steal her heart easily if she wasn't careful. That was the one thing she couldn't afford. She knew herself very well. She was doing her best to get a tough exterior, but since the deaths of her sister and the children, she felt disoriented, alone, and far too fragile emotionally. She didn't have anyone to lean on, although the merry widows treated her like a long-lost relative.

"I mean it too, Andrii. Everything about you is appealing. I can't imagine any woman not being drawn to you. But you're way out of my league." There was regret in her voice. She couldn't keep that out, regardless of how hard she tried to sound indifferent.

His thumb slid over her bottom lip, his silver gaze holding hers captive. "What do you mean by that? I don't understand why you think I'm out of your league."

Her heart was stuttering just being under his blazing, sensual gaze. How could he not see the difference in them? He looked at her with such puzzlement she was certain he really didn't know what she was saying, although he seemed to see inside her. He appeared to know things about her natural instincts and character no one else saw.

"Look at me. I'm nothing special. I'm not in your league because men as gorgeous as you might go slumming and find someone like me to be with, but you don't stay."

His face darkened and the color of his eyes lightened even more. She powered on, determined to get it over with so he'd leave.

"You'd get bored and move on. I'd be left with a shattered heart because I don't know how to cope with that."

He was silent for a long time. Too long. The disappointment in his eyes gutted her. She despised the displeasure and unhappiness he conveyed.

"That's how you see me, Azelie? As a man who would break your heart? Not treat you with the care and consideration a treasure like you deserves? Because I know what a treasure you are."

She shook her head, not believing him despite him sounding perfectly sincere. Did he honestly believe he would stay?

"Do you see me this way because of my temper? Because I hurt you when I left so abruptly? That wasn't treating you with tenderness and care. You have no idea what I'd do to fix what I broke between us. I know I was in the wrong, and worse, I also know that there will be times when I lose my temper. I would never hurt you physically, but I can't promise I won't inadvertently say or do something that hurts you emotionally. If that happens, Zelie, call me on it. Don't let my temper, which I promise I will do my best to overcome, keep us from a relationship."

He still wasn't seeing the whole picture. She was going to have to spell it out for him and really embarrass herself. Again, she tilted her chin at him, trying to give herself courage. "My reluctance isn't about your temper, which is atrocious by the way. It's about your looks versus mine. Your experience versus mine. My personality, which will wear on you after a while, right along with the differences I just stated."

Andrii's eyes went that slashing silver color. He was seriously displeased. "Right there, what you just said to me, would earn you a punishment. I'd put you over my knees so fast your head would spin."

She gasped and found herself gripping the tee stretched tightly across the heavy muscles of his chest.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"First, baby, you don't ever talk about yourself that way. If you feel insecure, we can work on that. You're beautiful, inside and out—you're beautiful. If anyone is getting a poor bargain here, it's you, not me. The likelihood of you wanting to leave me is far higher than the other way around."

She heard the sincerity in his voice and saw it in his eyes. He was either the world's best actor or he believed what he was saying. To hear him calling her beautiful with such true admiration made her glow inside. There was no way to squash the blossoming joy—or hope. Still, she had to be careful. He wanted a commitment, and she wasn't sure of him. It was probable she would never be certain of him. That was more on her than him.

"There are no guarantees in life, Zelie. None. No one knows what's going to happen years from now, but I believe in commitment and loyalty. I'm not a man who would be unfaithful. Loyalty is everything to me. To betray you in that way goes against every code I have."

He sighed and gently slid his palm from her cheek to her neck, then along her shoulder and down her arm, never losing contact with her skin. Her sex fluttered again. The bottom went out of her stomach as a thousand little sparks danced over her entire body. His long fingers settled around her wrist like a handcuff, but very gently.

She couldn't help reacting to his gentleness. It was so at odds with his strength and dominant personality. The way he touched her with such reverence and care was the opposite of the dark lust and sensuality carved deep into his features and moving in his eyes. The combination was both exhilarating and intimidating.

Azelie didn't try to hide the shiver of awareness or the way his touch could turn her into a puddle of desire or the way his voice affected her.

He tugged on her wrist, leading her across the room to the two chairs she had. She'd found them at a garage sale. The forest-green leather chairs went perfectly with her little coffee table. They were also in great condition and extremely comfortable. She'd been lucky to get them for a steal because it seemed like no one else wanted to take a chance on the color.

Andrii seated himself in that casual way he had, not relinquishing his hold on her, but exerting pressure on her wrist until she tumbled onto his lap. He scooped her legs up to drape them across one of the arms of the chair while his arm supported her back.

"I gave a lot of bad advice to a couple of my brothers on relationships. My heart might have been in the right place, but I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about and shouldn't have said anything. It wasn't until I laid eyes on you that I began to realize what a dick I'd been."

That was the last thing she'd expected him to admit. She liked that Andrii had no problem confessing his screwups to her. She couldn't help but admire him for it. When he made mistakes, he owned them and seemed to readily apologize.

"Since I'm confessing my sins, Solnyshkuh , you may as was well know that I stalked you for a few weeks before I made my approach."

That admission sent her pulse racing. If she relaxed, she would melt into his body. As it was, she was aware of his reaction to her. He didn't try to hide the fact that he was aroused. His scent surrounded her so that every breath she took, she inhaled him. She took him inside, where he wound himself around her organs and branded his name into her bones.

"You did?" She squeaked her question.

"I did." There didn't seem to be an ounce of shame in his confession. "I spotted you one morning when I was crossing through the park to get to the coffee shop a friend had told me about. The sun shone on your hair, and I'd never seen that particular shade of auburn. I'd never seen hair so thick and wild. You have no idea what that did for me. To me. I'm not a man who has reactions to women the way I've had to you."

She had to admit she liked that.

"You were wearing a pair of jeans, old and faded. The denim clung to your body like a glove, accenting your hips and ass. I will admit I've had quite a few fantasies about what I would do with you if you were mine. But just being physically attracted doesn't mean we'd suit."

She knew that probably better than he did. She didn't point it out because he didn't like her saying—or thinking—anything derogatory about herself.

"You were pushing a child on a swing, and at first, I thought she was your little girl, but then a woman came over and the two of you talked for a minute before she picked up the child and walked off, looking back to wave at you. The little girl blew you kisses, and you blew one back to her."

"That was Betsy and her mom, Abigail. Abigail is going to school to become a hairdresser. I met her in the park. She was sitting on a bench watching her daughter play, but tears were running down her face. I couldn't help myself; I went over to her to see if I could help. We struck up a friendship, and I watch Betsy when Abigail's mother can't and I'm not in class myself."

Andrii's arms tightened around her. "I watched you taking care of that woman and her daughter. There was also a man with two sons you sat with in the park for a little while. He left, and you took over watching the boys until he came back. He didn't return for nearly two hours."

"That was Bradley. His wife died in childbirth and left him with twins, Luke and Teddy. They're five now and a bit of a handful. He's trying to date again, but he works two jobs. Sometimes his sitter falls through, and he can't get home to be with the boys when they get out of school. I fill in for him too."

"I noticed Bradley looking at you like he'd prefer to date you."

She didn't respond.

"Zelie? Has he asked you out?"

His voice was low and compelling. Insistent on an answer. Azelie nodded. "Several times. I didn't want it to be weird between us because I kept turning him down, so in the end I lied to him." She knew she sounded mortified because she was. "I really hate lying, but he needed help, and if I kept turning him down, it would get awkward."

"Your lie?"

She should have known he would insist on knowing what she'd told Bradley. She twisted her fingers together. "I told him I was in a relationship already and very much in love with my partner."

Azelie turned her head so she could look straight into his eyes. "I really don't lie, Andrii. It just seemed kinder." She knew lying would be a huge problem for him. She shouldn't be apologizing. She should be happy he would think she was a liar, but she couldn't bear for him to think that of her. She also didn't want to see his disappointment in her, but she wasn't a coward. She believed, in this instance, she'd done the right thing. "Bradley's children need someone to be with them in the interim if their regular sitter is ill or has something she can't get out of, like a medical appointment. It doesn't happen that often, but it's important that the boys have someone they trust to look after them. I don't go to his home, and I made that clear. I watch them in the park, or if it's bad weather, we go to the rec center."

"I understand why you believe you did the right thing, but it's important to me that you're always truthful with me, even if you're afraid it might hurt me." His palm cupped the side of her face. "You don't believe you're in my league, and you're right, Solnyshkuh . You're so far above me it isn't funny. If I were a decent man, I'd walk out just like you want me to and leave you to find a good man."

Azelie couldn't look away from the darkness and deep sorrow in his eyes. He was telling her the truth as he saw it. She had developed a sense of radar ever since her family had been murdered. Even before, she had become concerned when she was around her brother-in-law. At the time, she thought it was because she didn't like the way Quentin treated his wife and children. He'd grown selfish and overbearing, using drugs and drinking quite a bit. It hadn't occurred to her that she often avoided certain people because they felt off to her. Andrii might feel dangerous and even powerful, but he didn't feel at all the way he portrayed himself.

"I'm not easy. I'll never be easy. I'm not even a good man, and you deserve so much better, but the truth is I have no intention of giving you up. I'll work hard to make you happy. I believe that we're right for one another and that I can do that—make you happy."

"Andrii," she cautioned, not sure what she was going to say to protest. She didn't want to protest. She wanted to be his. She just wasn't sure she had enough trust in her to develop the kind of relationship he needed.

As if sensing her hesitation, he continued. "I'll keep you safe. I'm not a man other men want to fuck with. I don't ever want you to think I wouldn't put your safety first. As dramatic as it sounds, I'd take a bullet for you. I'd kill for you if that was necessary."

She tried to find a smile, but at the mention of him taking a bullet for her, the shocking pain of metal tearing into her flesh, the terror, the memories of the long road back surfaced.

Again, he seemed to know what she was feeling. His arms circled her and pulled her tight against his chest. She felt surrounded by a fortress. He was that strong and sure.

"I'm sorry I triggered a bad memory when I was trying to reassure you, baby."

"It isn't your fault," she admitted readily. "I still haven't gotten over what happened."

"You won't. How could you?" His voice was that soft, soothing velvet that stroked over her skin like the finest of paintbrushes. "You can't expect to ever get over something like you experienced. You learn to live with it, Zelie. When the nightmares get bad and you're having a difficult time, you can talk to me. I've got things in my past, not the same, but similar. I understand lasting trauma."

"You think we can do this," Azelie said. "But I don't have your faith. Not because of you, but because I can't seem to trust anyone. Not even the merry widows, and they've been so good to me. Consistently good to me. I still can't talk to them about my brother-in-law and what he did. I'm not just trying to save myself heartache; I'm trying to save you too."

His hand came up to fist in her hair, the fingers threading through the thick, luxurious strands. He gave the lightest of tugs, sending fiery tingles of awareness through her scalp.

"Right there, Zelie, that's what I'm talking about. I know you're trying to look out for me. Do you realize how rare you are? I've never had that. Never. Not even from my parents or relatives."

Her heart hurt just hearing him. Her parents hadn't been the best, but she had had Janine. Her sister had treated her with love and kindness. She'd never acted as if taking on Azelie was a burden. If anything, Janine had made her feel as though she was a great help to her, that she needed Azelie and felt lucky to have her living with them.

"I'm so sorry, Andrii. Some people shouldn't be parents." She gave him a small smile. "But then neither of us would be here, so I guess in the end, we should just make the most of our lives. That's all I'm trying to do, just live the best life I can without hurting anyone."

The color of his eyes softened to an intense gray. "I watched you, and yes, I know I sound like a creepy stalker, but I realized in the time I paid attention that you are an extraordinary woman. That was just observing you. Being with you just assures me how right I was."

"Andrii, I can't make decisions. I despise making them. I'm good with numbers, but I don't especially like the work. It's the only thing I am good at. I can make decisions without hesitation when it comes to numbers, but anything else, I'm a wreck. I worry about everything. You see me being nice to a couple of people and think I'm worth something. I'm not."

"I asked you not to make disparaging remarks about yourself."

"I'm trying to get you to see the truth about me."

"All you're doing is sealing your fate, Solnyshkuh . You're telling me you need me. You won't have worries when you're with me because I'm willing to take those on for you."

She couldn't speak. His declaration was obviously sincere, but she found herself too attracted. Wanting to give him everything. She'd be so lost in him.

"Don't look so scared, Zelie. Trust me when I say I'll take care of you."

The pad of his thumb swept gently, tenderly, over her cheekbone, and then traced her lips, setting her heart pounding and sex fluttering.

"I'm just as distrustful as you are. We both have good reasons for being the way we are. Let's do this together. Say you'll try for me. Commit, Zelie."

He mesmerized her, a predator cornering his prey, yet she didn't want to escape. As much as she feared she would be swallowed by him, he was the only man she had ever been attracted to, physically or emotionally. "All right." She whispered her capitulation because there was no way to make her voice any louder.

A slow smile softened his hard features. It didn't make him look any less dangerous, but it made him even more attractive.

"You should be outlawed," she said. "Seriously, Andrii, I'm not certain I can think straight around you."

"I'm going to fuck up," he warned softly, his thumb still moving over her bottom lip. "That temper you saw, it gets away from me. When it happens, you'll need to know my anger isn't at you. When I'm upset with you, we'll talk about it. Calmly. Without anger."

She swallowed hard. Was she really going to commit to a relationship with a man who admitted he had a bad temper?

"You're looking scared again."

Her cell phone played a few bars of Sheb Wooley's "Purple People Eater." She scowled before she could school her expression, but she made no move to answer.

Andrii's brows drew together. "Who is that? Clearly, you don't want to talk to them."

"That would be my boss, Alan Billows. He knows I have class tomorrow. I told him I couldn't come in for a meeting tonight, but he doesn't take no for an answer."

"I'll tell him no for you."

She found herself laughing. "You probably would. I need the job until I finish school and can get another one."

She wasn't certain it would be that easy or smart to walk away from Billows, but she wasn't going to tell Andrii that. She changed the subject instead. "What's in the box?"