Chapter Eight Jasalyn

Chapter Eight

Jasalyn

T HERE IS CERTAINLY NOTHING VIRGINAL about the outfit Skylar put together for me. Actually, outfit is too kind a term for this. This is more of a costume.

"You about done in there?" Skylar calls, pounding on the bathing room door.

"Almost!" I cringe at my reflection.

The sleeveless green top ties behind my neck and reveals every inch of my midriff down to the low-slung and very tight brown leather riding pants.

When I joked about my disguise being that of Skylar's twin, I was trying to irritate her. I should've kept my mouth shut.

I allow myself ten seconds of pure mortification before lifting my chin and opening the bathing room door for the group's appraisal.

Remme's at the counter washing up the dishes from breakfast and is the first to spot me. He coughs out a laugh. "Wow. Shadow princess who ?"

Skylar spins around. Her eyes go wide—not surprised so much as... maybe impressed? "Why would you hide all that under stupid dresses and gowns?" She looks me over slowly, and I force myself to keep my hands at my sides when they want to wrap around my stomach to cover my scars. "Natan, when you glamour her, cover her with tattoos, and be sure you hide the scars—they'll make her stand out too much."

"Yeah. I can do that," Natan says. If he looks at me, I'm not sure what his reaction is because Kendrick's eyes are on me now, his gaze tripping over my bare midriff and down to the skintight leather pants. I'm no longer the scrawny, underfed little girl he protected in Mordeus's dungeons. My sister and I had been living on scraps for years, and I was so underweight and overworked that I rarely got my monthly cycle. It wasn't until after my sister became queen and I was living in Faerie that my body changed—went soft and full in places and stayed small in others. Warmth gathers in my stomach at the sensation of Kendrick's eyes roaming over me, and I realize just how much I want him to like what he sees.

He shoves the maps out of his way and crosses the room to me, eyes roaming up and down, up and down . "You didn't have these scars in the dungeons."

The heat in my core dissipates. He's not studying me. He's staring at the scars on my arms and belly. That isn't desire in his eyes but anger.

Dumb little girl.

He takes my wrist in one rough hand and turns my palm up, sweeping his thumb over the gnarled circular knot of tissue on my forearm.

Despite myself, I shiver at his touch.

"Who did this?" he growls. "Is this from what Queen Arya did when she was trying to reunite the courts?"

"No." I meet his gaze but can't bring myself to say his name.

"Her sister would've healed any wounds left by Queen Arya," Natan says for me, scanning the scars. "These are something else."

Kendrick just stares, jaw hard.

"What's going on, Kendrick?" Skylar asks. "The sight of a little skin making you lose your words?"

I tear my gaze from Kendrick's to look at Skylar and catch something unexpected on her face. Is that jealousy or... hurt ?

When I look back to Kendrick, he's returned his attention to my wrist again. "Mordeus," he says. I don't know how he guessed when no one else did and when it makes no sense, but his tone is lethal. " He did this." His eyes track across the scars on my stomach. "All of it."

"He and his guards."

"You never had wounds."

"Never had scars either, until recently." I shrug, as if it doesn't matter, as if I don't hate that these ridges in my skin make him see me differently. "He always made sure to heal me after."

Remme mutters a curse.

"Natan," Kendrick says.

Natan's glasses slip down his nose as he nods. "I'm on it."

Kendrick carefully lowers my hand to my side, as if I'm something breakable he doesn't want to play with anymore. When he steps back, his face is twisted into an expression I don't recognize. He turns and storms outside, letting the door swing shut behind him.

Remme moves to follow him, but Natan puts a hand on his arm. "I'll go."

Skylar frowns at the door before turning to me. "You should tie your hair up," she says, as if none of that just happened. "It would be the perfect finishing touch."

"Then you could see the short parts in the back."

Her turned-up palms seem to say and? "I'll undercut it all evenly so it looks intentional. You'll look badass."

"Why did you take my hair?" I ask. "Did Felicity need it for some reason?"

"I needed it for my witch's brew," she says. "It calls for a handful of the hairs from a spoiled princess's head."

I shoot her a glare but don't bother pressing the issue. When goblins work for hair and nails, we all gather what we can for future payments.

She has me sit in one of the chairs by the fire and gets to work. After pulling all the hair on the crown of my head into a high ponytail, she trims the back and sides close to my scalp. I cringe with every snip of the scissors, but at least I can hide it when I wear my hair down. It's not like it wasn't a mess before from the chunks I've cut off for Gommid.

"We leave in ten minutes," Kendrick says when he and Natan push back into the cottage. "She needs to be glamoured before we go."

Natan hands me a small glass vial of light yellow liquid. "Drink this. It will make you appear fae and give you tattoos like Skylar described."

I bring it to my lips slowly but stop when Natan holds up a hand.

"You'll want to do it quickly. This isn't a treat."

"She's scared," Skylar says.

I know she's baiting me, but still I meet her eyes as I throw back the liquid. It falls in a glob onto my tongue. I swallow before I can let myself think about how repulsive the taste and texture are. By the time I gag, the potion's already hit my stomach.

"Easy," Remme says. "Breathe through your nose. You don't have to keep it down long, but you do have to keep it down until—"

"There it is." Natan smiles at me, then points to the bathing room. "Take a look."

When I see myself in the mirror, my breath catches.

The first thing I notice is what Skylar did to my hair. I kind of like it. This isn't the style of a timid little princess. It is badass. And I look nothing like myself. Not only am I wearing Skylar's ridiculously revealing outfit, Natan's potion covered my skin with tattoos and hid the appearance of my scars. It also gave me the inhuman glow and strangely pointed ears of the elven fae.

A shudder skitters up my spine. This is who I'd be if I hadn't traded it away for the ring. This is what lurks in my veins.

I leave the bathing room quickly, unwilling to look at myself as a faerie too long. When I return to the main room, the others have taken their potions as well, and now they also appear fae.

"Whaddya think?" Skylar asks, tossing a pack over her shoulder and throwing me another.

I catch it, grunting under its unexpected weight. "I look like a faerie."

"A hot faerie," Remme says.

Kendrick grabs the pack from my arms and slings it over his shoulder. "You can flirt on the road. We need to load up the horses."

He heads out the door, and Remme chuckles at his back. "I'm just saying what everyone else was thinking."

I follow them and frown as I watch the team pack up the horses. I've left the capital countless times over the last few months—sometimes by goblin travel, sometimes on my own two feet—but somehow going on a journey with this crew feels more permanent.

Because this is the first time in years that you've left your sister for more than a few hours.

There are only four horses, which makes sense, since there are only four of them, but when I suggest we acquire another, Kendrick looks me right in the eye and laughs. "Absolutely not."

Apparently, he thinks I'm liable to run from them if I have my own horse.

Not their captive, my backside.

"How long will it take to get to this Feegus Keep?" I ask.

"It's three-days' ride from here," Kendrick says, tightening the saddle on his mare.

Three days? I'm supposed to ride on horseback with Kendrick for three days ? "Why don't we just travel by goblin?"

Natan shakes his head. "The goblins know too much. We don't need to give them more."

Remme nods.

I look back and forth between them. "What does that mean?"

"Wish we knew," Natan says, but he smiles. Despite myself, I like him. At least he doesn't try to piss me off at every turn like Skylar or poke fun at me like Remme.

"How are we going to travel for three days? Didn't you say you didn't want to travel at night?"

Remme and Kendrick exchange a look, and Remme says, "Did she ever leave that palace?"

"As protective as her sister is, I'm guessing no," Kendrick says, but his tone is kind, like he isn't judging Brie for being protective of me, more like he understands. And I guess, of all people, he would.

He shifts his attention to me. "I know you haven't explored the court much, but it's not as uncivilized as you might think. There are inns along the way."

Skylar looks me over. "Have you done much riding? Three full days on horseback will make even an experienced rider sore."

I lift my chin. "I'll be fine."

Three days? I was sore after three hours . Eight hours in, my muscles burn. Even the fact that the weather is perfect for riding can't distract me from the horrendous ache in my thighs, hips, and back.

Remme and Skylar lead the group, with Natan taking up the rear as we ride quickly through the more rural areas and slower through the towns. We stopped for a break midmorning and then again to eat lunch, but getting back on the horse after the relief of being off is almost worse than the agony of the endless riding.

It's not like I haven't been on horseback before. After moving in with Brie, I began taking lessons as soon as I was healthy enough to do so. Back in Elora, only the most wealthy have horses, so Brie and I didn't have much experience, and my sister made sure to correct that immediately. Of course, she never had me climb in a saddle in front of a very strong man for whom I feel a complicated variety of emotions, nor did she make me stay in the saddle for hours at a time.

Kendrick's arms are looped around me, his hands on the reins. I sit as stiff and straight as possible to avoid any additional contact between our bodies, but it's no use. Every step forward, every shift of the horse's hips brings our bodies in contact.

"Princess," he says, his mouth against my ear, "if you don't relax, you aren't going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow."

"Oh good," I deadpan. "A day in bed sounds lovely."

He grumbles something unintelligible that I think might be "You have no idea" before pulling me against him and urging me to relax against his chest.

He's warm and solid at my back, a reminder of the feeling of safety he brought me during those darkest days in the dungeon. My muscles seem to sigh, going loose in relief, while other parts go tight.

"Better?" he murmurs in my ear.

The heat of his breath sends a pleasant shiver through me. "Yeah."

I swear I can feel his smile. "I'm not so bad, if you'll remember."

Even if I'd been older, I was far too deep in my trauma to think in terms of physical attraction during our days in the dungeons. But today? Three years removed from the darkest nights of my life, and with Kendrick at my back and his warm forearm against my bare stomach, his fingertips brushing my side? Today, safe is mixed up with a whole messy bunch of other emotions I'd rather not analyze too closely.

I'm saved from having to reply when Remme falls back to ride alongside us.

"We have a couple of options," he says. "There's a village ahead where we'll be able to find dinner and a couple of rooms for the night with no problem. Or we could keep riding and hit Elligold, probably right before sunset, barring any complications along the path."

"We should head on," Skylar calls without looking back. "Get as far on day one as we can."

"But I'm guessing there's a reason you think we should consider stopping sooner," Kendrick says to Remme.

Remme nods. "According to our sources, Elligold is a much smaller place. So there's a chance they won't have available lodging for us or, worse, that like a lot of these small rural towns, it was wiped out entirely during Mordeus's rule. We could camp if it comes to that, but since we're trying to operate with an abundance of caution..."

Kendrick considers this, but only briefly. "We stop early. It's been a long day already, and I don't want Jasalyn to be so sore that tomorrow is excruciating."

Remme rubs his shoulder like it's bothering him. "I'll ride ahead if that's okay. I'll scout the area and secure our lodging."

"I need a window in my quarters," I blurt.

"Her quarters ?" Skylar snorts and tosses a derisive look over her shoulder. "Where does she think we're going? The palace? Princess, we all share, and as for your window?" She shrugs. "You get what you get."

"Do what you can," Kendrick tells Remme.

Remme spurs his horse into a gallop to ride ahead.

"Who are you?" I ask, craning my neck to try to see his face.

I feel his chuckle more than hear it. "What kind of question is that? You know who I am."

"No, I mean, who are you to them ? They look to you for leadership. They let you order them around. They follow your orders even when they don't like it. Why?"

"Every group needs a leader, Slayer. Anything else breeds chaos."

"Yes, but why you?"

"Because I'm the only one they are all willing to listen to without someone getting a knife in their gut," he says.

It strikes me as an evasion, but I let the subject drop. We have days ahead of us, it seems, for me to figure out him and this group of his and what they mean to each other.

Days and nights.

"What kind of place do you think Remme will find for us?" I ask. I can be flexible with how we spend the day—whether I get my own horse, how much I push my sore muscles—but the night is something different.

Kendrick tightens his arm around my waist. "I won't leave you in the dark," he says in my ear. "I promise."

And with those words, my fears of a dark night in a strange place fizzle away.