13. Cruz

13

CRUZ

H ijo de puta.

My comfort was nonexistent at this moment. It had been a while since I felt the way I did. Getting moved around the system was similar to being tossed with a group of strangers you didn't know if you would vibe with.

The last house I stayed in was in Blackstone. That first day there had been uncomfortable, but it had not been hell—this was hell.

A new year, a new home.

Most kids my age got presents or birthday cakes. For my tenth birthday, however, the family who had fostered me told me I had to go back into the system. I spent a whole year with them—the best year of my shitty life so far. I stupidly thought they would be my forever home. How silly of me to believe that someone like me could get a happy ending.

The couple who had fostered me were finally able to conceive, and they said they could no longer take care of me. I hated them at that moment, but I understood.

So here I stood in front of my new home, which came with a change of towns since the shelters in my area were too crowded.

Going into a shelter was always tough. You were a sheep coming into a den of wolves. It had been a year since I had been in a place like this, but you never forgot the feeling that came with it. You felt as if you were stained with dirt that never seemed to go away.

Years later and that feeling was still there. If I had one regret in my fucked-up life, it would be going after Big Dog that day. If I could have taken it back, I would have just kept swallowing my anger and let him try to fuck me over. At least that way, I could have seen the betrayal coming. My plan had been simple: graduate and keep out of trouble.

Maybe trouble always found people like me. I had been tainted since birth.

I knew that all three of them were looking at me, waiting for me to tell my version of events. It wasn't much, but I was still the outcast, and my turn of events might be enough for them to decide to turn against me.

Ava and Micah sat on a small love seat against the only free wall, while Grayson sat on his bed. You could taste the unease in the air. Sighing, I slid down against the door until I sat on the floor. I hated the position. It left them looking down on me—more than they already were.

"Get to it, Martinez," Grayson spat.

Maybe I shouldn't be scowling at him, especially when I was in his territory and was clearly outnumbered. If there was one thing I had, it was my pride.

"I wasn't spying on you guys, if that's what you're thinking," I said, trying to clear the elephant in the room.

"Yes, we'll just take your word for it," Micah added sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at his comment.

"Last year, I was having some issues with Big Dog. That day, I sneaked away, trying to follow him. I ended up at the lake. I lost sight of him, and then, from far away, I heard a boat. One of the houses by the lake had Jet Skis outside…and I kind of borrowed one."

Grayson snorted, but otherwise remained quiet.

"Until that night, I hadn't realized how big the lake was…" I paused as the events from that night started coming back to me. "I've never been invited out on the lake. I've been to bonfires and grabbed a beer here or there, but no one has asked me to go on one of those boats. The only reason I know how to swim or use a Jet Ski is because the shelter I was in used to take us camping…"

"That's really touching and all, but get to the fucking point," Grayson snapped.

"Grayson!" Micah bit back.

I didn't bother looking at any of them and instead continued my story.

"The lake was pitch black, and it was hard to see where I was going. I was just trying to find Big Dog. Next thing I know, I see the headlights from your boat…" At this, I made eye contact with Grayson. He looked as unhinged as I felt that night. "You asked me if I saw a hand…no…I didn't see one."

The three of them looked at each other—shock, disbelief, and fear in their faces.

"I saw a black bag crash into your boat."

Ava gulped. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"What do you mean a black bag?" she finally managed to ask.

I didn't want to say the words aloud because then they would become true. I had deluded myself for months, telling myself that there was no way that what I had seen was real, that my fear and my paranoia were getting the best of me. Now, there was no more running from my delusion.

"The kind of bag big enough to fit a body."

My soft words were like an explosion detonating in the room. Grayson was the first to react. He stood up, chanting, "Fuck," as he paced the room.

Ava's eyes looked vacant. As soon as I said those words, she stopped herself from feeling. Or maybe she finally allowed the gravity of that night to set in.

I know if I were alone, I would be reeling from the information as well. A bag in a lake could have been anything—garbage that got washed away from one of the houses around there—at least that was what I kept telling myself.

Now we both had different facts, and alone we could deny them, but together, there was no use in lying to ourselves. We were all fucked.

"We're fucked." I said what we were all thinking.

"My dad's going to kill me," Micah stated in a monotone voice.

Grayson stopped his freak-out at that moment. He pinched his nose and turned to look at Micah and Ava.

"We're going to be okay," he said, trying to calm them down.

I almost snorted. I was freaking out too, but no one gave a fuck about me. Grayson crouched in front of them and was reassuring them, telling them that they would get through this.

"How are we going to be okay?"

I had to burst the bubble they were currently trying to wrap themselves in.

"We have someone after all of us. We were the only ones there that night! And a fucking dead body," I spat.

"Shut the fuck up!" Grayson hissed back at me.

"Unlike you three, I'm not going to pretend everything is okay," I told them as I stood up. "Hide your heads in the sand all you want. I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

None of them tried to stop me when I stormed off.

When I got to my car, my phone began to ping, and I didn't know why. I thought that maybe it was one of them reaching out to me.

I was surprised my phone didn't fall to the ground.

1…2…3…4

You are guilty, and I know.