Chapter 10

CHAPTER

TEN

Faith

My heart hurts.

The ache in my chest refuses to go away. The pain was instant as soon as Chad said those four words. We're being sent out. I can still hear the agony in his voice.

How we all managed to compose ourselves to finish dinner, I'll never know. After a tearful goodbye, Chad drove us back to the hotel, his hand clutching mine tightly the entire drive.

When we got to my room, I didn't know what to expect. It wasn't him crushing me into a hug so fierce that it was hard to breathe. It wasn't Chad pulling me toward the bed and wrapping his large, warm body around me. He was quiet, but his hold never wavered. We both were in and out of sleep last night, restless from what we knew was coming.

No matter how many times I tried, I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. I knew that I needed to be his pillar of support, which was a feat not letting my fear show.

We have days before he ships out. Days. My visit here will be cut short. Tears well in my eyes from the knowledge that he's going overseas. I'm so glad I accepted his invitation to come and visit.

I don't want him to go.

My tears begin rolling down my cheeks. I try to choke them back, but it's no use.

"I'm here." Chad wraps his arms even tighter around my waist and buries his face in my neck. "I'm right here." My body shakes with silent sobs. I know I should be strong for him, but the fear of losing him is choking me. I can feel it in my throat every time I swallow.

"I'm sorry." The sorrow in my voice is like a knife twisting in my soul.

"Baby, no," he says, kissing my shoulder. "I know this is hard for you."

"You're the one leaving. You're the one putting your life on the line. I'm supposed to be strong for you. I'm supposed to be your support system."

"You are here for me. I'm holding you. There is nothing in this world I'd rather be doing on my last days here than this."

"I hate your job. I know that's selfish of me, but I do, Chad. I hate it. I know what you do is selfless and admirable, but it's taking you even farther away from me. I hate that so much." Tears run freely down my cheeks.

He doesn't comment, and I didn't expect him to. Chad, just like my brother, is honorable. He loves his country, and he loves what he does. He may hate that this job is taking him away from me, but it's his duty, one he's honored and proud to be a part of. I love him even more for it.

Rolling over, I place my hand on his cheek. "Promise me you'll be safe." My words are whispered, but the plea and the desperation are clear.

"I promise."

"Promise me you'll come home to me."

Something flashes in his eyes, but it's gone before I can name it. "I promise you I'll do everything in my power to come home to you." He pulls me in and presses his lips to my forehead.

He didn't promise me he was coming home, but we both pretend like I don't notice. I know it's not fair to ask that of him, but my heart wants to hear him tell me everything is going to be okay.

"What do you want to do today?" he asks.

"I don't care as long as I'm with you."

"I don't go back to work, outside of a few meetings, before we leave. I want to spend every second that I'm not there with you."

I nod, unable to speak because I'm afraid nothing will come out of my mouth but the sob I keep trying to choke back.

"How about we get ready and go grab some breakfast? We can do some sightseeing."

I nod my agreement.

"You want to shower first?"

"No. You go ahead." He kisses the corner of my mouth before sliding out of bed and heading toward the shower. As soon as the door closes and the water turns on, the sob I was trying to contain breaks free. I allow myself a few minutes to let it all out before climbing out of bed, and gathering my clothes. I have to hold it in. I can be sad, but I can't let him see how much this hurts.

I can't let myself think about the what-ifs.

I can't let myself think about losing him.

"I'm so full." I push my plate away from me. We're sitting in a small diner on the edge of town and I feel as though I just ate my weight in pancakes and bacon.

"You barely touched it." Chad digs his fork into my leftover pancakes and takes a huge bite.

"Did you see the size of that stack? It's over halfway gone," I argue.

"Lightweight," he teases, taking another bite, before placing his fork and napkin on his now empty plate.

"We all can't be human garbage disposals." I stick my tongue out at him, and he laughs.

He lifts his shirt. "I burn a lot of calories to keep this." He runs his hands over his washboard abs.

"Can you please put your shirt down? People are trying to eat." I pretend like he's offending people, when really all he's doing is making my mouth water.

"You jealous, baby?" he asks. His eyes sparkle with mischief, and I make sure to lock that look away, to memorize it so I have something to hold on to while he's gone.

"No." Kind of, but I'd never tell him that.

"Uh-huh." He chuckles. "Let me pay the bill, and we can go."

"I can—" I start to reach for my purse, but the look he gives me changes my mind. "So bossy." I playfully roll my eyes.

"You know you don't pay when you're with me." He grabs the ticket and makes his way to the counter.

I pull my phone out of my purse to have something to do while I wait. When I pull up my email app, I freeze when I see an email with the subject line Request for interview . I tap on the screen and quickly read. I have to read it three times before I do a little shimmy in my seat, because this is what I've been waiting for.

"What's the dance for?" Chad asks.

"This." I thrust my phone at him.

His eyes scan the screen. "Kindergarten." He smiles as he continues to read. "Wait." He pulls his eyes from the phone to stare at me. "You applied here?"

"What?"

"Faith, this job is in California. It's actually in this town."

"What?" I say again, my enthusiasm deflated.

"Come on." Chad keeps my phone in one hand and offers me the other. I place my hand in his and he helps me stand from the booth. His fingers twine through mine as he leads me outside to the rental. We're both quiet as he leads me to the passenger side and opens the door for me. Once I'm in, he closes the door and rushes around the car before sliding behind the wheel. He doesn't start the car, instead, turns in his seat to face me. "Talk to me."

"I'm just bummed. This is what I've been hoping for, and it's here. In California."

"How did you find the job?"

I shrug. "Social media. I guess I didn't realize my phone adjusted my location when I was looking for jobs online. I was so excited I'd found a kindergarten position, I didn't even look at where it was."

He nods. "So, what are you going to do?" He reaches over and laces his fingers with mine.

"What do you mean?" His hand in mine is soothing.

"Are you going to take the interview?"

"Why would I? I live in Ohio, Chad. Are you losing your mind in your old age?" I tease. I'm trying like hell not to show my disappointment. The past two days have been extreme highs and extreme lows. I'll have time to stress over my job after I send him off. He doesn't need me piling my worries on him right now.

"I'm being serious. Take the interview. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Um, that I'll get the job when I don't live here." That would be my luck. I'd be offered the position on the spot and have to turn it down. Talk about depressing.

"Consider it experience. Besides, I'm here."

Is he saying I should stay here? In California? "But you're leaving."

"I'll only be gone for four to six months."

"That's a long time."

He shrugs. "It's not even a year. I think you should do it."

My heart starts to race at the possibility of getting my dream job and living close to Chad when he comes home. He's going to come home. "I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. What happens if they offer me the job?"

"That depends. Do you like the school? Do you like the interview team? Do you like the location? Do you feel safe there? Do you want to live close to me?" He winks. "There are a lot of questions that would need answers."

"But I don't live here." I sound like a broken record, but that's all I can manage as I struggle to process what he's suggesting.

"Then move here."

"What?" My heart is no longer racing. It's soaring. Does he want us to be together? Is that what he's telling me? Are we finally going to be in the right place at the right time? No. He's leaving. I'm letting my heart get confused. He just wants me to be happy, and he knows this is my dream. What he doesn't know is that he's also my dream. I'd give up my dream of being a kindergarten teacher if the choice was Chad or my job.

"Move here. I'm here."

"You won't be," I blurt out the obvious.

Sadness fills his eyes, and his shoulders slump. "I know, but you have Hannah here, and you're the most down-to-earth person I've ever met. I have no doubt you'll meet new people."

"You want me to move to California? From Ohio?" I add, because I feel like it's worth repeating.

"I know where you currently live, Faith. You were willing to look outside of the area at home if you could get kindergarten. This is outside of your area."

"This is not even in the same state."

He shrugs. "Chase your dreams, baby."

"I can't just pack up and move."

"Why?" There's challenge in his eyes.

"I just… can't."

"Faith Gregory, you can." He leans over the console, and I find myself gravitating toward him. "You can do anything you want. This is your dream job. Chase it. You don't have to make a decision. Just accept the interview. Consider it good experience and interview training."

"I don't want to waste their time."

"You won't be. You could leave there with your dream job."

"In California."

"Yes."

"This is crazy."

"You don't have a lease or a mortgage to worry about. There is nothing holding you back."

"I'd need a place to live. I can't stay in the hotel forever." He stares deep into my eyes, as if he's begging me to understand the unspoken words that flow between us. I wish I could hear what he's thinking.

"I'll help you."

"You're leaving."

He nods stiffly. "Hannah. She's going to be here on her own too. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you staying with her until we get back, or until you find your own place." He stops and opens his mouth as if he's going to say something else, but quickly closes it.

"I can't just call Hannah, someone I've met twice, and say hey, I'm moving across the country, so can I stay with you? Do you hear how crazy that sounds?"

"Trust me." His eyes bore into mine. "Just go on the interview. Treat this as if it were a job back in Cooper. Go, then come home to me, and we can talk about it."

"I'm afraid to go. This is what I've always wanted, Chad. To have it dangling in front of me, and lose it—" I shake my head. If I do this, and I get the job, it will hurt even more to have to turn it down. I can't just uproot my life and move to California. My family is in Ohio. This is crazy and harmful to my heart, but there is still a huge part of me that wants to go to the interview just to see if they would pick me.

He lifts our entwined hands to his lips and kisses my knuckles. "I want you to have your dream, Faith. Please, just trust me. Go on this interview. I have a good feeling about this."

"I can't move here and you be gone. I'm already going to miss you too much." Tears well in my eyes.

"I'll be back before you know it."

As crazy as it sounds, moving here would make me feel closer to him even when he's deployed. It's risky, but there is something in my gut telling me that it's a risk worth taking. "Okay."

"Okay?"

I nod. "I'll reply and accept the interview. I hate that it's going to take some of the time we have together."

"Take the afternoon spot. I have a meeting in the afternoon. We'll both be busy at the same time. I'm glad you're going to go. We can talk about the rest when you get home."

"The rest of what?"

"The future."

His reply is vague, but I don't comment on it. My head is too jumbled with the possibility of moving here, of uprooting my life when the one person I know is about to leave the country for four to six months. My heart is too busy trying to beat out of my chest at the thought of Chad and I finally being more. Is that why he's pushing for this? I'm too afraid to ask him.

I'll go to that interview, and then, when we're both back in the room, we can talk about it, just like he said. Maybe by then, I'll have enough courage to ask him.

I'm pacing the hotel room, waiting for Chad to get here. I'm surprised there's not a path worn in the carpet yet. I've only been here for twenty minutes, but my pacing has been nonstop.

The interview was… incredible. So much so that I was offered the job on the spot. I've never been this happy and sad at the same time before. It's my dream job. The people I met today were great. The classroom was perfect. It's everything, but I don't live here. Yes, I was willing to drive a little farther, but this is across the country.

Can I do that?

Can I pack up and live in a state where the only person I know is leaving for four to six months? I'd be starting over, and all on my own. That's scary as hell, and I'm conflicted. I want to do it. I wanted to shout yes when they offered me the job, but I'm also scared to take the leap.

The door opens, and I freeze. Chad walks into the room and smiles when he sees me. "How did it go?"

I swallow hard, trying to calm myself down. "Incredible."

"Yeah?" His eyes light up.

"I loved the school. The room that would be my classroom was perfect and had so much potential, and the principal and superintendent were both wonderful and easy to talk to. I felt as though we were old friends catching up. It didn't feel like an interview at all."

"Come here." He stalks toward me and wraps his arms around me. "I'm so happy for you." He holds me close, and I return his embrace with everything I have.

"It's my dream job."

"Hell yes," he says, releasing me, and taking a step back.

"It sucks I have to turn it down." My shoulders drop as my excitement deflates.

"What? Why would you turn it down? Faith, this is what you've been waiting for. You've been on a ton of interviews, and not once have I heard you this excited."

"I just—you're leaving, Chad. I'd be here all alone. I don't have a place to live. The only person I know is Hannah, and we just met. It's crazy. I can't uproot my life just because I selfishly want this job."

"You can. Be selfish, Faith. Put yourself first. This is your dream job. Baby, you haven't stopped smiling since I walked through the door." He steps closer and cradles my face in the palm of his hands. "I'm coming home to you. Four to six months, and then it's you and me."

My eyes well with tears. "You and me?"

"Yes."

"What does that mean?" I whisper the words, afraid of his reply. The way he's looking at me makes me think it's more, but it's too risky to let my heart take the lead. I need to use my head, and it's better if we clear the air, even if the question has panic building in my chest.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes." It's the truth. I trust this man with my life.

"I'll take care of everything. Just take the job, Faith."

"How are you going to take care of everything? You won't be here!" I yell and instantly regret it. "You won't be here," I say again, this time with no anger, just pain and sorrow because he's standing right in front of me and I already miss him. "You're leaving me."

"Listen to me." He tilts my head so that we're eye to eye. "I don't give a damn where I am in this world. I'm always with you. Do you hear me? Always. I don't care about the miles between us. I'm still right here." He takes my hand and places it over his heart. "You're right here with me. Always."

I can't stop the tears. "I can't do this on my own."

"Then let me help you."

"How? How can you help me when you're leaving? I know it's your job, and I'm not trying to be a brat, but how? I don't understand how this is going to work."

He presses my hand harder against his chest, and I can feel his heart racing beneath my palm. He studies me for several heartbeats before dropping to one knee. "Marry me."

Time freezes, and everything around me blurs. Everything except for this incredible man on one knee asking me to be his.