29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

Silence hadn't been the right decision. She'd watched as the flirty smile had dissolved on his handsome features with the realization that she wouldn't return his banter, nor pet him as he wished. His eagerness faded like the sun going past the horizon and it twisted something in her chest.

She'ddone that.

The ride back to the den had been full of tense silence that neither felt compelled to break. Polite, she'd handed him the helmet without a word, and he idly fiddled with something on the bike while she stood awkwardly a few feet away.

Was he subtly giving her the opportunity to slip away? Was this his way to avoid a conversation? Perhaps the alpha was simply working on his bike, and she was reading too much into it.

Looking up, his lips tightened into a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Don't wait up. I'll be a few."

Riaz wanted her to leave.

His rejection knifed through her. A hollowness opened where her heart had been, a pit gouging out her stomach like it'd been hit by a cannonball. Riaz had already disconnected from the conversation and was looking down at the bike once more.

This must be what it felt like to him when she constantly denied him. While he'd reveled in the mating bond, engaging her, and showering her with affection, she'd done the opposite.

She'd let herself be swept up by excitement and passion, but she'd given him no indication of wanting something long term, nor any promises of exclusivity or a relationship.

She needed to clear the air. "I don't want a mate, Riaz. I've been straightforward since the beginning. I don't see how this is a shock to you."

He froze, still straddling the bike. His hands paused where they'd been working to polish the dash, but he didn't say anything in response.

"We met less than a week ago," she reasoned. "Did you expect me to fall on my knees, submit to you, and sacrifice everything I've accomplished for your mating bond?"

Recoiling as though he'd been physically struck, the wolf's eyes snapped to her. Incredulity pinched his features, and it was followed swiftly by silent outrage and finally, fury. It was the first time she'd seen the dark emotion clout his features, the sinister nature of it strengthened by the wolf that peered at her through his eyes.

He still didn't speak.

All she could do was turn and walk away.

By the time she reached her room, her hands were shaking. Collapsing on the bed, she pulled the quilt around her, savoring the softness but feeling none of the comfort it promised.

The mating bond between her and Riaz was a jagged wound, pulsing weakly with every beat of her heart. Riaz's devastation stabbed through her, the effect compounding the longer she was away from him. Guilt clung to her skin like an acrid scent. Before she could leap to her feet and go to him, a knock sounded on the door.

Riaz!

Two seconds later, she'd swung open the door with an apology on her lips, only to be caught off guard by a young Elemental. "Toni."

The strawberry blonde cocked her head, her arched eyebrows pulling together. "Not who you were expecting?"

Sheepishly, Cortana nodded. "I … I was hoping it was Riaz."

"Ah. Trouble with the wolf?"

Cortana just ushered the Elemental into her borrowed quarters, staring at the floor as Toni sat beside her on the bed.

"He says I'm his mate, Toni. How am supposed to react to that? Upend my whole life? The mere idea is ridiculous."

"About as ridiculous as a vampire marrying an Elemental?" Toni's tone was sarcastic, but not malevolent. "Nothing about who you fall in love with makes sense."

"I'm not falling in love with him."

"Your expression when you opened that door begs to differ. I've known you for three years, Cortana, and I've never seen that look on your face before."

"Three years is a drop in the bucket for an immortal, Toni."

"And yet somehow, you're not denying the fact that he's your mate. You're denying the fact that you're falling in love with him."

Cortana looked away from the Toni's compassionate face, silent as she processed the younger woman's words. They had lit up uncertainty inside her. Opening herself to the wolf would make her vulnerable. The control she'd worked so hard to establish would diminish around his relaxed demeanor and excitable personality.

With him, she loosened the chokehold she had on every aspect of her life: her schedule, her priorities, …. her heart.

"But what if he doesn't love me?" The whine in her voice threatened to undermine everything she stood for, her entire carefully curated image. "What if it's only his wolf claiming me, and the man is just going along for the ride?"

Toni exhaled, the sound soft amid the incessant chatter in Cortana's mind. "What are you really afraid of, Cortana?" The Elemental gave her an appraising look. "You have such iron control over everything in your life; maybe Riaz would be good for you. When was the last time you failed to file a report to Drake?"

"August third, nineteen-seventy-four."

Laughter spilled from Toni's lips, a shake of her head before she continued. "What about jaywalking? When did you last let down your hair? Danced under the stars? Maybe you need to give up some control to remember what it really means to live."

For the first time in ages, tears threatened Cortana's restraint. After years of holding in her every impulse and unprofessional behavior, the alpha wolf had smashed through her adamantium walls like a diamond wrecking ball.

Toni leaned in conspiratorially, whispering, "Besides, he's pretty hot."

Possessiveness swamped through her, the bitter taste making her heartrate tick up and her fangs lengthen dangerously. Her inner predator growled with the very first thought that came to Cortana's scathing mind.

Mine.

The proof was written all over her face.

"Seems like you're quite possessive yourself, Cortana. While I'm not privy to werewolf mating bonds, I know enough about vampires, and that's a rather obvious blinking neon light." Good-natured laughter underscored the Elemental's teasing.

"Just because I'm possessive doesn't mean I like him."

"No?" The humor dissipated from Toni's features. "It took you months to admit you didn't hate me after Drake and I became involved. Even longer to admit we were friends. Frankly, I'm surprised you even called to invite me out here. Change is something you fight against tooth and nail, because it disrupts the control you've come to expect. You exist within a strict set of parameters that you never deviate from. And you guard your heart like you guard your control; any disruption threatens to spin you off-kilter. When I arrived on the scene three years ago, your first instinct was to hold me at arm's length and convince everyone else to do the same. Fortunately, it didn't take.

"The fact that we're even having this conversation means you're conflicted about your own feelings for Riaz, and what it could mean if you took up the torch. I don't blame you—it's hard to cast yourself into the deep end when you're not sure if you can swim. But I think you owe it to yourself to find out."

Toni winked, nudging Cortana with her elbow. "And when you finally stop resisting the inevitable—hint, hint—you're loyal to a T, generous with your time, and an exceptional ally. More importantly, you're a good friend."

Batting at the moisture that pooled on her chin, Cortana sniffed. "I've hurt him."

"You were the one who prompted me to forgive Drake when he slighted me. Do I have to be the one to tell you to forgive yourself and apologize to him?"

"I'm not so good at apologizing," she admitted, fumbling with her words as she looked down at her empty hands.

"Fortunately, Riaz doesn't strike me as the type to hold grudges. Maybe I'll go knock on his door and see if his ears are just decorative."

Cortana didn't miss Toni's mischievous smirk and found herself grinning with it. It was certainly odd to be taking advice from a woman hundreds of years her junior.

"When did you get so wise?"

Pride filtered into Toni's features. "Probably about the time when I became the most powerful Fire Elemental to walk the Earth."

"You're the only Fire Elemental to walk the Earth."

"Doesn't make it any less true." Giggling, Toni bumped her shoulder into Cortana's. "I'm gonna get some shut eye. See you tonight?"

Once alone, she walked to her open bag, pulling out the delicate comb she'd come to revere. Setting it on her desk, she stared at the ornate piece, the token from a different life.

At the very least, she owed Riaz an explanation. His confusion when she'd broken off their kiss had been a knife to the heart. She couldn't stand being the cause of his pain, without at least trying to make him understand.

Tonight, she'd reveal her secrets.