Thirteen

JJ

I sat on the edge of the bed in silence for a while before the sound of water breaking against the ship lulled me into a more relaxed state than I had been. There were so many thoughts running through my mind, and at the front of the line was the fact I'd pushed myself at Cory. I mean he could have said no, but I knew I wouldn't have turned down a hand job and I didn't expect him to.

Sometime during the night, I fell asleep. The shower had made me feel better, and wearing some shorts and a shirt that smelled like Cory gave me a sense of comfort I hadn't felt in years. I had never liked sleeping on a boat or any ship, but the sound of the water, and maybe the fact I couldn't remember the last time I slept, lulled me into a deep sleep.

"JJ?" A familiar voice called my name, and I knew that voice, but I was afraid to wake up and have it be a dream. Then someone shook my shoulder, and I felt a weight on the bed next to me. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have used you the way I did earlier."

For a moment I didn't move and neither did he. The press of his hip against me felt way better than it should have, but again he made me feel things I never had.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked and rolled over to face him. He was hidden in the shadows, and I couldn't make out his expression, so I waited until he was ready to speak again.

"I shouldn't have let you do what we did earlier. I really feel guilty. That's just not me." I didn't need to see his face to hear the sincerity in his voice. I knew I wouldn't be able to remember a time when someone had offered me pleasure and I'd felt guilty. But he wasn't me, and it was obvious this was weighing on him.

"You have nothing to feel guilty for. It was all me." I slid my hand across the bed until it was close enough to feel the heat from his, and when he covered my hand with his, my eyes slid shut in contentment and the warmth I could feel through his hand.

"I'll let you sleep, you have to be tired." He squeezed my hand and started to rise, but I held onto him.

"Don't go. I don't want to be alone anymore." I whispered words I had never admitted in my life even to myself. Sure, I could keep lying to myself like I had for years, but I was tired of that, and right now I didn't have the energy.

For a moment he didn't move, and I held my breath while he decided what he'd do. Slowly, he lay down next to me and I rested my head on his chest. His arm came around my back and he gently rubbed his hand up and down. I started to drift to sleep, once again to the sound of the water and now with his barely-there touch on my back. "Thank you," I whispered, and I would have sworn I felt his lips press against the top of my head as I fell asleep.

Through the night I woke a few times, and each time Cory was there holding me. When I rolled to my side a while later, he curled up behind me and pulled me close.

Sometime later and most likely before dawn he ground against me in his sleep. He was hard, and I forced myself not to reach back and pull him closer. But he was asleep, and the next time we did anything I wanted it to be his choice, and for him to lead. I needed to know he wanted me and wasn't just following his dick like I usually did.

He nuzzled into my neck before taking a deep breath and relaxing against me again. "Good morning," he said, and that same rough voice from before made my dick take notice.

His arm was slung over my side, and without a thought I wove my fingers with his. "This is nice," I said.

"Lying in bed?" he asked and shifted to lean up on his elbow. I could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't stop myself from smiling back.

"Yeah and holding hands. I can't remember the last time I held hands with someone."

"You didn't hold hand with daddy earlier?" he said, but his voice was teasing not accusing.

"No. Our hands were otherwise engaged," I said and rolled over to face him. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you yesterday. I swear I wasn't always an asshole, and I'm not sure when that became my go-to personality. But I think yesterday showed me I need to change some things." It was strange how speaking to him was so easy, when saying those words to people I called my friends would have been impossible.

"I really didn"t like you, but not for being a rude drunk," Cory said and brushed his hand against my cheek.

"I knew it. I could see it in your eyes how much I annoyed you, and I am a rude drunk, so you were totally entitled to those feelings." I was rambling and speaking like I knew all about feelings when in reality, I didn't know shit.

"I didn"t like you because I couldn't stop looking for you or thinking about you. I hated knowing you were on the snorkel tour with all those guys and knowing you were going to be hooking up with someone else. Then I was annoyed with myself for even noticing you."

His words were raw and honest, and something I had never experienced with anyone. No one in my past just said how they felt, unless it was telling me to fuck them harder or them telling me to suck them off. Every interaction in my world was around hooking up. But not Cory. His world was about emotions, and feelings, and all those scary things I'd avoided for years. Now I was being hit in the face with all of it, and the brown eyes staring at me in the dim light of a cabin room that had no window, were making me want to connect to those feelings if it made him happy. Because right now, for probably the first time in my life, I cared more about his feelings, than my own comfort.

"Do you work today?" I asked, suddenly remembering this wasn't a pleasure cruise for either of us.

"Yes, but not until this afternoon. I'll be bussing after late lunch and then serving drinks during tonight's party. It's a day at sea, so the guests will all be on board, but usually they tend to stay around the pool all day before going for a spa treatment or maybe wandering the shops," Cory said.

"Do I need to stay inside? I know I'm in trouble, but could I work or do something?" Wait a minute! Did the world just start to spin backwards? Because when had I ever volunteered to work? And not just any kind of work, manual labor. His smile made it worth it. He grinned and ran his fingers through the hair above my ear.

"I'll ask. We always need help." Then he surprised me when he leaned in and kissed me. Without any pretext, or expectation. Cory kissed me, and once again my world tilted.