Chapter 18

The headlights of a passing car **shone** through the recently repaired window in Dash’s room. The twin spots crawled up one wall, crossed the ceiling, and slid down the other wall, as I stared into the night, trying to will myself back to sleep. When we’d finally dragged ourselves to bed last night, I would have sworn it was after midnight, but it had only been a little after nine.

Now, if I had to guess, it was about three a.m. The wee, small hours of the morning when the ghosts of fear and disappointment skittered out of the shadows to remind you of things you couldn’t or wouldn’t face in the daylight.

Thank God, it was only the ghost of what could have been and no actual ghost haunting me tonight. Tragedy had been waiting in the wings today. Freddy’s terrified face was burned into my retinas.

I flexed my fingers. Had I been the reason she was still alive? Where had the bullet gone? Magic, miracle, or me? Maybe I’d never know. Whatever the cause, I was grateful.

Maybe I should get out of bed and get started on the reports. No. I’d rather stare at the ceiling some more. I flipped the pillow over to the cool side and rolled onto my side.

Dash grumbled and scooted across the bed until his chest pressed against my back and draped his arm over me. We were both nude, but this was comfort, not seduction. Not yet, anyway. “Can’t sleep?”

I took his hand and kissed the back of it, then tucked it against my cheek. “I keep seeing Freddy’s face. I couldn’t… I keep….” My throat closed up as what could have been unspooled behind my eyelids for the hundredth time.

“Hey, hey.” Dash kissed my shoulder. “She’s fine. She’s safe. Thanks to you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“If it wasn’t you, what do you think it was, then? That bullet just disappeared.”

The officer who’d responded to the call had scoured the room. The casing was there, but no bullet, no entry hole in anything or anyone. It was as if it had dematerialized.

“How, then? You think I just willed it out of existence?”

“Stranger things, and all. Freddy wills frogs into existence. How is this different?” He kissed the back of my neck and hugged me tighter.

“Because it’s me. Because I’m thirty-five and nothing like this has ever happened before.”

“Have you ever needed it to before? Have you ever been in a situation like that?”

“No. Never. I’ve never been more terrified in my life.”

“Me, neither.” His sigh was warm on my neck.

Since more sleep wasn’t in the cards for either of us, I lifted his arm up and rolled over to face him. “I hate that I brought this into your house.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Dash touched my cheek, his dark eyes serious.

“I know that. But it comes with the job. When you put bad people in jail, it makes them angry and sometimes they take it out on you and your family.” It was why some high-profile judges and prosecutors I knew had bodyguards and worked very hard to keep their personal information secret.

“Tucker wasn’t trying to kill anyone. Which wouldn’t have made a bit of difference if…” His breath hitched.

“I know. Let’s not think about the ifs for now. Another thing that’s bothering me is how Tucker claims he can always find me. That he knows where I am all the time.”

“He’s in custody now, and I doubt he’ll be getting out anytime in the next few years.”

“I’m going to have to keep track of him until he’s dead.” The idea of him popping up one day years from now was terrifying.

Dash’s sharp exhale was close to a laugh but held less humor. “I don’t know. There are some benefits to it. You can never hide from me. I’ll just call Tucker and ask him where you are.” He looked down at the space between us, not meeting my eyes.

My heart broke. I heard the genuine fear underlying the weak attempt at humor. Dash had no reason to think I wouldn’t leave again. I’d told him I loved him over and over, The first time around. We’d made plans for our shared future. And then I’d abandoned him with no explanation. It was going to take a hell of a lot longer than four days to earn even the tiniest bit of trust back. I only hoped I could do it.

We’d gotten close again too quickly, and Dash was pulling back.

Though I couldn’t blame him, I also couldn’t let him put a wall up between us. Maybe it was selfish, but I needed Dash. I’d never stopped loving him. Without him, there was an emptiness in the center of my life. I was going to fight for him, for us.

The darkness and the warmth of our bodies under the cocoon of blankets created an intimacy that made me brave. I reached for his hand. “I am truly sorry for how much I hurt you. I promise I will never disappear on you again. And I’ll try very hard not to make decisions for you. Again. Even if I feel I’m doing it to protect you. I know it’s hard to trust me now. Hard to believe I’m here to stay. But I am. I’m going to fight for us, okay? I am going to do everything to get you and keep you. I’m going to woo you, Dashiell Bucur. I’m going to woo you so fucking hard.”

Dash looked up at me and smiled. “I feel like wooing usually involves more clothes.”

“I’m a rebel.”

He laid his hand against my chest, took a breath, and then patted me a few times. “Okay. I’m not going to lie, a big part of me is scared to get hurt again. It almost killed me the first time. But I’m older now. Been through more. I promise I will try to leave the past in the past. We can have a new start. A clean slate.”

It was a lovely thought, if not the most realistic. But, selfishly, I wanted it to be true. I’d do everything in my power to make it true. “New start?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then.” I backed away just far enough that I could stick my hand out. “Hi. My name’s Harlan. Nice to meet you. I love what you’re wearing.” I waggled my eyebrows at him.

He snorted, eyes sparkling. “Thanks. My mother gave it to me for my birthday. You could say it’s a birthday suit.”

I hummed appreciatively, running my fingers through his chest hair.

Dash stopped my hand, holding it against his chest. “You’re very forward, Harlan.”

My hand flexed beneath his. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. You’re just so beautiful.”

He blushed. Even in the low light, I could see the pink flush on his cheeks. He really was a beautiful man. I loved the way his intelligent, dark eyes reflected his every thought and emotion. Though I knew he thought he was cynical and hardened, his plush pink lips were more often than not curved into a smile, and I’d never known him to pass a dog or cat without giving it a pat.

Shifting closer to him, I traced his side with my palm, pushing the sheet down with my arm as I went. He sucked in a breath when I followed the curve of his hip to his lower back. He had the sweetest dimples right above the swell of his ass. I’d kissed them a thousand times. Feeling bold, I reached down and put my fingertip into the tiny divot, feeling the soft hairs. “So, do you come here often?”

He smiled and then cleared his throat. “It is my bed, so, yeah. You could say I come here a lot.” His voice was breathy.

I leaned in, ghosting my lips over his shoulder. “Play your cards right, and you could come right here, right now.”

He laughed softly, resting his forehead against mine. “That is bad. So bad. Like boner-killer bad.”

Hmm. I hooked my leg over his and rubbed against him so he could feel how serious I was. It seemed he was enjoying it as much as I was. “I don’t know. Parts of you thought it was a good line.”

“Those parts of me have historically poor judgment. And yet, I think, this time, they might have the right idea.” He pulled me into a ferocious, possessive kiss, hands tight in my hair.

When his lips parted, I stroked and sucked on that sharp tongue. When he moaned, I surged forward and rolled us both, so he ended up on his back, beneath me. My favorite place for him to be.

Hands braced on the mattress, I hovered over him. “You never told me your name, handsome.”

“It’s Dashiell.”

“Like Dashiell Hammett, the author?”

“Exactly.” His hands roamed over my back, pressing into the spots where knots always formed.

“Did you know he was a Pinkerton Detective and wrote many classic books about them?” We’d read many of them to each other over the years.

“I did know that.”

“I find private detectives extremely sexy. Did you know that?”

“I did not know that. Did you know I’m a private detective?”

“Are you? What a coincidence.”

The way he squirmed beneath me was making me hard. The flood of memories of a younger Dash combined with the feel of this solid, fully grown Dash made me dizzy with desire. I needed him more than I’d ever needed anything or anyone. “I’m going to kiss you now. And then a whole lot more.”

He clutched my shoulders, and his body rolled against mine.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded.

“Use your words, Dashiell.”

“Yes,” he whispered. “Please.”

I dropped to my elbows and kissed him. As our bodies slotted together, he shuddered and sighed, sweetly surrendering to me in the way I’d dreamed about so many, many times over the years. Yes, he’d always said. Yes, to everything.

Dash’s bed became our sanctuary, a place suspended in time and isolated from the harsh reality lurking outside this room. We could take our time re-learning each other.

Making love with Dash was better than I’d remembered, and even more than I’d hoped for. Sweet. Passionate. A little desperate. The air filled with our heavy breaths, the susurrations of our bodies sliding across the sheet, and the breathless words shared between lovers everywhere. Yes. Please. There. More. Kiss me. Oh, God. And, threaded through it all, our names whispered between us in a hundred different ways.

My hands stilled when he pulled out a condom along with the lube. We hadn’t used them for years before, and I didn’t like thinking about why he had them in his nightstand now. But I understood.

I kissed him and whispered, “Put it on me.”

He did, touching me so gently, and then I was finally inside of him, feeling our pulses beating in sync everywhere we touched, cocks, hands, hearts. Our breaths mingled as we stilled, captured by the intensity of the moment. I buried my face in the curve of his neck to stop from telling him I loved him—before, now, always. It was too soon, and my actions had made those words almost meaningless.

“Harlan. God.” Dash’s arms were wrapped around my back, and his legs trembled against me.

I kissed his sweat-slick skin. “I know, baby. God. I know.” His hands slid down my side and dropped to the mattress as I drew slowly back to sit on my heels, our bodies still connected. He smiled at me, and his face was incandescent in the pearly pre-dawn light creeping through the blinds. “Dash.” His name fell like a prayer from my lips.

It was almost too much to bear. I felt as if I would explode if I didn’t tell him I loved him, even though I knew—knew without doubt—it was too soon and would make him pull away.

Dash must have seen something in my eyes. He reached up and gently touched my cheek. “Harlan?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to fuck me until I scream?” His grin was wicked.

There was only one answer to that question, and it didn’t need words. With a growl, I grabbed his thighs, shoved them up to his shoulders, and gave him what he’d asked for. What we both needed.

Afterward, we held each other until our breathing and heart rates came back to normal, until the sweat and the stickiness became too much to ignore. We showered together, too tired to do more than kiss as we washed each other.

It took seconds to remake the bed with fresh sheets, something we both felt was worth the effort. Dash slid under the covers. “I don’t even want to think about what my hair is going to look like in the morning.”

I tugged him into my side. He laid his hand on my chest and gently toyed with the hair under his fingers. “I hate to break it to you, but it’s already morning.”

He groaned. “Do you have to go into the office today?”

“No. Caggliano told me to take it off. Besides, it’s Saturday.”

“It is?” He rolled onto his back and covered his face with a hand. “That means everyone will still be here when we go upstairs, doesn’t it?”

“Probably. But I have a proposal.”

“Hit me.”

“We sleep for a few more hours, and then slip out through the garage and play tourist for the day. Starting with food.”

A smile spread across his face and he uncovered his eyes. “That’s brilliant. I knew I loved you for a reason.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he froze.

I pushed myself up just enough that I could kiss his forehead. “I love you, too. And I’ll love you even more after a few hours” sleep, copious amounts of caffeine, and brunch.”

He scoffed. “You’re so easy, Dean.”

“Only for you, Bucur.”

He smiled at me. “I know.” Then he rolled onto his stomach and shoved **his** arms under the pillow, which was his favorite way to sleep.

I had almost fallen back to sleep when I felt him stir next to me. He reached a long arm out and grabbed his 8-Ball from the nightstand. Muttering something too low for me to hear, he shook it and then waited for the bubbles to clear so he could read the answer. He gave a soft snort and put it back.

I waited to see if he would say anything. He didn’t. “Good news?” I ventured.

He grumbled. “We’ll see. Go to sleep.”

For the hundredth time, I wondered how powerful a pair Dash and his 8-Ball made. But I didn’t need a fortune-teller to tell me we had a long, interesting life of ups and downs ahead of us.

Would Dash and I tackle all those challenges together?

All signs point to yes.