Chapter 14

Icalled dibs, so that blue dude hurting our mate was mine. I was going to fuck with his head a bit and then when all the wards were down, I was going to show him what happened when you pissed off a demon and a wolf. Demons mostly minded our business unless you fucked with us. Hurt our mate? Oh, man, I was going to make sure everything he’d done to my mate and every other supernatural came back on him tenfold.

Giving her the ass end of the bread was intentional. Some people liked it, but there was no accounting for taste. She needed protein, vegetables, and fruit. We stuck my beautiful, three layered birthday cake in the freezer because of this job so I could have more of it when we got back. I’d totally share my cake with her.

And if she liked cats, I’d figure out which one of my degenerates should move in. I’d named them all after famous demons. I needed something to do decades ago, so I built a shed for them. Over the years, I installed electricity, air conditioning, a bunch of yurts, and a giant TV that played nothing but bird videos. Just because cats committed all these unspeakable crimes and would probably commit more if they had thumbs didn’t mean they should suffer. Most of that was just how they were made.

Beelzebub seemed unhappy with his shed and yurt. He’d been trying to break into the house. Beelzebub had these massive Cheeto trouble puffs when he showed up. It almost seemed a shame to have them cut off, but I didn’t need him side-eyeing any of the ladies I hadn’t gotten spayed yet and I definitely didn’t want him pissing on Pax’s tomato plants.

Cas cooked them down into sauce and then canned it. Sometimes, they’d make pizza…without bacon. Bacon on pizza was morally reprehensible. It was too close to breakfast pizza, which was a full on abomination. So was cheeseburger pizza. Some things were illogical, but humans did it anyway and called demons evil. A demon wouldn’t be caught dead eating eggs on pizza, so fuck you all.

Pax finally came to unstrap me from the bed. I was shocked I managed to stay strapped in this long without having a flashback of my first time here and losing my shit. I knew it was because of her. There wasn’t much else I knew about her, but I knew this.

We weren’t fully connected yet because we hadn’t claimed each other, but I could still feel her. Her presence in the back of my mind soothed me and when it got to be too much, just hearing her voice did the rest.

And I didn’t need her to baby me and tell me it was going to be okay. I was too old for that. She was going through her own trauma. I felt better just trying to make her laugh and let her know it would be over soon.

I popped up as soon as Pax undid my restraints. Damn. I forgot these bitches didn’t believe in bed sores. My ass was asleep.

“Why do you think the princess doesn’t want to be rescued from the tower?” Pax asked.

“Bro, you need to spend more time on A03. The princess and the dragon are working together. Peach and Bowser were scamming Mario and Luigi. She was never kidnapped. Oh, you mean our mate? This place fucks with your head. They might have gaslit her into thinking she’s evil.”

Cas came limping into my room. He shot me a look.

“I can’t remember what happened after you jumped out of the SUV, but I strained my hamstring and took a Taser to the ass.”

Fuckers. My plan was brilliant and I couldn’t really remember it either. I was planning on masturbating to those memories and now I couldn’t. I winked at Cas.

“Want me to kiss it and make it all better?”

“Nope,” Pax said, popping the P. “These people already hate you because you’re supernatural. You aren’t together like that. You were just friends when you got taken. I’m your guide to being cured. We planned this. Now, let’s make a big show of you two being so docile and harmless, it makes sense I’ve named you my assistants.”

Pretending to be tame was so vanilla. I didn’t know if these people were supposed to be following that no sex rule since they got excommunicated, but I knew some of them weren’t. I caught some of them in corners when I was a kid. Some of their treatment included rape.

I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to traumatize her further, but my mate said the blue guy hadn’t laid a hand on her. That was a good thing. I mean, I was still going rip out his intestines and squeeze them down his throat like some fucked-up shit sausage, but I didn’t have to make him atone for that.

Cas and I pretended to be meek and tame as we acted like we were helping Pax. Pax was self-sufficient and the only reason he even needed us was because he mostly saw by magic now, but he couldn’t read signs on doors unless they were lighted or there was braille. These fuckers hadn’t bothered with any type of accommodations when they heard they were getting a blind priest.

Which was another reason I was going to make that blue fucker pay.