29. Cameron

Ididn't send the letter right away. It sat in my drafts folder, the "one unsent draft" notification glaring at me every time I opened my email.

Because, as much as I hated it, I needed time. I needed to process.

I needed to write.

I'd started a manuscript back in July that featured two trans main characters. I hadn't known S.M.C.—my Sam—was trans at the time, but my first encounter with him at Bears and Brews had settled into my subconscious, though it had taken months for the story to start speaking to me.

But with everything else going on and finishing up Hudson, Charlie, and Theo's story and starting the next in the series, it had gotten shoved to the back burner.

I'd never written two trans MCs before, never written a T4T romance. Until a few nights ago, the night Sam called me out on my shit, I wasn't sure why.

Now I knew it was because I was scared.

I was scared that admitting that two trans men could fall in love would shatter my illusion of the perfect man for me. That fucked-up plan I'd made for my life that would never have worked. I was mortified at myself, at the internalized transphobia rampant in that backward fantasy, something I thought I'd worked through in therapy years ago.

But as Sam had reminded me time and again, healing was not a straight line.

My fingers flew over the keys as the story unfolded. I'd had about a third of the book written already, during minor writing sessions over the last six months, so I had a lot to work with. I'd struggled getting the story on the page that whole time, but now, my fingers couldn't move fast enough.

A week went by, and I'd been writing nearly non-stop—Tristan had taken to bringing me lunch every day to make sure I ate. He hadn't asked what went wrong with Sam, and I hadn't offered. I'd tell him when the time was right. When I had the chance to work it out with my Daddy.

I hadn't heard from Sam since he'd walked out of that alley. But I didn't notice any of his stuff missing from my house, either, so I took that as a good sign. That meant he was coming back. I could only hope it was to stay.

I just had to open up to him. I just had to ask.

The sun was setting as I typed "The End" and drew in a shaky breath. It was fucking done; I couldn't believe it.

And I knew in my soul that this was my best book yet.

Sam, the perfect Daddy for me, had become my writing inspiration. Why hadn't I talked to him about it in person once we'd gotten together? It didn't make much sense.

Except . . .

My writing was intensely personal. The manuscript I'd just finished had loomed large, and I hadn't wanted to admit it wasn't working—I hadn't wanted to show Sam any weakness. I hadn't wanted to shatter his illusion of me as the perfect author, but in doing so, I'd hurt him. I'd hurt myself.

Now, with the manuscript done, it was time to apologize. And truly let him in.

But I had one thing to do first.

I opened my email, ignoring the draft I'd composed a week and a half ago for now and searching for the name of my old therapist's practice. I hadn't been to him in years, and I'd been ignoring the fact that my mental health had been steadily declining in recent years. I'd na?vely hoped I was done with therapy and didn't need it any longer, but healing wasn't a straight line upward. It was an ongoing process with good days, hard days, and days that made the struggle worth it.

After clicking on the "Schedule an Appointment" link in his latest email, I entered the requested information until I had an appointment set for the following week. My stomach was clenching as I hit the button to confirm the date and time, but I knew this was right. It was time to be better for me so I could be better for him, just like I'd said.

Appointment set, I navigated back to my email and my one unsent draft, feeling like I'd lived another life since I'd composed it. I supposed, in a way, I had. My books always transported me to another place.

Before I could overthink it, I reread the email once then hit send. The sound of an email sending whooshed through my laptop's speakers, and my stomach tightened for the second time in as many minutes.

God, I hoped Sam would give me another chance.

***

Despite it being before five pm on a Friday, Sam took all of ten minutes to respond to my email. A video call came in just as I'd finished in the restroom.

Gratitude flowed through me as I tapped to answer the call, dropping to my comfy couch with Prickles at my side. "Hi, Sam."

"Baby," he breathed, his voice full of longing and concern, and I legit swooned. "How are you?"

Hands and breath shaking, I smiled. "Better now. I'm sorry it took me so long to send you that email—I just . . ."

"You needed to be sure."

I shook my head. "No, Sam, I've been sure for a long time. But I needed to finish something first. Can we see each other? I'd love to show you in person."

His beautiful face lit up, and I couldn't mask my grin. I didn't want to. "Of course, baby! Can I come over now?"

I blinked at him. "Now? Aren't you working?"

He waved at the screen, but the camera had started moving, telling me he was already packing a bag to head my way. Butterflies fluttered in my chest. "I don't have anything going on, so I'm just going to tell Alex I'm taking off early." His camera stopped shaking for a minute, and his furrowed brow was adorable as he focused on the phone. After about twenty seconds, he looked into the camera and smiled. "Done. Now, can I come over?"

I glanced down at my pajamas—I hadn't even showered today, and if Tris hadn't brought me a salad, I wouldn't have eaten today, either. "Of course. Maybe bring dinner? I kind of need time to shower."

Sam's eyes narrowed, the Daddy look he'd been perfecting over the past few months piercing through me. I squirmed in my seat. "We'll have to talk about you not taking care of yourself when I get there, boy."

I blushed. "Okay, Daddy."

Sam grinned, brighter than I'd ever seen. "God, I missed you, baby. I'll be there soon."

***

I'd just dried off and dressed when the doorbell rang. The sound made me jump, and as I rushed to answer it, I realized I'd never given Sam a key. We'd been dating, we were serious, he'd told me he loved me, and we were always at my house—and I'd never given him a fucking key. I'd been holding back this whole time without realizing it.

No fucking longer.

I whipped open the door, and my eyes landed on the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. Sam was dressed in a black bomber jacket, a dark-red button-up, and dark-wash jeans with a tan messenger bag slung over his shoulder. His cheeks were red, probably from the cold and wind, and his eyes shimmered in my porch's light. When they landed on me, his face crumpled. "Oh, Cameron," he breathed, opening his arms and stepping forward.

I fell into his arms, sobs wracking my body as I walked him backward and felt him lightly push the door shut behind us. He just held me while I cried, as all the emotion of the past week came pouring out. I shook as he whispered quiet reassurances in my ear, as he told me everything would be okay. And I believed him.

In those moments, I finally let everything go. So I could finally let him in.

Eventually, my sobs quieted, and Sam, my perfect Daddy, pulled back far enough to look into my tear-soaked eyes. His own eyes were red, his tears streaked, and if I hadn't been sure I was in love with him, I'd have known it then.

My pain was his pain, just as the reverse was true for me. I was his, and he was mine. He was the only thing I wasn't letting go.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," I started, words tumbling out of me quicker than my mouth would allow. "I'm just so sorry. You were right about everything—I was shutting you out. I didn't mean to, but I did it, and I—"

Sam's finger pressed against my lips, silencing me. "Shh." Once I'd quieted, he removed his finger and replaced it with his lips for a brief kiss. "It's okay, baby. Your email said everything you needed to say. You don't need to say anything else."

I blinked to clear my vision. I had to see his gorgeous face. "I know, Daddy. But I have something to show you. Something I need to share with you. Something . . ." I frowned, narrowing my eyes. "Well, I'll just show you."

I reluctantly stepped out of his embrace and pulled him by the hand to the couch. Then I grabbed my laptop from the coffee table, opened it, logged in, then set it on his lap.

He stared at the screen for a moment, his eyes scanning the title page of my book, then his eyes shifted to mine, questions in them. "What am I looking at baby?"

I smiled. "This is my latest book. I just finished it."

Sam's mouth fell open, and despite our cry fest minutes ago, I saw him tearing up again. In that moment, I knew he fully understood how important this was. "Really?"

Tears burned the back of my throat as I nodded. "Really. I want you to read it."

He sniffled, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear. "I would love that."

"Good." I took the computer back from him, pulling up my email and hitting send on a draft I'd already composed before he got here. "It's in your inbox."

His eyes widened before he pulled me into a fierce hug. I chuckled, holding him tight. Nothing could feel better than this.

I caught his gaze again once he pulled away. "There's more."

"Oh?"

I nodded, setting my laptop back on the coffee table. "This is a special book to me. I started it months ago, but I could never make it work. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want you to think less of me. But after last week, after you told me some hard truths I hadn't wanted to hear, I knew how to finish it. So I did. That's why it took me so long to message you. I wanted to finish this book first."

Sam's head tilted to one side as he studied me. "Why?"

I smiled. I knew he'd understand there was more to it than what I'd said. I grabbed his hands, holding them in my lap as I turned to face him. "This book is my best yet. And it's my first with two transgender MCs."

Sam's eyes widened again, then I watched his bottom lip tremble as his eyes welled with tears. "It is?"

I nodded, letting my tears fall freely. "This book is my love letter to you, Sam. Writing it helped me heal, helped me work through the internalized transphobic bullshit of that idiotic fantasy I'd had of my life. It was horrible of me to think that way, and I'm so sorry for that. But the universe sent you to me anyway, and I think it was because you were meant for me. Just like I was meant for you. We were meant to find each other, Sam, because you are exactly what I need. You're the perfect man—the perfect Daddy—for me, and I love you more than anything. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't settle for what I thought I wanted when what I needed was you."

My beautiful Daddy's face was streaked with his tears before I was done talking, and when I finished, he pulled me to him, pressing our lips together as he claimed what had always been his. Only now, I knew how to let him in, how to show him I loved him back. I knew I wouldn't do it perfectly, but I would try for him. I would work every day to be the man he deserved.

The kiss deepened, and Sam's tongue pressed against my lips, demanding entrance. I moaned as I let him in, allowing his tongue to caress mine as he devoured me. I kissed him back but let him lead, as he should. He was my Daddy, and I hoped he'd want to be forever.

When we pulled away to catch our breath, heat flashed in his eyes. "I need you, Cameron."

I nodded, jumping up and yanking him to his feet. We sprinted to my bedroom, then I spun to face him just before I made it to the bed. Reaching for him, I pushed his jacket off his shoulders then unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans before I whipped my T-shirt over my head.

We fell to the bed, and Sam crawled over me, capturing my lips. He pulled my gray sweatpants to my thighs then did the same to his jeans and boxer briefs. Fire raced through my veins. I needed him inside me right the fuck now.

I moaned at the thought. "Fuck, Daddy." His hips ground into mine, our hard dicks rubbing together. Soon, we were frotting like we were teenagers again, though neither of us would've been in a situation like this back then.

"God, Cameron, you're so fucking hot." Sam's mouth captured my own, claiming me as his for eternity. He kept up his slow, languid movements, but they weren't enough to get off. I needed more. More of him.

"Faster, Daddy, please. I need you," I begged, whimpering as my sensitive dick rubbed against his, sending sparks shooting through me. But instead of speeding up, he stopped completely.

I moaned, sobbing, my eyes squeezing shut. "Daddy, please! I need you inside me. I'm so hard for you."

"Cameron."

My eyes shot open at his whispered word, and my gaze found his. The love I saw in them took my breath away.

"Cameron, baby, my sweet boy, let's do this right." He pushed to his hands and knees, and I mourned the loss of his warm body on mine.

He lifted to his knees and started unbuttoning his shirt, talking as I got the world's best strip tease.

"I love you, baby. So much." His shirt was undone by the time he'd finished speaking, and he pushed it off his shoulders sensually.

I shuddered and took over, pulling my legs out from under him and sliding my pants down the rest of the way, slowly tugging them off each leg in turn. "I love you, too, Daddy, and I will do everything in my power to make your life beautiful. I promise to do my best to speak up, say what I'm thinking and feeling so you won't be left wondering again."

Sam reached for the hem of his full-length binder, pulling it up and over his head. "I fell in love with you a long time ago, and I still can't believe you're mine. That you're here with me, right now, that we're sharing the same air, the same bed, the same life."

His entire chest was bare to me now. I caught his gaze, communicating without words how much I loved him, how much I wanted him. His eyes filled with tears again as he gazed down at me.

He whispered, "I love that you accept me just as I am."

"Sam. Daddy." I pushed up on my elbows to be closer to him. "You're my everything. I want to build a life with you. I meant it when I said I love you. I meant it even when I didn't say it, months ago when I knew I'd fallen in love with you. I love you so much, Daddy. You're so beautiful in every way." I reached for him, and he collapsed on top of me, holding himself only inches away from my lips. "Please don't leave, Daddy, and I'll do my best to give you reasons to stay. I'll be your boy and love you as best I know how. If you'll have me."

Sam's lips brushed my swollen ones, and we shared the same air as he spoke. "Always."

Then his mouth captured mine. I felt a lifetime of promises in his kiss, of enduring and trying and believing and staying. Of being us, forever.

As Sam pulled away so we could breathe, I reached for the lube in my bedside drawer. I started to shut it until I felt his presence over me, reaching into the drawer as well. "We're gonna need more than that."

His devilish smirk told me I was in for a treat tonight.

He rifled around in the drawer a bit before pulling out a set of nipple clamps attached with a long chain. My nipples hardened at the sight, as if they were begging for the pain. Then he stood and left the room, coming back a few short moments later, his bag in hand. He reached inside, I heard something unzip, and then he pulled out an enormous plug, even larger than the one I thought would never fit inside me all those months ago. Well, after months of Sam fucking me with a variety of dicks in a variety of sizes, I could take that one with ease. It was apparently now time for this monstrosity, wherever it had come from.

The plug was tapered at the tip, but it quickly widened until its thickest part was larger than Daddy's biggest dick to date. He was going to have to really spend some time getting me prepped if that was going inside my ass tonight.

Sam set the plug beside me on the bed, reaching in his bag for something else. What else would we need? We weren't really into tying each other up, sensory play, or anything other than the impact play and toys he used to fuck me.

But then he pulled out another plug, this one smaller but similar in shape and design to mine. The reds even matched.

I blinked at it then turned questioning eyes to him. "Where did that come from? How did . . . is that . . . is that going in your ass, Daddy?"

He stared at me for several long seconds, his gaze serious. Then he nodded. "Yes. This seems like the perfect night to try it out, don't you think?"

My skin heated at the thought. "I'd like that, Daddy."

"Hm," he hummed, and I could see his brilliant mind cooking up all sorts of deliciously dirty scenarios for us to try. What was I in store for?

He set his bag on the floor by the bed and sat down next to me. "Okay, so here's how tonight's gonna go. We're gonna open you up and stick that massive plug in your ass. You're gonna love it, aren't you, baby? You're gonna take it for Daddy?"

I moaned. "Fuck yes."

He kissed me quickly. "God, I love your dirty mouth. It's so fucking sexy."

I grinned. "What next, Daddy?"

He pursed his lips, pretending to consider his next words when I knew he already had it all worked out. "I say we recreate our first virtual scene—with some fun twists, of course."

A chill ran down my spine. Holy hell, this was really happening. That night had been one of the hottest of my life, and I took a moment to appreciate how amazing it was that Sam had been there for all of my best sexy memories. "What kind of twists, Daddy?"

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. "Once we get this plug in you, we can get mine in, too. Are you up for helping me with that, boy?"

"Yes, Daddy," I cooed, nodding.

"Excellent. Then we'll get some dinner, plugged for each other."

My cheeks reddened again. "Are we eating dinner naked, Daddy?"

He stared off into the distance for a brief second. "I think you will be." He paused again, really playing it up. "Yup, you definitely will be. And every so often—I won't tell you when—I'll ask you to present that beautiful plugged hole to me. You'll stop whatever you're doing, bend over in front of me, and hold those ass cheeks apart so I can inspect your hole. Then I'll decide what happens next. Maybe I'll fuck you with it, maybe I'll spank you while it's in, maybe I'll make you stay that way until I'm satisfied you're humiliated enough, or maybe we'll play out another sexy scenario."

My dick was throbbing. "Like what, Daddy?"

"Let's see," he teased. "Okay, after dinner, you'll be my collared sub who joins me for an evening at a kink club. We'll show up at the club, where you'll strip down to nothing but your collar, a jock strap of my choosing, and that plug. Of course, everyone there will be able to see your sexy hole all plugged and ready for your Daddy."

I swallowed hard, loving this fantasy. He should've been the one writing steamy romance. Fuck.

"Then they'll call for a demonstration. You won't know it, but I volunteered us before we arrived."

I couldn't help but ask. "What demonstration, Daddy?"

"Oh, one you'll enjoy."

When he didn't say anything else, I pouted. "You're not going to tell me, Daddy?"

Sam shook his head, lifting up on his knees and reaching for the lube. "Nope. That's all you get until I'm ready to see it play out for real." He smiled at me, popping open the lube and pouring some all over his fingers. "Hold your knees up and back for me, baby. You know how this works."

I nodded, complying readily. Why the hell wouldn't I?

After a long while of Daddy stretching me out, working up from one to all four fingers, he reminded me to bear down before pressing that massive plug against my hole. I gasped as it slid inside, then I moaned as it filled me up slowly. My Daddy was always so gentle with me when I needed it, letting me adjust.

Once it was seated, he grabbed a towel from the bathroom to wipe off his fingers. "How does that feel, boy?"

I wiggled around on the bed, gasping as it moved inside me. "Holy shit, Daddy, I'm so full."

"Oh god," he breathed, letting out a groan. Then he laid down on his side, facing away from me. "Daddy's turn, baby."

Taking a few steadying breaths, I nodded, turning to prep him. I'd only put a single finger in his ass before to try it out, and he'd said at the time that he wasn't ready for it. Apparently, he was now.

But I had to double-check. "Are you sure you want this, Daddy?"

He nodded, and I noticed he was breathing deliberately, trying to stay calm. He twisted to see me. "Yes, baby. I want to try everything with you, explore every facet of our kinks together. We can't know if I'll like it until we try, right?"

I nodded, swallowing hard before I moved into place, coating my fingers in lube. "Okay, Daddy. Just breathe and bear down, okay?"

Sam nodded again, and I waited for his breathing to normalize before I breached him with one finger. He tensed up for a second, but I rubbed his hip to remind him to relax until he did.

"Good job, Daddy. I'm going to move now."

"Okay."

I sunk my finger all the way in then pumped it a few times. His gasps were delightful.

After I felt he was ready, I pulled out, added more lube, then pressed two fingers against his still-tight hole. "Bear down again, Daddy."

He took a deep breath in, then when he let it out, I pushed two fingers in. As if his body were getting used to the sensation, they slipped in more easily than I'd expected they would. Soon, I was adding a third.

His quiet whimpers and moans as my three fingers fucked into him were life-giving. My heart was exploding at the mere thought that I could give this to him, so actually participating in it was mind-blowing.

Once he was loose enough, I pulled out and reached for the plug. "Okay, Daddy, we're ready for this. You okay? You still green?"

He nodded, swallowing as he tried to catch his breath. I loved that I'd had that effect on him. "I'm green, baby. Stick it in."

Fuck.I lubed up the plug and eased it inside him. My three fingers were at least as large as this one if not a little larger, so I knew his ass would have no trouble taking it. And as I'd predicted, the plug slipped right into place.

I wiped my hands on the towel as well. "How does it feel, Daddy?"

He shifted around on the bed, those gorgeous gasps sounding again. "Weird, but I'm getting used to it. I may even like it before the night is out."

Now it was my turn to gasp. "You're wearing yours all night?"

His smirk made me want to come on command. Like right now. "And so are you, until I see fit to take it out. Got that, boy? You're to do as I say, or there will be repercussions."

I shivered, staring into his eyes intently. "Yes, Daddy."

"Good." He smacked my ass before slowly pushing off the bed. With that plug, I doubted he'd be sitting much today. "Now go get cleaned up so we can make dinner."

***

Dinner was . . . interesting. Daddy had put on a T-shirt and loose gray sweatpants he'd already had over here—making me drool, of course—and had helped me make our food, but as we cooked, he'd asked if I'd be willing to try some service kink and serve us our meals naked. Seeing absolutely no reason to safeword out of that, I agreed. I actually found it incredibly sexy to wait on him hand and foot, naked, plugged, and ready for whatever he desired.

After he'd been served, he instructed me to turn around and present myself for inspection. I did, and he left me leaning over with my spread-wide plugged ass facing him for a full minute before releasing me to sit down and eat my own food. We ate in a pleasant silence, catching each other's glances and smiling while we did.

Afterward, he asked if I'd clean up the meal while he went to set up the living room, telling me to wait until he called for me. I blushed and nodded, jumping to my feet. I cleared the table first, rinsed off the dishes, and set them in the dishwasher. Then I wiped off the table and used some kitchen spray and paper towels on my wooden chair—I mean, come on, I wasn't going to leave lube and who knew what else on my kitchen furniture. Then I stood in the middle of the room, out of sight of the living room, and clasped my hands behind me to wait.

I stood there for a while, staring at the tiled floor, before my mind started to drift. I thought about what he'd told me of our little scenario, the setup. My dick started hardening as I considered what might happen next. Would he spank me in front of everyone? Fuck me with that plug? Clamp my nipples until they hurt so bad I was sobbing?

God, my mind was whirling with all the possibilities.

"Shit, Cameron, you're so fucking beautiful," Sam said from the entrance to the kitchen, and I startled a little at his voice. I'd been so lost in my sexy thoughts that I hadn't heard him come in. He stepped closer, holding out his hand to me. "Put these on, boy. We're headed to the club tonight."

I took the collar and jockstrap he'd mentioned before, ones I'd never seen before. Had he somehow planned all this? There was no way. That would've meant he'd bought these things for us earlier, had had them all along, waiting for the perfect moment to pull them out.

But he was Sam, my Daddy, and he'd told me, even as he was walking away last week, that he was in this until I ordered him away. He'd known we'd get here eventually. He'd had enough faith in us for us both. He'd had faith in me.

I slipped into the jock and collar easily, though Sam clasped it behind my neck for me and checked to make sure he could slip two fingers between the leather and my skin. He was always taking care of me.

Then he leaned in close. "You have your safewords, baby, so use them if you need to. Otherwise, our scene starts now."